A whistleblower losing their job and being black balled in their field. A politically active executive seeing no choice other than to resign after being harassed for their beliefs. A kid in school getting in trouble for trying to help the victim of a bully.
One of the most confounding dynamics of being human is acting on good faith, pure intentions, and thinking you are doing the right thing only to ‘ruin’ your life in the aftermath.
Having had both a front line and bird’s eye view to some of these scenarios, I can tell you that they are excruciating. That is, until we can step out of ourselves and see that the abrupt turn is actually a new direction being put right in our path.
In the short term there is pain, regret, loss, anger, second guessing and running the scenario over and over in one’s mind until it becomes an unhealthy obsession.
Losing a job or the ability to work in your field or attend your school have real and upsetting consequences. Short term remedies might need to be found.
However, the only way out is through.
I ask my clients to shift their perspective from seeing this turn of events as happening TO them to something that is happening FOR them. To somehow, despite the pain and loss allow the turn to become an invitation to something good and dare I say, even better. (oooh that’s easy to say, but I know, harder to do)
When all you hit are roadblocks, you have to take a detour or find another way.
What are you left with? If a vase fell to the floor and broke into pieces, you still have something left—the water that spilled, the glass pieces, and the flowers that were in it. You can still make something new.
Allow Things To Change Form
This is where people get stuck. They can’t or won’t let their hard skills and soft skills change form and be put to use somewhere new. It’s hard to see another possibility. It becomes an identity crisis. Who am I, if I don’t have what I just lost? This question has a positive answer. You have to set out to find it.
Determine the CORE
What matters now? What mattered to you about the ‘old’ thing you were doing or about the place that you were doing it in? What was central to your satisfaction or happiness with it? Where was the meaning for you?
Whatever your answer to these questions is, is the core of what’s left. THAT becomes the pursuit. Where and how can you exercise that CORE?
Whatever obstacles have been put in your way that keep you from doing what you want to do the way you want to do it are an invitation to change. Change is a tall order, and it’s not easy. But if you want OUT of the pain caused by the block, you have to do a bypass.
Let us know how we can help.
By Barb Klein
Now What? Facilitator and Deputy Editor
Originally published for Inspired Possibility’s blog
Feeling unmotivated or unsure of why you’re here? You may need to get out of your own “personal bubble” to find your answer.
At Now What?® we know that your purpose is bigger than you; it needs to serve others.
Read on for some ideas on how to move beyond the personal and into a larger purpose.
This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news. It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck. If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.
When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.
Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time. My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum. I knew it was time to revisit the basics. I changed my game with food and the gym. I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.
I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor. Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.
I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.
MOVE—Get your body moving. If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!
DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items. Immediately! (not someday)
ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively. For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk? Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.
SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.
INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you. Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.
All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding. From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.
Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again. It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.
We’re here if you need help.