Now What?® Coaching

Category: Acknowledgements

Why You Should Be More Delusional

When was the last time you got drawn into a good story … that wasn’t real?

Maybe it was the latest thriller on Netflix, or a new release by your favorite author. You found something about the plot compelling enough to pay attention — all because someone crafted a work of fiction that resonated with you. It was convincing!

Unless you’re a novelist or a screenwriter, you might assume you share little in common with the person who drafted the story. But whether you put pen to paper or not, the reality is that you’re writing fiction every day. It’s something we all do.

What kinds of stories are you telling yourself?

I’ll tell you the kind of story I’m prone to spin up: one filled with everything that could possibly go wrong. I’m a worrier. My mind creates outrageous fiction, plotting out vivid imagery of the worst-case scenario.

Sound familiar? It’s one of the most common themes in the stories we tell ourselves: “Danger! Disaster ahead!” And if we find the story believable enough, we tend to heed the warning and stay stuck or proceed with far too much caution.

But worry isn’t a true story. It’s a fiction about a future that hasn’t arrived yet.

A better use of our imaginations would be to weave a story about the best outcome. Put your creative energy behind hope and possibilities.

Not only that, but I want you to take it a step further. While you’re at it, go ahead and create ✨outrageous✨ fiction. Be “delulu” as the kids say these days — delusional, for your own good!

Think about it. What if everything is wonderful and will turn out better than your wildest dreams?

Now try this … it’s an exercise straight out of my book, Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction.

Step 1: Come up with 5 outrageous, fictitious scenarios about how your goal or wish can come to be. Your dream job, dream business, dream bank account balance…

Ex: I’m walking down the hall, and bump into Oprah, and she gives me a million dollars.

Get it? Totally outrageous and over the top.

Step 2: After you’re done, read back over your works of fiction and pick out what you can borrow from it. What’s the fiction trying to tell you? Because there’s SOME truth in there somewhere; you might have to dig for it.

Use what you discover to inform your next steps. Do you need to be more bold? Should you find a way to connect with powerful people? Are you recognizing the value of having a platform?

The idea is to stretch your thinking and turn fictional prompts into doable strategies, and you’ll be surprised by what may happen as a result. People accomplish outrageous things every day that started as nothing more than fiction!

Use your brain for good and find inspiration for taking bigger action.

March 31, 2024
Own Your Authority and Watch It Change How People See You
I was working with a client last week, and we ran into a common issue.

She had a presentation coming up, and it was a big deal. She was going to be speaking in front of executives at her company, and there was a lot at stake — including her reputation!

It was time for her to show up, step into the spotlight, and own her authority. There was no doubt that she was the right woman for the job. Her data was flawless, her ideas top-notch, and she had the content nailed.

Her confidence, however, was shaky. She feared one of her senior colleagues would see right through her and call her out on something. She kept thinking, “What if I make a fool of myself?”

I see it all the time. People who are bona fide experts, with a masterful knowledge of a subject, remarkable skills, and a background filled with loads of impressive experience, shy away from owning their expertise.

You might be thinking that projecting too much confidence will put a target on your back, and that people will look for ways to point out your flaws and put you in your place.

You might be second-guessing your authority, wondering if someone else knows better than you and will expose you as a fraud.

I get it. Nobody likes a braggart, and being too cocky can certainly backfire.

Humility has its place. But you can be modest to a fault.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be willing to own your authority.

Here’s what I told my client:
1. To be an expert doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you know where to find the answers.
2. Never wing it. Always be fully prepared, practiced, and polished. You can go off script, but go in with a fully-fleshed out plan for what you’re going to say.
3. Own the room. This isn’t the time to cower, hide, or make yourself small. Stand up tall and project confidence.
4. Don’t apologize. If something goes wrong, such as a tech glitch, missing bullet point, or mistake, just roll with it.
5. Anticipate possible questions and objections. Know ahead of time where people might see holes in your story or take issue with a claim, and be prepared to address these things.
6. Limit the self-deprecating humor. There’s a time and place for it, keep it to a minimum.
Whether you’re doing a presentation at work, hosting a webinar to market your business, or going to a networking event, owning your authority matters.

You want to be the go-to person?

You want respect and opportunities?

People must see you as an expert, an authority. So it’s time to show up and OWN it!
March 24, 2024
It’s Not About the WHAT But the WHO

When you set big goals, what stops you from reaching them?

Your answer might be “it depends.” But I’m willing to bet the shortfall can be attributed to a similar root cause each time: who you’re being!

What do you want?
What do you have to do to accomplish it?
What is your burning desire?

The goal = The what

The whole point of hiring a coach is to help you reach your WHAT. By doing more than you would do on your own.

But if you’re expecting a coach to give you a step-by-step plan to get what you want, think again. Coaches aren’t consultants; that’s not our job nor our superpower. The WHAT is 20% of the equation.

We’re all about the WHO.

In other words, coaching isn’t all about the goal itself. Again, it’s not the WHAT… so, what does this mean?

Achieving your goals is about WHO you have to become to get what you want.

Who do you have to be to make your desire come to be?

If you want to make a million dollars or get a big promotion, “the what” could include any number of actions. But to make a million dollars, “the who” needs to be someone who can make a million dollars.

The WHO needs to be someone bold.

The WHO should be someone willing to take risks.

The WHO has to be someone willing to invest in herself.

The WHO must be able to step outside of his/her comfort zone.

Coaching works on “the who” — the being — that’s capable of creating “the what.”

To BE the kind of person that creates what you want, you may have to…

Stop doing something.
Start doing something.
Believe in yourself.
Know that it’s possible.
Have self-awareness.
Step into the role.
Create habits that stick.
Step into success.
Be the achiever.

Sure, you’ll need to familiarize yourself with the steps to get there. But leaning into who you have to become is the fastest way to success.

March 10, 2024
Say It or Act It? Your Results Will Differ

The other day, one of my executive clients told me about some feedback he got during a review. The buzz around the office was that he made people feel stupid.

Whoa…

To be fair, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is a bit of wisdom from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. True, but should people have to go around letting disparagement and hostility roll off their backs? Of course not.

Using a condescending communication style isn’t a good look for a leader. Having a reputation for talking down to people is no way to gain respect.

But my client isn’t a bully. He never intended to put anyone down or make them feel inadequate. So what the heck was going wrong?

I dug into his story, and here’s what I discovered:

He was frustrated because he found himself repeating the same things over and over…

His tone, facial expressions, and body language showed the frustration.

He was acting out his feelings, rolling his eyes, sighing heavily, and throwing his hands in the air as he expressed his frustration. Definitely not a good look!

Let me be clear. There isn’t anything wrong with expressing frustration, but do everyone a favor and skip the drama. It’s unprofessional, and it’s doing you and everyone around you a disservice.

What should you do instead? Simply state what you’re feeling. “I’m feeling frustrated that I have to repeat myself, but here’s what I’d like you to do.”

Whether you’re talking to your team members, coworkers, kids, or spouse, SPEAK the emotion rather than acting it out and spewing it at them.

Remember, perception is reality. If you give off the impression that you’re unreasonable and egotistic, there will be consequences in how your team operates. People will avoid you, problems will fester, and you’ll miss out on growth opportunities.

Consider the ripple effect of your actions and find ways to improve how you communicate. Say it, instead of acting it out!

March 3, 2024
Love Lessons from Leila

Last week, my sweet dog, Leila, had surgery. Let me tell you that seeing my poor girl go through the pain and recovery of that ordeal made her more precious to me than ever.

I don’t know if you’re a pet person, but our four-legged friends have a lot to teach us about life and love. Here are some lessons I learned from Leila as she faced this recent scare.

1. Meet each day with abandon.
For Leila, every day is a chance to start anew, and she takes it on with enthusiasm. Despite what she was going through, this pupster loves every day — and it shows!

2. Fiercely protect who and what matters.
Leila’s not very big, but her heart and her spirit are. She’s determined to stand for the ones she loves, even when not feeling her best.

3. Play hard.
If you want more love in your life, incorporate more play in your day. Leila plays hard, no matter what, bringing a sense of wonder and adventure to everything she does.

4. Rest often.
When it’s time to rest, Leila doesn’t hesitate to nap. She listens to her body and surrenders to her need to recharge. We don’t need to be productive in every moment; always be sure to take care of yourself.

5. Allow yourself to be needy.
When Leila wants a belly rub or attention, she’s not afraid to be downright needy. She’ll let you know what she expects from you. But as needy as she is, it’s the flip side of how much love she gives. She gets how much people need to be seen, to be heard, to be cherished, and to be loved — so that’s what she gives!

The more we lean into love, the more we get from what we love. Pour into your life, your people, your passions, your career, and your business with the purest of intentions, and you’ll love what you experience in return.

February 25, 2024
6 Habits of Highly Effective Entrepreneurs

Entrepreneur is one of the most alluring words in the English language.

People daydream about quitting their jobs to work for themselves, and those who already work for themselves dream of the day when the term lives up to its luster.

We’re fed romanticized images of total freedom and piles of cash, but it’s not nearly as easy as it looks. Being a successful entrepreneur takes a lot more than most people think.

Before you let your hopes and wishes get the best of you, let’s get down to brass tacks.

If you’re a self-employed freelancer, coach, consultant, or business owner, this is for you.

What does it take to pull it off? Your HABITS. It’s what you do routinely that makes a difference.

Here are 6 habits of highly successful entrepreneurs:

PLAN: Don’t wing it. Always plan at least a quarter ahead.

MULTI-TASK: There’s a lot going on at once; you need to get good at organizing chaos.

PRIORITIZE: You need to get good at determining what’s most important and must get done first.

DELEGATE: Stay on top of it all, but you can’t keep doing it all if you want to level up.

CONSISTENCY: When something works, do it repeatedly. Keep showing up.

SELF-CARE: Look out for your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

I work with clients to come up with systems and consistent execution of all these habits, and I’ve seen what happens when someone tries to run a business without locking them down.

You’re the product, the marketing department, the sales department, the operations department, and the finance department. It’s up to you, and you alone, to keep your skills strong and to keep your clients satisfied. Whether you have a team or not, the buck stops where you stand.

You can either daydream about enjoying the rewards of successful entrepreneurship or create the habits to support your success.

February 18, 2024