Now What?® Coaching

Category: Global Impact

Why You Should Be More Delusional

When was the last time you got drawn into a good story … that wasn’t real?

Maybe it was the latest thriller on Netflix, or a new release by your favorite author. You found something about the plot compelling enough to pay attention — all because someone crafted a work of fiction that resonated with you. It was convincing!

Unless you’re a novelist or a screenwriter, you might assume you share little in common with the person who drafted the story. But whether you put pen to paper or not, the reality is that you’re writing fiction every day. It’s something we all do.

What kinds of stories are you telling yourself?

I’ll tell you the kind of story I’m prone to spin up: one filled with everything that could possibly go wrong. I’m a worrier. My mind creates outrageous fiction, plotting out vivid imagery of the worst-case scenario.

Sound familiar? It’s one of the most common themes in the stories we tell ourselves: “Danger! Disaster ahead!” And if we find the story believable enough, we tend to heed the warning and stay stuck or proceed with far too much caution.

But worry isn’t a true story. It’s a fiction about a future that hasn’t arrived yet.

A better use of our imaginations would be to weave a story about the best outcome. Put your creative energy behind hope and possibilities.

Not only that, but I want you to take it a step further. While you’re at it, go ahead and create ✨outrageous✨ fiction. Be “delulu” as the kids say these days — delusional, for your own good!

Think about it. What if everything is wonderful and will turn out better than your wildest dreams?

Now try this … it’s an exercise straight out of my book, Now What?: 90 Days to a New Life Direction.

Step 1: Come up with 5 outrageous, fictitious scenarios about how your goal or wish can come to be. Your dream job, dream business, dream bank account balance…

Ex: I’m walking down the hall, and bump into Oprah, and she gives me a million dollars.

Get it? Totally outrageous and over the top.

Step 2: After you’re done, read back over your works of fiction and pick out what you can borrow from it. What’s the fiction trying to tell you? Because there’s SOME truth in there somewhere; you might have to dig for it.

Use what you discover to inform your next steps. Do you need to be more bold? Should you find a way to connect with powerful people? Are you recognizing the value of having a platform?

The idea is to stretch your thinking and turn fictional prompts into doable strategies, and you’ll be surprised by what may happen as a result. People accomplish outrageous things every day that started as nothing more than fiction!

Use your brain for good and find inspiration for taking bigger action.

March 31, 2024
Own Your Authority and Watch It Change How People See You
I was working with a client last week, and we ran into a common issue.

She had a presentation coming up, and it was a big deal. She was going to be speaking in front of executives at her company, and there was a lot at stake — including her reputation!

It was time for her to show up, step into the spotlight, and own her authority. There was no doubt that she was the right woman for the job. Her data was flawless, her ideas top-notch, and she had the content nailed.

Her confidence, however, was shaky. She feared one of her senior colleagues would see right through her and call her out on something. She kept thinking, “What if I make a fool of myself?”

I see it all the time. People who are bona fide experts, with a masterful knowledge of a subject, remarkable skills, and a background filled with loads of impressive experience, shy away from owning their expertise.

You might be thinking that projecting too much confidence will put a target on your back, and that people will look for ways to point out your flaws and put you in your place.

You might be second-guessing your authority, wondering if someone else knows better than you and will expose you as a fraud.

I get it. Nobody likes a braggart, and being too cocky can certainly backfire.

Humility has its place. But you can be modest to a fault.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to be willing to own your authority.

Here’s what I told my client:
1. To be an expert doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you know where to find the answers.
2. Never wing it. Always be fully prepared, practiced, and polished. You can go off script, but go in with a fully-fleshed out plan for what you’re going to say.
3. Own the room. This isn’t the time to cower, hide, or make yourself small. Stand up tall and project confidence.
4. Don’t apologize. If something goes wrong, such as a tech glitch, missing bullet point, or mistake, just roll with it.
5. Anticipate possible questions and objections. Know ahead of time where people might see holes in your story or take issue with a claim, and be prepared to address these things.
6. Limit the self-deprecating humor. There’s a time and place for it, keep it to a minimum.
Whether you’re doing a presentation at work, hosting a webinar to market your business, or going to a networking event, owning your authority matters.

You want to be the go-to person?

You want respect and opportunities?

People must see you as an expert, an authority. So it’s time to show up and OWN it!
March 24, 2024
It’s Not About the WHAT But the WHO

When you set big goals, what stops you from reaching them?

Your answer might be “it depends.” But I’m willing to bet the shortfall can be attributed to a similar root cause each time: who you’re being!

What do you want?
What do you have to do to accomplish it?
What is your burning desire?

The goal = The what

The whole point of hiring a coach is to help you reach your WHAT. By doing more than you would do on your own.

But if you’re expecting a coach to give you a step-by-step plan to get what you want, think again. Coaches aren’t consultants; that’s not our job nor our superpower. The WHAT is 20% of the equation.

We’re all about the WHO.

In other words, coaching isn’t all about the goal itself. Again, it’s not the WHAT… so, what does this mean?

Achieving your goals is about WHO you have to become to get what you want.

Who do you have to be to make your desire come to be?

If you want to make a million dollars or get a big promotion, “the what” could include any number of actions. But to make a million dollars, “the who” needs to be someone who can make a million dollars.

The WHO needs to be someone bold.

The WHO should be someone willing to take risks.

The WHO has to be someone willing to invest in herself.

The WHO must be able to step outside of his/her comfort zone.

Coaching works on “the who” — the being — that’s capable of creating “the what.”

To BE the kind of person that creates what you want, you may have to…

Stop doing something.
Start doing something.
Believe in yourself.
Know that it’s possible.
Have self-awareness.
Step into the role.
Create habits that stick.
Step into success.
Be the achiever.

Sure, you’ll need to familiarize yourself with the steps to get there. But leaning into who you have to become is the fastest way to success.

March 10, 2024
Say It or Act It? Your Results Will Differ

The other day, one of my executive clients told me about some feedback he got during a review. The buzz around the office was that he made people feel stupid.

Whoa…

To be fair, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” is a bit of wisdom from former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt. True, but should people have to go around letting disparagement and hostility roll off their backs? Of course not.

Using a condescending communication style isn’t a good look for a leader. Having a reputation for talking down to people is no way to gain respect.

But my client isn’t a bully. He never intended to put anyone down or make them feel inadequate. So what the heck was going wrong?

I dug into his story, and here’s what I discovered:

He was frustrated because he found himself repeating the same things over and over…

His tone, facial expressions, and body language showed the frustration.

He was acting out his feelings, rolling his eyes, sighing heavily, and throwing his hands in the air as he expressed his frustration. Definitely not a good look!

Let me be clear. There isn’t anything wrong with expressing frustration, but do everyone a favor and skip the drama. It’s unprofessional, and it’s doing you and everyone around you a disservice.

What should you do instead? Simply state what you’re feeling. “I’m feeling frustrated that I have to repeat myself, but here’s what I’d like you to do.”

Whether you’re talking to your team members, coworkers, kids, or spouse, SPEAK the emotion rather than acting it out and spewing it at them.

Remember, perception is reality. If you give off the impression that you’re unreasonable and egotistic, there will be consequences in how your team operates. People will avoid you, problems will fester, and you’ll miss out on growth opportunities.

Consider the ripple effect of your actions and find ways to improve how you communicate. Say it, instead of acting it out!

March 3, 2024
The Truth in Coaching

When I started in the coaching industry 20+ years ago, most people were unfamiliar with the term “coaching” — outside of sports, of course. These days, I rarely meet someone who doesn’t know what coaching is — in the context of life, health, business, or careers.

We’ve come a long way! But when it comes to recognizing the difference between a skilled coach and someone who just slapped on a title? Not so much.

Coaching isn’t a regulated industry. You don’t need a license or specific training to call yourself a coach, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing; it allows for autonomy and creative freedom. However, when hiring a coach, you need to know what you’re getting into. And when you are a coach, you need to know what skills help your clients get results. What makes a coach good at their job?

You may have heard me say I’m a Master Certified Coach (MCC), the gold standard credential in coaching, issued by the International Coaching Federation. To earn this designation, I had to demonstrate evidence of advanced coaching skills and meet certain standards. It’s something I take seriously.

BUT the credential itself isn’t what makes me, or anyone else, a good coach. What makes someone a good coach is the skill of telling the truth.

Most people avoid the truth at worst or tell “polite” truths at best.

An effective coach will call you on your stuff and tell you the truth in a snap. We won’t let it slide.
Does this mean good coaches are all-knowing truth-tellers? Of course not.
It means we’re able to recognize incongruencies — when you say something that doesn’t match your actions, or when you act in a way that’s out of alignment with the groundwork and goals we’ve established.

For example —

You: My family is the most important thing to me.

Skilled coach: You mentioned that your family is important, but you also shared with me that you haven’t spent any time with your family this month. In what ways are you prioritizing your family? Where else are you directing your attention? What’s really getting your time?

It’s the coach’s job to pay close attention, notice when something is “off,” and question it. Inquiring into what you say, think, and do is what helps you see the truth — YOUR truth.

I know we’re getting somewhere when a client says, “Wow, that’s a really good question,” or — better yet, “I hate you for asking me that.” Bingo – we’re onto something!

It’s important to remember that when you enter into a coaching relationship, you’re agreeing to get called out on your stuff. You’re signing up for the truth … because living in our truth is where we all want to be.

This is how coaching changes lives and organizations. You have to answer some tough questions and confront big truths about yourself, your leadership (we are all leaders somewhere, even if it’s just with family) and your choices. Are you ready to face facts?

If you’re a coach, you need to learn how to work with the truth — to ruffle feathers (but in a productive way), and to uncover layers so you can get to the good stuff. It’s a skill set that requires training and practice.

February 4, 2024
A Different Way to Frame Your New Year

As a coach, I want you to know that you can start over at any time, on any day. You always have the power to press reset and begin again.

But we humans are social creatures, so we tend to get our cues from what’s going on around us. The buzz right now is about the New Year ahead of us, filled with fresh possibilities and revitalized energy to go after what we want.

We’re all looking at a collective clean slate, determined to make our mark.

The thing is, if you’re anything like most people I talk to these days, you’re not convinced that this “New Year/New You” stuff will come to pass. You’ve been here before, and doubt is already starting to creep in.

Here’s the reality: 23% of people already gave up their New Year’s resolution last week, and more than half will give up by the end of the month. That’s just the way it goes.

I suggest you look at this new year in a new way, through a different frame.

Instead of focusing on a particular change you want to make or a specific goal — lose 20 pounds, run a marathon, save 20% of your take-home pay, wake up an hour earlier —

Ask yourself this question instead:

What’s the impact I want to make?

100 lives touched.

50 food-insecure children who have plenty to eat because of your charitable donations.

20 co-workers who love their jobs because of your efforts to recognize and value their work.

30 community members who are less lonely because you showed up to volunteer.

This is a way to do goals that are BIGGER than you. It takes your mind off of the smaller, self-centering, anxiety-inducing goals.

When a goal is bigger than you, it’s more compelling, motivating, and drives you forward with a sense of purpose.

Make it a game. Give it a number. Have FUN going for it!

You’ll look back at this time next year and thank yourself. I’m not saying your business, career, money, and health goals don’t matter. But I am saying if you place your focus elsewhere and take the pressure off, you might be surprised by what else falls into place.

January 14, 2024