Now What?® Coaching

Tag: coaching

You Can’t Go Back to Before — And That’s the Point

In the musical Ragtime, there’s a character simply called Mother. When her husband leaves for a year-long expedition, she transforms. She takes in a Black couple and champions them — scandalous in early 1900s upper-crust New York society. She makes decisions, finds her voice, and becomes someone new. When her husband returns and tries to fit her back in the box she once occupied, she can’t do it. She sings a song called “Back to Before,” and it’s all about how you simply cannot return to who you were.

I think we can all relate to that tension.

We long for the past.
We long for that thing that was.

There’s actually a psychological term for it — rosy retrospection — which is our tendency to remember the past as kinder and gentler than it may have actually been. We don’t remember the anxiety of that “easier” chapter. We remember the feeling of being less burdened.

I know that feeling personally. My son has epilepsy. I can remember a time when they were petit mals — frightening, yes, but something our family had learned to navigate. Something that had become, in its own difficult way, our normal. Then came the grand mals, and everything shifted. I remember thinking if I could just get back to before that happened, we could handle this. What I didn’t realize at the time was that “before” wasn’t waiting for me. It had already closed.

That’s the thing about “before.” Even if you could somehow return to that exact moment in time, you would bring this version of yourself with you. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. So you truly can’t go back. What Mother’s song captures so beautifully is that the “before” she mourns was also a version of herself that was smaller, quieter, and less fully alive. Growth and loss are often the same door.

When we spend our energy facing the rearview mirror, we risk getting stuck there. Nostalgia in small doses is sweet, warm, and deeply human. But when we move in there, it becomes a form of grief that never resolves. It keeps us comparing the present to an idealized past that didn’t quite exist, and the present always loses that competition. We can become so loyal to who we were that we become strangers to who we’re becoming.

Here are four things that can help you move forward:

Honor it, then set it down. You are absolutely allowed to miss what was. Grief is real, and grief is authentic. But there’s a difference between visiting the past and moving in there. Acknowledge what you’ve lost, feel it fully – then deliberately turn toward what remains.

Ask: What does this make possible? Every ending carries a hidden opening. The question can’t only be “what did I lose?” It has to become “what is this new chapter calling forth in me? Who am I becoming?” That’s where the real focus belongs. Not on the closing door, but on the one that’s beginning to open.

Trade nostalgia for gratitude. Nostalgia looks backward. Gratitude — real appreciation — lives in the present. Instead of wishing you could return to a good moment, practice being grateful it happened at all. That single reframe moves you out of longing and into appreciation. And appreciation puts you right back in the present, where your life is actually happening.

Build something to move toward. The pull of the past is strongest when the future feels empty — when there’s nothing on the horizon you’re looking forward to. So put something there. It doesn’t have to be grand; even something small gives forward motion a direction. Once you start moving forward, it becomes easier to keep going. Mother doesn’t end her song with any kind of tidy resolution. She can’t get back to the past, but she stands in the truth of her own change. I think that is actually the bravest thing any of us can do. Not pretending the past didn’t matter and not letting it hold us hostage either. Just standing in who we’ve become.

I still have moments where I’d give anything to go back to before. But I’ve also learned that the version of me who came through what came next is more capable, more compassionate, and more present than I ever was before.

You can’t go back to before.
But you can decide, right now, what you’re moving toward and allow the next chapter to begin.

March 15, 2026
The Entrepreneurial Roller Coaster: How to Ride It (And Actually Survive)

If you’ve ever been on a roller coaster, you know that moment right before the first drop – you grip the bar, your stomach tightens, you take a deep breath, and you wonder what the heck you just got yourself into.

Welcome to entrepreneurship.

Except this ride lasts years instead of minutes. There’s no operator doing safety checks. You can’t see the track ahead. And the drops? They’re steeper than anything at Six Flags.

After 32 years of running my own business, I can tell you this: The roller coaster never really smooths out. You just get better at riding it. That’s what I want to share with you today – how to not just survive the ride, but actually thrive on it.

Build Your Reserves (Both Kinds)

First things first: You need cushions for the falls. I’m talking about two types of reserves that most entrepreneurs overlook.

Financial reserves are the obvious one, but let me be specific. You need at least six months of operating expenses, plus personal savings. Not the optimistic spreadsheet version where everything goes perfectly. You need the realistic version where your biggest client ghosts you or that investor pulls out at the last minute.

I run my business on a ten-month year. Not because I take two months off, but because I know things will fluctuate and some months will be lean. Building in that buffer keeps me from making decisions out of desperation.

Here’s what most people miss: Emotional reserves. This is your hobbies, your relationships, exercise, meditation, therapy – whatever fills your tank. The entrepreneurs who burn out aren’t the ones who work hard; they’re the ones who work hard with an empty emotional tank. When you have people you can talk to, activities that restore you, and a life outside your business, you create an emotional cushion that lets you weather the storms.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, so protect both reserves like your business depends on it because it does.

On Low Days: Do ONE Thing That Moves the Needle

There will be days when you wake up convinced you’ll never get another client.
When the weight of it all feels crushing.
When you question everything.

On those days, forget your massive to-do list.
Pick ONE thing that will actually move the needle and do that.

Not busy work. Not cleaning your desk or organizing files. One meaningful action: Make that scary sales call, have that critical conversation you’ve been avoiding, fix that tech bug that’s been haunting you, send that partnership proposal.

Here’s the magic: Mood follows action. We’re often waiting for the mood to hit us before we take action. But it works the opposite way. You don’t need to feel motivated to act; you act and the motivation follows. Take the action first, and watch your mood improve.

After a Win: Attack, Don’t Relax

This might be the most counterintuitive advice, but it’s critical. Your most dangerous moment isn’t after a failure; it’s after a success.

You just closed a major client. You just hit your revenue target. Every instinct tells you to take your foot off the gas, to relax a little, to enjoy the moment.

Don’t.

Celebrate that evening, absolutely. But the very next day? Double down. Already in a good mood? Take more action. Make another call. Close another client. Do something that makes a difference while you’re riding that high.

Here’s why: Wins create momentum, open doors, and boost confidence. You’re never more attractive to potential clients, partners, or investors than right after a visible success. Use that fuel. Don’t let it evaporate.

Know the Difference: Dip or Dead End?

Not every low point is worth pushing through. Seth Godin talks about “The Dip,” that valley between starting something and mastering it where most people quit. Winners push through strategic dips because there’s something valuable on the other side.

But dead ends are different. A dead end is when the market fundamentally doesn’t want what you’re selling, when the economics will never work, when there’s nothing pointing to it coming back.

The hard part? They feel the same in the moment.

That’s why you need trusted advisors – friends, coaches, mentors – who can help you see clearly. People who will tell you the truth when you need to hear it because it’s really hard for us to know the difference between a dip and a dead end when we’re the ones on the ride.

Hold On Tight

The ride is terrifying.
The ride is exhilarating.
For those of us crazy enough to strap in, it leads to something incredible: freedom.

You get better at riding it.
You build your reserves.
You take action when you’re low.
You attack when you’re high.
You surround yourself with people who help you know when to push through and when to pivot.

Buckle up, buttercup.
This is what you signed up for, and it’s worth every twist and turn.

February 8, 2026
When the Storm Hits: Your Guide to Weathering What Comes and Emerging Stronger

The meteorologists saw it coming days in advance. The grocery stores emptied of bread and milk. Batteries flew off the shelves. Everyone knew the storm was approaching, yet when it finally arrived, many still found themselves unprepared for its full force.

Life’s storms work the same way. Sometimes we see them gathering on the horizon – a organizational restructuring, a relationship reaching its breaking point, a business model that’s clearly running out of road. Other times, they hit without warning, leaving us scrambling to find our footing while everything we counted on gets rearranged.

The question isn’t whether storms will come. They will.
The question is: How will you prepare, how will you weather them, and how will you use what they teach you?

Before the Storm: The Art of Strategic Preparation

Here’s what most people get wrong about preparation:
They stockpile supplies, but they forget to strengthen their foundation.

When I work with leaders and entrepreneurs facing major transitions, I ask them a simple question: “What are you anchoring to?” When everything else is moving, you need something solid to hold onto. For some, it’s their core values. For others, it’s their sense of purpose or their commitment to the people they serve.

The coaches I work with who navigate industry changes most successfully aren’t the ones with the biggest emergency funds (though those help). They’re the ones who’ve built what I call “foundational flexibility,” which is a clear sense of who they are and what they stand for, combined with the agility to adapt their methods without compromising their mission.

Practical preparation looks like this:

Know your non-negotiables.
What absolutely must be protected?
What defines you at your core?
When you’re clear on this, you can let go of everything else with much less anxiety.

Build your support system before you need it.
The middle of a crisis is not the time to start looking for allies.
Invest in relationships during the calm, so you have people to call when the winds pick up.

Create options, not just plans.
Plans assume a predictable future.
Options give you choices when the unexpected arrives.
What are three different ways you could respond if X happens?
What resources could you access if Y occurs?

When You’re In It: Weathering the Storm

There’s a moment in every storm when you realize – this is happening.
The preparation phase is over.
Now you’re just trying to stay upright.

This is when your previous work pays off, or when you discover what you missed.

The most important skill for weathering a storm isn’t strength; it’s presence.
The ability to stay aware, stay responsive, and resist the temptation to panic-react your way into worse problems.

I’ve watched brilliant people make terrible decisions in the middle of storms because they were so desperate to make the discomfort stop that they grabbed at the first solution that presented itself.
They pivoted their entire business model after one bad quarter.
They blew up a relationship because they couldn’t tolerate the tension of uncertainty.
They abandoned their vision because it got hard.

Weathering a storm means accepting that some things are out of your control while staying active in the things that aren’t.

You can’t stop the storm, but you can:

Protect your energy.
This is not the time to take on new commitments or push yourself to maintain “business as usual.”
Give yourself permission to focus on essentials.

Stay connected.
Isolation is the enemy of resilience. Reach out. Ask for help. Let people know you’re struggling.
The vulnerability you show now will deepen your relationships later.

Look for the small wins.
You don’t need to solve everything today.
You need to take one right action, then another, then another.
Progress compounds.

After the Storm: Mining the Meaning

Every storm deposits something. Sometimes it’s wreckage that needs clearing. Sometimes it’s nutrients that will feed next season’s growth. Your job is to examine what’s been left behind.

The entrepreneurs I know who’ve built the strongest businesses didn’t do it by avoiding failure. They did it by getting exceptionally good at learning from it. Each setback became data. Each crisis revealed something they didn’t know about themselves, their market, or their model.

The question isn’t “Why did this happen to me?”
The question is “What does this make possible that wasn’t possible before?”

Maybe the storm cleared out deadwood – projects that were draining energy without producing results, relationships that had run their course, assumptions that were holding you back. Maybe it revealed strengths you didn’t know you had. Maybe it showed you who really has your back.

Coming out positive doesn’t mean pretending the storm didn’t hurt.
It means refusing to let the hurt be the only thing that defines what happened.

The storms will come. They always do.

The only real question is: When the next one arrives, who will you be?
Someone who merely survives it, or someone who uses it to become more of who you’re meant to be?

Start preparing now. Not because you’re pessimistic, but because you’re committed to staying in the game no matter what the weather brings.

February 1, 2026
Before You Do, Remember Who You’re Becoming

Every January, millions of people launch into action. They join gyms, open blank documents for that novel they’ve been meaning to write, or register their LLC for the side hustle that’s going to change everything.

By February, most have stopped.

The problem isn’t lack of willpower or poor planning. It’s that they’re trying to change their actions without first transforming their identity.

The Identity-Action Gap

Here’s what typically happens: You decide you want to lose 30 pounds, so you buy meal prep containers and download a fitness app. You want to write a novel, so you block out time on your calendar and create the perfect workspace. You’re ready to launch that consulting business, so you design business cards and build a website.

These are all smart actions.
But they’re built on a foundation of sand.

When you take action without first shifting who you believe yourself to be, every choice becomes an internal negotiation. The alarm goes off at 5:30 AM for your workout, and you have to convince yourself – again – that you’re the kind of person who does this. You sit down to write, but that blank page mocks you because you don’t yet believe you’re actually a writer. You need to make sales calls for your new business, but impostor syndrome screams that you’re just pretending to be an entrepreneur.

This exhausting internal debate is why most ambitious goals fail. You’re constantly fighting against your own self-concept.

The Power of Identity-First Change

Consider weight loss. Most people approach it as a behavior problem: “I need to eat less and move more.” But sustainable transformation happens when you shift from “I’m trying to lose weight” to “I’m someone who takes care of my body.”

That subtle shift changes everything. When you’re someone who takes care of your body, choosing the salad isn’t deprivation; it’s consistency with who you are. Missing a workout creates genuine discomfort because it conflicts with your identity, not because you’re failing at a resolution.

The same principle applies to writing your novel. You don’t need to wait until you’re published to be a writer. You become a writer the moment you decide that’s who you are. Real writers write on days they don’t feel inspired. They protect their writing time. They study this craft. Once you embody that identity, sitting down to write becomes natural rather than forced.

And for your side hustle? Stop “trying to start a business” and start being an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs solve problems. They learn from failure. They show up consistently even when results are slow. When that’s who you are – not what you’re attempting – the difficult actions become expressions of identity rather than items on a to-do list.

How to Shift Your Beingness

This isn’t about positive thinking or affirmations. It’s about genuine identity transformation.

1. Define the identity clearly.
Don’t just say “I want to be healthy.” Get specific: “I’m someone who honors my body’s needs, makes conscious food choices, and moves daily because it feels good.”

2. Find your evidence.
Your brain needs proof. Identify any moment (no matter how small) when you’ve already been this person. That time you took the stairs? That counts. The paragraph you wrote last Tuesday? Evidence. The helpful advice you gave a friend? Entrepreneurial.

3. Make identity-consistent choices.
Ask yourself throughout the day: “What would the person I’m becoming do right now?” Then do that thing, even when it’s small, especially when it’s small.

4. Speak it into existence.
Change your language. Not “I’m trying to lose weight,” but “I take care of my body.” Not “I want to write a book,” but “I’m writing a book.” Not “I’m thinking about starting a business,” but “I’m an entrepreneur building my business.”

The Truth About Tough Actions

Yes, losing weight requires tough choices. Writing a novel demands discipline and vulnerability. Building a business means facing rejection and uncertainty.

Here’s what makes those tough actions infinitely easier: Alignment.

When your actions flow from a clear sense of who you are, they stop feeling like obligations and start feeling like integrity. You’re not forcing yourself to do hard things; you’re simply being consistent with who you’ve become.

The action is still challenging, but it’s no longer a battle with yourself.

Before you revise your goals or create your action plan, pause.
Get clear on who you’re becoming.
Let that identity settle into your bones.

Then watch how naturally the right actions follow.

January 25, 2026
How to Stop Imposter Syndrome in Its Tracks
Do you ever feel like an imposter?

Are you sometimes afraid that someone’s going to discover you have no idea what you’re doing — that you’re not the expert you proclaim to be, you’re not as skilled as you’ve made yourself out to be, and you’re not quite qualified to be in the position you’ve found yourself in?

Maybe you’re worried that you don’t measure up somehow, so it makes you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s what this looks like.

Them: We’d like to interview you [for a dream job]!
You: Maybe they didn’t notice I don’t have enough experience.

Them: Congratulations! We’d like to offer you the [dream] job.
You: I’ll surely be fired by Tuesday, once they figure out I’m a fraud.

Them: We’ve selected your proposal to speak at the next conference.
You: Oh no! I’m probably going to make a fool out of myself.

Them: I’m looking for a coach, and I’d love to work with you.
You: But what if I can’t help you get results, and you tell everyone I’m a con?

I’m not a doctor, but as a Master Certified Credentialed Coach with 30 years of experience, I can confidently assess what’s happening here.

Imposter Syndrome

Don’t worry; it’s not fatal to your career or success.

Most people struggle with it from time to time, and it’s entirely “treatable.”

If you feel like your Imposter Syndrome is flaring up, here’s what I suggest you do —
1. Pause and accept what’s happening. No sense in ignoring the symptoms. Denying it only makes things worse by trying to overcompensate.
2. Learn to recognize your triggers (comparisons, someone else’s recent success) and how you respond, so you can head it off at the pass. Before you go into a full-on panic, tell yourself, “This is just imposter syndrome flaring up again. Nothing alarming. You can do this.”
3. Notice your self-talk. As soon as you start beating yourself up, STOP. It may sound easier said than done, but you can tell yourself “no.” No more negative self-talk; you’re not listening.
4. Ask yourself what success looks like. Are you trying to measure up to a perfect ideal? Scratch that and aim for progress instead.
5. Keep learning. The best way to keep Imposter Syndrome at bay is to continue seeking out new knowledge and ways of doing things, evolving, and growing your skill set.
6. Celebrate wins! I can’t say enough about this. Remind your brain that you’re doing good things.
Do this again and again, every time Imposter Syndrome starts to creep up, and you’ll start experiencing it less and less.

Don’t get caught up in calling yourself an expert. Instead of thinking of yourself as someone who’s supposed to know everything, think of yourself as someone who makes it your business to learn everything you can about your particular topic of choice.

You’re not an imposter, so keep showing up as the best of who you are. You’ve got this!
October 1, 2023
How to Deal with Difficult People

Let’s face it; people can be difficult.

Even if you consider yourself a people person, dealing with various needs, personalities, priorities, and quirks can be challenging.

There’s always going to be conflict.

Whether it’s a tough client, boss, or coworker, your overall success and happiness ultimately depend on how well you’re able to navigate that relationship.

The good news – it’s not as hard as you might think — as long as you keep these three tips in mind:

Tip #1: In any given situation, you have two realities:

1. The facts and 2. The interpretation of the facts.
We are not always going to agree on the interpretation. Here is an example:

Person A: This stinks! I was planning to go to an arts festival; my day is ruined!

Person B: How wonderful! My lawn needed this, and now I can curl up with a good book.

We all view facts differently. When you’re dealing with a difficult person or situation, you have to remember — there’s what happened, and there’s what each person thinks about what happened. Once you’ve considered this, it’s easier to resolve any friction.

Tip #2: Follow Stephen Covey’s advice to begin with the end in mind. (That’s habit #2 in his blockbuster book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

People don’t like drama because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck in whatever nastiness ensues.

When you find yourself in conflict, focus on what you want to get out of it. What’s your goal? What do you want to resolve? Keep your eye on the prize, and stay focused on moving forward.

Tip#3: Avoid the word “you” unless it’s used in a positive light.

Saying “you” in the heat of conflict triggers an inflammatory response. People feel blamed and berated, and they don’t like it one bit.

Instead, frame the conversation with the word “I.” I hear you, understand, see we have a difference of opinion, and I want you to know I want to resolve this to your satisfaction.

This keeps the other person off the defensive and out of “fight or flight” mode. It allows for a reasonable conversation and coming to a resolution.

These three tips will make a big difference, and the more you use them, the more you’re able to build rapport and trust, even with the most difficult people. The next time a conflict arises, you can build on the successful outcome you created the last time. Before you know it, that person no longer ruffles your feathers because you know how to deal with them.

Remember: The customer isn’t always right. Your boss isn’t always right. And that overbearing coworker isn’t always right.

You don’t have to let difficult people walk all over you. It’s okay to disappoint people, agree to disagree, and move on. You’ll have more respect for yourself, garner more respect, and win in the end.

September 10, 2023