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A Different Way to Frame Your New Year

As a coach, I want you to know that you can start over at any time, on any day. You always have the power to press reset and begin again.

But we humans are social creatures, so we tend to get our cues from what’s going on around us. The buzz right now is about the New Year ahead of us, filled with fresh possibilities and revitalized energy to go after what we want.

We’re all looking at a collective clean slate, determined to make our mark.

The thing is, if you’re anything like most people I talk to these days, you’re not convinced that this “New Year/New You” stuff will come to pass. You’ve been here before, and doubt is already starting to creep in.

Here’s the reality: 23% of people already gave up their New Year’s resolution last week, and more than half will give up by the end of the month. That’s just the way it goes.

I suggest you look at this new year in a new way, through a different frame.

Instead of focusing on a particular change you want to make or a specific goal — lose 20 pounds, run a marathon, save 20% of your take-home pay, wake up an hour earlier —

Ask yourself this question instead:

What’s the impact I want to make?

100 lives touched.

50 food-insecure children who have plenty to eat because of your charitable donations.

20 co-workers who love their jobs because of your efforts to recognize and value their work.

30 community members who are less lonely because you showed up to volunteer.

This is a way to do goals that are BIGGER than you. It takes your mind off of the smaller, self-centering, anxiety-inducing goals.

When a goal is bigger than you, it’s more compelling, motivating, and drives you forward with a sense of purpose.

Make it a game. Give it a number. Have FUN going for it!

You’ll look back at this time next year and thank yourself. I’m not saying your business, career, money, and health goals don’t matter. But I am saying if you place your focus elsewhere and take the pressure off, you might be surprised by what else falls into place.

January 14, 2024
Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

It’s 2024, and I want you to know what it takes to kick things off right. But first, let’s clear the slate because most people are tempted to fall into the same old missteps that set you up for disappointment year after year.

Let’s cut it out —

❌ DON’T set New Year’s resolutions.
As you’ve no doubt noticed, they’re simply not effective.
❌ DON’T set big goals.
I’m all for big dreams, but now’s not the time to add another huge, taxing, time-consuming thing if you have a plate that’s already full. Clear some items off first.
❌ DON’T hate the circumstance that informs the goal.
Your body, your ADHD, your bank account, your past failures, etc. It only makes the problem worse.

Here’s what I want you to do instead.

🟢 DO take time to reflect.
What can you give up that doesn’t serve you anymore? Let it go. What served you? Order up more of that.
🟢 DO visualize what you want.
Daydreaming helps you see what’s possible for your life, and that’s important. Let your mind wander and delight in your desires.
🟢 DO focus on who you’re being.
Transformation is less about what you do and more about who you are being. Act as if what you want is already here. How does someone behave when he/she already has the habits that create the success you want? Be that person now.

The reality is, this whole “New Year” thing is all made up. Thousands of years ago, the new year was in the spring. Take the pressure off, start doing what’s best for you year-round, and the “new you” will come to be.

January 7, 2024
Respect Your Rhythm and Move Towards the Light

Did you notice anything different this past Thursday?

It was the shortest day of the year, also known as Winter Solstice — with the fewest daylight hours and longest night.

Unless you follow the seasons closely or honor traditions that do, it probably hasn’t been on your radar. But I think the Winter Solstice deserves acknowledgment. It marks a meaningful shift.

During the holiday season, there’s a celebration of light — the Hindu Diwali festival of lights last month, lighting the menorah for Hanukkah, stringing Christmas lights, placing luminaria along sidewalks, firing up the Yule log, lighting the seven candles of Kwanzaa, and so much more.

Amid the darkest season, we gather and honor the light.

The Winter Solstice signifies coming out of that darkness into the light. It’s a return to creation, a rebirth. We’re easing into a season where the days get longer, our spirits renew, and our essence is reborn.

To prepare, it’s only natural to slow down, rest, and reflect.

What did you accomplish this year?
What are you most proud of?
How did you grow?
What are you looking forward to?

If you’re feeling pressured to meet last-minute goals and get set for the new year, I encourage you to reconsider. You don’t have to push.

Take this time to connect to the cosmos, move with your rhythm, and respect your pace.

December 31, 2023
The BEST Holiday Gift You Can Give

If you’re scrambling for last-minute holiday gifts or second-guessing the gifts you’ve already given, then let me throw you a lifeline. After all, no matter how often you’ve heard “the best gifts in life are free,” it’s important not to toss it aside as a mere cliché. While the material stuff is nice, it’s never the best we can give.

So, what do people really want, more than anything?

They want to be seen, heard, understood, accepted, and validated.

In fact, the people who are special to you deserve more than just a token of appreciation. This is your opportunity to give them deep acknowledgment.

Now, you might be wondering how.

Well, this is one of those things that I categorize as simple, but not necessarily easy. It requires tapping into a spirit of generosity.

Therefore, you need to be fully present; that’s the gift. (pun intended)

You must be willing to give your time and attention — undistracted and wholehearted.

First, put away your phone.
Next, make eye contact.
And then, be curious.

Ultimately, make them feel like there is nobody else in the room.

As you gather with colleagues, friends, and family over the holidays, remember that this is what people really want. YOU are the gift. You have the gift. So, give generously and enjoy!

December 24, 2023
What is “Enough” for You?

A recurring theme has been showing up in my conversations with clients and people in my community over the past couple of weeks — a spirit of discontent.

More than usual, people seem to be disappointed and miffed that they’ve missed some arbitrary mark.

I have to admit — if I were new to coaching, I might be feeling a little distressed myself. But I’ve been at this for decades now, and I know exactly what’s going on here. It’s the end of the year…

Folks have launched businesses, filled programs, and met revenue goals. They’ve been featured in magazines, interviewed on popular podcasts, and appeared on TV. They published books, got promoted, or quit their corporate job. Impressive stuff!

But it wasn’t enough. And for some, it’s never enough.

Especially around this time of year, as people pause to reflect, I’ve come to expect it. So I thought you could use a heads-up . . .

No matter how much you’ve accomplished in 2023, there’s a good chance you might find yourself feeling it too: you didn’t do enough, your results weren’t enough, and you are not enough.

However, I want you to know this —

Suffering happens when you don’t meet your own expectations. The tricky part is that your expectations can become a moving target as your hopes, dreams, and aspirations evolve, grow, and become influenced by what you see around you.

How can you reduce this suffering?

Remember that ambition — Your passionate and dedicated drive to want more is good! BUT discontent — the feeling that you’ve let yourself down — doesn’t do you any good.

How do you strike the sweet spot? I have to thank my good friend, best-selling author and writing coach Jennifer Louden, for this one. She suggests coming up with your very own “conditions of enoughness.”

Look inward, give it some deep thought, and determine…

What is enough money?
What are enough sales?
What is enough time?
What is enough fame?
How will I know when I have enough?
How will I know when my desires are met?

You control the relationship you have with your desires. How’s that going for you?

When you’re not happy because you’ve let yourself down, you’re causing your own suffering. It’s often what causes that paralysis — when you want something better but can’t bring yourself to take action. The tension forms a chasm that’s difficult to close.

Creating from a wounded place means creating more suffering. Everything becomes more difficult.

If you want to experience success, fulfillment, peace, and happiness, you must find your “conditions of enoughness.” From there, striving for more is easy; it can come and go, and you’re still okay.

Creating from a place of contentment not only feels better, but it’s your ticket to experiencing the success you desire.

December 10, 2023
New Balance

The high-level executive keeps telling himself he’ll have time again soon – that it’s just a busy time, and it’ll slow down in the near future. However, he’s been telling himself that for SIX MONTHS!

A slow down just typically doesn’t happen.

How does he find a balance?
How does he reclaim his life? 

THAT is something that I’m sure many of you can relate to no matter what your work is, whether in corporate, as a business owner or being a busy parent.

There are only so many hours in a day, and I’ll say again what bears repeating: You can’t manage time. You can only manage yourself.

Ask Yourself a Few Questions:

Who do you want to be?
If you’re suffering now, that’s not who you want to be. Think about how you want to live, and how you want to behave daily (i.e., I want to be a present parent instead of being a distracted one. I want to be a boss that trusts vs. micro-managing).

What has to happen for you to be that person?
Write down a truthful answer whether you can accomplish those changes or not.

How do you betray yourself now?
Take a close look at how you behave differently from what you’d like to have happen. Yes, those are betrayals of yourself!

Take on a Few Tasks:

Examine your rules.
They’re meant to be broken if they cause you to suffer. Sometimes it’s you who puts limits or unreasonable standards in place that throw your work and life out of whack.

Write down what only you can do.
I can bet that there are items on your calendar and your to-do list(s) that could be done by somebody else if you let go of the reins a bit. Examine your calendar and your activities and determine if you truly need to be there or be the one doing them.

Hire!
Take some things off your plate by hiring them out (don’t be stingy with yourself; you can do it!) Corporately, look at it honestly as you budget for next year and see if there is room for a hire, a chief of staff, or a second assistant. Also notice if you don’t trust certain current team members to be able to take on some of the things you shouldn’t be doing if additional training or a change in staffing is required.

Consider:

Some things you can’t change. If you work in a toxic work environment, you may not have the power to change it. You must consider your options.

I was once hired by a large pharmaceutical company to run a work-life balance training for their sales force. I asked to survey the team first to get a sense of what the issues were with work and life integration.

The survey showed me that this company truly did not walk their talk. They wanted to provide a session to improve their teams’ lives, but they didn’t truly, in practice, believe in it. I refused the job after I did the survey and told them why.

They came back a week later and asked me to work with their leadership team on this initiative because it had to come from the top down to change the culture, which I did.

If your company doesn’t really have policies that allow you to have a decent quality of life outside of work, you have to consider leaving.

There will never be a perfect “balance.” It just doesn’t exist. Something will always tilt the pendulum in the opposite direction, but it IS possible to find a new balance – an integration – where you have less stress and are living in a way that makes you like your work. Heck, maybe even love it!

We’re here to help…

December 3, 2023