Now What?® Coaching

Category: Inspirational Quotes

Why It’s Time to Unmask

Want to know one of the best ways (by far!) to improve your life, career, and business?

Stop faking it.

Stop putting on an act. Pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t working as well as you think . . .

We’ve been conditioned to believe people will like us better if they perceive us a certain way — successful, rich, sophisticated, charismatic, funny.

Sometimes we think the only way they’ll accept, hire, or promote us is if we share the same interests, hold the same beliefs, and agree on the topic at hand, so we go along with whatever it is to get along. People choose everything from clothing and hairstyles to cars and hobbies just to fit in.

We bend, twist and wear a mask — all in an effort to show up as the most well-received version of ourselves. And the most frightening thing about this mask . . . is taking it off!

Unmasking is shedding your protective gear, making the real you more vulnerable to judgment, criticism, and disapproval.

If the idea of showing up as your true authentic self terrifies you, you’re not alone. Letting your guard down and letting people see you as you can be scary. What if you get rejected? Ignored? Laughed at? Ostracized?

The fear is real, and it isn’t something that typically resolves on its own. If you’re struggling to show up authentically, try —

Journaling about it; put your feelings down on paper.

Talking about it with someone you trust; open up and connect.

Working with a therapist to get to the bottom of what’s holding YOU back.

Dropping the mask isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

When you live as your authentic self in everything you do, life is less stressful. You’ll realize you were just wasting tons of time and effort putting on an act.

Only you can be you. YOU is what enhances your personal brand like nothing else.

Things like wearing bold, colorful glasses, having a nose ring, and stepping on stage to speak in sneakers are ME. Keeping it real and saying what needs to be said is ME. Showing up as my authentic self boosts my confidence and helps me stand out. What’s YOU?

Be seen, Heard, and the person that the world needs.

You were designed perfectly just the way you are, and your contributions to the world matter. We’re all waiting to experience more of YOU!

November 10, 2024
Step Into a New Role for the Holidays

The holidays are upon us, which brings in a season of joy and celebration for many.

Happy Hanukkah to those who are celebrating with me this week!

But let’s face it: this can also be a season of anxiety and gloom.

I’m not talking about the usual reasons for the holiday blues here, but a different kind of grief — the kind where you’re lamenting another year stuck in a job you hate and already dreading the moment you turn off your “Out of Office” message come January.

If the thought of heading into the new year as the same old you makes you want to go into hibernation, bear with me (no pun intended!) — I have some ideas!

Figuring out what you want to do with the next season of your life and how to move forward isn’t easy, especially when you feel stuck. But it’s only confusing because you’re not looking deep enough.

Cracking the code is like cracking an egg.

There’s the shell or outside layer: your title, rank, salary, perks, benefits, and perceived status — all things that can be taken away at any moment.

Then there’s the yoke or inner part: your knowledge, experience, confidence, resilience, and substance — the things you carry with you anywhere you go.

It’s what’s inside that counts! But the shell prevents you from recognizing what matters most.

You look in the mirror and see who you appear to be on the outside — an accountant, a lawyer, a project manager, a VP of sales — and can’t imagine showing up as anyone else.

Staying with the holiday theme, it’s like the role we tend to take on within our family structure during the holidays — the drama queen, the people pleaser, the black sheep, the mother hen, the devil’s advocate, the perfectionist.

When we gather in old familiar company, we often revert to old habits and the way people have always seen us. But it doesn’t have to be that way, so I want you to try something new . . .

1. Take out a sheet of paper.

2. Write down the role you tend to fall into around the holidays, how your family perceives you.

3. Write down who you really are.

Ex: They see me as a people pleaser, but I have boundaries and opinions and can say no.

4. Maintain your awareness and don’t react as usual.

Ex: A “people pleaser” would apologize, but I did nothing wrong. I’ll take a deep breath instead.

5. Love your old self in the old role. Love your old self enough to heal her/him and let her/him go.

6. Start showing up in your new role — unapologetically you!

Once you start cracking the shell of who you’ve always been, you’ll get a glimpse of who you are at your core — someone with so much more to offer. You have the power to change.

Are you a “financial analyst” or are you someone who is a meticulous researcher and sharp trend spotter with the ability to develop striking insights that would come in handy if you wanted to become a real estate broker?

Are you a “Director of HR” or someone with strong conflict management skills and a high level of empathy? Maybe your next role is to become a licensed marriage and family therapist.

It’s time to figure this out.

November 8, 2024
Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose?
I’m working with a C-suite executive at a mid-sized company, and the organization is going through some changes. Given his position, my client is privy to what’s happening and savvy enough to see the writing on the wall — what’s coming down the pike doesn’t look good, and his days may be numbered.

We agreed that it’s time to start exploring other opportunities. And that’s when it became clear that his confidence was shaken.

“Maybe I should target VP roles,” he said. “Perhaps a senior director position at a bigger company makes sense. Should I step out of leadership and go into consulting? I think I should cast a wide net.”

Here we go again, I thought. I’m never surprised but always disappointed when this happens.

I’m sitting across from a brilliant, driven, highly-accomplished C-suite executive, and just because his employer is taking an unexpected turn, he’s suddenly questioning his status and worth.

So I asked him: “Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?”

It’s a powerful question. One of my coaches has asked me! What about you? Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?

Because let me tell you what I know for sure, as I did with him…

Volunteering to step down a few rungs on a ladder you’ve already climbed is playing not to lose.

Looking for a lower-level role through a lower-risk search is playing not to lose.

Taking a pay cut to avoid the competition is playing not to lose.

Playing not to lose is accepting less than you deserve, which is a guaranteed “L” by any meaningful measure.

Here’s how my client can play to win instead —
Leverage his C-suite experience to land an even better position.

That goes for you too —
If circumstances threaten to bring you down, aim higher.

Never sell yourself short. Kick it up a notch! Shoot for the ultimate. What do YOU want?
- A job at a bigger organization with higher pay, excellent benefits, and more support.
- A position that fosters growth and prepares you for the next level.
- A seat at the table with more visibility and a chance to make a name for yourself.
- An opportunity to make an impact and leave a legacy.
- A role that values your expertise more than your time and presence, so you can prioritize life outside of work.
It’s up to you. What do you want to WIN? Challenge yourself to go after that.

Too many people mistake aiming lower for taking the easier route with less risk. But playing not to lose never wins.
November 3, 2024
When Life Gets in the Way, What’s Your Plan?

I don’t have to tell you that sometimes life gets in the way; we’ve all experienced it.

We get sick, have an accident, face disappointment, deal with a busted hot water heater — you name it! Life can be unpleasant or inconvenient.

Every time, life gets in the way — if you let it!

Last week, I held a big launch event for my business, which you may have noticed. But what you couldn’t have known was that life got in the way, right in the middle of the launch.

There I was, all set to present a 3-day Masterclass I’d been planning for weeks, ready to share my proven Headliner Method for catapulting a coaching business. People were fired up and ready to learn.

And then I had to take my kid to the ER!

Thankfully, he’s A-OK, and that’s what’s most important! But I’m also grateful I had the support system and fortitude to pull off the event without a hitch.

As a coach, I would be remiss not to turn this ordeal into a learning experience for you, so consider this a reminder.

1. Life gets in the way.

2. You should always have a backup plan in place.

I realize this is easier for some people than others (psst: if you tend to do everything yourself and hate asking for help, I’m talking to you.) But the reality is, you have to figure it out.

Anything can happen at any time. Why let a bout of food poisoning, a crashing laptop, or a traffic jam on your way home from the airport derail your business?

When life gets in the way, the show must go on.

If you’ve neglected to build a support system, who will help to keep things on track?

If you’re not mentally prepared to handle a crisis, how will you keep rolling?

You need the will and a way.

I know you’re up to big things — building a business, changing careers, growing your family, pursuing dreams — and I want you to be able to carry on.

I encourage you to give this some thought and urge you to make it a priority.

October 27, 2024
Listening to the Nudge

Do you ever get a nudge, but you’re unsure if it’s meant for you?

Your gut, your intuition, or maybe even a higher power seems to be poking at you, trying to get a message through … or maybe not…

A bright shiny idea is calling your name. An alluring new prospect practically falls in your lap.

You’re drawn to a radically different path with no obstacles in sight.

Something’s trying to tell you something … or is it?
Things are going well. Should you risk rocking the boat to change course?

Is now the time to look for your next job? Launch a brand-spanking new offering? Bring that inkling of a book to life?

How do you know if it’s really opportunity knocking or just a distraction?

Here’s how I help people figure out if the thing is worth pursuing.

Start by writing down everything that’s irking you and follow it up with the opposite that you’d rather have.

For example:

A. I’m bored with my current roster of clients.
B. I want new clients with their sights set on bigger goals.

A. I feel uninspired at work every day.
B. I want a job with an organization committed to making an impact.

This is one of the tried-and-true exercises in my Now What? book and program.

The idea is to gain crystal clarity about what you don’t want anymore, so you can recognize what you want next.

Does the thing nudging at you align with what you want?
If yes, then go for it!
If not, then reconsider.

You don’t have to scrap everything you’re currently doing to chase after anything new. It’s less scary this way!

Weigh your options. Feel it out. See if it’s really a fit.

Then, as you give it a go — under the radar or on the side — check your momentum periodically.

Are you still fired up about it? Are you making progress? Is the thing still pulling you? Is it opening up doors?
If yes, walk through them.

Are you hitting roadblocks every step of the way? Is it draining you more than it’s filling you up?
Then consider moving on to whatever else is next.

When something is nudging you, I don’t want you to ignore it. Honor it with the attention it deserves. But I also want to caution you against jumping all in every time.

Sometimes you can get nudged in the wrong direction.

Always ask yourself: What do I want to move away from? What do I want to move toward?

Find your bearings and keep moving forward.

October 20, 2024
How to Sell without the ICK

This isn’t easy, but it can’t be avoided.

I talk to smart, talented, capable people who find themselves stuck every day, and almost every one of them has this one thing in common.

They want to grow a business or accomplish the next big step in their career. They are go-getters and have a lot going for them. But this one thing keeps holding them back – perhaps you can relate –

They hate selling. Most people do.

Sure, we all know someone born with the ability to sell sand in the desert, but they’re the exceptional few.

The majority of us find sales to be icky.

Because when someone tries to sell us a product or a service using a high-pressure, manipulative, slimy approach, we walk away from that experience covered in ick. And we don’t want to be someone who spews ick.

But you’re not an icky person.

You’re someone who stands behind your product, someone with solutions to offer, someone who solves problems and gets results.

Whether you’re interviewing for a job, making a pitch, or looking to close a deal, what you’re putting on the table is the answer to another person’s needs or desires. A transformation or positive outcome will occur if they take you up on your invitation.

I get it. To say selling yourself isn’t easy is an understatement, but if you have any ambitions, you have to get over the ick.

Remember, sales scenarios can be disconcerting — for both you and the other person! Your success is on the line. They’re on the defensive. And you’re each sensing a threat, which can trigger “fight or flight” mode.

The best way to think of selling is that you’re doing someone a service. A key part of that service is helping them feel comfortable — by having conversations, asking good questions, welcoming objections, guiding decisions, and reassuring the other person that you have their best interests at heart. There’s nothing icky about that.

Getting better at selling isn’t something you can avoid, but you can avoid the ick.

October 13, 2024