Now What?® Coaching

Category: Life Lessons

  • 4 Ways to Strengthen Your Personal Foundation

    4 Ways to Strengthen Your Personal Foundation

    After last week’s post, my inbox was flooded with questions. Which is always a nice surprise, honestly. It seems I struck a chord.

    Many of you wanted to know more about what it takes to stand strong when something comes along and tries to knock you off your game.

    I’m glad you’re curious!

    All too often, smart, capable, driven people are letting disappointments and setbacks muck up their day, throw them for a loop, and ruin their plans.

    If this is you, I know you’re sick of the disruption.

    The client you hoped to land ghosts you.
    The recruiter for that dream job sends a rejection letter.
    The folks who bought your coaching program’s credit cards are declining.
    Your new VP left you off a “big deal” meeting invite.

    And you’re SO sick of letting it all shake you up. But you don’t know what to do about it.

    4 Ways to Strengthen Your Personal FoundationYou know your personal foundation needs some work, but you don’t know how to go about building a solid one.

    I get it; you either have it or you don’t. The good news is, once it’s built, it will stand the test of time. Even when it crumbles a little, you’ll know how to piece it back together and pack it down tight.

    Here’s what it’ll take.

    1. Stop taking things personally. That might sound easier said than done, but it can be done. Because — A.) Whatever it is, it’s not about you. And B.) You’re not damaged or broken. You’re learning.
    2. Spend time with yourself. Ideally, learn how to meditate. At the very least, take three to five minutes every day to clear your mind, pause the ruminating, and think about nothing. Don’t make it hard. Start with searching for a guided meditation on YouTube. Tuning into yourself is a great reminder that your foundation is stronger than you might think; you’ve already overcome so much.
    3. Know your triggers. We all have them! We’ve had childhood trauma or negative experiences as an adult, and reminders can pull us into an emotional loop. By identifying those triggers, possibly by working with a therapist, you’ll be able to catch them sooner and avoid the spiral.
    4. Become friends with fear. Why? Because it’s never going away, so you may as well embrace it. You can let it take you over like The Blob in the 1950s horror film or brush it aside like a mosquito bite. Fear is simply trying to protect you from something; learn to listen to its underlying message and use it for good.

    There you have it. Incorporate these four tips into your life and your personal foundation will be stronger than ever. It’ll take work, but it’s so worth it!
  • What does freedom mean to you?

    What does freedom mean to you?

    I’m not sure where you are in the world, but here in the US, we’re in a season of celebrating freedom. We just marked our nation’s independence on the 4th of July and commemorated the emancipation of enslaved people in the US on Juneteenth.

    So “freedom” is in the air…

    But the true meaning of freedom goes far beyond historical triumph and jubilee. We each have a personal definition of what feels free.

    We all strive for the freedom to do, to be, and to have whatever we want.

    What does freedom mean to you?As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, operating in life as you see fit is the ideal measure of freedom.

    Freedom to love and form the relationships you want,
    Create the lifestyle that you want for yourself and your family.
    Freedom to have meaningful work and make the kind of money you want.
    Etc, etc, etc.

    Again, what does freedom mean to you?

    Here’s what it means to me:

    1. Emotional Freedom — not being controlled by my emotions or mood and having the ability to handle things easily, with low stress. Freedom to simply be and do.

    2. Freedom of Time — having control over my schedule and, most importantly, the ability to work less and make more money.

    I value spending time with family, doing fun things, and focusing on my hobbies and creative pursuits. I can’t do any of that if I’m a servant to my emotions or constricted by time-wasting obligations.

    I love looking at my schedule every day and seeing plenty of room in it while continuing to make the money I want to make. THAT is FREEDOM to me.

  • How to reach your goals without pushing harder

    How to reach your goals without pushing harder

    Do you ever feel like reaching your goals is a nearly impossible feat?

    Like you’re never going to get there, or you’re going to run yourself into the ground trying?

    I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, but it can be especially frustrating when you just can’t figure out why it’s so dang hard.

    You want the thing — the promotion, the new career, a successful business…

    And you’re going after the thing — working your tail off to make it happen…

    But progress is slow, and you honestly feel like giving up.

    Here’s what’s probably happening —

    If I had to guess, I’d say you’re PUSHING too hard.

    You’re in your head, plotting and scheming, and your ego is shouting at you to go, go, go…harder! Or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t!

    But in my experience, I’ve come to understand that pushing harder is the more difficult way to achieve what you want.

    How to reach your goals without pushing harderWhat would it look like if you were PULLED toward your goals instead?

    I’ve seen it time and time again. When people work toward something bigger than themselves, and they’re compelled to fulfill a vision, it feels easier.

    This doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles or that things won’t get rough at times.

    It means you’re EXCITED to be challenged.
    You have a big WHY that helps you get out of bed in the morning.
    It keeps propelling you forward when the going gets tough.

    I worked with someone recently who was at a PUSH to the finish line. He was trying to grind it out to retirement and finish strong. And it was like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

    Then he got laid off. Yikes. This can be a scary thing at the tail end of a career.

    However, it turns out this was the best thing that could’ve happened!

    Losing that job opened up space to go after something completely different and set new goals.

    He saw an opportunity to disrupt an industry, went for it — and, wow! Things are going better than ever. He loves what he does so much now, and he’s so engaged in the work, that retirement isn’t even part of the conversation anymore.

    He’ll be able to slow down when he’s ready, but the PULL has reinvigorated his zest for life and legacy and the impact he wants to make.

    But you don’t have to lose your job or find yourself in a bind before making the shift.

    If you’re trying to push for a result right now and it feels hard — stop.

    Think about elevating your goal.

    What’s your larger vision?
    How can you make it bigger than you?
    What difference do you want to make?

    Go deeper to figure out what will compel you to show up with enthusiasm.

    What vision will PULL you into the future?​

  • Could this syndrome be what’s holding you back?

    Could this syndrome be what’s holding you back?

    I don’t know about you, but I’ve been talking to a lot of folks lately who are finding themselves feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and underappreciated.

    Something interesting I’ve noticed is that many of these people seem to share a lot in common.

    As we’re talking, I’m hearing the same complaints again and again. There’s definitely a pattern of symptoms here.

    I’m not a doctor (and I don’t play one on TV…) but I’ve been quietly diagnosing people with what I like to call Hero Syndrome.

    If you’ve been feeling swamped with responsibility, yet undervalued for the work you do or overlooked despite your contributions, keep reading.

    See if any of this sounds familiar —

    Are you someone who…
    …everyone depends on in a pinch?
    …people only call when they have a problem?
    …has a hard time receiving praise?
    …always wants to feel wanted and needed?
    …thinks being “indispensable” is job security?
    …never seems to be recognized for your hard work?

    It might be Hero Syndrome (which is kind of like the opposite of Imposter Syndrome).

    Let me give you an example.

    One of my clients was working in research and development for a quick service restaurant company — the department that came up with new and innovative products.

    She felt like she was doing a great job, but she kept getting overlooked for promotions and had no idea why. So she hired me as her career coach.

    Hero Syndrome It wasn’t long before I discovered her Hero Syndrome.

    She volunteered for all the stuff at work that had nothing to do with her job — the company picnic, fire safety representative, you name it. She was pulled in a million different directions and totally hooked on being the go-to team player around the office.

    By making sure people had to depend on her, it meant HER needs were being met, and it felt GOOD. But it wasn’t doing a thing for her actual career!

    She told me she wanted to be known for coming up with creative and innovative ideas for the company. Instead, she was known for doing a little bit of everything.

    So we put a plan in place to clear the deck, and after about six months, she got the promotion she was seeking.

    If this sounds like you, the good news is you can turn things around too. Here’s how:
    a. Start saying no. Remember NO. is a complete sentence.
    b. Begin setting boundaries. Get clear on what you’ll accept and what you won’t, and make sure everyone else is aware of that too.
    c. Unhook from the need that keeps getting met by saying yes to everything.

    You have to clear the Hero Syndrome up! Only then will you have the time to focus on what you really want to do. This is how you’ll create the space to step into and become known for the thing you want to be known for.

  • So, what do you do?

    So, what do you do?

    Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

    Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

    Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

    Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

    Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
    a) their work isn’t their worth
    and
    b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

    But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

    I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

    And go deep with:
    “I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
    “I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
    “I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

    We are so much MORE than what we DO.

    You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

    But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

    Here’s the thing —

    You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

    So, what do you do? by Laura Berman FortgangA better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

    My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
    “I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
    – or –
    “I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

    This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

    And it works for any job.

    Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
    Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
    Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

    Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

    Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

  • Are You Appropriating or Appreciating?

    Are You Appropriating or Appreciating?

    As you’ve no doubt noticed, we’re living in a time when our words and actions are under scrutiny. Even with the best intentions, it’s possible to have an effect that we didn’t wish to make. And for some of us, this matters; we want to spread joy, not offend.

    For example, it’s LGBTQ Pride Month, and I’m shouting “Happy Pride!” from the rooftops, just as I have been since the 90s when I was nearly the only straight woman in many of the rooms I frequented — both at work and in my volunteer and activism circles.

    But these days, I recognize that just because I have a long history of living and working alongside the LGBTQ community, it’s still not my place as a cis-gendered, heterosexual woman to assume my words and actions will always be received as I intend them.

    I don’t know about you, but I want to continue learning and celebrating and elevating and growing…

    This month, I’ll wear my Pride jewelry and show my support at every turn, but I’ll defer to my peers for direction over what’s considered cultural appreciation vs. cultural appropriation. The same holds for my appreciation of Indigenous, Black, disabled, and other marginalized communities. However, I recognize that there’s a fine line.

    Are You Appropriating or Appreciating? by Laura Berman FortgangMy intention is never to hurt or offend, but to appreciate my fellow humans, show my support, and celebrate their ability to live their lives with honor.

    We’re hearing a lot about drag queens in the news. Is drag a misappropriation of women’s style? Of course not! It’s an appreciation of the female form and beauty. It’s an art form, not hurting anyone!

    I can’t help but think, we just celebrated Memorial Day — the perfect reminder that many people have died for our FREEDOM to live with dignity, respect, and honor. Not everyone is the same, and that’s more than okay!

    If you’ve been in my orbit for any time, you know I love a good show tune. What can I say? My past (and present) in musical theater continues to inspire my work.

    These songs are chock full of messages that apply to life, career, and business, if you let the lyrics move you.

    Take “Raise You Up” from one of my many favorite Broadway shows, Kinky Boots, for example…
    “Celebrate you, to elevate you, when you struggle to step, we’ll take a helping hand.” 🎶💃🏻

    That’s how I look at it, and that’s how I want you to think about whatever there is about yourself that you’re hesitating to let shine. If we all do this for ourselves and each other, what a wonderful way to be in the world!
    ​