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The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

By Laura Berman Fortgang on November 22, 2019

The post-conference photo of the office staff on Instagram had two people on the farthest right and left cut out of it. Was it a purposeful slight to those people or did the person who posted not know how to use the feature where you can pinch the screen to fit the whole photo in?

Should this be the making of an office drama? You get to decide.

Drama prone people will jump to the conclusion that fits their narrative and fears and be certain their interpretation is correct. They will begin to spin out about it. They will gossip about it, act out emotionally and perpetuate the drama with retaliatory action or building resentment, and they will poll others to gain consensus that their interpretation is correct. People who notice the photo but have no interest in drama might make another assumption or ask the posting party if the edit was intentional and help them learn how to do it properly the next time.

The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

If you love drama, gossip, feeling “in the know,” feeling powerful by building negative narratives about other people, then you either belong in politics or enjoy the adrenaline high you get from the feeling of temporary power (or both!)

This drama dynamic exists in families, workplaces, schools, social clubs, houses of worship, charity boards, volunteer groups—anywhere people gather and have to work together on projects or share common goals.

Think about it. Where would you rather spend your time? Moving a project forward or hunkering down in a gossip fest? Hey, I get it. Sometimes gossiping is fun, but let’s get serious. Ultimately we want the successful outcome of a gathering, endeavor, project, or contract.

How do we accomplish that? It’s simple; stick to the facts and question your interpretation of them.

Fact: The project is not on schedule
Interpretation A: Johnny is not doing his part
Interpretation B: Nobody cares as much as I do
Interpretation C: There isn’t timely or even enough communication between team members
Interpretation D: This is a disaster and there’s nothing I can do
Interpretation E: Maybe there is something going on with one of the team members personally that is affecting their performance

One fact, multiple interpretations. Usually the facts are pretty clear to all parties. It’s the interpretations that create the problem. We all filter what we see through our own perception based on our make-up and experience and level of personal growth. There’s a very simple solution: Ask questions. Get a handle (without accusations) on what is going on. Not everyone will be truthful, especially if asked a direct question, but you can overcome that.

Here’s a formula: Deal with the FACTS

Fact: Get everyone to agree on the fact—Do we all see the same thing? i.e. the project is not on schedule

Assumption: What are we assuming about this? What interpretation is dominant?

Check: Are there other interpretations we can assess or discuss?

Target: What do we need to do to adjust (without BLAME) and what action can we agree to moving forward?

Set: Set new targets, goals, make agreements and explore consequences of not meeting the next benchmark

Go! Move on. Be done. Don’t entertain the gossip or the drama. Don’t take the bait and get caught on drama’s hook. Your team/committee and the outcome of your project will be better for it.

The Instagram post? Fact: A couple of people were cut out. Assumption: Choose the one that moves everyone forward. Stop the drama in its tracks.

You’re welcome.

Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Filed Under: Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles Tagged With: Clarity, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What CoachingLeave a Comment

A Surprising Way to Learn a Little More about Yourself

By Laura Berman Fortgang on September 9, 2019

When it comes to crafting your resume, there are things you might overlook or take for granted.

It might be worth combining your personal attempts with an automated resume builder – at least that’s what this writer discovered. Can’t hurt to give it a try!

4 Surprising Career Lessons I Learned From Using a Free Resume Builder

A Surprising Way to Learn a Little More about Yourself through Crafting Your Resume

Filed Under: Job Change, Job Search, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons Tagged With: Career coach, Career Coaching, entrepreneurs, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What CoachingLeave a Comment

Dare to Dream!

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 18, 2019

Follow your dreamsBottom line: “Life is short. Our days are numbered, so why spend them doing something we don’t love? It’s time to make a decision to go for it.”

If you don’t try, you’ll never find out what might be possible. You have one life. Don’t miss it!

11 Reasons Why It’s Important to Follow Your Dreams

Filed Under: Following Your Passion, Inspiration to Follow Your Blueprint, Job Satisfaction, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Taking Action Tagged With: Career Coaching, career path, entrepreneurs, Following your passion, Now What Coaching, take actionLeave a Comment

Fumbling at Forty?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 29, 2019

It happens . . . things go along well for a couple of decades, and suddenly you find life has happened in unexpected ways, and you’re not sure how to enter a new career path.

Making a Career Change at 40Be gentle with yourself as you begin moving forward. Here are some things to consider to support you along the way.

I’m Ashamed of My Work History and Want to Make a Career Change at 40
 

Filed Under: Job Change, Job Satisfaction, Job Search, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Reinventing Yourself, Taking Action Tagged With: career, Career Change, Career coach, Career Coaching, career path, career transition, Change, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What CoachingLeave a Comment

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don’t Have Time

By Laura Berman Fortgang on May 14, 2019

par·a·dox
/ˈperəˌdäks/
noun
noun: paradox; plural noun: paradoxes
1. a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.

Change can’t happen without attention. Unless you just want to be on the receiving end of change . . . the stuff you can’t do anything to control. If you want to be navigating your own career, you’ll have to give time to the development of strategy and the execution.

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don't Have Time

Life is overwhelming. Careers demand more and more of our being. And still, if you don’t like how it’s going, you have to MAKE the time to go back to the drawing board.

How to make time:

  • Wake up thirty minutes early
  • Take one night a week that is sacred and cannot be scheduled
  • Drop one obligation that you’ve been meaning to give up anyway
  • Say no to one unnecessary meeting a week
  • Cook enough food for two meals every time so you can save nights of cooking
  • Outsource or delegate one household chore

What to do with that time:

  • Research options you’ve been considering
  • Make phone calls to network/meet up with people you’ve been meaning to sit with
  • Increase your exposure in your industry
  • Read a book that will guide you to decide what’s next (hint, hint: Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction)
  • Redraft your resume
  • Send out said resume
  • Start the business you’ve been dreaming about as a side hustle
  • Test the viability of an idea you’ve had

Please don’t tell me you need a change, but you don’t have time. You’ve got time for what you want to have time for. Now, you just have to want a change more.

Let us know how we can help.

Filed Under: Inspiration to Follow Your Blueprint, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons Tagged With: Change, Clarity, coaching, entrepreneurs, life coach, Now What Coaching1 Comment

Trapped With No Way Out

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 15, 2019

When all you can see is what’s right in front of you, it’s very hard to be creative. You may be painfully aware that you can’t stand what you are doing for work right now and still be utterly unable to see any other options. It’s a phenomenon that I see over and over again as I talk to people who can’t find the incentive to stay where they are but have no idea what else they could do.

Trapped with no way outSometimes it seems that a career is on a trajectory similar to a laboratory mouse which has to travel straight in a narrow lane from one end of the box to the other. There’s no way to see over the walls of the lane to other possible paths, and all you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no way out and only one way to go – straight forward – on the same path you’ve been traveling.

Of course, this is an incorrect assumption, but it is also a very hard trap to get out of on your own. The key is to understand what choices got you in the box. How did you end up with only one pathway?

stuck on the same pathIt may have been the motivation to please your family or the intent to see a strong suit through. It could have been that you had to prove something to yourself or to others or that you didn’t think you could attain what you truly wanted. There are so many reason we find ourselves cornered by our resume and can’t see any other feasible way to go.

Josh was out of work when he hired me to help him figure out what was next. He detested his old job and knew he didn’t want to go back to the same type of work, but he could not get out of the one-way lane. The salary of his old kind of work was very alluring, but he would admit that the thought of doing the same thing again was mind numbing.

It took a lot of chiseling away at the barrier he had put around the truth of what he wanted. He wanted to tap into his roots as a musician. He knew that becoming a middle-aged rock star held no promise. However, we did eventually uncover many ways to combine his musical interests and business acumen to invent a totally new direction for him that had merit and were worth pursuing. He was able to get some traction exploring different possibilities.

A complete letting go is necessary. I imagine someone holding on to a ledge “white-knuckling” it. They are holding on for dear life and won’t let go. In my fictitious scenario, it’s not holding on in order to avoid falling to great injury or death, but it is with the same tenacity that people will cling to a path even while they admit they can’t stand the thought of continuing on.

Let go. Admit you don’t know what’s next AND stop running in one singular direction. Just stop and wait. Stop ignoring what is nudging you. Listen and trust it even if you’re scared. Stop and wait. You’ll know. And then, you’ll act.

I don’t believe it when people tell me they don’t know what they want to do. I think they do know but they are just too afraid to admit it.

Can we help? Let us know! We have a team of facilitators who’d love to help you find your next direction.

Filed Under: Following Your Passion, Inspiration to Follow Your Blueprint, Job Change, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Now What? Newsletter Articles, Reinventing Yourself, Taking Action Tagged With: career, Career Change, career path, career reinvention, Change, entrepreneurs, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What Coaching, take actionLeave a Comment

Better Outcome for a Goal

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 15, 2019

Sometimes letting go of a goal can bring a better outcome than forcing yourself   to achieve  it at any cost.   Laura Berman Fortgang

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Motivational Quotes, Quotes to Live By Tagged With: achieving goals, Change, entrepreneurs, letting go of goals, life coach, Now What Coaching, outcome of goalsLeave a Comment

Purpose is Not Invented, Forced or Manipulated

By Laura Berman Fortgang on April 1, 2019

"Purpose is not something you invent, or force, or manipulate to sound good. It is something you come to recognize." Laura Berman Fortgang

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Motivational Quotes, Quotes to Live By Tagged With: entrepreneurs, Laura Berman Fortgang, Now What CoachingLeave a Comment

What Attracts Luck

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 25, 2019

"We attract luck by telling the truth and taking action on it." Laura Berman Fortgang

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Motivational Quotes, Quotes to Live By, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, entrepreneurs, Now What Coaching, take actionLeave a Comment

How to Move Forward from Fear

By Laura Berman Fortgang on March 11, 2019

"When fear is something you can embrace, you will be free to move forward." Laura Berman Fortgang

Filed Under: Inspirational Quotes, Lessons Learned, Life Lessons, Motivational Quotes, Quotes to Live By, Taking Action Tagged With: Change, coaching, entrepreneurs, facing fears, Now What Coaching, take actionLeave a Comment

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Speaker, Author, Coach

 


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