Now What?® Coaching

Category: Now What? Newsletter Articles

  • How to reach your goals without pushing harder

    How to reach your goals without pushing harder

    Do you ever feel like reaching your goals is a nearly impossible feat?

    Like you’re never going to get there, or you’re going to run yourself into the ground trying?

    I think we’ve all felt this way at some point, but it can be especially frustrating when you just can’t figure out why it’s so dang hard.

    You want the thing — the promotion, the new career, a successful business…

    And you’re going after the thing — working your tail off to make it happen…

    But progress is slow, and you honestly feel like giving up.

    Here’s what’s probably happening —

    If I had to guess, I’d say you’re PUSHING too hard.

    You’re in your head, plotting and scheming, and your ego is shouting at you to go, go, go…harder! Or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t!

    But in my experience, I’ve come to understand that pushing harder is the more difficult way to achieve what you want.

    How to reach your goals without pushing harderWhat would it look like if you were PULLED toward your goals instead?

    I’ve seen it time and time again. When people work toward something bigger than themselves, and they’re compelled to fulfill a vision, it feels easier.

    This doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles or that things won’t get rough at times.

    It means you’re EXCITED to be challenged.
    You have a big WHY that helps you get out of bed in the morning.
    It keeps propelling you forward when the going gets tough.

    I worked with someone recently who was at a PUSH to the finish line. He was trying to grind it out to retirement and finish strong. And it was like trying to push a boulder up a hill.

    Then he got laid off. Yikes. This can be a scary thing at the tail end of a career.

    However, it turns out this was the best thing that could’ve happened!

    Losing that job opened up space to go after something completely different and set new goals.

    He saw an opportunity to disrupt an industry, went for it — and, wow! Things are going better than ever. He loves what he does so much now, and he’s so engaged in the work, that retirement isn’t even part of the conversation anymore.

    He’ll be able to slow down when he’s ready, but the PULL has reinvigorated his zest for life and legacy and the impact he wants to make.

    But you don’t have to lose your job or find yourself in a bind before making the shift.

    If you’re trying to push for a result right now and it feels hard — stop.

    Think about elevating your goal.

    What’s your larger vision?
    How can you make it bigger than you?
    What difference do you want to make?

    Go deeper to figure out what will compel you to show up with enthusiasm.

    What vision will PULL you into the future?​

  • Could this syndrome be what’s holding you back?

    Could this syndrome be what’s holding you back?

    I don’t know about you, but I’ve been talking to a lot of folks lately who are finding themselves feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and underappreciated.

    Something interesting I’ve noticed is that many of these people seem to share a lot in common.

    As we’re talking, I’m hearing the same complaints again and again. There’s definitely a pattern of symptoms here.

    I’m not a doctor (and I don’t play one on TV…) but I’ve been quietly diagnosing people with what I like to call Hero Syndrome.

    If you’ve been feeling swamped with responsibility, yet undervalued for the work you do or overlooked despite your contributions, keep reading.

    See if any of this sounds familiar —

    Are you someone who…
    …everyone depends on in a pinch?
    …people only call when they have a problem?
    …has a hard time receiving praise?
    …always wants to feel wanted and needed?
    …thinks being “indispensable” is job security?
    …never seems to be recognized for your hard work?

    It might be Hero Syndrome (which is kind of like the opposite of Imposter Syndrome).

    Let me give you an example.

    One of my clients was working in research and development for a quick service restaurant company — the department that came up with new and innovative products.

    She felt like she was doing a great job, but she kept getting overlooked for promotions and had no idea why. So she hired me as her career coach.

    Hero Syndrome It wasn’t long before I discovered her Hero Syndrome.

    She volunteered for all the stuff at work that had nothing to do with her job — the company picnic, fire safety representative, you name it. She was pulled in a million different directions and totally hooked on being the go-to team player around the office.

    By making sure people had to depend on her, it meant HER needs were being met, and it felt GOOD. But it wasn’t doing a thing for her actual career!

    She told me she wanted to be known for coming up with creative and innovative ideas for the company. Instead, she was known for doing a little bit of everything.

    So we put a plan in place to clear the deck, and after about six months, she got the promotion she was seeking.

    If this sounds like you, the good news is you can turn things around too. Here’s how:
    a. Start saying no. Remember NO. is a complete sentence.
    b. Begin setting boundaries. Get clear on what you’ll accept and what you won’t, and make sure everyone else is aware of that too.
    c. Unhook from the need that keeps getting met by saying yes to everything.

    You have to clear the Hero Syndrome up! Only then will you have the time to focus on what you really want to do. This is how you’ll create the space to step into and become known for the thing you want to be known for.

  • So, what do you do?

    So, what do you do?

    Whether you’re at a cocktail party, networking event, business mixer, or your kid’s baseball practice, it never fails…

    Someone’s going to ask you THE question: “So, what do you do?”

    Considering I’m a career and business coach, you’d think I LOVE this question. But no. It bugs me too.

    Call it PTSD from when I first started out in the coaching industry — long before most people ever heard of coaching that didn’t involve Olympic gymnasts or football teams…

    Or chalk it up to the countless hours I’ve spent reassuring anxious career changers and budding business owners that
    a) their work isn’t their worth
    and
    b) their career doesn’t define their identity.

    But I think asking it at every turn is an unfortunate social norm.

    I’d much rather answer, “So, who ARE you?”

    And go deep with:
    “I’m someone who cares deeply about X.”
    “I’m someone who has devoted my life to Y.”
    “I’m someone who is driven by Z.”

    We are so much MORE than what we DO.

    You’re more than a copywriter, real estate agent, or coach. You’re a whole person with a whole life and meaning and value that has nothing to do with how you earn your living.

    But, hey — we live in the real world with real bills, and nailing our answer to “What do you do?’” can open doors and opportunities.

    Here’s the thing —

    You’re boring yourself and your new acquaintance with the same old “copywriter,” “real estate agent,” “coach” answer. We have the opportunity to share so much MORE about how we are and what we bring to the world through our work.

    So, what do you do? by Laura Berman FortgangA better way to think about it is this: what RESULTS do you create? In other words, talk about outcomes.

    My quick answer? Depends on who I’m talking to.
    “I help people figure out what they want to do with their lives.”
    – or –
    “I help coaches to raise their income and impact.”

    This makes me feel good about the difference I’m making to the world, but more importantly — it piques interest and starts a conversation.

    And it works for any job.

    Copywriter: “I wordsmith products into profit.”
    Real Estate Agent: “I help people find their dream home.”
    Coach: “I help leaders look forward to Monday morning.”

    Now you’ve got people’s attention. Throw out your title, and they’ll probably change the subject or possibly even make incorrect assumptions about what you truly do.

    Offer them a results-focused teaser, and you’re inviting them to ask more.

  • Are You Appropriating or Appreciating?

    Are You Appropriating or Appreciating?

    As you’ve no doubt noticed, we’re living in a time when our words and actions are under scrutiny. Even with the best intentions, it’s possible to have an effect that we didn’t wish to make. And for some of us, this matters; we want to spread joy, not offend.

    For example, it’s LGBTQ Pride Month, and I’m shouting “Happy Pride!” from the rooftops, just as I have been since the 90s when I was nearly the only straight woman in many of the rooms I frequented — both at work and in my volunteer and activism circles.

    But these days, I recognize that just because I have a long history of living and working alongside the LGBTQ community, it’s still not my place as a cis-gendered, heterosexual woman to assume my words and actions will always be received as I intend them.

    I don’t know about you, but I want to continue learning and celebrating and elevating and growing…

    This month, I’ll wear my Pride jewelry and show my support at every turn, but I’ll defer to my peers for direction over what’s considered cultural appreciation vs. cultural appropriation. The same holds for my appreciation of Indigenous, Black, disabled, and other marginalized communities. However, I recognize that there’s a fine line.

    Are You Appropriating or Appreciating? by Laura Berman FortgangMy intention is never to hurt or offend, but to appreciate my fellow humans, show my support, and celebrate their ability to live their lives with honor.

    We’re hearing a lot about drag queens in the news. Is drag a misappropriation of women’s style? Of course not! It’s an appreciation of the female form and beauty. It’s an art form, not hurting anyone!

    I can’t help but think, we just celebrated Memorial Day — the perfect reminder that many people have died for our FREEDOM to live with dignity, respect, and honor. Not everyone is the same, and that’s more than okay!

    If you’ve been in my orbit for any time, you know I love a good show tune. What can I say? My past (and present) in musical theater continues to inspire my work.

    These songs are chock full of messages that apply to life, career, and business, if you let the lyrics move you.

    Take “Raise You Up” from one of my many favorite Broadway shows, Kinky Boots, for example…
    “Celebrate you, to elevate you, when you struggle to step, we’ll take a helping hand.” 🎶💃🏻

    That’s how I look at it, and that’s how I want you to think about whatever there is about yourself that you’re hesitating to let shine. If we all do this for ourselves and each other, what a wonderful way to be in the world!
    ​

  • Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt?

    Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt?

    If you’re anything like most people, you’re no stranger to feeling guilty.

    For some folks, guilt is a frequent companion. They feel bad about seemingly anything and everything — whether they have a good reason to or not.

    But for most of us, guilt simply creeps in more often than we’d like.

    Quitting a job.
    Setting boundaries in a friendship.
    Refusing a request.

    It doesn’t take much to feel at least a little uncomfortable, sheepish, or ashamed about a choice we’re making, especially when we feel like we’re letting someone down.

    But here’s something we often miss —

    There’s GOOD guilt and there’s BAD guilt … and the difference matters.

    Is It Good Guilt vs. Bad Guilt? by Laura Berman FortgangGood guilt is the kind of guilt that’s telling you you might regret a decision. Maybe you’re not prioritizing the things that mean a lot to you. It’s a nudge to keep you honest and spur positive action.

    Bad guilt, on the other hand, is a nag. You’re putting yourself down: I’m not a good friend, I suck at my job, I shoulda done this, I’m bad at that — nothing but a bunch of mishegoss! It’s senseless, not doing you or anyone else any good, and just trying to keep you living by someone else’s set of rules.

    I was working with a client recently and this issue came up.

    This person is perfectly set up to step out of her job into a business that’s primed for success.

    But she feels guilty for leaving the job because other key players have jumped ship. She doesn’t want to leave her team behind, holding the bag, or leave the company in a lurch.

    Would leaving make her a bad person? Of course not!

    Bad guilt is raging here and yet, there could be an opportunity at hand. Perhaps she can work something out that’s win-win. For example, she could continue to work as a part-time contractor while she gets her bearings in her new business. But ultimately, it’s not her responsibility, and she doesn’t need to sell her dream short just to avoid that guilty feeling.

    Here’s the thing —

    You are NOT responsible for somebody else’s reaction to something that you want to do.

    Obviously, I’m not giving you the okay to do someone harm, but I am telling you to get clear about what’s happening and why you’re letting someone else’s issues interfere with your next move.

    You may have to face circumstances or deal with the fallout of your decisions or actions, but don’t let bad guilt stop you from moving forward.

  • Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

    Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first.

    Clients often come to me looking to make a career change — into a different job, different industry, or different level. Sometimes it’s a little shift, sometimes a big step up, and sometimes a major pivot.

    And it’s never easy, but always worth it. Because if you’re feeling uncomfortable and that nagging feeling that you want something more isn’t going away — it’s time to get moving!

    But fair warning: the biggest nag of all can get you into trouble if you let it.

    Want to start a business? Ask yourself these questions first. by Laura Berman FortgangI’m talking about the entrepreneurial bug — that pesky voice that’s telling you to go out on your own, hang your shingle, and do your own thing…there’s no shutting that bugger up…

    So, if self-employment is calling you, you need to take it seriously. Don’t allow yourself to make the leap into business before giving it the attention it deserves.

    Hear it out, push back, and get crystal clear on your plans for success. Skip this step, and you’ll kick yourself later. Trust me on this.

    Start by asking yourself some key questions —

    What are you selling?
    What are your specific services?, and  going to charge?
    Will you become an LLC or incorporate?
    What kind of seed money will you need?
    Who are your ideal clients and where will you find them?
    Who’s going to hold you accountable and keep you on track?

    The reality is, it takes 1-3 years to build a sustainable service business. Most likely, you’ll be chief, cook, and bottle washer for a while. You may even have to do some work for free in the beginning. There’s a lot to take into consideration…

    Are you willing to take the risks? Make the sacrifices? Do what it takes?

    You can do it, but you’ll want to go into it with eyes wide open.