Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

What “I Don’t Know” Really Means

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

“But I don’t know what I want to do!”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

“If only I knew what ‘IT’ was that I was supposed to do!”

I’ve heard all of these statements and more from seminar participants and clients. That overwhelming, anxiety-producing, adrenaline rush bordering on despair, which only someone searching for their next steps can feel. It’s very real, but experience has shown me that it is also grossly misinterpreted.

Sure, sometimes there really is not even an inkling of clarity and that usually requires more down time and stillness to get a spark to come. But for most people, I find that “I don’t know” really means “ I am too afraid to admit it”. You see, somewhere deep inside and maybe secretly expressed, is a dream, a wish, an inkling of an idea that is just too scary to admit. If you do recognize that you have a germ of a direction that interests you, then you may have to take action on it. You may have to be held accountable. You may have to give up life as you know it (suffering and all) to have it. That is HUGELY scary.

I find that “I don’t know” is a knee-jerk reaction to avoid the pain of the truth. “I don’t know” is like a shot of whiskey that keeps you numb and causes procrastination to persist. It amuses your friends or wears them out, but it serves the purpose of avoiding change.

I remember a participant at my Kripalu seminar one year who amused the whole class with her giddy repetition of the ‘I don’t know’ mantra until I finally asked her to take a deep breath and stop laughing when she said she did not know. She sobered up and once out of her adrenaline high could not longer repeat the phrase. I asked her to seriously tell us what little bit of clarity she already had about her career direction. She tried to fly off into giddiness again but I did not let her. Out it came. She admitted that she wanted to start her own business. Her husband, who was sitting next to her, instantly piped in and said: “She’s known that for years but she always has an excuse as to why she can’t do it.”

Busted! She spent the rest of the retreat weekend coming up with a plan instead of playing her ‘less than’ role of a giddy, flaky woman who did not know what she wanted.

What about you? What truths are you covering up with “I don’t know’s”? Put pen to paper and write down the truths you may be too afraid to face.

If you need a kick in the pants to do it, contact one of our facilitators or join me for the Kripalu retreat on April 29th- May 1st.

I don’t believe you don’t know. I believe you are just too scared to admit it. Tell the truth and take action. The world needs what you are afraid of doing.

CUT OUT THE MIDDLE STEP

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Four years ago, at a bookstore event, a woman asked a question about a career strategy she was hatching.  Her goal was to become a global director for the multinational company she worked for.  Her question was about her next move to attain an interim position that would get her to her goal.  Immediately, I realized she did not want that interim step but it was what she thought was necessary to get what she wanted. I recommended just going for what she really wanted instead.

I never heard from her again until a few weeks ago. She told me she had been holding that global director position since shortly after she asked that question.

Another woman had come to get some short-term coaching to confirm she had made the right career choice for herself. She was in a pharmacist’s training school.  Once we got to work it was clear that being a pharmacist was not what the woman wanted at all!  She chose that field because she felt it had job security and she could build a good financial future for herself. The truth was she was miserable and hated every minute of it.  She wanted a strong financial future, not a pharmacist’s life.

Both these women and countless others, male and female, mistakenly put a middle step between where they are and where they want to go.  Every path we take in life has its stepping stones.  No one is going to get a driver’s license and then fly an airplane.  You’d need flying lessons and getting the required hours before getting in the air.  However, there are other life steps or career steps that are not necessary but rather, mere creations of our own mistaken rules for accomplishment.

If you hear yourself thinking:  “ I need to do x to get y” think again.  Take out the ‘x’ and re-examine your strategy.  The truth is “I want Y”. The question is ‘how do I get that?’.  That is what should form your strategy.

Life will tell you if there is indeed an interim step you need, you don’t need to make more work for yourself. Take out the middle step and see how you springboard into opportunity.

REINVENTION: LESS ABOUT ADDITION AND MORE ABOUT SUBTRACTION

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

We are clearly in the Age of Reinvention. So many industries are doing complete makeovers of themselves and some are even disappearing.  The result: Those wanting to stay or become employed have to reinvent right alongside this trend or be closed out or left behind.

Publishing, automotive, retail, advertising, manufacturing.  These are just a few of the sectors that are being rethought completely. So, whether you are an executive or a line worker, things are changing and so must you.

The tendency is to think you must be more or do more or add a missing skill or edge to keep yourself in the running in this job market.  In some cases, that is true. Maybe there is a degree or a certification that has to happen, but the truth is, the next step for most people who need to reinvent is to subtract something from their approach.  It’s not about adding. It’s about subtracting!  Subtracting what’s in the way of what really lights you up. Maybe it’s even more accurate to say, while you do your math, reinvention is about borrowing….from the past.

The reinvention formula seems to be, based on our collective research and experience at Now What?® Coaching, as follows:

The PRESENT-THE DEAD WEIGHT + SOME Marginalized Passion,talent or wish from the past= NEW MOMENTUM/ANSWER TO REINVENTION

Becoming a chef after years of ignoring that passion as an unhappy lawyer ,opening a chocolate shop after being laid off from a ‘secure’ government job  or performing in a musical after being away from it for 17 years to find that the next step is to bring more performance nuance to my speeches.  (YES, my own current reinvention)

These are all examples of listening to the stirrings inside you that have been set aside in the name of logic, conventional wisdom and security.  Those are what need to be subtracted to finally add opportunity, momentum, satisfaction and maybe even joy to your life.  And these will go far to create financial opportunities as well.

Make 2011 the year of your reinvention. Let us know how we can help.

STRETCH TO REACH YOUR DREAMS

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

It’s that time of year, resolutions and new goals being set to make a leap into a new annum.  A time of reflection and renewed hope.  Nothing new to the person in career  transition .  Renewing hope is a daily, if not weekly occurrence in that case.

 As Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York City, once said, “Change is not a destination, just as hope is not a strategy”.  That statement encapsulates why most people give up on their resolutions and why career transitions can grow hopeless and come to a standstill.  Hoping is not enough. Hope and faith are important elements but they have to be backed up with action.  A LOT of action!

This economic climate can make you want to give up but that does not serve anyone. In fact, now is the time to get outrageous and become so intense in your desire for what you want to achieve that you are willing to do whatever it takes.  Calling people you don’t know.  Sending out more resumes than you thought possible.  Putting yourself in opportunity’s way by creating your own way of doing things.  Trying something entirely new because you can and because it just may work out better than more traditional venues for success.  These times are calling for a big stretch.

Here comes the other potential pitfall. Earlier it was not taking enough action, and now as your willingness to do so is hopefully growing, you have to watch for the deflating possibility of not seeing results.  At least not right away.  If something is not moving in your world despite all your efforts, you need to understand that there is much you cannot see or fathom.  How many drops of water does it take to turn a dry riverbed back into a rushing force of liquid and momentum?  How much digging does it take before you hit gold?  You may quit too early and never know if you stop believing. 

It’s appropriate to take a break and see what the wind whispers as a new strategy.  It’s OK to change direction or to let your dream change form, but .  Stretching to reach your dreams means taking the bigger action and continuing to take them battling any notion that nothing is happening even if the evidence is not immediate.

Energy moves and so keep moving your world by taking smart action.  You are sending a ripple out and you will cause change.  Think of where you’d like to be in December of 2011.  Work your way backward to today envision each milestone you had to hit to be where you want to be at this time next year.  NOW, plan your first step of 2011.  It will be bigger than you’d logically would have come up with. 

Be renewed, be refreshed and keep on reaching for your career dreams.

Based on Chapter 12 of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, “Following Your Life Blueprint®”.

PROTECTING YOUR DREAM; SET BOUNDARIES

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Stepping out and taking risks, whether it’s starting a new venture or launching a job search, is a big deal and it needs to be protected from naysayers and doubters.   Without protection, your own fears can kick in and start to dominate, reducing the amount of action you are willing to take.  No action=no results=fears confirmed=SNAFU!

What’s the answer?  Training the people around you to behave in ways that fuel you and your dream and not detract from it.  Sound selfish?  Good.  It is.  And it’s exactly what it takes to make a dream come true.

People who reach the goals they set for themselves know that they need to set boundaries that keep them and their dream safe.  Boundaries are a fancy word for ‘NO’.  You have to say no to influences that will keep you from achieving what you want.  Unfortunately, setting those boundaries means you are changing the rules in many of your relationships.  This in itself takes courage, but I can tell you, you will be better for it.

For example, Marianne was an executive who made $200,000 a year.  She had grown so tired of her work, where she had to live, and how much travel she had to do, that she wanted to make a change.  She knew moving across the country and finding new work would probably mean a salary reduction, but she did not care.  The people in her life, however, cared very much.  Her colleagues, in-laws and friends accused her of losing her mind and were very critical of her.  She began to question herself when she realized she had to stop talking about the change she was making with those that did not approve in order to stay on course.

She came to seek support only from those people in her life, even new people, who were willing to see for her what she saw for herself.  She successfully made her move and was very happy with the results.

Pulling her dream from those that wanted to tromp on it, was a form of setting boundaries.  In other cases, you might need to actually train other people on how they have to behave around you. Yes, that may mean actually telling people the truth.  Like:

“When you doubt me, it makes me doubt myself, so I won’t be asking for your opinion anymore.”

“I need to hear what’s good about this, not what can go wrong.”

“I know you count on me to be here for you when you need to talk, but right now, I need to focus on a problem of my own and need you to listen to me.”

People, like puppies, are trainable, if you are kind and persistent.  You can draw lines in the sand and keep negative influences away from you.

And in case you need one for your Thanksgiving gathering, here’s one more script:

“This is a time for being grateful for each other.  Can we save the bickering for next year?”

Based on Chapter 11 of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, “You Don’t Have To Do It Alone”.

Put Yourself in Opportunity’s Way

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Can you cause things to occur?  Can you make luck happen? 

It can feel like the odds are stacked up against you in the current economic climate and job market. In our work at Now What?® Coaching, we’ve found that once you tap into what you really want to do (despite logic or how improbable it is) the roadblocks melt away one by one as you persevere to beat the odds.  We find you CAN create your own luck.

What does it take?  Perseverance, blocking out naysayers, following your intuition against the odds and taking risks. BIG risks.

I saw the movie, SECRETARIAT, last night.  Even though I knew the outcome of the horse’s history, I still found myself completely intrigued and committed to championing the main (human) character, Penny Tweedy.  Penny was a housewife who had not been involved with her family’s horse farm for many years. When her mother died and her father was no longer able to take care of things, she stepped in.  It was her intuition, research, and tenacity that sired the success of her racehorse, Secretariat.

All the odds were stacked against Penny.  She had little experience, she was a woman at a time where ridiculing her publicly was still an acceptable tactic for her male opponents, her own husband and brother were her biggest naysayers, she did not have the money to do what she wanted to do and she was operating on her 20-year memory of her MBA studies (not mentioned in the movie), her gut and her spiritual connection to her horse.

She and her horse accomplished the impossible according to conventional wisdom.  To Penny, it was always possible and it is that conviction that is required to beat the odds. Odds, which in Secretariat’s case, were never repeated, by the way. (no horse has ever beat those times)

Putting yourself in opportunity’s way, in the most basic terms, means getting yourself out there.  Talking to people, operating like you are already successful (despite your fear and feelings of being an impostor), taking chances by asking for what you want and stretching beyond your comfort zone.

What happens when you do that is that you are putting a stake in the ground.  You are telegraphing to the ‘ethers’ and to the people in your life that you are serious and that your intention is to set the course to this particular thing happening.  When you cut off all other options, you operate differently.  You can’t afford to let fear stop you.  Life will tell you quickly if you’re wrong, but in my experience, by the time you get to this point, you are on to something that is very right for you.  Obstacles are still likely, but they increase determination instead of the opposite.

Do it.  Put yourself in opportunity’s way. Push through and watch the tides turn in your direction.  It’s not forcing results at any cost, but rather re-educating the universe, yourself and those around you as to what you are willing to have in your life. OPPortunity is UP to YOU.

Based on Chapter 10 of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, “Put Yourself in Opportunity’s Way”.  More on this topic in Laura’s upcoming “The Prosperity Plan” (January 2011)