Now What?® Coaching

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How to Stop Imposter Syndrome in Its Tracks
Do you ever feel like an imposter?

Are you sometimes afraid that someone’s going to discover you have no idea what you’re doing — that you’re not the expert you proclaim to be, you’re not as skilled as you’ve made yourself out to be, and you’re not quite qualified to be in the position you’ve found yourself in?

Maybe you’re worried that you don’t measure up somehow, so it makes you feel like you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.

Here’s what this looks like.

Them: We’d like to interview you [for a dream job]!
You: Maybe they didn’t notice I don’t have enough experience.

Them: Congratulations! We’d like to offer you the [dream] job.
You: I’ll surely be fired by Tuesday, once they figure out I’m a fraud.

Them: We’ve selected your proposal to speak at the next conference.
You: Oh no! I’m probably going to make a fool out of myself.

Them: I’m looking for a coach, and I’d love to work with you.
You: But what if I can’t help you get results, and you tell everyone I’m a con?

I’m not a doctor, but as a Master Certified Credentialed Coach with 30 years of experience, I can confidently assess what’s happening here.

Imposter Syndrome

Don’t worry; it’s not fatal to your career or success.

Most people struggle with it from time to time, and it’s entirely “treatable.”

If you feel like your Imposter Syndrome is flaring up, here’s what I suggest you do —
1. Pause and accept what’s happening. No sense in ignoring the symptoms. Denying it only makes things worse by trying to overcompensate.
2. Learn to recognize your triggers (comparisons, someone else’s recent success) and how you respond, so you can head it off at the pass. Before you go into a full-on panic, tell yourself, “This is just imposter syndrome flaring up again. Nothing alarming. You can do this.”
3. Notice your self-talk. As soon as you start beating yourself up, STOP. It may sound easier said than done, but you can tell yourself “no.” No more negative self-talk; you’re not listening.
4. Ask yourself what success looks like. Are you trying to measure up to a perfect ideal? Scratch that and aim for progress instead.
5. Keep learning. The best way to keep Imposter Syndrome at bay is to continue seeking out new knowledge and ways of doing things, evolving, and growing your skill set.
6. Celebrate wins! I can’t say enough about this. Remind your brain that you’re doing good things.
Do this again and again, every time Imposter Syndrome starts to creep up, and you’ll start experiencing it less and less.

Don’t get caught up in calling yourself an expert. Instead of thinking of yourself as someone who’s supposed to know everything, think of yourself as someone who makes it your business to learn everything you can about your particular topic of choice.

You’re not an imposter, so keep showing up as the best of who you are. You’ve got this!
October 1, 2023
Old Lessons Made New to Finish 2023 Strong

It’s hard to believe we’re already heading into the fourth quarter of 2023, but it’s coming right up.

So … how’s it going?

Would your September 2022 self be proud?
Are you on track to reach your goals?
Did you blow by your wildest expectations?
Have you made some wrong turns or hit detours?

No matter where you are now, you still have time to finish even stronger and better. You have time to focus on what you want to get done by the end of this year.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this week. As you may know, not only am I a Master Certified Credentialed Coach, but I’m also an ordained interfaith minister, incorporating wisdom and inspiration from ancient traditions around the world, into my work and every day.

This past weekend was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, followed by a 10-day period of Judaism’s High Holy Days, and this coming Sunday marks Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement or holiest day of the year.

It’s a time for reflection and renewal, introspection and connection.

A time for shedding the old and celebrating new beginnings — wishing family and friends a year filled with happiness, health, and prosperity.

As well as a time for thinking back over the past year, facing your missteps, asking forgiveness, and considering how you may become a better person in the year ahead.

Whether you take part in these customs or not, you can consider this a reminder that life is full of opportunities to begin again and move forward with renewed energy.

This weekend also marks the official first day of fall. Just like the trees shed leaves, what do you want to let go of? What do you want to make room for?

If you haven’t done it by now, maybe you didn’t really want to — so dump it!

Or forgive yourself for putting it off this long — and get to it!

Whatever you’re looking to accomplish in your career or business, the year’s not over yet. Celebrate how far you’ve come, make peace with your setbacks, and reawaken your drive to succeed.

September 24, 2023
How to Deal with Difficult People

Let’s face it; people can be difficult.

Even if you consider yourself a people person, dealing with various needs, personalities, priorities, and quirks can be challenging.

There’s always going to be conflict.

Whether it’s a tough client, boss, or coworker, your overall success and happiness ultimately depend on how well you’re able to navigate that relationship.

The good news – it’s not as hard as you might think — as long as you keep these three tips in mind:

Tip #1: In any given situation, you have two realities:

1. The facts and 2. The interpretation of the facts.
We are not always going to agree on the interpretation. Here is an example:

Person A: This stinks! I was planning to go to an arts festival; my day is ruined!

Person B: How wonderful! My lawn needed this, and now I can curl up with a good book.

We all view facts differently. When you’re dealing with a difficult person or situation, you have to remember — there’s what happened, and there’s what each person thinks about what happened. Once you’ve considered this, it’s easier to resolve any friction.

Tip #2: Follow Stephen Covey’s advice to begin with the end in mind. (That’s habit #2 in his blockbuster book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.)

People don’t like drama because they’re afraid they’ll get stuck in whatever nastiness ensues.

When you find yourself in conflict, focus on what you want to get out of it. What’s your goal? What do you want to resolve? Keep your eye on the prize, and stay focused on moving forward.

Tip#3: Avoid the word “you” unless it’s used in a positive light.

Saying “you” in the heat of conflict triggers an inflammatory response. People feel blamed and berated, and they don’t like it one bit.

Instead, frame the conversation with the word “I.” I hear you, understand, see we have a difference of opinion, and I want you to know I want to resolve this to your satisfaction.

This keeps the other person off the defensive and out of “fight or flight” mode. It allows for a reasonable conversation and coming to a resolution.

These three tips will make a big difference, and the more you use them, the more you’re able to build rapport and trust, even with the most difficult people. The next time a conflict arises, you can build on the successful outcome you created the last time. Before you know it, that person no longer ruffles your feathers because you know how to deal with them.

Remember: The customer isn’t always right. Your boss isn’t always right. And that overbearing coworker isn’t always right.

You don’t have to let difficult people walk all over you. It’s okay to disappoint people, agree to disagree, and move on. You’ll have more respect for yourself, garner more respect, and win in the end.

September 10, 2023
If Work is Your Identity

For some people, work is their identity. It’s how they measure their worth, and that works for them. It gets a bad rap, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with deriving meaning from the work you’re called to do.

Being driven by your goals can serve you quite well … until it doesn’t!

Let’s face it —

You’re never going to succeed by sitting on your laurels.

Establishing yourself is going to come with some late nights, missed birthday parties, and sacrifice.

But there’s a limit to how much good it does you to burn the WiFi at both ends and stay glued to your phone.

Making your identity all about work is likely costing you, even more than you know.

If you’re thinking of yourself as “Ms. CPA Extraordinaire” or “The best SAHM Return to Work Career Coach” or “my company’s next SVP of Marketing” 24/7/365, you might want to take a breather every now and then.

If your family and friends are constantly teasing you or complaining about your job, it can be frustrating … but they might have a point.

“All you ever do is work.”

“You always cancel on us.”

“When are you ever gonna take a vacation?”

There’s a good chance you’ve let workaholism creep in and take over.

Here’s the thing —

Even if you love what you do…

Even if you think doing more of it is your ticket to ride…

What got you here won’t necessarily get you to the next level.

Instead, you may hit a brick wall of disappointment.

Ignoring the voices – both internal and external – that say you’re working too much is a sure way to burnout.

Ignoring your personal desires and the people around you, putting everything off to a later date, means something is missing.

Maybe it’s time to reexamine what’s driving you.

Why are you making your identity about work? Look for the origin.

Did you make a vow to yourself to succeed at all costs?
Is being rewarded at work fulfilling a personal need?
Is work your source for love, acceptance, and self-worth?

What happens is work gives us all something good, but if something’s missing, that hit can become an addiction like anything else.

Once you’re aware of this, the hard part starts — lowering your standards. Yikes!

Once you know what’s lacking, you can start practicing acceptance of yourself without adhering to the highest standards.

If your identity is all about work and it’s COSTING you, this is what you need to do. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Because here’s the kicker: Eventually, you will achieve MORE by doing LESS.

September 3, 2023
Eight Ways to Beat Hibernation

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

In the United States, we have a ridiculous ritual on February 2^nd where we wait for a groundhog, in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to see (or not) its shadow as an indication to how soon spring will come. This year, he did not see his shadow and the prediction that spring will come early was announced. Now, granted this is a large country, but in my part of it, the Northeast, we’ve had a blizzard, grey days and significant cold ever since the pronouncement was made.

It’s dark, gloomy and great fuel for a good case of SAD (seasonal affective disorder). What does that have to do with career transition? It could be used as an excuse to not take any action during the last doldrums of winter. That would be a dreadful waste of time. So despite any tendency to hibernate, here are eight things you can do to be productive.

Organize—Straighten up, create systems, create a productive working environment, get things in working order. If you’ve been staring at a mess for months, it may be time to call in some help — professional or not.

Upgrade—Eliminate problems by upgrading equipment if possible. Upgrade your own behavior, if need be. Pick one thing or behavior to upgrade and do it.

Resume Work—This is a perfect time to work on your resume or your bio if you are a business owner or biz owner to be. Take quiet time, champion yourself and check in with someone who can advise or give you help.

Network—Work against the sluggish winter mood by connecting with people. Make coffee and lunch dates for business purposes and a little socializing wouldn’t hurt either. Take advantage of inexpensive networking events, too, if you have some in your area.

Take class—Wake up your brain by learning something new. Whether it’s related to your current or future career track isn’t a must. Just take anything that interests you and engages you.

Prune—Let go of things and people! Let go of clothes you’ll never wear again. Take people off your email list who you truly have no intention of connecting with. Throw out broken or useless things you keep around.

Focus—Take one aspect of your job search, research, business building or career exploration and focus on it. Try for a short period to not be concerned about multiple strategies. Just one angle to focus on will help stop any overwhelm and give you some momentum to launch into spring with.

Plan—Pull out a calendar and plot a plan for your success. Put it on your calendar when you’ll land that job. Yes, the exact date. Or put down the day you get your first paycheck in your new home based business. And then, from that date, work backwards and plan what has to happen in order to get the desired result.

So if you are feeling the snail-like effect of the winter hump, know that you can do less and honor your body’s pace but multiply your productivity moving forward with these few simple strategies.

Let me know when spring hits where you are. I’m ready!!

February 26, 2013
Milestones

by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

I’m coming off of a Mexican spa vacation and celebrating my 50^th birthday by performing my one-woman show in New York City. This year also includes my husband’s fiftieth birthday and our 20^th wedding anniversary. The teenager will get his permit this summer, the tweens are in their last moments of kid-hood, one of my parents passed the 80^th birthday mark and my mother beat a major medical challenge last year. So much to take in, so many tectonic plates shifting.

What does all that personal stuff have to do with you, the career explorer? Lots, I think. No matter what age you are at, I’m sure you have expectations about certain milestones in your life. You might have solid ideas about what should be happening in your life based on a certain age or career marker. My suspicion is those hopes could become sources of mild suffering. OK, maybe more-than-mild stress.

One of the toughest times in my life (whole story in The Little Book On Meaning) was due to what I thought should happen by the time I was thirty and I speak to people every week, young and old, who lament that their expectations about not having certain age-milestones met.

Who made these milestones up anyway?! Likely, they are based on old models of life expectancy. Clearly, there are some biological markers that we can’t avoid but science is doing a pretty good job of extending those. Nonetheless, milestones are just another human device designed to make us screwy.

The passage of time is inevitable. What you do with that time is what matters and to feel fully alive, you have to use all you have at any given time.

Bodies age, minds go soft, knowledge becomes obsolete and technology will blur it all. THAT MEANS that to stay on top of your game in the career world and in life, you have to become more and more adept at letting go of what is no longer serving you. That doesn’t mean that new is always better, but it does mean that as the rate of change accelerates, you need to stay closer to the core of who you really are. The faster things move, the harder it is to keep up if you are trying to stay on the path that someone else cut out for you but has nothing to do with who you really are.

Yes, you have to pay the rent or mortgage, but you also need to know that what makes people sick is working at something the majority of their waking hours that is essentially killing their spirit. If not their body, too.

What to do:

Take a break

Take a vaca or stay-cation. Get a break from what might be taxing you.

Evaluate what to keep

Use part of the time to do some introspection about what is worth keeping from your current work scenario (whether you can realistically put what stays and goes into concrete reality is not the point here).

Decide what you miss

Is there something you love to do or used to do that you wish you could put back in your life now?

Plan a crossover

As simplistic as it may sound, start writing a plan (yes fictitious) of how you could keep what you want and bring in more of the missing pieces into your job or life. It could mean switching careers but at this point, being realistic and worried is not pertinent.

Do one thing a day towards it

Even if you are convinced that you are beholden to your current scenario and can’t make a change, act as if you could. Take small actions daily that research possibilities, make connections and tease the fates.

You will be released.

This is one of those things that you are just going to have to take my word for. If you do a small thing a day towards making a change, even if you are not fully convinced you can or will ultimately make that change, something will give. You will find yourself with new opportunities and new relationships that may just surprise you.

There is no right time or milestone.

Ignore convention—There is no written code of what can happen by when. Yes, you want your retirement secured and you have other goals, but be honest with yourself. You have one life as far as we know so live it NOW. You may not be around to do so later!

Happy Milestone Birthday to me and let’s get living people!

January 30, 2013