Now What?® Coaching

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  • Facts vs. Feelings

    Facts vs. Feelings

    We can be our own worst enemy sometimes.

    The negative self-talk gets brutal some days, doesn’t it? As hurtful as the meanest bully on the planet.

    “Nobody likes me here. I shouldn’t have even come.”
    “That was the dumbest idea ever; no wonder it flopped.”
    “I’ll never hit my revenue goals. I should just quit and get a job.”
    “I’m the worst performer on the team. I can’t do anything right!”

    Berate yourself enough, and you can fall into a funk and get stuck there. Your thoughts and feelings are powerful.

    Why does this happen?

    It’s all due to a misunderstanding. We tend to interpret our feelings as information that is true. Likely, it’s not true.

    How do we stop?

    Check the facts. A feeling is an emotional state or reaction based on a belief. But the belief may be nothing more than a hunch – a sneaking suspicion, not necessarily based in reality and, quite possibly, totally irrational or outright false.

    Are you lying to yourself? What’s really true?

    Did anyone say they didn’t like you? Did someone tell you to leave?
    No.
    Was your idea objectively silly and predestined to fail?
    You have no way of knowing.
    Is the revenue deadline here yet?
    Then you haven’t fallen short.
    Is your performance a done deal? Could you still come out ahead?
    Give it a shot.

    Question the facts and what they mean.

    It’s true that nobody has greeted you or smiled at you. Maybe they’re nervous. Say hi!
    It’s a fact that your idea generated zero sales. Maybe the timing or messaging was off.
    The data confirms revenue is lagging far behind. Perhaps a cash infusion will prove successful.

    Getting the idea? Please don’t make a fact mean more than it does at its most basic face value.

    Am I telling you to ignore your intuition? Absolutely not. I’m referring to negative self-talk – that distracting bully, vying for power and attention, feeding on past traumas and unfortunate mishaps.

    Remember, your intuition tends to be gentle, expansive, and protective. Negative feelings, often based on fear, are more likely to be jarring, critical, and unsettling.

    When things are chaotic and out of control, stick to the facts. Focus on what’s happening right now, without projecting too far into the future. Stop, get quiet, and check in. What’s real? You’ll know.

  • Is It Time for a Reframe?

    Is It Time for a Reframe?

    You’ve probably heard that mindset can make or break you, but it’s really just about how you frame what you’re seeing.

    This has been a theme in recent coaching sessions, so I wanted to break it down.

    Think of those old black and white prints: Two people can look at the same image and see something completely different (A candlestick or two faces? A rabbit or a duck?).

    One of my clients told me she hates selling; it feels manipulative and icky to her. But that’s just one way of seeing it. As a business owner, she needs buyers.

    I see selling as a service. If I can help someone, it’s my job to speak up. When they hesitate, I ask questions and dig deeper – not to push, but to support.

    Another client felt like a failure because his career hadn’t followed a traditional path. But his perspective was off. He’d launched and succeeded in multiple ventures.

    From where I stood, he was already successful. As a coach, I could see that he was just pausing before his next big move.

    In both cases, I helped my clients reframe how they saw things, and that shift set them up for their next phase of success.

    It’s not Polyanna thinking or toxic positivity. It’s truly looking at it from a different angle.

    You have to learn how to be on your own side. If you can’t, find someone who can help. Maybe that’s a coach like me, or maybe it’s a trusted friend. The point is, having a perspective doesn’t mean it’s accurate.

    If your thinking leaves you stuck, spiraling, or playing small, it’s probably time to reframe. Sometimes we’re too close to the situation to see clearly. You need someone who can look at the same picture and point out the butterfly you’re convinced is just an apple core.

    Reframing your perspective matters, and it can change everything.

  • The Power of the Ask

    The Power of the Ask

    One of the biggest mistakes you can make in your career, business, or life might not be what you think it is.

    Most people never get what they want because they don’t ask.

    I can’t even begin to tell you how often this comes up for me, but I will tell you a quick story that illustrates the power of the ask.

    I often speak at events and conferences, and sometimes I pull a significant speaker’s fee. But, as you may know, professional speakers frequently agree to speak for free because we know how to create money-making opportunities from the stage. Every gig offers a chance to raise your visibility, expand your network, attract more leads, and sell your services.

    But when considering an upcoming conference in Las Vegas, I decided not to risk leaving money on the table. (It is Vegas, after all!) The materials didn’t mention anything about paying speakers, so I took it upon myself to make the ask – for my full speaking fee!

    It turns out that the organizers, in fact, did not have any plans to pay speakers nor did they have a budget set aside to do so.

    But you know what? They agreed to pay me anyway!

    If I hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t be getting my fee, and they wouldn’t have even covered my expenses.

    It’s as simple as that.

    Whether it’s about negotiating your salary, making a sale, gathering the information required to close a deal, or getting the help you need to take your business to the next level, nothing will take you further than the power of the ask.

    The worst someone can say is “No.” But the best move you can make is assuming they will say YES.

    Going into any negotiation, always be prepared to ask for what you want. Go in with confidence and be willing to walk away.

    What do you want? When are you going to ask? Go for it!

  • Life and Career Lessons from the Audition Room

    Life and Career Lessons from the Audition Room

    You may remember my note a few weeks ago about the Power of Joy & how it can serve as a survival tactic in difficult times.

    The headlines are still teeming with uncertainty and a whole lot of “WTF,” so I hope you’ve taken my advice to find pleasure in the things you CAN control, and that you’re doing what you can to create more of it.

    As for me, I’ve been using my time outside of work to do more of what I enjoy by using my favorite hobby as a means to endure, driven by the momentum it creates.

    This isn’t about opting out (or ignoring what’s important) but about opting IN to what helps me show up as the best version of myself, so I can keep fighting the good fight.

    What, exactly, have I been up to? Auditioning for community theater! It’s something I do occasionally, revisiting my past career as a theater professional. It’s been such a joy!

    But you know me. Even in the midst of a good time, I’ll look for the lessons, too, so I can share with you what I’ve learned.

    Here are my takeaways that you can put into practice right away.

    1. Be prepared

    Whether it’s a job interview, podcast appearance, or wedding toast, take the time to prepare thoroughly and well in advance. Practice ahead, gather what you need, and anticipate anything that might go wrong.
    Show up ready and equipped to give it your best shot. Once, my accompanist missed the mark—but I was so prepared, it didn’t throw me off. I knew that song so well, I stayed on track no matter what.

    2. Assume equality

    If you’ve prepared, you can walk in with your shoulders back, knowing you’re just as good as anyone else, as good as you need to be. Allowing yourself to be intimidated never helps. Conveying confidence is key to setting the tone, to being treated with respect, and to creating space for success. (I was an outsider, not from their usual pool of talent, but that was no reason to be intimidated.)

    3. Do your research

    Don’t show up or walk away without the information you need. Gathering details is the best way to avoid misunderstandings, insecurity, or missed opportunities. Ask questions until you’re primed for your next step. (I left knowing what the next steps were and when they’d be letting people know who was cast or not cast).

    4. Be kind

    Never make assumptions about who someone is, where they stand in the pecking order, or how they can help you. Instead, simply go out of your way to be kind, encouraging, and generous to everyone you meet. Anyone could be the person interviewing you, offering an opportunity, or making a decision that affects your future. Rudeness, dismissiveness, and haughty behavior backfire more than you know.

    I’ll keep you posted on whether or not I get the part. But either way, it brought me joy. I hope you’re also experiencing joy, learning, and growing – no matter what else is happening in the world.

  • Is It Really An Opportunity?

    Is It Really An Opportunity?

    If you’re anything like me and many of my clients, your entrepreneurial spirit sees opportunity everywhere. It’s the nature of a go-getter to view the world through an enterprising lens, which sure beats focusing on dead ends.

    But a word of caution: sometimes rose-colored glasses can make you see things that aren’t there.

    We need to be discerning because here’s the thing —

    There’s a difference between opportunity and seduction—a big one! And if you want a meaningful, fulfilling, successful career (and life), knowing how to make that distinction is a must.

    How do you know if something is a real opportunity? Well, it’s not always obvious.

    It might be exciting. It could have you fired up with ideas. And it sounds great…

    But is it a good opportunity? The only way to know is to tune into the clues.

    Let’s consider an example.

    A client recently told me about something that sounded pretty exciting. She had the opportunity to work with someone she admired—a person well-known in the business world who could’ve opened doors for her and put her in the right rooms.

    She lit up with the possibilities—the clients, the connections, the exclusive access to a community…it sounded like everything she wanted and needed to get closer to her goals.

    But the opportunity came with a hefty price tag, which made her hesitate. Something didn’t FEEL right.

    Ultimately, that’s it. That’s the clue: how you FEEL is what matters most.

    Your head looks at the potential benefits, but your gut knows when something is off. Your mind may be seduced, but your intuition kicks in when something isn’t quite right and likely too good to be true.

    A real opportunity might stir up butterflies—questions, insecurities, nervousness.

    But the cautionary gut reaction to seduction will gnaw at you and keep you up at night. (Pro tip: try to sleep on it!)

    She decided to skip this “opportunity” when she recognized it for what it was: a seduction.

    On the tough road ahead, with the prospect of looming economic uncertainty shouting at us daily, we must tune in to our intuition.

    Desperate times can make you more vulnerable to seduction. Always check in with your gut.

  • Are You Multi-Passionate?

    Are You Multi-Passionate?

    If you consider yourself multi-passionate or know someone who does, you’re going to want to read this.

    At face value, “multi-passionate” sounds like a wonderful trait to have. What could be wrong with having lots of passions – many different interests that you consider fun and exciting? The more, the merrier, right?

    Not exactly . . .

    As fun as it sounds to have lots of passions, many of my clients and the people I speak to every day are overwhelmed by their multi-passionate outlook.

    They have a myriad of interests that don’t fit in one neat box and a mixed bag of talent, experience, and abilities that open up a world of opportunities.

    Ahh . . . the possibilities!

    Being multi-passionate means your path isn’t straight or narrow; it’s one filled with options, alternatives, and potential. Sounds great!

    But it also means you can get lost in the twists and turns.

    Here’s what I recommend:

    1. Audit your interests.
      What brings you joy? Where are you most skilled? What’s the required time commitment? What’s the income potential?
    2. Consider the bigger picture.
      What aligns best with your core values? Does this option fit into this season of your life?
    3. Find the congruencies.
      Can you integrate one interest with another? How can you infuse creativity into what you’re already doing? How can you use talents and skills in different ways?
    4. Commit mindfully.
      How will you juggle everything? Do you have the time? Do you need new skills or support to handle things efficiently? How will this impact your bottom line?
    5. Find your pace.
      What’s primary and secondary, and how will you allocate your limited resources? What boundaries do you need to establish?             

    You can thrive in a multi-passionate career and life. I do it and have coached many to do so successfully.

    But if you’re not intentional about it, multi-passions can become nothing but distractions. You can’t allow yourself to get too scattered or spread all over the place.

    Success requires focus – in the moment, on one passion at a time.