Now What?® Coaching

Category: Lessons Learned

  • Spouses, Partners and MONEY, OH My!

    Spouses, Partners and MONEY, OH My!

    It’s no surprise that the topic of money comes up a lot in my work.

    After all, we are talking about livelihoods here.

    Often these conversations venture into money and relationships.

    After all, when someone is married or partnered or raising a family, their career, business, and money-related decisions affect more than just the individual. Other household dynamics need to be considered too.

    Spouses, Partners and MONEY, OH My!​ by Laura Berman FortgangBut, as we all know, money talk can be tricky.

    It’s easy to go from discussing dollars and cents (or sense!) to allowing your emotions to get the best of you.

    Can you really afford to quit your job and chase your dreams, or will that move put an unfair burden on your partner?

    Is it feasible to retire your spouse and bring him into your business to work for you, or would that make money too tight (and tensions too high!) in the home?

    Does it make sense for you to go back to work now when childcare expenses would pretty much wipe out your salary?

    The thing is, money matters — and it matters even more than we sometimes want to admit when emotions are running high.

    Unhappy in your current career?
    Wishing for fulfillment outside of the home?
    Taking on your partner’s job woes?
    Convinced the grass is greener anywhere but where you are?

    If you’re not careful, these scenarios can take a serious toll on you and your significant other.

    Stress and uncertainty around careers, business, and money can cloud your thinking, lead to irrational actions, and cause strife in your life and relationships.

    The bottom line is, you have to value what each of you brings to the table.

    You have to consider your desires along with what the other person wants, and what you both need.

    You’re counting on each other, and you may have others (children or aging parents) counting on you too.

    I’m not saying put everyone else’s priorities before yours, but I am saying to step back, look at the big picture, and realize there are more ways to think about this than you may see at the outset.

    Before moving forward with any consequential changes, what you need is clarity.

    Watch the latest video below on this topic for some specific examples of how spouses divvy up the money conversation.

  • Stop Trying Harder; Do This Instead

    It seems counterintuitive to stop taking action when you are in pursuit of something you want, but if things are not going your way, it’s time to stop doing and start BEING.

    Where male energy is about action and doing, female energy is identified as receiving or being. (That’s not to say women don’t take action!) For argument’s sake, there is a time to pull back from action and see what emerges. This is not an invitation for sloth. It’s an invitation to slow down, be patient, maybe even circle the wagon of boredom and see what rises to your conscious awareness.

    There is so much we cannot be aware of when we are in “push” mode. It’s too noisy busy, sweaty, and crowded for wisdom to prevail. That nagging ache doesn’t get our attention until it graduates to full-on pain and that echoes how we pay attention to subtle messages – only when they stop us in our tracks or cause us to surrender.

    You can avoid burnout, breakdowns, and derailments by paying attention to the signs. IF all you experience is chaos, slowing down to receive before a SNAFU is called for. You think you have to swat at the chaos like an annoying insect and get it out of your way, but truly, you just may need to let it land on you. Be still, and watch it take off and leave you without a commotion.

    Ask yourself:
    What am I too busy to notice?,
    is the message in the mess?, is trying to emerge?
    What am I too impatient to wait for right now?, and
    What matters?

    Quite down and receive … it’s ok to do so. You may just make a quantum leap after the message comes through. More is not more nor is it necessarily better. Shhhhhh.

    And if you’re in the “SHHHHHH” (as we call it at our house before a full cup of coffee has been imbibed in the morning), try this beautiful meditation I discovered in the Calm App (I don’t get anything for sharing this).

  • Career Lessons Learned from the Royal Family

    We just witnessed the end of an era.

    After a lifetime of service to her country, the reign of Queen Elizabeth II came to an end — a sad day for so many worldwide.

    We also witnessed a new beginning, as the man we’ve always known as Prince Charles transitioned into his role as King Charles III.

    Career lessons learned from the royal familyAt nearly 74 years old, he’s stepping into a job he’s been planning and training for since childhood. Talk about succession planning!

    As a career coach, I can’t help but find this fascinating.

    While most of us set out to land a job that best suits us, we often make compromises that land us where we never expected to be. We don’t always get to follow the plan we charted from the start.

    When Queen Elizabeth took the throne at age 26, she declared that no matter how long or short her life was, she was committed to being of service.

    If you’ve ever been in survival mode, you might find yourself muttering “must be nice.” Being of service is a whole lot easier if paying the bills isn’t at the forefront of your mind. But hear me out…

    If you’re finding yourself in a career conundrum right now, with no idea where to turn next, you’ll find your answer in their story.

    I know, I know — it might not seem relatable.

    But like Charles, you’ve been preparing for something all these years too. Like Elizabeth, you can answer the call to service too. Sure, you don’t have the royal family’s coffers behind you, but we’re all human, and we all have the ability to make the most of our lot in life.

    Think about it. Ask yourself:

    • What do I have? What are my skills? What is my training?
    • Where are the places I’ve been fortunate enough to be that have prepared me to be of service?
    • What are the experiences that have built my career and life to this point?

    Here’s a hint: The answers aren’t in your resume.

    Think about the big picture. Consider what you’ve overcome. Reflect on the things that made you who you are on a deeper level. This isn’t about job titles or tasks completed; it’s about who you’ve become in the process.

    We opened up registration for our new and improved (and sweetly priced) Now What?® Experience, where participants will do the “soul search” before the job search with our guidance and support. We close registration Tuesday at midnight eastern. You can still join us there!

  • How to Bounce Back from Burnout

    How to Bounce Back from Burnout

    There’s been a lot of talk about burnout lately … and rightly so.

    It’s not just some buzzword, but a very real thing that more and more people are dealing with every day.

    We’ve all been through a lot over the past couple of years, and no matter what else was going on in the news or in life, we’ve had to keep pushing — to keep the money flowing in, to keep the bills paid, and to keep our careers intact.

    It’s been intense. Even though things are a little less so now, the after effect of it all is hitting people hard. So if you’re feeling this, you’re not alone.
    In my case, I spent the past year in serious caregiver mode for two different family members. While I’m grateful that my business allowed me the flexibility to do that, I hit burnout mode — big time.

    I knew that if I didn’t pull back, my own health would be on the line. So that’s what I did, and now I’m in bounce-back mode.

    I’ve been here before — at different times, for different reasons — so the good news is, I knew what to do. Now I’ve got some tricks up my sleeve that I thought I’d share with you in case you’re finding yourself heading towards (or trying to recover from) burnout too.

    Best case scenario: Take a break. Use your personal days, medical leave, or whatever you need to do to unplug completely. And do it BEFORE your body forces you to.

    If that’s not an option — and let’s face it, it’s probably not — here’s what to do instead:

    1. Step back from people, activities, responsibilities, and obligations that are not absolutely necessary. You just have to stop, even if it’s hard, even if it ruffles feathers. They’ll get over it … or not; it won’t be the end of the world. If you don’t quit, it could be the end of you. I’m not being dramatic here; your life depends on it.

    2. Start spending more time in nature. This isn’t a nice-to-do, it’s a must-do. Put your feet in the grass and connect with the earth. Sit by the water. Find a park. Look up at the sky. Move your body. Nurturing yourself in nature calms your nervous system like nothing else. You’ll feel so much better.

    3. “Quiet quit” your job — You’re hearing a lot about this right now, and it’s not to be confused with actually quitting. In case you’ve yet to hear about this, just google it. In a nutshell, the idea is to step back and do the bare minimum at work (even if you’re self-employed). That’s one interpretation, and the other, more what the original viral TikTok video was about, is to stop letting your job win. Don’t let it consume you, your energy, your sanity, and your mind space.

    You choose which one you have to do. You won’t want to do the bare minimum forever, but do it while you’re in the process of recovering. No shame. Your survival depends on it. And the other version needs to be normalized. We, as a society, LIVE with work central to our well being.

    Put yourself first for a while, and you’ll be okay. We’re all humans, not machines. We can’t keep grinding along neglecting our self-care. It may take longer than you think, and it might not be easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

    Your career will be waiting for you on the other side — the one you have now or a new one, better suited to your well-being. When you’re ready, I’m here to help you make your next steps clear.

    P.S. Burnout can also be a sign that you’re unfulfilled in your career, or that you don’t feel like you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing. Comment below and let me know if that hits home for you!

  • Should You Soul Search Before the Job Search?

    Should You Soul Search Before the Job Search?

    Your teeth are clenched, your stomach lurches, you might even be breaking out in a nervous sweat, but you are proud of yourself for finally applying to a couple of jobs online and reaching out to two contacts that might help in your search.

    Why the nerves?

    Well, maybe you know it’s time for a change, but you can’t name what you want to do. Taking any action feels better than taking none, but will it get you anything better than you have now? Grasping at straws could lead to another mismatch, but if you take the time to do a little check in with your soul, you will sharpen your job search and get better results.

    How do you do that?

    I’m tired of hearing professional career guides talk about matching your job search to your values. Not because it lacks validity, but more so because the guidance is vague. There is so much more to the “soul search” part of the job search. It’s about you knowing yourself deeply, and then trusting that you can get the world to respond in kind. I find that once you know who you are, what you’re built to do, and what you want, it’s not that hard to make it happen successfully. (Sometimes, even where you are already working!)

    Here are some things to be mindful of:
    • Triggers/Needs:
      You’re human. Your unresolved “stuff” is going to get in the way no matter where you work. Name them to master them.
    • Themes of Success:
      What is repeatable? Where do you easily get results?
    • Themes of Challenges:
      What are the things that grow you and stretch you? Are they surmountable?
    • Your “Artistry”:
      Your “special sauce.” The stuff that no one else can do.
    • The Outdated Motivator:
      MOST of us got where we are to overcome something or prove something that got planted in you as a reaction to something negative a verrrrrry looooooong time ago. You’ve got to recognize it, decide if that motivation still serves you. (HINT: not likely) Replace it with something empowering. Something you can create a future on instead of just reacting to the past.

    What you’re good at isn’t always what you’re meant to do, and so many of us are still using the paper road map we were guided by in high school and college. It’s outdated! You need to fine tune your GPS. Don’t skip this step.

    Join our next Career Clarity REBOOT September 12-16th (with bonus days September 17th and 18th)

  • Social Media Brown Out

    Social Media Brown Out

    August 1st ends my month-long social media blackout. I successfully took a full break from creating any content or outreach via social media or email, and it was an energizing exercise! That part of the break was easy. The harder part was staying off social media altogether. So, honestly, it was a brown out.

    I purposely took the social media apps off my phone, so access was not immediate. Nonetheless, the addiction ran deep. I cut my screen time by more than half, but I still found myself taking the extra steps to access the apps and take a look. I posted a few stories on my Instagram just because it was fun.

    The reason I took a break, which I shared in my last newsletter, was to recover from caregiver burnout. My body was in constant fight or flight mode, and I did find it very helpful to reduce the adrenaline/dopamine hits that checking in constantly can cause.

    What I Learned:
    • Less is More: My Instagram grew more in the month I only posted stories (no reels, no posts) and held followers better than the previous month where we were posting almost daily.
    • Lost My Ability to Sit Still: Although checking social media on my phone was WAY down, I still did it. It was a constant itch I wanted to scratch, and I’m not happy about that. I regularly meditate and take THAT time, but WOW, was it eye-opening to see how I’m addicted to my phone!
    • Social Media is Social: Part of checking in on social media when I said I wouldn’t was because I missed people. Social media has become a way to be up-to-date on people I know and care about (at least the part they share publicly). It is a fact of our society that there just aren’t enough hours in our modern life days to call, write, or spend a lot of time checking in with those we care about. For example, my oldest kid is deep into his new career success, and social media lets me know more than a phone call would yield right now.
    What I’ll Change:
    • I’m not putting the apps back on my phone. Making it harder to access is working in checking less often and being more present.
    • Posting for business can take on a new pace; one that works for me instead of being a slave to the “shoulds” and the algorithms.
    • I will pay more attention to burnout signs like constant “fight or flight” states and an inability to stay on task. I’ll take more unapologetic and full breaks BEFORE it becomes a crisis.

    Like everything I share, I hope this helps you think about your social media consumption, and the load you are carrying during these incredibly challenging times.

    Please know you’re not alone. Here is another article that might interest you on coping with burnout.