Ghosted: Job Search Edition

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Looking for a job opportunity in the digital age is like dating in the digital age. You scroll, you swipe right, you wink, you might even “hook up” (interviews) and then … ghosted.
No response.
No indication of what went wrong.
Just silence.
Not that blissful experience of standing on a mountain taking in the vast expanse. No.
It’s the harsh, still crash into a wall of uncertainty.

Job Search How to cope?

First, understanding what you’re feeling may be helpful to moving past it and getting back on track to finding employment. Rejection is not a good time. It hurts, it’s confusing when you think you’re doing everything right, and it’s scary because the clock is ticking on your ability to go without an income.

Rejection kicks up shame, but most importantly, it lock jambs your emotional system. You set out with hope and an idea of what could be possible if that job works out. Then, every blocked path strips you of those good feelings. No wonder we get depressed and want to give up.

Please don’t.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Being good to yourself doesn’t mean indulging in binge watching shows or staying in your jammies all day. It means not being hard on yourself about your state of affairs, and it means putting a structure to your days that keeps you healthy and engaged. Eat right, do some exercise, have social contact to look forward to, and make a structured “work time” to do your job search as a task and not an “if I get to it today” item.

It also means increasing your self-care to the levels it might not have been at while you were employed and busy (meditation, yoga, walks, biking — whatever makes you feel centered and at ease).

NETWORK
In addition to watching job postings and applying for them, get out to industry events or other gatherings that will expand your network. Having a warm contact is always better than no contact, and you never know how putting yourself in opportunity’s way will help you.

GET SUPPORT
To get through the emotional roller coaster and for brainstorming strategies, it might serve you to look for like-minded people in a career-oriented forum. All it takes is googling ‘career support group’, a dose of courage, and a slice of “humble pie.” The benefits are likely to be that you’ll discover you’re not alone, that you may be in a better scenario than you thought, and that you’ll gain some strategies or at least some camaraderie.

MIND YOUR KEYWORDS*
Research the companies you are applying to and start adding more of the company’s language (even industry jargon) to your cover letter and resume. Get more hits by improving your keywords to those that will be caught by the ATS (applicant tracking system). Also, become more specific on your resume. Watch for too much generalization. Instead of saying: “Created system that saved millions for our department,” say instead: “Created a multi-faceted system that reduced costs by 40% ($2.5 million) and increased productivity by 20%.”

As with dating, there is no better remedy to the uncertainty and delicate state of your needs and desires than to take your power back and keep your ship steady and pointed in the direction you want to go. Stop letting the tides and whims of others and the job market sink your emotional ship. Stay buoyed by these tips, and when you feel desperate, keep your head up and double the job search action you are taking. I can’t promise you’ll never be ghosted, but I do know you can even out the collateral damage to your self-esteem and improve your job search success.

Good luck and let us know how we can help: lbf@nowwhatcoaching.com

*Help for minding keywords: Wordclouds.com

This Will Be the Year I Enjoy the Holidays

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Every year, I set out in mid-November to “enjoy the holiday season.” To me, that means not rushing, stressing, and feeling pulled to complete so many obligations. Instead, I imagine watching as many corny Christmas movies as I want, wrapping gifts with time to spare, being done with shopping before the stores swell with holiday shoppers, and really relishing the time with friends and family. Well, hahahaha (or should I say Ho Ho Ho?) It never happens.

BUT…

This year, I’m on track to really do this.

Running for office left me with a very open calendar in November and December because I didn’t know if I’d be training for taking office, finding staff for a January inauguration, and setting up my life for this new honored position. With the results not being what I’d hoped, I had November and December available to me like never before.

It seems so obvious, but what was wrong all those other times, (and even what was wrong with my coaching advice for years) was that being concrete about where one could say “no” is just not enough. It’s enough to help enjoy the holi-DAY, a special event here or there, but not enough to create a season that is really fun and joyful.

This Will Be The Year I Enjoy the Holidays by Laura Berman FortgangShopping early enough to avoid crowds, taking my time with all the things that used to be last minute, really indulging in connecting with people who want to get together before the year is out, and having the time to plan and strategize the new year has been like pressing “pause” on the usual holiday chaos. It’s truly a pleasure.

This year’s schedule was an unintended bonus, and I now know what it feels like to have the holiday season I’ve always intended. Once we feel it, we have sense memory. Our body remembers, and so will our cognitive memory. We can’t unknow what we now know!

So, if I were to make this repeatable and shareable so you can do it too, I’d say:

  • Move a lot of your business planning to early fall.
  • Keep your days light in November and December (allows for spontaneity).
  • Take advantage of stores being open very early (before work or right after school drop off!)
  • Bake your goodies early and freeze them.
  • On any night that you cook, make double so you’ve saved yourself time another night.
  • Decorate early too. It feels like holiday longer!
  • Chill. Just ratchet down the holiday hysteria and give up perfection … it ain’t happening!

I hope there’s still time to put this in place for the last two weeks of the year, but if not, start planning for the next. It takes that much intentionality. I promise it’s worth it.

And while you’re at it, planning your new year should include our Now What? Home Study Kit if you are up for a career shift.

The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

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The post-conference photo of the office staff on Instagram had two people on the farthest right and left cut out of it. Was it a purposeful slight to those people or did the person who posted not know how to use the feature where you can pinch the screen to fit the whole photo in?

Should this be the making of an office drama? You get to decide.

Drama prone people will jump to the conclusion that fits their narrative and fears and be certain their interpretation is correct. They will begin to spin out about it. They will gossip about it, act out emotionally and perpetuate the drama with retaliatory action or building resentment, and they will poll others to gain consensus that their interpretation is correct. People who notice the photo but have no interest in drama might make another assumption or ask the posting party if the edit was intentional and help them learn how to do it properly the next time.

The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

If you love drama, gossip, feeling “in the know,” feeling powerful by building negative narratives about other people, then you either belong in politics or enjoy the adrenaline high you get from the feeling of temporary power (or both!)

This drama dynamic exists in families, workplaces, schools, social clubs, houses of worship, charity boards, volunteer groups—anywhere people gather and have to work together on projects or share common goals.

Think about it. Where would you rather spend your time? Moving a project forward or hunkering down in a gossip fest? Hey, I get it. Sometimes gossiping is fun, but let’s get serious. Ultimately we want the successful outcome of a gathering, endeavor, project, or contract.

How do we accomplish that? It’s simple; stick to the facts and question your interpretation of them.

Fact: The project is not on schedule
Interpretation A: Johnny is not doing his part
Interpretation B: Nobody cares as much as I do
Interpretation C: There isn’t timely or even enough communication between team members
Interpretation D: This is a disaster and there’s nothing I can do
Interpretation E: Maybe there is something going on with one of the team members personally that is affecting their performance

One fact, multiple interpretations. Usually the facts are pretty clear to all parties. It’s the interpretations that create the problem. We all filter what we see through our own perception based on our make-up and experience and level of personal growth. There’s a very simple solution: Ask questions. Get a handle (without accusations) on what is going on. Not everyone will be truthful, especially if asked a direct question, but you can overcome that.

Here’s a formula: Deal with the FACTS

Fact: Get everyone to agree on the fact—Do we all see the same thing? i.e. the project is not on schedule

Assumption: What are we assuming about this? What interpretation is dominant?

Check: Are there other interpretations we can assess or discuss?

Target: What do we need to do to adjust (without BLAME) and what action can we agree to moving forward?

Set: Set new targets, goals, make agreements and explore consequences of not meeting the next benchmark

Go! Move on. Be done. Don’t entertain the gossip or the drama. Don’t take the bait and get caught on drama’s hook. Your team/committee and the outcome of your project will be better for it.

The Instagram post? Fact: A couple of people were cut out. Assumption: Choose the one that moves everyone forward. Stop the drama in its tracks.

You’re welcome.

Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.
Eleanor Roosevelt

A Surprising Way to Learn a Little More about Yourself

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When it comes to crafting your resume, there are things you might overlook or take for granted.

It might be worth combining your personal attempts with an automated resume builder – at least that’s what this writer discovered. Can’t hurt to give it a try!

4 Surprising Career Lessons I Learned From Using a Free Resume Builder

A Surprising Way to Learn a Little More about Yourself through Crafting Your Resume

Dare to Dream!

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Follow your dreamsBottom line: “Life is short. Our days are numbered, so why spend them doing something we don’t love? It’s time to make a decision to go for it.”

If you don’t try, you’ll never find out what might be possible. You have one life. Don’t miss it!

11 Reasons Why It’s Important to Follow Your Dreams

Fumbling at Forty?

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It happens . . . things go along well for a couple of decades, and suddenly you find life has happened in unexpected ways, and you’re not sure how to enter a new career path.

Making a Career Change at 40Be gentle with yourself as you begin moving forward. Here are some things to consider to support you along the way.

I’m Ashamed of My Work History and Want to Make a Career Change at 40
 

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don’t Have Time

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par·a·dox
/ˈperəˌdäks/
noun
noun: paradox; plural noun: paradoxes
1. a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.

Change can’t happen without attention. Unless you just want to be on the receiving end of change . . . the stuff you can’t do anything to control. If you want to be navigating your own career, you’ll have to give time to the development of strategy and the execution.

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don't Have Time

Life is overwhelming. Careers demand more and more of our being. And still, if you don’t like how it’s going, you have to MAKE the time to go back to the drawing board.

How to make time:

  • Wake up thirty minutes early
  • Take one night a week that is sacred and cannot be scheduled
  • Drop one obligation that you’ve been meaning to give up anyway
  • Say no to one unnecessary meeting a week
  • Cook enough food for two meals every time so you can save nights of cooking
  • Outsource or delegate one household chore

What to do with that time:

  • Research options you’ve been considering
  • Make phone calls to network/meet up with people you’ve been meaning to sit with
  • Increase your exposure in your industry
  • Read a book that will guide you to decide what’s next (hint, hint: Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction)
  • Redraft your resume
  • Send out said resume
  • Start the business you’ve been dreaming about as a side hustle
  • Test the viability of an idea you’ve had

Please don’t tell me you need a change, but you don’t have time. You’ve got time for what you want to have time for. Now, you just have to want a change more.

Let us know how we can help.

Trapped With No Way Out

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When all you can see is what’s right in front of you, it’s very hard to be creative. You may be painfully aware that you can’t stand what you are doing for work right now and still be utterly unable to see any other options. It’s a phenomenon that I see over and over again as I talk to people who can’t find the incentive to stay where they are but have no idea what else they could do.

Trapped with no way outSometimes it seems that a career is on a trajectory similar to a laboratory mouse which has to travel straight in a narrow lane from one end of the box to the other. There’s no way to see over the walls of the lane to other possible paths, and all you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no way out and only one way to go – straight forward – on the same path you’ve been traveling.

Of course, this is an incorrect assumption, but it is also a very hard trap to get out of on your own. The key is to understand what choices got you in the box. How did you end up with only one pathway?

stuck on the same pathIt may have been the motivation to please your family or the intent to see a strong suit through. It could have been that you had to prove something to yourself or to others or that you didn’t think you could attain what you truly wanted. There are so many reason we find ourselves cornered by our resume and can’t see any other feasible way to go.

Josh was out of work when he hired me to help him figure out what was next. He detested his old job and knew he didn’t want to go back to the same type of work, but he could not get out of the one-way lane. The salary of his old kind of work was very alluring, but he would admit that the thought of doing the same thing again was mind numbing.

It took a lot of chiseling away at the barrier he had put around the truth of what he wanted. He wanted to tap into his roots as a musician. He knew that becoming a middle-aged rock star held no promise. However, we did eventually uncover many ways to combine his musical interests and business acumen to invent a totally new direction for him that had merit and were worth pursuing. He was able to get some traction exploring different possibilities.

A complete letting go is necessary. I imagine someone holding on to a ledge “white-knuckling” it. They are holding on for dear life and won’t let go. In my fictitious scenario, it’s not holding on in order to avoid falling to great injury or death, but it is with the same tenacity that people will cling to a path even while they admit they can’t stand the thought of continuing on.

Let go. Admit you don’t know what’s next AND stop running in one singular direction. Just stop and wait. Stop ignoring what is nudging you. Listen and trust it even if you’re scared. Stop and wait. You’ll know. And then, you’ll act.

I don’t believe it when people tell me they don’t know what they want to do. I think they do know but they are just too afraid to admit it.

Can we help? Let us know! We have a team of facilitators who’d love to help you find your next direction.