Now What?® Coaching

Category: Reinventing Yourself

  • Step Into a New Role for the Holidays

    Step Into a New Role for the Holidays

    The holidays are upon us, which brings in a season of joy and celebration for many.

    Happy Hanukkah to those who are celebrating with me this week!

    But let’s face it: this can also be a season of anxiety and gloom.
    I’m not talking about the usual reasons for the holiday blues here, but a different kind of grief — the kind where you’re lamenting another year stuck in a job you hate and already dreading the moment you turn off your “Out of Office” message come January.

    If the thought of heading into the new year as the same old you makes you want to go into hibernation, bear with me (no pun intended!) — I have some ideas!

    Figuring out what you want to do with the next season of your life and how to move forward isn’t easy, especially when you feel stuck. But it’s only confusing because you’re not looking deep enough.

    Cracking the code is like cracking an egg.

    There’s the shell or outside layer: your title, rank, salary, perks, benefits, and perceived status — all things that can be taken away at any moment.

    Then there’s the yoke or inner part: your knowledge, experience, confidence, resilience, and substance — the things you carry with you anywhere you go.

    It’s what’s inside that counts! But the shell prevents you from recognizing what matters most.

    You look in the mirror and see who you appear to be on the outside — an accountant, a lawyer, a project manager, a VP of sales — and can’t imagine showing up as anyone else.

    Staying with the holiday theme, it’s like the role we tend to take on within our family structure during the holidays — the drama queen, the people pleaser, the black sheep, the mother hen, the devil’s advocate, the perfectionist.

    When we gather in old familiar company, we often revert to old habits and the way people have always seen us. But it doesn’t have to be that way, so I want you to try something new . . .

    Step Into a New Role for the Holidays by Laura Berman Fortgang1. Take out a sheet of paper.

    2. Write down the role you tend to fall into around the holidays, how your family perceives you.

    3. Write down who you really are.

    Ex: They see me as a people pleaser, but I have boundaries and opinions and can say no.

    4. Maintain your awareness and don’t react as usual.

    Ex: A “people pleaser” would apologize, but I did nothing wrong. I’ll take a deep breath instead.

    5. Love your old self in the old role. Love your old self enough to heal her/him and let her/him go.

    6. Start showing up in your new role — unapologetically you!

    Once you start cracking the shell of who you’ve always been, you’ll get a glimpse of who you are at your core — someone with so much more to offer. You have the power to change.

    Are you a “financial analyst” or are you someone who is a meticulous researcher and sharp trend spotter with the ability to develop striking insights that would come in handy if you wanted to become a real estate broker?

    Are you a “Director of HR” or someone with strong conflict management skills and a high level of empathy? Maybe your next role is to become a licensed marriage and family therapist.

    It’s time to figure this out.

  • Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose?

    Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose?

    I’m working with a C-suite executive at a mid-sized company, and the organization is going through some changes. Given his position, my client is privy to what’s happening and savvy enough to see the writing on the wall — what’s coming down the pike doesn’t look good, and his days may be numbered.

    We agreed that it’s time to start exploring other opportunities. And that’s when it became clear that his confidence was shaken.

    “Maybe I should target VP roles,” he said. “Perhaps a senior director position at a bigger company makes sense. Should I step out of leadership and go into consulting? I think I should cast a wide net.”

    Here we go again, I thought. I’m never surprised but always disappointed when this happens.

    I’m sitting across from a brilliant, driven, highly-accomplished C-suite executive, and just because his employer is taking an unexpected turn, he’s suddenly questioning his status and worth.

    So I asked him: “Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?”

    It’s a powerful question. One of my coaches has asked me! What about you? Are you playing to WIN? Or are you playing not to lose?

    Are You Playing to Win or Playing Not to Lose by Laura Berman FortgangBecause let me tell you what I know for sure, as I did with him…

    Volunteering to step down a few rungs on a ladder you’ve already climbed is playing not to lose.

    Looking for a lower-level role through a lower-risk search is playing not to lose.

    Taking a pay cut to avoid the competition is playing not to lose.

    Playing not to lose is accepting less than you deserve, which is a guaranteed “L” by any meaningful measure.

    Here’s how my client can play to win instead —
    Leverage his C-suite experience to land an even better position.

    That goes for you too —
    If circumstances threaten to bring you down, aim higher.

    Never sell yourself short. Kick it up a notch! Shoot for the ultimate. What do YOU want? 
    • A job at a bigger organization with higher pay, excellent benefits, and more support.
    • A position that fosters growth and prepares you for the next level.
    • A seat at the table with more visibility and a chance to make a name for yourself.
    • An opportunity to make an impact and leave a legacy.
    • A role that values your expertise more than your time and presence, so you can prioritize life outside of work.

    It’s up to you. What do you want to WIN? Challenge yourself to go after that.

    Too many people mistake aiming lower for taking the easier route with less risk. But playing not to lose never wins.

  • Listening to the Nudge

    Listening to the Nudge

    Do you ever get a nudge, but you’re unsure if it’s meant for you?

    Your gut, your intuition, or maybe even a higher power seems to be poking at you, trying to get a message through … or maybe not…

    A bright shiny idea is calling your name. An alluring new prospect practically falls in your lap.

    You’re drawn to a radically different path with no obstacles in sight.

    Something’s trying to tell you something … or is it?
    Things are going well. Should you risk rocking the boat to change course?

    Is now the time to look for your next job? Launch a brand-spanking new offering? Bring that inkling of a book to life?

    How do you know if it’s really opportunity knocking or just a distraction?

    Here’s how I help people figure out if the thing is worth pursuing.

    Start by writing down everything that’s irking you and follow it up with the opposite that you’d rather have.

    For example:

    Listening to the Nudge by Laura Berman FortgangA. I’m bored with my current roster of clients.
    B. I want new clients with their sights set on bigger goals.

    A. I feel uninspired at work every day.
    B. I want a job with an organization committed to making an impact.

    This is one of the tried-and-true exercises in my Now What? book and program.

    The idea is to gain crystal clarity about what you don’t want anymore, so you can recognize what you want next.

    Does the thing nudging at you align with what you want?
    If yes, then go for it!
    If not, then reconsider.

    You don’t have to scrap everything you’re currently doing to chase after anything new. It’s less scary this way!

    Weigh your options. Feel it out. See if it’s really a fit.

    Then, as you give it a go — under the radar or on the side — check your momentum periodically.

    Are you still fired up about it? Are you making progress? Is the thing still pulling you? Is it opening up doors?
    If yes, walk through them.

    Are you hitting roadblocks every step of the way? Is it draining you more than it’s filling you up?
    Then consider moving on to whatever else is next.

    When something is nudging you, I don’t want you to ignore it. Honor it with the attention it deserves. But I also want to caution you against jumping all in every time.

    Sometimes you can get nudged in the wrong direction.

    Always ask yourself: What do I want to move away from? What do I want to move toward?

    Find your bearings and keep moving forward.

  • How to Sell without the ICK

    How to Sell without the ICK

    This isn’t easy, but it can’t be avoided.

    I talk to smart, talented, capable people who find themselves stuck every day, and almost every one of them has this one thing in common.

    They want to grow a business or accomplish the next big step in their career. They are go-getters and have a lot going for them. But this one thing keeps holding them back – perhaps you can relate –

    They hate selling. Most people do.

    Sure, we all know someone born with the ability to sell sand in the desert, but they’re the exceptional few.

    How to Sell without the ICK by Laura Berman FortgangThe majority of us find sales to be icky.

    Because when someone tries to sell us a product or a service using a high-pressure, manipulative, slimy approach, we walk away from that experience covered in ick. And we don’t want to be someone who spews ick.

    But you’re not an icky person.

    You’re someone who stands behind your product, someone with solutions to offer, someone who solves problems and gets results.

    Whether you’re interviewing for a job, making a pitch, or looking to close a deal, what you’re putting on the table is the answer to another person’s needs or desires. A transformation or positive outcome will occur if they take you up on your invitation.

    I get it. To say selling yourself isn’t easy is an understatement, but if you have any ambitions, you have to get over the ick.

    Remember, sales scenarios can be disconcerting — for both you and the other person! Your success is on the line. They’re on the defensive. And you’re each sensing a threat, which can trigger “fight or flight” mode.

    The best way to think of selling is that you’re doing someone a service. A key part of that service is helping them feel comfortable — by having conversations, asking good questions, welcoming objections, guiding decisions, and reassuring the other person that you have their best interests at heart. There’s nothing icky about that.

    Getting better at selling isn’t something you can avoid, but you can avoid the ick.

  • Harvesting Results in Q4

    Harvesting Results in Q4

    Fall is always an interesting time of year in business.

    Sometimes the summer slowdown lulls us into lazy mode or propels us into panic. You might be asking yourself, “Will things really pick up?”

    Here’s what I have to say about that: I hope you enjoyed a nice vacation but kept the leads flowing and your options open — because it’s now that the harvest should be plenty!

    Harvesting Results in Q4 by Laura Berman FortgangLanding into the hustle and bustle of Fourth Quarter can sneak up on us if we haven’t planted seeds or laid the groundwork for what should be a busy season ahead.

    Fall is meant to be a time to harvest the hearty fare that helps us through the winter — pumpkins, squash, and sweet potatoes — and plant our next round of seeds before the first frost — things like kale, cabbage, and spinach.

    Ok, so we might not be gardeners, but we all work in cycles and stints. We all need to prepare, plant, grow, nurture, cultivate, harvest, and do it all over again and again.

    Remember, we only get to reap the benefits of what we’ve sown throughout the year. Putting in the work year-round is the surest way to thrive.

    Whether you’re in a job search, navigating your next step on the career ladder, or building your business, Q4 is a time ripe with opportunity. The holidays will be here before we know it!

    Don’t fall back; keep moving forward.

  • More Lessons From My Hobby

    More Lessons From My Hobby

    Over the past year or so, I’ve started a new hobby.

    And I think this one might surprise you: I’m flipping furniture! (unless you’ve been around and read my previous article on this.)

    You read that right. Here I am — a busy business owner, coaching executives and entrepreneurs — and I’ve made time for something entirely new that has nothing to do with my business.

    Highly recommended: 10/10

    Not only do I enjoy this hobby, but I’m also learning a great deal from it.

    If you’re not familiar with furniture flipping, it’s when you take an outdated piece or lackluster antique nobody wants, and give it a second life. I either refurbish it back to its original beauty or update it with a whole new look.

    I’m having a blast, and here’s something interesting I’ve noticed —

    More Lessons From My Hobby by Laura Berman FortgangFurniture flipping is highly creative, fun, and incredibly satisfying. But most of the work is in the preparation — fixing and re-fixing cracks, stripping, sanding, and priming.

    It’s 90% hard work and 10% art, which is a great analogy for owning a business or creating success in anything worthwhile.

    We’re passionate about delivering the coaching, training, speaking, or product — that signature thing you enjoy most. But 90% of business is the marketing, sales, operations, tech, and management — the prep work. And let’s be honest; sometimes it feels like a whole lot of drudgery. (Maybe that’s why it’s called ‘work’!)

    But to be successful in business requires a willingness to put in that prep work — with enthusiasm! You have to be willing to prepare and prepare and prepare before you get to deliver your art.

    This may have come as a surprise when you started your business. Or you may be you’re even in a job search. However, it doesn’t take long to realize there’s mountains of prep work to be done before you get to the fun part.

    The challenge becomes making the hard work fun.

    Here’s what I mean —

    When I’m working on a piece of furniture, something often sets me back right before I get to the best part. I’m mixing my paint, looking forward to watching the smooth new finish come to life, and I notice another crack…which means adding more filler, sanding, and priming all over again.

    I can label these setbacks as a pain in the ‘you know what’ or I can choose to embrace them as part of the journey. Settling in, focusing on what’s right in front of you in the moment, and rolling with the obstacles will help you feel more aligned and full of purpose.

    The final product is always better because you took good care to do it right and gave it the attention it deserved.

    So, my advice is to expect the hiccups, stumbling blocks, and complications along the way. Recognize it all as integral to your craft and key to delivering the goods.

    How can you fall in love with the 90% before you get to the fun and most rewarding part?