Reinventing Yourself

Why Aren’t You Showing Up for Yourself?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on August 11, 2024

A couple of weeks ago, an organization notorious for not offering compensation to their speakers asked me to speak. I almost turned them down, but then I remembered something important.

As a business owner, it’s my job to ask for the money. When I don’t ask for what I’m worth, I’m hiding behind assumptions and counting myself out before I’ve even tried.

I decided to show up for myself and ask for my fee – and they paid for it! This is unheard of with these guys, so it made me wonder: How often am I still counting myself out by not showing up, even though I know better?

I see it every day, coaching people who want to accomplish big goals. They wouldn’t be working with me if they weren’t looking to make a change.

But sometimes I look around and don’t see them showing up . . . anywhere near where they said they wanted to be!

We talked about the plan established in our last meeting, looked closely at the stated to-dos, and found they were nowhere to be found. Missing in action.

That networking event she said she’d attend? No show.

The newsletter he promised to send? No go.

The cold calls, the outreach emails, the referral follow-up, the job application, the workout, the difficult conversation — no sign of them anywhere getting any of it done.

Instead, I find them hiding — behind excuses — somewhere we all find ourselves, sometimes way too comfortable, caught up in distractions, responsibilities, and busy work.

When we don’t show up, we subtly (or not so subtly!) abandon ourselves.

As a coach, it’s my job to help you see this. But I can’t show up for you; this is something you have to do for yourself.

Here’s what I recommend when showing up doesn’t come easy.

Trick yourself. Make it bite-sized. Do something. Show up in some small way.

Go to one networking event, and give yourself permission to leave after 10 minutes.

Spend 10 minutes writing a newsletter, and send it to your best friend.

Once you step beyond the excuses, knock off the jitters, and crack the seal on the safety wrap keeping you stuck, you’ll start to see that showing up isn’t so hard. Even when it’s not easy, it is worth it. Every time you feel the cement block on your feet, chip away at it.

Do a little bit, and it will turn into wanting to do a lot more.

Do This To Replace Toxic Positivity

By Laura Berman Fortgang on July 7, 2024

I have a confession to make: I’m not a big fan of positive thinking.

People often find this surprising because — after all — the self-help industry is rife with coaches who promote the power of positive thinking.

Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me, but expecting things to go well just because you’ve decided to be happy and hopeful — well, it doesn’t quite cut it. Call me cynical, but believing optimism will work magic is simply too airy fairy for my sensibilities.

For example, let’s say you feel like you’re not good enough to land your dream job and won’t have enough money to pay your mortgage within the next few months unless you get hired.

Positive thinking enthusiasts will consider your situation and suggest you start saying affirmations.

I AM good enough! I am a millionaire money magnet!

I get it; the idea is to reprogram your thinking to believe everything will work out in your favor. Don’t get me wrong, replacing negative self-talk with a more positive outlook can boost your motivation and confidence. A shift in your perspective can open your eyes to opportunities.

But, let’s face it – positive thinking can also keep you stuck in little more than delusion. It doesn’t necessarily change the actions you’ll take.

In the real world, I prefer to place my bets on a more practical and actionable approach: productive thinking.

Turning a negative thought into a positive one won’t necessarily get you where you want to go. Here’s what I mean —

Let’s say you think you’re too old to pivot onto a new career path. Chanting “I am young and vibrant!” isn’t likely to take you very far anytime soon.

Instead, ask yourself if going around insisting you’re too old to pivot will help produce the outcome you want. No, of course not.

Next ask: Is it probable that you’ll run up against ageism? Go ahead and face your fears and admit that you think “yes.”

Then ask: Is it POSSIBLE that you’ll be the one to beat the odds and breakthrough? The honest answer is “yes.” Isn’t that interesting? Admitting you very well may not be too old IS the truth.

Productive thinking is about living in possibilities — not pulling the wool over your eyes and getting caught up in toxic positivity. Instead of rejecting negative emotions and deluding yourself with unrealistic thoughts with no consideration for circumstances, consider what’s possible.

It’s not productive to stay stuck in the problem. Instead, look for options and opportunities. Productive thinking allows for taking action.

When you think you’re not good enough, you collect evidence that you’re not good enough. Positive thinking asks you to toss that evidence aside with no proof.
Meanwhile, productive thinking seeks a different kind of evidence. What actions make “it” more possible? Do you want the job or to succeed in your business? Keep taking the actions that open up possibilities. Learn the skill. Revamp your resume. Launch the podcast. Call the prospect. The more action you take, the more possible your goals and dreams become.

Lacking confidence in a particular area? Start your productive thinking journey this month.

Are You Counting Yourself Out Before You Try?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 30, 2024

As a coach, I could talk all day about the many ways I’ve seen people hold themselves back, but today I’m diving into one of the most common.

I have to come right out and say it: Far too many of you are putting yourself through the wringer for no good reason!

You’re placing obstacles in your own way, adding steps that don’t need to be there, and slowing down your progress unnecessarily.

I’ve figured out one reason why.

If you’ve ever gone to college or pursued some sort of formal qualification (or you’re simply familiar with the process), you’ve heard the term prerequisites (or prereqs for short).

It refers to the classes you take or another requirement you need to meet before you’re eligible to enroll in a program or class to move on to the next level.

We’ve come to believe this is the way it must be — moving up step by-step-by-step. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s what I mean:

I was working with a client who was gunning for an executive career. He’d proven himself an effective leader with a track record of results. But when his dream division VP role opened up, he almost counted himself out. At the time, he was a senior director and figured he needed to go after an assistant VP role first … still, the division leader opportunity was calling his name.

Instead, we developed a game plan, and I encouraged him to go for it. He landed the job! Skipping the make-believe interim step. Waiving his imaginary prereq.

The topic came up again this week. I had a client who wanted to coach corporate clients, but she didn’t have a corporate background, so she counted herself out.

How could she knock on the doors of these big corporations without the portfolio and qualifications to back up what she was selling? She assumed she’d never land a contract.

Instead, we developed a plan for her to skip the closed doors altogether and go straight for the people who work at these corporations. Corporate leaders are deciding to work with her, individually, some even using their professional development perks to get reimbursed.

She skipped the make-believe interim step. Waived her imaginary prereq.

Soon enough, she’ll be able to knock on enterprise doors pointing to the results she got for leaders at megacorps, and she’s building her corporate prospect network in the process.

Now it’s your turn.

Look at the roadblocks you put in the way, thinking you need X before you can achieve the Y you want.

What do YOU really want? Go for it now!

Who Are You When Your Shell Cracks?

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 23, 2024

Whether you’re a passionate professional or a business owner, what you do for a living is a big part of your identity. It’s part of what defines who you are.

I’m not saying your career is the most important thing in your life, but I don’t tend to attract people who think a job is something that doesn’t matter. If you’re reading this email, you’re not likely to be someone who clocks in, slogs through the day, and clocks out — just to pay the bills, year after year. (There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s just not how some of us are wired!)

Your work is meaningful in some way and tied to how you see yourself and your place in the world.

Therefore, when the place you find yourself changes, the identity change that comes along with it can be challenging.

Maybe you’re on a career pause to raise your kids, you’ve decided to step out of an executive role into entrepreneurship, you’ve been laid off, or you’re winding down for retirement or semi-retirement.

Who you are in these moments can be tricky. It can feel uncertain and even a little scary.

The ground feels shaky as you lose and gain, negotiating shifting realities.

You might be gaining freedom, time, or the opportunity to pursue new things, while simultaneously losing who you are, who you were, or who you considered yourself to be. Talk about confusion!

As a career and business coach, I help clients navigate this process all the time.

Here’s the thing:

You have to reconcile the loss and create a new identity.

Think of it like an egg.

The shell is your job, along with the salary, perks, respect, admiration, etc. that make up this aspect of your identity.

But it’s what’s inside that counts — the golden center! YOU are the yolk.

Once you break out of the shell, you can take on many new forms. It’s the substance that matters: wisdom, experience, hard knowledge, soft skills.

Focus on what you bring with you when the shell cracks away. What new identity will you create?

Let us know if we can help.

The Energy of Action

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 16, 2024

Happy Father’s Day to all those who are fathering out there in every way. Such an important role!

In honor of this day, I want to put your attention on action. An action is a thing that is done, not just spoken or thought about. While thinking and planning are crucial, they only form the groundwork for what truly counts—taking action.

Understanding action involves looking beyond traditional dichotomies of masculine and feminine energies.

While the feminine is often associated with receiving energy, such as intuition and allowing, the masculine is typically linked with doing and achieving energy, characterized by logic and assertiveness. However, these energies are not confined to any gender. (So, cool your jets if this is triggering).

Each one of us possesses a unique blend of these energies, which we can harness to break from inertia and assert action into the playing field called life.

The First Step: Identifying the Necessary Action

When we talk about breaking from inertia, what comes to mind? Perhaps it’s the lingering project you’ve postponed, the fitness routine you’ve neglected, or the heartfelt conversation you’ve avoided. What is an action you know it’s time to take?

The first step towards effective action is clear identification. Reflect on your current state and recognize the areas where action is overdue. This could be in your personal life, career, health, or relationships. Identifying this need for action sets the stage for movement.

Overcoming Inertia: The Power of the First Move

Inertia is a powerful force. It’s the resistance to change that keeps us in our comfort zones. Remember, the hardest part of any journey is often the first step. Once you make the initial move, momentum takes over.

Think of a rocket launch—the massive amount of energy required to lift off. Yet, once it breaks through the atmosphere, it can travel with much less effort. Your first step is your lift off. Whether it’s making that phone call, starting that exercise routine, or drafting that business plan, initiate the action.

Breaking Actions into Manageable Steps

One effective strategy for taking action is breaking down your goal into smaller, manageable steps. Large goals can feel overwhelming and paralyze you with indecision. By dividing them into bite-sized tasks, each step becomes less daunting.

For instance, if your goal is to write a book, start with an outline. Then, commit to writing a page a day. These small, consistent actions accumulate into significant progress over time.

Harnessing the Balance of Energies

Balancing the intuitive, receptive energy (feminine) with the logical, assertive energy (masculine) is key to effective action. Intuition can guide you towards the right actions to take, while logic and assertiveness help you execute them efficiently.

For example, trust your gut feelings about which project to prioritize, then apply logical planning to break it down into actionable steps. This harmonious blend of energies ensures that your actions are not only well-directed but also grounded in strategic planning.

Accountability: The Secret Weapon

Another powerful tool in the art of taking action is accountability. Sharing your goals with someone you trust can provide the necessary push to keep you on track. This could be a friend, family member, or coach. Regular check-ins create a sense of responsibility and encourage consistent progress.

Celebrating Small Wins

Be sure to celebrate your small victories! Each action you take, no matter how minor it seems, is a step towards your larger goal. Acknowledging and celebrating these wins boosts your motivation and reinforces positive behavior.

In conclusion, taking action is about moving from intention to execution. It’s the bridge between dreaming and achieving. By identifying necessary actions, overcoming inertia, breaking goals into manageable steps, balancing energies, leveraging accountability, and celebrating progress, you can master the art of taking action.

What is an action you know it’s time to take? Seize this moment, take that first step, and propel yourself into a future shaped by your actions. Your journey towards more of what you want starts NOW.

The Cost of Becoming the Boss

By Laura Berman Fortgang on June 9, 2024

If you’re anything like most ambitious people, you had big dreams of becoming the boss one day.

You wanted to be the one to call the shots.

You couldn’t wait for your ideas to take center stage.

The idea of one day answering only to the big shots (or no one at all!) fired you up.

But then . . . it happened!

You became the boss. Now what?

If you’re anything like most ambitious people, you soon realize those big dreams of becoming the boss left out a few important details.
Being in charge changes things.

Getting promoted from colleague to manager . . .

Starting with a new company at the next level up . . .

Hiring the first employees or contractors in your business (often someone you know!) . .

Whoa!

If you haven’t experienced this yet, fair warning: it can be more challenging than you expect.

The dynamic shifts and relationships take on a new shape. People you’ve been friendly with suddenly see you in a new light. People you expect to be friendly with have their guard up. Those bonds that you would’ve sworn wouldn’t be affected will evolve.

You can’t ignore this or put your head in the sand. It’s time to take the lead and embrace your new identity.

1. Set some ground rules.
Make sure your team knows you can remain friends, but they also have to respect the role. Business is business and things must get done.

This might mean signaling when you’re shifting in and out of colleague or friend mode into boss mode. You can still let your hair down sometimes, but everyone needs to know when it’s time to roll up your sleeves.

2. Set aside your feelings.
Feeling awkward about being a step ahead in your career or business? Or maybe guilty about beating a friend out for a promotion? Bitter that your colleagues haven’t been congratulatory? You need to process this personally and keep things professional. Not everyone is going to like you as a boss, and that’s par for the course.

3. Accept that things have to change.
You might have to cut out some things you did before. Going out for drinks together after work or meeting up in the break room for quiet gossip sessions will have to become a thing of the past.

Distancing yourself might be an awkward dance at first and can take some getting used to, but you’ll adjust; it’s worth it!

Managing colleagues and friends can be a wonderful opportunity for everyone to grow together. But it’s not going to happen without concerted effort. You have to be willing to take the initiative as you take on the new role to do what it takes.

Being the boss really can be everything you dreamed it would be and more!