Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Reinventing Yourself

My Holiday Challenge for You

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The holidays are a celebration of light.

That’s right; no matter your tradition, the darkest season of the year is a time to celebrate light.

Short days, long nights. Darkness-inspired reverence for light. Duality.

Fall’s Diwali is a festival of lights that symbolizes the triumph of light over darkness, good over evil, and knowledge over ignorance. People decorate their homes with clay lamps called diyas, representing how inner light protects against spiritual darkness, and they align roads to temples with oil lamps.

Hanukkah is a festival of lights that represents liberation from the darkness of oppression. The menorah’s candles are lit to celebrate a story of the miracle of a tiny jar of oil lasting eight days — a rekindling of faith, reemergence of knowledge, and triumph of freedom.

Kwanzaa is celebrated by lighting candles on a kinara to illuminate values held dear and the path to a brighter future. The ceremonial lighting symbolizes the people, their struggle and hope, with enlightening stories told to strengthen shared principles.

Christmas celebrates Christ’s light, which is believed to shine through the darkness; a light that can never be extinguished. The Star of Bethlehem is bright, guiding the way as the light of the world, shining hope on mankind, which is represented by flickering candles and sparkling strings of bulbs.

The holidays are a time of year to be kind, generous, and nice to one another. It’s a time to seek and see the light within everyone.

In these divisive times, this is my holiday challenge to you:

BE the light.

Spark the goodness in others by reminding them of their own light.

Reflect back to people the good you see in them.

Shine brightness through the dark.

Be inspired by these traditions to spread lightness and goodness.

Happy Holidays!

How to Respond when the Feedback Feels Personal

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Last week, one of my executive coaching clients showed up to our meeting pretty agitated.

She was getting the sense her boss had it out for her. A certain issue had become a sticking point, and she felt like she was getting picked on.

Typically, I’m all for confronting the issue. It’s often best to get to the bottom of what’s going on and clear the air.

But her story gave me pause. From what she was telling me, I had reason to believe the conversation with her boss wasn’t going to be productive. Accuse her of picking on you, and then what? There’s nowhere to go.

So I asked my client to dig a little deeper.

The situation: My client was getting very specific feedback on a consistent basis, and she was taking it as a personal attack. Was something else going on?

It might feel unfair, but feedback is sometimes a symptom of a deeper issue.

If you’re the target of unmerited finger pointing — especially as a leader — your job is to seek the source.

Where should the finger be pointing?

(Hint: look for a “what,” not a “who”)

In this case, there was an entire department dropping the ball due to lack of training; my client was in charge of overseeing that department. This needed to become the basis of the conversation with her boss, not the feeling of being picked on.

Ultimately, she recognized the buck stopped with her, and she was responsible for addressing the issue.

By identifying the source, she’s prepared to have a vastly different discussion with her boss — one that’s solution-oriented rather than defensive and griping.

Not only is this approach more likely to alleviate the problem long-term, but it paints her in a much better light as a leader.

The next time you feel yourself getting defensive, look beyond the symptom. Dig deeper, identify the source, and focus on creating a solution.

How to Handle Holiday Drama

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The holidays are upon us! It’s time to switch off business and career mode for a while to gather around the table for too much turkey and enjoy the festivities — surrounded by family and full of love!

This time of year can be truly ✨magical!✨

Or (let’s be honest) it can be dreadful! 😩

If your holidays are anything like mine, it’s usually a bit of both. But I’ve learned to cope with the mix of merriness and minor mayhem by embracing more joy — with love!

A couple of years ago, this season was especially challenging for me as I struggled with the severity of my mother’s dementia. So I got a tattoo on my wrist — L❤️VE — as a reminder to always come from a place of love.

Feeling overscheduled, overwhelmed, and overburdened with responsibilities?

Cringing at the cost of gifts, groceries, and travel, wondering if it’s all worth it?

Bickering (hopefully not brawling!) with loved ones over recent politics or decades-old drama?

Just generally stressing over anything and everything?

You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. I encourage you to focus on love.

Love doesn’t have to be all sunshine and rainbows, hugs and kisses, or agreeing with anyone on anything unagreeable.

When it comes to the holidays and everything they entail, here’s what I want you to remember —

People come from the limit of their growth and experience.

They can only be as good as they’ve evolved to be.

This includes you (and me).

Can we love anyway? Can we love people for who they are in all their humanness?

Think about this when the tension starts to rise, when your shoulders feel tight, and when you want to tell your Uncle Joe to shut his trap.

Assume everyone’s doing their best, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

Love yourself enough to make this holiday season more magical and less dreadful by remembering the perfection and imperfection that is LOVE.

You Can Change for Good

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If you’ve been in my orbit awhile, you might know I’m a musical theater nerd.

Broadway was my background before becoming a coach, and the bright lights still bring me joy and inspiration, even when the production is a movie adaptation, like the new Wicked I just saw this week.

As you can imagine, I love a good show tune! There’s one in Wicked (saved for Part Two of the movie) where the two witches of Oz acknowledge the transformational power of their friendship by singing, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good…”

Changed for the better. Changed forever.

It speaks to the magic and possibility of bringing about change in ourselves and the world around us, at any given moment.

We all have the opportunity to use our lives for good.

Change is happening, and we’re heading into the unknown. But we’re still in charge of where our focus goes for good, for the better and forever.

When things feel outside your control, you can always choose good — to be good, to do good, to create good, and to feel good.
You Can Change for Good by Laura Berman FortgangYou can:

  • Be good to yourself.
    Take good care of your body, mind, and soul.
  • Do good.
    Reach out to people in your life to share a good word and remind them they matter.
  • Create good.
    In your work, your family, charitable giving, and community.
  • Feel good.
    Practice gratitude. Make meaningful connections. Experience joy and peace.

No matter what we face, we all have the chance to be changed — for good!

Which Wolf Will Win?

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Which Wolf Will Win?

We’ve all been dealing with the news of what’s happening in the world around us lately, and it hasn’t always been easy.

Some are pleased, devastated, celebrating, sulking, some victorious, defeated, encouraged, and some are weary.

Very few are indifferent. We’re swimming in a sea of duality.

We have light, we have dark. Good, bad. Love, fear. The push and pull feels like it’s spinning us in circles, not knowing where to turn.

How do we get through this?

I suggest learning to hold both. Accept duality.

The conversations I’ve been hearing remind me of a lesson shared in a Native American parable, perfect for this moment — a story attributed to the Cherokee people called “The Two Wolves.”

A grandfather tells his grandson of two wolves existing within him.

One wolf is filled with negative emotions — anger and hate, wishing harm upon his enemies.

The other wolf represents the positive — joy, serenity, and doing no harm.

The young listener asked the elder which wolf wins.

His answer: “The one I feed.”

The way forward is to decide which wolf to feed.

Will you head toward the light? Will you embrace your community and do what’s right?

Duality will always exist. We can all make our best attempt to carry both: darkness and light, good and evil, fear and love.

Whatever the situation, whether you’re reveling in great news or reeling from a kick in the gut, try embracing duality and deciding which wolf to feed.

You don’t have to betray your values; look deeply within.

What’s next for each of us?

As for me, I’m pretty quiet right now weighing how to continue to feed joy and to strive to spread love in everything I do.

Why It’s Time to Unmask

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Want to know one of the best ways (by far!) to improve your life, career, and business?

Stop faking it.

Stop putting on an act. Pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t working as well as you think . . .

We’ve been conditioned to believe people will like us better if they perceive us a certain way — successful, rich, sophisticated, charismatic, funny.

Sometimes we think the only way they’ll accept, hire, or promote us is if we share the same interests, hold the same beliefs, and agree on the topic at hand, so we go along with whatever it is to get along. People choose everything from clothing and hairstyles to cars and hobbies just to fit in.

We bend, twist and wear a mask — all in an effort to show up as the most well-received version of ourselves. And the most frightening thing about this mask . . . is taking it off!

Unmasking is shedding your protective gear, making the real you more vulnerable to judgment, criticism, and disapproval.

If the idea of showing up as your true authentic self terrifies you, you’re not alone. Letting your guard down and letting people see you as you can be scary. What if you get rejected? Ignored? Laughed at? Ostracized?

Why it's Time to Unmask by Laura Berman FortgangThe fear is real, and it isn’t something that typically resolves on its own. If you’re struggling to show up authentically, try —

Journaling about it; put your feelings down on paper.

Talking about it with someone you trust; open up and connect.

Working with a therapist to get to the bottom of what’s holding YOU back.

Dropping the mask isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.

When you live as your authentic self in everything you do, life is less stressful. You’ll realize you were just wasting tons of time and effort putting on an act.

Only you can be you. YOU is what enhances your personal brand like nothing else.

Things like wearing bold, colorful glasses, having a nose ring, and stepping on stage to speak in sneakers are ME. Keeping it real and saying what needs to be said is ME. Showing up as my authentic self boosts my confidence and helps me stand out. What’s YOU?

Be seen, Heard, and the person that the world needs.

You were designed perfectly just the way you are, and your contributions to the world matter. We’re all waiting to experience more of YOU!