Now What?® Coaching

Tag: Now What Program

  • GRATITUDE For A Crappy Boss

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    Hours of complaining and reliving the drama.  Days spent brooding and plotting how to get what you need.  Sleep wasted by workplace despair.  The plight of a crappy boss can be overwhelming and destructive but truly, it can become a good thing if held up to the light in just the right way.  It could ultimately become something you’re grateful for.

    Help up to the light, this cruel villain is a Teacher. They are teaching you about yourself, your adaptability, and how well you can communicate.  Unfortunately, they are also showing you a piece of yourself you don’t like. 

    As frustrating as it is and as much as we’d hate to admit it, what we don’t like in our boss, is often what we don’t like in ourselves.  We may not be as mean or as clueless or as selfish or as boorish as the object of our disdain, but we may very likely carry some of those recessive traits and revile them in ourselves.

    Finding acceptance for these traits in ourselves and calming our disdain, will go a long way to easing the stress about the boss.  It will also teach you self-compassion. 

    Looked at differently yet again, the nasty boss is also a  Skill Builder.  Your life made difficult by a person in authority can be a miserable maze of daily obstacles and headaches.  Yet, they are forcing you to build some skills that can be invaluable as you progress through your life.

    For example, a boss who does not give you much direction and then holds you accountable for information you never received can be frustrating and crazy making.  They are also forcing you to trust your intuition more, become better at communicating to understand the parameters of what you’ve been assigned and they force you to boost your knowledge and self-reliance to get the job done.  It can all still lead to less than harmonious results,  but you’re growing.  Growth is often painful, and yet, not necessarily a bad thing.

    That rotten-scoundrel superior can also be a Destiny Herder.  The obstacle of an impossible boss is often the roadblock that turns us toward another direction.  It can be the definitive sign we needed to go elsewhere so we can work freely or be doing more of what we truly want to be doing. 

    The antagonist in the story of your job could be what moves the conflict forward for you (the hero/heroine) until you see your way through the dark forest into the light of your ‘hero’s journey.’  You may decide to be a more gracious leader or foster your management style differently thanks to your experience in this ‘story’.  You may realize you are meant to be the boss, in a different unit, in a different discipline or something else that puts you closer to a better fitting ‘destiny’.

    Along similar lines, the crappy boss is also an Igniter of Dreams.  How many people can you think of that have used a bad boss as the flint on a matchbook cover to spark the flame of their dreams?  Plenty, I’m sure. 

    Courage, determination, focus and clarity often result from hitting the brick wall called ‘bad boss’.  For example, a recent Now What?® client, saw one of their low-key hobbies become a potential source of salary-compatible income because of a difficult superior.  Her dreams changed from finding a new job to supporting herself with something she had dismissed as ‘dabbling’ that really had potential to be lucrative. She always dreamed of a flexible lifestyle with more time for other interests.

    So give thanks, this holiday season.  Even for the people who irritate the heck out of you.  They serve a purpose.  Find out what that is and be grateful they brought that purpose to light for your growth.

     

  • “HOW” Is The Enemy of Progress

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    In working with a recent client, I was once again reminded of how easily we can get stopped by the ‘how’ of making our deepest  desires a reality.  It makes sense.  How can we proceed if we don’t know how to do so?  However, over the years, I have come to see how people take what can be a legitimate concern and turn it into a reason to procrastinate.

    “I’ll need more training”

    “I should probably research this more.”

    “I need more information to get started.”

    Yes, we need to be educated and prepared when it comes to starting a new business or setting out on an adventure, but there comes a time where the preparation becomes counterproductive and begins to stall progress altogether.

    How do you know when you’re spinning your wheels or when you are really in need of knowledge to proceed?

    • If you’re avoiding conversations that could make you money
    • If you’re spending hours and hours working on your business alone
    • If you’re really comfortable doing whatever you’re doing (studying, web surfing, etc)
    • If you’re obsessed with thoughts about ‘what if’s’ and ‘Buts’

    If you are up to any of the above, you are in the “knowledge-collection-as-procrastination” zone.

    Comfort should never be part of the equation.  If you’re comfortable, you’re hiding, you’re not growing and making progress.  If you’re obsessing about a future that is not even here yet, you are living in tomorrow and not taking care of today which implies getting started.  If you’re not out talking to people (prospects, mentors, vendors, providers), you are not letting nature takes its course.

    What we see with Now What?® clients is that an acceleration of progress toward the desired outcome, only starts to occur when you are out talking to people and actively shaking hands, talking and asking for help.  The result is often resources pointed to, other people introduced to you, solutions appearing and growth occurring.  Starting a venture cannot happen alone in a vacuum.

    The HOW is revealed piece by piece and often, can only become clear by taking the parking brake off and letting the car roll down the hill.  That is what I asked my client to do.  I asked her to get out there and just start.  It doesn’t have to be with a business plan in place, yet.  I asked her to get out there and collect “templates, contacts and strategies”.  THAT will begin the linear HOW’s she was looking for.

    What if you really do need more knowledge like a degree program or a training of some kind?  You’ll know it because the obvious pre-requisites will make themselves known.  You can’t set up a therapy practice without a license, you won’t be flying a plane anytime soon without a pilot’s training and license and you won’t be selling financial products or real estate without passing the exams.  However, most of the time, the obstacles are self-imposed and born out of your own fears.

    If you are committed to be the best at this next, new thing, you’ll do what it takes.  You won’t let a few extra requirements stop you.  But that does not mean wait until it’s all done.  It means get out there and start the car rolling down the hill.  You can always put the brakes on, but soon you’ll be on an exciting ride and wondering why you waited so long to get moving.

     

     

  • Now What Q&A-Unemployed and Interviewing

    Today’s question comes from a member of our community who participated in a recent Community Call, and is answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.  

    Question:

    My position as a Benefits Manager and HR generalist was eliminated last year.  When I’m on an interview, I need a   better way to answer the question:  What have you done in the last year? The caller then described some of the positions for which she had interviewed, yet did not convey enthusiasm for them.

    Answer:

    My immediate gut reaction is it sounds as if you don’t want a job in this field.  I get that you need money and it’s the path of least resistance.  In a new field there might be an initial salary reduction but with growth potential.  You might like to take a look at the life story exercise in Chapter 4 of Now What?®.  Interpreting your life story will help you pick up on themes and generate ideas about future roles to explore.                                                   

    In terms of how to respond to interviewers who ask what you’ve done since becoming unemployed, the most important thing is to show that you’ve been using the time prudently, whether that includes researching certain fields or learning something new.  Focus on the positive and on how you’ve been productive with the time.

  • CLEAR THE WAY TO CLARITY (AND MOMENTUM)

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

     

    This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news.  It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck.  If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.

    When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.

    Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time.  My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum.  I knew it was time to revisit the basics.  I changed my game with food and the gym.  I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.

    I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor.  Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post  because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.

    I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.

    MOVE—Get your body moving.  If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!

    DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items.  Immediately!  (not someday)

    ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively.  For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk?  Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.

    SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.

    INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you.  Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.

    All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding.  From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.

    Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again.  It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.

    We’re here if you need help.

  • WHAT YOU NEED MOST COULD BE THE CULPRIT BEHIND YOUR CAREER CONFUSION

    Career Confusion?  Yes, that back drop of unhappiness with no clear path to a better future.  That nagging feeling that if you only liked your job better everything would be OK or even worse, the Herculean panic of being paralyzed in the gap between unemployment and a paying position that will crush your soul! 

    Career Confusion makes you feel powerless, stupid, lazy and crazy. Other people start thinking you are too as you flail about trying to look like you have it all together.  Oddly enough, all the reasons you think you are in this state may not be the cause at all. 

    I had the privilege of putting a whole new crew of people through some of the Now What?® paces recently, and it drummed home, more clearly than ever, that we do not have the information about ourselves that we really need to find a career path that will be truly satisfying. It’s not just about what we like, what we are good at and what we have credentials for. We are people with a psychology formed by experiences and decisions and one of the biggest decisions you ever made may be EXACTLY what’s in the way of a satisfying career path being made available to you right now.

    For most of us, somewhere in our formative years, we made a vow, a promise, a declaration about what we would or would not do, want, have or be.  And that vow, is what may very well be in your way today.

    For example, Christopher was in his second disappointing career and very down on himself.  He had trained heavily for both and felt cheated by life to think he found himself needing to find yet another path.  He could not see any possibilities for himself, even with a rich history of things he loved or had experience with, until he got an ah-ha about a deep-seated need he VOWED would be the life force behind his career decisions.

    Christopher remembered the vow he made as a young person born from a lack in his upbringing.  His vow—his NEED was to have stability.  Sounds fair enough, right?  But he saw that both his past career choices were made solely with that criteria and it had led him down two very disappointing paths. 

    In the Now What?® program we call this a Driving Motivator but what is important here is that the key to clarity came upon discovering this hidden VOW.  Some of us are still operating on a vow that is working for us. Great, keep it.  But if life’s not working, look back for a possible vow. Once you are aware of that vow that has informed your decisions, you get to decide if it still serves you.  Believe me, it did. That’s why you formed it and that’s what helped you survive and thrive until now.  So love it, thank it, let it go and choose one that can SERVE you better now.

    Another example is that of Deidre who came to America as a teen with her immigrant family.  Her parents wanted a better life for their children and Deidre internalized that and installed a vow to become the model for why her parents risked everything to move her to the US.  She super-achieved through school, Ivy League University and a top-notch career.  Now, she feels lazy and crazy, wanting less for herself than her elite status could get her.  She wants a more holistic lifestyle and a health-centered career. However, she could not move forward or even dream of allowing herself what she truly wanted until she found the freedom that comes with discovering the VOW that was causing all the confusion.

    It’s like changing the operating system for your life.  You had one, it worked.  It’s no longer working but you lack the diagnostic tool to identify and move through the glitch.  Once you do, and you uncover the Vow, The Driver, the NEED, you will be able to live your life from the new operating system of satisfaction and clarity. 

    Not sure what your VOW is?  Join us.

    Our next FREE call is WED, May 9th 2012.

     

  • PUSHING THROUGH THE WAIT

    by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    High on the list of painful experiences, in my opinion, is waiting.  Waiting for answers to a job interview, a college  application, a turn in your luck, or any other potentially life-changing outcome.  There is little comfort in holding your breath to see how the rest of the story is going to turn out.

    Even beyond those suspenseful moments, is the kind of waiting that has been going on for people in career transition during the last three years of the Great Recession.  It’s the most grueling kind of waiting. Waiting for clarity.  Waiting for a relief from the financial bleeding.  Waiting for a contact to come through or better yet, a job or business momentum that seems sustainable.

    So much self-torture happens on top of the pain of waiting.  Beating yourself up, wondering if your choices got you where you are, the fights that happen at home from the stress of facing the unknowns.  As bad as this all sounds, there is a way out or at least many things that can help reduce the strain.

    SELF CARE

    Being nice to yourself and taking extra good care of your body, mind and spirit is really important when you are in waiting hell.  You may not have the budget you are used to, but this is a good time to come up with creative ways to be good to yourself.  If you gave up the gym membership, you can still walk and do calisthenics.  If you can’t get an expensive service at the salon, do one at home or find a new place that offers a discount to first timers.  Be aware of eating well and being around positive people.  Care for your mind with rest, relaxation and keep any berating self-talk at bay.

    STRUCTURE

    I’ve mentioned this in other articles, but creating a structure for your day is really important if you are waiting for answers or for something to land.  Without structure, it’s easy to get depressed, oversleep and waste time in front of the TV or computer.

    Make a schedule for yourself.  A time to get up, a period of time you will work daily on your career transition, scheduled exercise, meetings out of the house and most importantly, have something to look forward to every day whether it’s a good book you are reading, a person you are going to see or some form of entertainment.

    CONNECTION

    It’s natural for many people to isolate during an uncomfortable time and especially if they are embarrassed or ashamed of their situation in any way.  The waiting game is the worst time for isolation.  Connecting with others is so crucial to keeping your spirits up and engaging fully with life. 

    See people, join a group of like-minded folks—career transitioners or any common interest group, and take time to tell the people you care about how they can support you during the wait.  Do you want distractions? Do you want people to listen to some venting?  Do you want hands-on help with anything? Be clear, be honest and DON’T isolate.

    Also under connection, is connecting with yourself.  Whether through prayer, meditation or journaling, connect with you and the sources of power you believe in.  This is a time to stay connecting and not shut down.

    ACTION KEEP MOVING FORWARD

    The best antidote to waiting is not waiting.  It’s continuing to take action.  Yes, sometimes, action for action’s sake.  Action looks like networking, calling people, researching on the internet, making connections.  It means taking risks and not letting waiting get the best of you.

    I can’t wait for this time in the history of the American and Global Economy to be a distant memory, but in the meanwhile, we want to support you to get where you want to go.  Let us know if we can help.

    Our next free call is this WED, March 7th 2012