I’ve been struggling with what to write for a newsletter during the last couple of weeks. I’ve been so completely immersed in living Now What? for many months as I wrote and prepared for the new book to come out in March that I’ve felt drained.
I took care of myself by taking a much needed week’s break. I slept, I caught up with my children, and I spring purged my home. And now that I’m back at the computer, there’s something bigger on my mind.
The earthquake in Nepal and the Baltimore riots are in the news so they are cramping my brain space. We are in another period of unrest and another crisis brought on by Mother Nature. They are not really all that different from each other. Upset people who have been holding on to an underground rumble of anger are not unlike the earth seeking relief from underground pressure by reorganizing its platelets, unfortunately, under a very populated city.
Unsaid things are brewing underneath the surface all the time. For each of us individually and collectively, whether in a workplace, community, organization, or gang, the unsaid is at risk of coming to a boiling point.
This is true in career and clarity exploration as well. There is often an unspoken resentment or dissatisfaction that, when not addressed, builds up over time to become a problem we are forced to face. If we could have faced it before, it wouldn’t have been left unsaid.
Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to coach an executive during the course of 3-1/2 hour training on coaching skills. She presented a communication issue she was having with a new person who had come into her department. As my questions probed more deeply, it became very clear that the problem was not really about how these two individuals communicated with each other, but rather something unsaid coming into light. What became clear was that the executive resented this new recruit because she felt she should have the new person’s job. There was no need, in her opinion, to have a younger, less-experienced person as her boss.
How long would it have taken for the ‘unsaid’ to have leaked out through actions, tone, and difficult conversations?
It may not have been appropriate to come completely clean and be honest about the resentment right away, but it was important for the executive to be clear with herself and get to the truth. SHE was creating the problem, not the new hire.
As the coaching went on for all of 5-7 minutes, she also admitted that this resentment lit a fire in her to look at opportunities in her own company. Her research already turned up one. She will be applying for the job that would make her the new hire’s boss!
Rumblings create energy that will inevitably find a way to be released. We may not be able to control Mother Nature, but it’s important for us as reasoning humans to be aware that what’s rumbling, if left unattended, becomes a problem.
It’s unfortunate when the truth explodes through anger or violence like with the Baltimore riots and other unrest around the world. When these crises feel like something we can’t affect because they’re too big or too far away, we need to remember that we can do something. We can bring peace to ourselves by telling the truth kindly and compassionately. Peace begins at home- the home within you.
Maxine says
I used to think my former boss was my advocate. He would tell me to “dream,” that the possibilities of advancement were within my reach. I trusted him, and relayed my idea of a new position I thought should be created to fill a vital need. He gave the promotion to someone with far less experience, leaving me pigeon-holed in a position that was going no where. He didn’t want to rock his boat; he could be out of the office for weeks at a time, knowing that I was handling everything. But I was angry and bitter, and I took it out on the person he promoted in my attitude. I’m not proud of how I acted – like a resentful child – and it’s something I will work on. In the end, I no longer trusted him and just the sound of his voice caused anger to bubble up. I have since taken a new position at the same company. It was a lateral move, but I once again feel excited by the possibilities of my career future.
Christine says
Laura, its been a while since I have had the chance to look at your newsletter. And I’m glad I stopped my “busy” to do just that. 🙂 Stay well.
lbfcoach says
What a story, Maxine! There is always that slight danger in becoming indispensable.
I call it the understudy syndrome. It’s easier to find a new star than to replace a great understudy.
I’m glad you took matters into your own hands to start fresh in another unit. Good luck.
lbfcoach says
Glad to hear it, Christine. Take a moment in your ‘busy’ once a month.
We’ll be here!