Now What?® Coaching

Author: Laura Berman Fortgang

Career Change in the Land of Possibility

I was working with a client recently who had 23 years of experience in the mortgage industry. She didn’t think she could do anything else because her resume said she was a professional lender. This client honestly couldn’t imagine any other possibilities.

I had my work cut out for me, but I knew my methods were proven and that we’d find new paths. Above all, as a coach, you know our job is to stand in the Land of Possibility. We can’t believe the “story” that there are no other options.

That doesn’t mean we are out of touch with reality. I’m always telling my clients I’m not going to lead them off a cliff or ask them to run away with the circus. I am here to help them decide where to invest their time, attention, and energy.

Are they investing in what can’t happen? Or are you investing in what CAN happen? Are you investing in what can’t happen or what can? (for yourself)

Consider this —

People often tell me they can’t land their dream job, change careers, reach for their dream income, or start a business because of their age.

Is there some truth to that? Yeah!

But does it serve you to dwell on it? Does the fact that limits exist mean you should sit at home, doing nothing — investing in the impossibility of your next moves? Of course not.

Limitfull thinking won’t get you anywhere.

When you’re a committed pessimist, you are vying for the worst possible outcome — fully vested in proving yourself right. But what if you’re wrong? Why pursue defeat?

This is why it’s important to make a distinction between what’s possible and what’s probable.

Think about it…

When we first created the U.S. Space program, did we think it was probable that we’d make it to the moon on the first shot? Well, it wasn’t likely. But somebody had to think it was possible, or why bother? And look what happened.

Now consider what you’re telling yourself about your career:
”I’m too old.”
“I don’t have the enough experience.”
“Nobody’s gonna hire me.”
“This’ll never work.”

Does investing in this “impossible” thinking serve you? No.

What does serve you is standing in the Land of Possibility.

With my client — the professional mortgage expert I mentioned earlier — we broke down the blocks she was experiencing, and l got her back in touch with all the things she LIKES to do but had stuffed down as impossibilities.

That list came in handy when she found herself facing big industry shifts and a potential layoff two months later.

Rather than staying stuck in the “impossible,” I challenge you to invest your time, attention, and energy into what’s possible too.

I challenge you to do the work and explore the Land of Possibility with clarity and gusto.

October 30, 2022
Spouses, Partners and MONEY, OH My!

It’s no surprise that the topic of money comes up a lot in my work.

After all, we are talking about livelihoods here.

Often these conversations venture into money and relationships.

After all, when someone is married or partnered or raising a family, their career, business, and money-related decisions affect more than just the individual. Other household dynamics need to be considered too.

But, as we all know, money talk can be tricky.

It’s easy to go from discussing dollars and cents (or sense!) to allowing your emotions to get the best of you.

Can you really afford to quit your job and chase your dreams, or will that move put an unfair burden on your partner?

Is it feasible to retire your spouse and bring him into your business to work for you, or would that make money too tight (and tensions too high!) in the home?

Does it make sense for you to go back to work now when childcare expenses would pretty much wipe out your salary?

The thing is, money matters — and it matters even more than we sometimes want to admit when emotions are running high.

Unhappy in your current career?
Wishing for fulfillment outside of the home?
Taking on your partner’s job woes?
Convinced the grass is greener anywhere but where you are?

If you’re not careful, these scenarios can take a serious toll on you and your significant other.

Stress and uncertainty around careers, business, and money can cloud your thinking, lead to irrational actions, and cause strife in your life and relationships.

The bottom line is, you have to value what each of you brings to the table.

You have to consider your desires along with what the other person wants, and what you both need.

You’re counting on each other, and you may have others (children or aging parents) counting on you too.

I’m not saying put everyone else’s priorities before yours, but I am saying to step back, look at the big picture, and realize there are more ways to think about this than you may see at the outset.

Before moving forward with any consequential changes, what you need is clarity.

Watch the latest video below on this topic for some specific examples of how spouses divvy up the money conversation.

October 23, 2022
Seeking Answers? Look in the Mirror.

Have you ever been stuck in a rut, wondering what you’re doing wrong or what you could do better?

You look everywhere for answers — books, blogs, seminars, friends, therapists, coaches, turning over rocks, praying to god, chatting with complete strangers online.

And you just can’t figure out how to get unstuck.

You think to yourself, “whyyyy can’t I get this right?…reach this goal?…make this change?”

It’s a crummy, lonely, desperate feeling. The longer you let it go on, the worse it gets.

So what do you do when it seems like there’s nowhere left to look?

Sometimes the answer’s right in the mirror.

Sometimes the very thing that’s frustrating you most is something you are doing yourself.

Does nobody ever take your advice? Maybe it’s because you’re always ignoring the advice you’re given.

Not landing a job — any job! — even though you’ve told countless recruiters you can do pretty much anything? Maybe it’s because you don’t really know what you want, so they don’t really know why to hire you.

Can’t find clients because nobody wants to invest in your services? Maybe it’s because you’re not investing in yourself or your business for the services you need.

It might sound like I’m blaming you for what’s going wrong, but I’m not.

I’m simply suggesting that you might need to give more of what YOU are not getting.

You might need to look in the mirror to figure out what that is.

No, you won’t always find the answers there. But it’s another place to look — one that’s most often overlooked.

I know this isn’t the easiest advice to accept, but you’ll thank me later.

So why not get started now?

I want to challenge you to identify the ONE biggest point of frustration in your career or business today. Then take a look in the mirror. Can you see where you might need to give more of what you’re not getting?

To your success,
Laura

October 16, 2022
Stop Trying Harder; Do This Instead

It seems counterintuitive to stop taking action when you are in pursuit of something you want, but if things are not going your way, it’s time to stop doing and start BEING.

Where male energy is about action and doing, female energy is identified as receiving or being. (That’s not to say women don’t take action!) For argument’s sake, there is a time to pull back from action and see what emerges. This is not an invitation for sloth. It’s an invitation to slow down, be patient, maybe even circle the wagon of boredom and see what rises to your conscious awareness.

There is so much we cannot be aware of when we are in “push” mode. It’s too noisy busy, sweaty, and crowded for wisdom to prevail. That nagging ache doesn’t get our attention until it graduates to full-on pain and that echoes how we pay attention to subtle messages – only when they stop us in our tracks or cause us to surrender.

You can avoid burnout, breakdowns, and derailments by paying attention to the signs. IF all you experience is chaos, slowing down to receive before a SNAFU is called for. You think you have to swat at the chaos like an annoying insect and get it out of your way, but truly, you just may need to let it land on you. Be still, and watch it take off and leave you without a commotion.

Ask yourself:
What am I too busy to notice?,
is the message in the mess?, is trying to emerge?
What am I too impatient to wait for right now?, and
What matters?

Quite down and receive … it’s ok to do so. You may just make a quantum leap after the message comes through. More is not more nor is it necessarily better. Shhhhhh.

And if you’re in the “SHHHHHH” (as we call it at our house before a full cup of coffee has been imbibed in the morning), try this beautiful meditation I discovered in the Calm App (I don’t get anything for sharing this).

October 9, 2022
How to Make a Tough Career Decision

Figuring out where to go next on your career path is rarely an easy decision.

It often keeps people up at night, tossing and turning, wondering what their next best move might be.

When considering an opportunity, sometimes it’s a clear “hell no!” or “heck yeah!” But more often than not, folks find themselves grappling in the gray — not knowing which way to go.

We’ve all been there.

You make a list of pros and cons.
You ask everyone you know for their input.
You’ll even start flipping coins if you’re desperate enough.

But if you really want to find the best answer, here’s what you need to know —

When you’re nervous about making a career decision, there’s a good chance your brain is working against your best interests.

Your gut is trying to steer you right.

The small voice inside that we refer to as instinct or intuition is pretty spot on. If the idea of pursuing the opportunity feels exciting and lights you up, that’s a big hint that you’re onto something.

But then the fear starts to kick in.

You’ll recognize it when you hear yourself saying, “yeah, but…”

Here’s a tip I learned a long time ago from a career counselor:

“The number of ‘yeah, buts’ you say is in direct correlation to the depth of your fear.” – Adele Scheely

Your fear is simply trying to put on the brakes to keep you safe, but it can keep you stuck if you let it.

‘Yeah, but’ is your logical thinking flexing its muscles.

Let it help you anticipate the obstacles you may face and chart a clear path forward, but don’t let it stop you.

Discernment is important because there’s often another tricky conspirator attempting to push you forward while further clouding your decision-making — your emotional needs.

Are you really excited about this career move because it’s the right thing for you? Or are you doing it in an attempt to fulfill some unmet emotional need — seeking approval, recognition, or validation, for example?

Your emotional needs are aching to be fulfilled, trying to get your attention because you didn’t get enough of whatever it is as a kid.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something to be mindful of. Don’t let the need to feel loved, heard, or appreciated override good sense.

See what I mean? Not easy.

Career decisions come with real consequences.

Without the ability to work out the decision from a place of awareness and confidence, you can find yourself miles down the wrong path, wondering how you got there.

You may even find yourself walking in circles or hesitant to take the next step because you are already lost. This is especially true if you’ve made poor decisions in the past that got you to a place where you didn’t want to be.

You may have lost some trust in decision-making. So let’s work on that.

In my experience as a coach, I’ve found the best way to reach a healthy decision is to feel your way through it. If you’ve lost touch (or trust) with your gut instincts and intuition, you can learn to tune back in again.

So if you’re grappling with a big decision and want some guidance feeling your way through it, join us over in the Career Clarity and Direction Community on Facebook.

October 2, 2022
Career Lessons Learned from the Royal Family
We just witnessed the end of an era.

After a lifetime of service to her country, the reign of Queen Elizabeth II came to an end — a sad day for so many worldwide.

We also witnessed a new beginning, as the man we’ve always known as Prince Charles transitioned into his role as King Charles III.

At nearly 74 years old, he’s stepping into a job he’s been planning and training for since childhood. Talk about succession planning!

As a career coach, I can’t help but find this fascinating.

While most of us set out to land a job that best suits us, we often make compromises that land us where we never expected to be. We don’t always get to follow the plan we charted from the start.

When Queen Elizabeth took the throne at age 26, she declared that no matter how long or short her life was, she was committed to being of service.

If you’ve ever been in survival mode, you might find yourself muttering “must be nice.” Being of service is a whole lot easier if paying the bills isn’t at the forefront of your mind. But hear me out…

If you’re finding yourself in a career conundrum right now, with no idea where to turn next, you’ll find your answer in their story.

I know, I know — it might not seem relatable.

But like Charles, you’ve been preparing for something all these years too. Like Elizabeth, you can answer the call to service too. Sure, you don’t have the royal family’s coffers behind you, but we’re all human, and we all have the ability to make the most of our lot in life.

Think about it. Ask yourself:
- What do I have? What are my skills? What is my training?
- Where are the places I’ve been fortunate enough to be that have prepared me to be of service?
- What are the experiences that have built my career and life to this point?
Here’s a hint: The answers aren’t in your resume.

Think about the big picture. Consider what you’ve overcome. Reflect on the things that made you who you are on a deeper level. This isn’t about job titles or tasks completed; it’s about who you’ve become in the process.

We opened up registration for our new and improved (and sweetly priced) Now What?® Experience, where participants will do the “soul search” before the job search with our guidance and support. We close registration Tuesday at midnight eastern. You can still join us there!
September 16, 2022