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The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

But I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

March 19, 2023
Are you good enough?

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they didn’t feel good enough, I’d be on the Forbes list right behind Bezos.

Okay, I’m exaggerating … but it sure seems like it sometimes.

I dream of being a writer, but I’m not good enough.
I want to go after a big promotion, but I’m scared that I’m not good enough.
I’d like to start a business, but I’m not good enough.

They don’t always use those exact words, but the implication is always there.

Let’s talk about something more practical because only the best writers earn a living from it.
I would’ve gotten promoted by now if I had what it takes. I’m ready to jump ship and try something else.
Most businesses fail, so I don’t want to quit my day job, but having a coaching practice on the side would be nice.

Do you hear it? “I’m not good enough” is barely under the surface, but it’s there.

Maybe you can relate, so I’m here to tell you: YOU’RE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH.

Don’t get me wrong; sometimes there IS more training or experience to be had, and I’m not suggesting you compromise your standards or settle for mediocrity.

What I mean is, you have to give this some real thought…

Why do you really think you’re not good enough? Whose measuring stick are you using?

Sometimes parents, family, the community we surround ourselves with, or society at large sends us a message that shapes the way we view ourselves. Sometimes well-meaning, sometimes not. Either way, the “not good enough” doesn’t do us any good.

I’ll give you an example…

Someone in my circle was a disappointment to their parents because they skipped college to sweep floors at a photography studio. Fast forward. Now this person is the owner of one of the largest media companies in the U.S.

If you’re suffering about not being good enough, you made the whole thing up. Sorry to sound harsh, but it’s the truth. The opinions of others aren’t weighing you down nearly as much as the super-high standards you’ve adopted and chosen to place on yourself.

But if I suggest that you lower your standards, yikes — I know, mind blowing. Immediate no, right?

I encourage you to reconsider. Here’s why —

If you’re working your tail off to try to prove something to someone….
If you’re suffering because you’ve realized you’ll never be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court or at the top of that Fortune list I mentioned earlier…
If you’re wallowing in self-doubt because your new business made $99,999.97 last year…

You’re not doing your best work. You’re operating from a place of defeat and desperation.

Success breeds success.

You don’t lower your standards to accept loss. You lower your standards so you can win, then win again, then win again.

If you’re focusing on the evidence that you’re not good enough, your attention is pointed in the wrong direction.

I didn’t make cheerleading in high school because I wasn’t good enough, like my friends — boo hoo! But it led me to find theater, which I loved! But I wasn’t good enough to make it to Broadway – which hurt! But it led me to what I do today, which I love even more!

I could’ve focused on the evidence that I wasn’t good enough. Instead, I focused elsewhere and found what I was meant to do.

The more you win, the better you’re going to do.

March 12, 2023
The Trouble with “Work Hard, Play Hard”

There was a time when I thought business and pleasure didn’t exactly mix.

I was all about getting work done, checking off lists, and doing an excellent job.

Even in my theater days — where fun was had by all — I tended to stay laser-focused on the job at hand.

But over the years, I noticed something interesting: some of the people I admired most knew how to have one heck of a good time while taking care of business.

So I started allowing myself to loosen up and to have more fun … and it changed everything!

These days, lots of folks seem to have a case of the blahs — not quite depression, but they’re feeling uninspired, especially when it comes to work.

Employers are grappling with low employee engagement and can’t get workers to step it up.

Needless to say, we’ve all been through a lot over the past few years and continue to deal with ongoing uncertainty. Burnout is more than a buzzword; it’s a reality I hear more and more about every day.

So what to do? For one thing, we must start making fun a priority. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all, but it’s certainly a potent treatment.

That hit of dopamine it provides can have a powerful impact.

It drives focus, boosts motivation, improves executive functioning, peps up productivity, and enhances satisfaction — just what the doctor ordered for business and success with less stress!

We’re all familiar with the phrase “work hard, play hard,” but we’re less familiar with the idea that play primes us to do better work.

I used to think you should wait until your work is completed to play, like eating your dinner before having dessert. But it turns out that giving yourself a dose of dopamine first is the way to go!

Here’s how I like to think about fun; it helps you…
Forget
Unnecessary
Nonsense

Go ahead and feed your soul, remember your zest for life, and then do what you’ve gotta do.

Last week, I was chatting with alums of our Now What? Experience, and we talked all about how much fun matters.

One woman had been in a bit of a rut, so she decided to revisit the athletic days of her youth. Get this — she joined a basketball league specifically for women over 50, and it was far more than a good workout. She had a BLAST, and as a result, started showing up differently in her business.

I had my own version of this last year, revisiting my theater days. I did the musical Bright Star for community theater. The JOY this experience brought me was incredible, and everyone noticed how much it bled into my work. (I was nominated for a best actress award in the local theater circuit, which cracked me up because I did the show for FUN, not for recognition or accomplishment—is there a lesson there?)

What would bring YOU joy?

Spending more time on the golf course?
Playing the piano?
Getting into the woodshop again?
Creating art?
Having more sex?

If you’re in a bit of a rut and want your motivation and productivity to pick up, I encourage you to have more FUN!

When I work with people on career clarity, one of the first steps we take is to ensure life isn’t so stressful and horrible that it clouds your thinking. Fun, fun, fun!

To dopamine!

March 5, 2023
Does asking for what you want feel “pushy?”

We all want what we want, but sometimes going after it feels a little icky.

If you’ve ever had someone skip the small talk and bark a request at you, you know what I mean.

It’s kinda like going for the goods with no foreplay or asking someone to marry you on the first date.

We all prefer for someone to ease into things, get to know us better, and prove themselves worthy.

You don’t want to be THAT person running over people and bulldozing their way through life. You might get what you want, but you’re likely leaving unpleasantness in your wake, burning bridges faster than ghost pepper igniting your mouth to five-alarm status!

You’ll get much further (and be able to look at yourself in the mirror) if you take the time to build relationships and establish trust.

If you struggle with doing what it takes to get what you want, try this —

To simplify things, I use the acronym GILLS.

G: Get clear on your intent. What do you really want?
I: Be interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting.
L: Listen and be present. Don’t think about what you’re going to get out of someone.
L: Learn and ask questions. Remember, people love to talk about themselves.
S: Be specific. When it’s your time to ask for something, be able to say exactly what you want.

This is how you create opportunities and long-term success. It’s not the easiest route, but it is the most effective and sustainable over time.

And it takes away the “ick.”

February 26, 2023
Yeah, but did you ask?!

Last week, I had the awesome pleasure of collaborating with New York Times bestselling author and star of Iyanla, Fix My Life, Iyanla Vanzant on my weekly Friday Focus broadcast. What a POWERHOUSE she is.*

When I announced that we were doing this episode, some of you (and other people I know) were reacting like I had tea with the Queen and wondering how I made that happen. I’m here to tell you how.

I asked.

That’s it. I may have seen my hands tremble a bit as I composed the email, but I asked.

Now, I do have a relationship with Iyanla that goes back 22 years when I was on her first TV show as a guest when my book, Living Your Best Life came out. We’ve been mutual admirers and have communicated over the years. You could put it in the acquaintance category until last week. I can say Iyanla is my friend and colleague. I didn’t know how much so until I asked if she’d give our FRIDAY FOCUS a boost with her collaboration. And BOY, did she!

I’m not saying any of this to boast. I mean to solely illustrate the power of asking. Someone who could be intimidating (if you’re in the wrong mind frame) could be someone you’re not willing to even attempt contacting. I want to encourage you to ask.

Ask for the raise.,
for the relationship.,
for the business., and
Ask for the HELP!

Does the thought of asking for help make you break out in hives? Iyanla and I spoke how reticent people are to ask for help or invest financially in themselves to get help and to grow. The “ask” is part of your evolution and growth. Foregoing assistance can be like expecting to grow a garden in a desert. You need intervention sometimes!

I do not know anyone who has experienced more peaks and valleys in one lifetime than Iyanla, many of which we talked about in our interview. I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already.

To Your Success,
Laura

*We created a Tip Sheet to share with you:
7 Steps To Get Up Time and Time Again After Disappointments and Loss
https://bit.ly/LauraAndIyanla

February 19, 2023
Are you human?

I may or may not know you personally, but I can guess one thing about you —

You’re undervaluing yourself.

Why would I say this? Because you’re human, and it’s something we humans do.

Most of us tend to think we’re just not good enough. It’s like a nagging undercurrent beneath our everyday thoughts, zapping us with “you’re not good enough” every time we want to step it up.

Not only have I observed this countless times in my decades of coaching clients, but there’s also actual neuroscience behind our feelings of unworthiness.

We all operate in varying degrees of a hyper vigilant state. Sure, a childhood bully may have turned up the dial, but being on the lookout for danger is part of who we are.

We scan the room and listen for clues, always on the lookout for approval, rejection, and the potential for things to go wrong.

“Do they like me?”
“Are they accepting me?”
“Is what I’m saying going over okay?”

We’re in self-preservation mode, which throws us into fight or flight and causes us to do things that undercut our value.

Here’s what I mean —

I was talking to someone recently that wanted to change careers. While she didn’t have direct experience in her target field, she had a fantastic background with impressive transferable skills.

But no sooner than she expressed this desire and a potentially hot opportunity did she quickly backpedal with, “But I’ll tell them I don’t need to make a lot of money.”

Um, excuse me. Why would you say that? Let them make you an offer first. Remember your inherent value!

In another recent conversation, a woman was telling me about her plans to attend a networking event that could help her break into a higher-level job.

Then she said, “But I’ll let them know I’m just thinking about it for now.”

Again with the undervaluing! She’s already thought about it and knows she wants it.

Rubbing elbows with the right people and making them aware that you’re ready and eager to step up to the next level is the best way to get there.

We do this because we want to neutralize the situation. If it doesn’t work out, we can’t say we failed.

We play humble, Use self-deprecating humor, Resort to wimpy language, and Act as if we don’t want it.

But if you DO want it, you have to GO for it. No excuses.

You have to be…

Clear about your goals.
Confident about what you bring to the table.
Stand for what you believe in.

It starts with awareness.

Be aware of the undercurrent behind your words and actions:

I’m not worthy, new, inexperienced, and not good enough.

Be aware of when your hyper vigilance for seeking approval is kicking in.

Be aware that breathing will get you back to center.

Whether it’s a presentation, job interview, or sales opportunity, don’t do the work of other people. Don’t assume they’re undervaluing you first. Do the work of being the best version of yourself.

As my acting teacher, Kate McGregor-Stewart, used to say, “Fear is just excitement without the oxygen.”

Practice standing in your power.
Stop undervaluing yourself.
See what a difference it makes in everything you do.

February 12, 2023