Now What?® Coaching

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Is Either/Or Thinking Keeping You Stuck?

When people come to me because they want to make a change in their career or business, among their top stumbling blocks in their path is indecision.

They know they want to do something different, but they can’t seem to decide what that different thing will be.

Here’s how this goes (maybe you can relate) —

Them: I don’t want to be an accountant anymore. I think I’d like to be a writer. But I’m also considering starting a floral design business. I just can’t decide…

Me: Why not start a floral design business and use your writing skills to tell your story and market your business? Or become a writer and do beautiful floral designs for your retreats and book signings?

Them: I’m great at offering leadership development consulting and executive coaching. But I also coach clients in [insert mystical, esoteric, woo woo modality of choice]. I can’t decide which side of my practice to grow…

Me: Why not incorporate the woo woo into your leadership coaching? You might be surprised by how receptive seemingly buttoned up corporate types are to the woo!

Them: I wish I could be be more creative, but I don’t know if I should start my own creative business…I’m scared to give up my paycheck…I can’t decide what to do.

Me: Why not get a new job that allows you to be more creative?

(Obviously there’s more to the coaching conversation than this, but you get the gist.😉)

The sad truth is, indecision can send your dreams of doing something different into a tailspin.

Sometimes when clients come to me they’ve been stuck between either/or for YEARS. Frankly, they were torturing themselves, ruminating over their decision, not moving forward with their life.

Because either/or thinking doesn’t just keep you stuck; it also limits your choices.

The core problem is thinking two things are diametrically opposed that simply aren’t. You don’t have to choose one over the other.

When you try to force yourself to choose one thing over the other, you may overlook the possibility of cojoining — blending two options to create an even better alternative.

You may miss out on the opportunity to dabble in both, scratch an itch, mix and match, experiment, explore, and let it be messy.

There’s a world of possibility out there!

February 5, 2023
How to Accelerate Your Results and Skip “Paying Your Dues”

I don’t know about you, but I grew up being taught that if you want to get anywhere in life, you’ve got to pay your dues until you’re due your pay.

I’d like nothing more than to be a master manifester and skip some of those steps. I’m fascinated by the idea of manifesting. I just like things to be a little more concrete when I’m looking to get results.

And that brings me to “futurecasting,” which combines the practical with the more spiritual side of things.

Here’s what I mean —

I was working with a client recently who wanted to transition out of freelancing into a more permanent role. This is not always an easy move to make; his resume needed a makeover.

Where did we look for inspiration? We didn’t dwell on his pre-freelancing jobs or his recent experience. Instead, we focused on the actual posted job descriptions of the management-level roles he wanted to land.

We pulled the keywords from those job descriptions and wove them into his resume.

Did we lie? No! He’d managed plenty of people, projects, and budgets without holding a management title. So I helped him shape his resume to reflect that.

When he met with an HR manager, she confirmed that he was well-positioned for a management role and maybe even a senior management role!

This client went from run-of-the-mill freelancer to management material, just by changing the focus of the words on his resume.

We were able to futurecast his career to accelerate the results of his hard work by painting an accurate picture of his capabilities. He was able to walk right into a new reality of his own making — all thanks to words.

See how this isn’t woo woo magical stuff, but it does have a manifesting element to it?

It’s about shifting your thinking and actions from focusing on a place of lack, what you don’t have, and what you haven’t done to focus on a very real future that simply hasn’t started yet.

Start acting AS IF that future has already started.
Start acting AS IF you are someone you are not — YET!

In my early coaching days, I worked with a client who was terrified of public speaking.

I asked her to think of someone who embodied the presence she wished she could emulate. Her answer: Grace Kelly, the glamorous Hollywood actress turned Princess of Monaco.

I encouraged her to act AS IF she were Grace Kelly. Soon enough, she was stepping into her corporate presentations with confidence, poise, and…grace.

In both of these examples, rather than paying their dues in a hardscrabble way, my clients behaved in a way that they already had what they wanted to get.

Futurecasting is powerful stuff, and it’s a tool you can use to help get what you want too. Try it!

January 29, 2023
Why did I get “L❤️VE” tattooed on my arm?

If you missed last week’s note, I talked about the lessons I learned hanging out in a tattoo parlor over the holidays, and it sparked some curiosity —

• Why a tattoo?, and L❤️VE?

I touched on it briefly, but it probably deserves further explanation.

What makes a woman approaching a certain milestone birthday suddenly get a tattoo?

Why choose L❤️VE?

And how does this relate to what we’re here to learn — about careers and business?
Well, I’ll tell you…

I’ve been a longtime student of A Course in Miracles — “a universal, metaphysical, self-study program of spiritual psychology.”

If you’ve never heard of it, I encourage you to go check it out. It’s a massive text, fascinating, and full of lessons for life.

One of my biggest takeaways from studying A Course in Miracles is this:

Every thought we have is either based in FEAR or it’s based in LOVE.

I chose to get LOVE tattooed on my wrist as a reminder to choose love.

Because fear is loud and intrusive and it will always take over … if you let it … if you forget that you always have the option to choose love.

This has been a constant challenge for me throughout my life, but even more so, over the past two years as a caregiver. It takes a lot to remember—in every moment—to be patient, present and choose love.

My tattoo is the beautiful reminder I needed.

Connecting more intentionally with love has also impacted my coaching and my business relationships. Every day, my clients and associates are either coming from fear, or they’re coming from love.

Here’s what I mean…

I had a long time client who wanted to move from the corporate world into nonprofits. But she was afraid to give up her corporate salary.

After working together through the fear and avoiding rash decisions, we were able to identify a perfect solution—joining the philanthropic arm of the corporation, which positioned her for a smooth transition into leadership in the nonprofit world later.

She chose love over fear and won.

Fear often blocks money too. If you’re afraid to ask for the money you want, you won’t get it. If you’re afraid of hearing no, you’ll underbid.

If you charge too little or accept a lower salary, you’ll quickly resent your clients or boss and take on headaches you could have avoided.

To find more peace, happiness, and success in life, you must remember to choose LOVE — including self-LOVE — in everything you do.

Choosing love over fear will always win in the end.

January 19, 2023
Lessons From The Tattoo Parlor
I hope you had a wonderful holiday season and your year is off to a fantastic start!

We have some exciting announcements coming up, but first I want to share some wisdom I picked up over the break while hanging out at my local tattoo parlor…

As you may have noticed, I have a nose ring. At first, I wasn’t sure how it would come across in a professional setting, so I chose a subtle wink to my unconventional side—just a tiny dot of jewelry.

But while we were all home during 2020, I decided to get a full ring—and go bold! It was fun while it lasted; however, over the holidays I was ready for another change. I went back to the tiny dot and…I got a tattoo.

While at the parlor to change out the ring, I noticed that one of the guys getting inked glanced my way and let out a chuckle. I asked him to let me in on the joke, and he confessed that he didn’t think I looked like someone who would have a tattoo.

Well, joke’s on him. I am someone with a tattoo now, and I reminded him that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. After all, this guy was covered in art. When I pushed back, he conceded that he doesn’t appreciate judgment from strangers based on his looks either. And we shared a good laugh.

My next appointment was about the tattoo I wanted that had some serious meaning behind it.

As a student of A Course in Miracles, I came to understand that we essentially only have two thoughts: love or fear. So I wanted a permanent reminder to choose love in every decision, conversation, and action.

Because the truth is, I’m not naturally wired that way. With a milestone birthday coming up, I no longer want fear to get in my way. The message is deeply meaningful for me.

Unfortunately, the tattoo artist wasn’t taking me seriously.

I noticed he was being rude and dismissive of me and my vision for the tattoo. Frankly, he was treating me like a pain in the ass. And when I called him out on it, he doubled down by mocking me.

So I asked him…

“Should we not do this? This is something I wanted to have fun with, but if the vibe’s not right, we don’t have to work together.”

From my perspective, the guy had an attitude problem.

Well, from his perspective, he thought I was the one with an attitude problem. “You came in hot,” he said.

Clearly, our energy was off. So I asked for a “do over” and we both decided to press the reset button

When he started again, he was gentle, educational, and we ended up having a great time together. It was an interesting experience.

In the end, I walked away with some key takeaways from these two tattoo parlor exchanges:
1. Don’t judge a book by its cover; watch your assumptions!
2. Read the energy in the room. What are you picking up from a person? What are you giving off?
3. Be willing to walk away. If the energy isn’t right, it’s not going to be a good client experience. What are you willing to give up? How are you willing to shift?
4. Don’t let your feelings fester. If the energy is off, call it out as it’s happening.
5. Avoid projecting. For example, say, “I’m feeling judged,” not “you’re judging me.” People are more open to feedback when you’re not pointing fingers.
Remember, there’s something to learn in every experience if you pay attention. I hope you will put these lessons to good use in your business this year.
January 15, 2023
Holy Wow. Another Year. Can This One Really Be Different?

What am I going to say? Of course, I’m going to say YES. Yes, it can.

There will always be circumstances beyond our control, and we will simultaneously have free will. Let’s put it to work.

I’m sitting down to write this after a local business morning networking group on the very first business day of the year. I had joined a couple of months back and was “giving it a chance.”

After more than two years of COVID isolation, I wanted to see people again and play closer to home. However, this morning it was very clear that I was not investing my time and energy in something that is worth “giving a chance” to, despite my best efforts.

I had all the evidence I needed: small-minded, scarcity mindset from a member fearing competition, broken agreements with me by another member, and finally, shoddy work on display from another. All in the scope of two and a half weeks.

There was a time where I may have waited things out for several months, or where I would be starting to miss meetings instead of telling the truth about what was not in alignment for me.

If you can relate and you’re wondering if you should stay with a group, a company, or even a relationship, take a look at some ways to shift your perspective that might be helpful:

Where do you retreat? Where do you advance? Keep this in mind as you make decisions.

You can make this a different year, just by being willing to put up with less nonsense. That’s what I’m doing. Care to join me?

January 6, 2023
The Currency of Kindness

I’ll let you in on something from the get-go here; I am writing this for myself as much as I’m writing this for you.

You may still be visiting friends and family for the holiday season and experiencing great acts of kindness, but you also may be biting your tongue very hard this week as you do your best to keep the family peace and BE KIND.

It’s that time of year. Peace on earth, goodwill towards men (and women!!) but let me ask you this: Are you kind to yourself? The harder you work to be kind to other people may reflect how hard it is for you to be kind to yourself.

The person I am most unkind to is myself. Can anyone else relate? Those with a strong inner critic work hard to not spew it out on to the innocent bystander, so instead, ratchet up the volume in their own head directing and redirecting the vitriol at themselves.

How does that work for you?

Does it motivate you? Does it keep you stuck or cause you to procrastinate?

I can promise you that turning your kindness on to yourself will make anything you want to accomplish easier for you to do. Ease into kindness and watch it become the currency that energizes your project or promise or whatever you are up to.

People with high standards cause themselves to suffer and refuse to break their own rules even if it works against them. It’s a novel idea to lower your standards if you’re an overachiever. To accept a lower standard can be tough because we’ll make it mean that we are cheating or being lazy or betraying ourselves in some way. However, the opposite is true. Allowing yourself to win helps ease your way to other successes.

I had a consultation with a woman this year who knew that her job was not serving her and that she needed a new, more fulfilling path. She had plenty of money to feel secure pursuing a new direction but her rules about money and spending (not seeing her betterment as an investment) led her to reject what seemed like a very strategic and safe change that was destined to make her happier. She would not break her rules despite them keeping her stuck and miserable!

As we cross over into another year, I ask you to invest in the currency of kindness and the benefit of breaking the rules that make you unhappy. Be kind to YOU.

Wishing you love, peace and happiness in the New Year.

January 1, 2023