Now What?® Coaching

Category: Life Lessons

How to Get Over Yourself
Like it or not, we’re all in the game of sales.

If you want to be successful at anything at all, you have to be able to make the sale.

Looking to land your dream job?
You’ll need to sell yourself as the right person for the role.

Eager to sign your next ideal client?
You’ll have to sell yourself and your service as a solution.

Want people on board with your big idea?
It’s up to you to sell it as something worth buying into.

However, one of the biggest challenges that I see clients struggle with is that they avoid (and dread!) the difficult task of making that phone call or presentation that will begin the process of making a sale.

If you can’t motivate yourself to take the necessary action, let’s fix it.

Hmm…🤔

OK, let me save you some time: You’ve got to get over yourself!

I’ve heard it all, excuse after excuse — you’re shy, nervous, unsure, fear rejection, have imposter syndrome, worry you might fail.

You have to get over yourself!

Easier said than done, but here’s how you do it.

Think of something bigger than you. Instead of focusing on yourself and what could go wrong, focus on what could go right.

Do you create stellar results for your clients?
Focus on the transformation.

Does the company you want to work for have an important mission?
Focus on the good.

Would your kids benefit from your big pay raise?
Focus on your family.

Have you always longed to support causes that matter to you?
Focus on raising those funds.

Winning isn’t about you.

This may sound counterintuitive, but the bigger your desire, the larger your apprehension – the less it should be about you.

Here’s what I mean.

Early in growing my coaching business, a whirlwind of opportunities came my way: radio, television, partnerships, and more.

Even Oprah called! It happened fast, it was intense, and I found myself standing in a spotlight far brighter than expected.

I almost got in my own way; I nearly started selling myself short.

There was only one thought that kept me going with grace: “This is bigger than me!”

Coaching was an emerging profession on the cusp of helping millions. I had an opportunity to represent it on a national stage, and I knew it could uplift my colleagues along with me.

Instead of letting doubt sabotage my contributions to our progress…
- I focused on the good that could come from this work.
- I got over myself.
- I stepped out there to sell coaching as an effective tool for personal and professional growth.
Remember, when you need to get over yourself, you need to focus on something bigger than you.

Whenever you feel uncertainty start to creep in, cut it out and stop the nonsense. You can get it done.

Find the mission, identify a sense of purpose, and sell, sell, sell!
August 25, 2024
Are You Playing a Zero-Sum Game?
Do you ever look around and wonder how you got here?

You are in a job you don’t really like and never really intended to have.
You’re running a business that’s nothing like the one you envisioned.
You’re stuck in a rut and can’t seem to climb your way out.

What gives? You’re a hard worker. Smart. Skilled. Creative. Likable.

Why aren’t you finding fulfillment and achieving your goals?

It could be any number of reasons, but there’s a good chance you’re missing one key thing: Strategy!

Most people find themselves in reactive mode — buried in details and busy work, deep in the weeds.

But to get to where you want to be, you have to forge a path. To even see where you want to go, you have to clear the way.

No matter how deep in the muck and mire you are now, it is possible to emerge, reset your coordinates, and forge a new path, toward the place you want to be.

Let’s not complicate this; here’s what I recommend:
1. Make space. Block off your calendar with room to think, dream, and develop a crystal vision. Delegate the lower-value, laborious tasks that take up your time and attention.
2. Play chess. Plan as many steps ahead as possible, and start moving your pieces accordingly.
One of my executive clients followed this advice and soon found herself anticipating and solving key problems in the organization, garnering the respect she desired, and growing as a leader. She went from resenting her role to thriving in a place where she felt she belonged.

Whether you’re navigating a corporate setting, running your own small business, or tackling a job search, you’ll find that stepping back, gaining clarity, and focusing on strategy will take you in the direction you want to go.
August 18, 2024
Why Aren’t You Showing Up for Yourself?

A couple of weeks ago, an organization notorious for not offering compensation to their speakers asked me to speak. I almost turned them down, but then I remembered something important.

As a business owner, it’s my job to ask for the money. When I don’t ask for what I’m worth, I’m hiding behind assumptions and counting myself out before I’ve even tried.

I decided to show up for myself and ask for my fee – and they paid for it! This is unheard of with these guys, so it made me wonder: How often am I still counting myself out by not showing up, even though I know better?

I see it every day, coaching people who want to accomplish big goals. They wouldn’t be working with me if they weren’t looking to make a change.

But sometimes I look around and don’t see them showing up . . . anywhere near where they said they wanted to be!

We talked about the plan established in our last meeting, looked closely at the stated to-dos, and found they were nowhere to be found. Missing in action.

That networking event she said she’d attend? No show.

The newsletter he promised to send? No go.

The cold calls, the outreach emails, the referral follow-up, the job application, the workout, the difficult conversation — no sign of them anywhere getting any of it done.

Instead, I find them hiding — behind excuses — somewhere we all find ourselves, sometimes way too comfortable, caught up in distractions, responsibilities, and busy work.

When we don’t show up, we subtly (or not so subtly!) abandon ourselves.

As a coach, it’s my job to help you see this. But I can’t show up for you; this is something you have to do for yourself.

Here’s what I recommend when showing up doesn’t come easy.

Trick yourself. Make it bite-sized. Do something. Show up in some small way.

Go to one networking event, and give yourself permission to leave after 10 minutes.

Spend 10 minutes writing a newsletter, and send it to your best friend.

Once you step beyond the excuses, knock off the jitters, and crack the seal on the safety wrap keeping you stuck, you’ll start to see that showing up isn’t so hard. Even when it’s not easy, it is worth it. Every time you feel the cement block on your feet, chip away at it.

Do a little bit, and it will turn into wanting to do a lot more.

August 11, 2024
Do This To Replace Toxic Positivity

I have a confession to make: I’m not a big fan of positive thinking.

People often find this surprising because — after all — the self-help industry is rife with coaches who promote the power of positive thinking.

Maybe it’s the New Yorker in me, but expecting things to go well just because you’ve decided to be happy and hopeful — well, it doesn’t quite cut it. Call me cynical, but believing optimism will work magic is simply too airy fairy for my sensibilities.

For example, let’s say you feel like you’re not good enough to land your dream job and won’t have enough money to pay your mortgage within the next few months unless you get hired.

Positive thinking enthusiasts will consider your situation and suggest you start saying affirmations.

I AM good enough! I am a millionaire money magnet!

I get it; the idea is to reprogram your thinking to believe everything will work out in your favor. Don’t get me wrong, replacing negative self-talk with a more positive outlook can boost your motivation and confidence. A shift in your perspective can open your eyes to opportunities.

But, let’s face it – positive thinking can also keep you stuck in little more than delusion. It doesn’t necessarily change the actions you’ll take.

In the real world, I prefer to place my bets on a more practical and actionable approach: productive thinking.

Turning a negative thought into a positive one won’t necessarily get you where you want to go. Here’s what I mean —

Let’s say you think you’re too old to pivot onto a new career path. Chanting “I am young and vibrant!” isn’t likely to take you very far anytime soon.

Instead, ask yourself if going around insisting you’re too old to pivot will help produce the outcome you want. No, of course not.

Next ask: Is it probable that you’ll run up against ageism? Go ahead and face your fears and admit that you think “yes.”

Then ask: Is it POSSIBLE that you’ll be the one to beat the odds and breakthrough? The honest answer is “yes.” Isn’t that interesting? Admitting you very well may not be too old IS the truth.

Productive thinking is about living in possibilities — not pulling the wool over your eyes and getting caught up in toxic positivity. Instead of rejecting negative emotions and deluding yourself with unrealistic thoughts with no consideration for circumstances, consider what’s possible.

It’s not productive to stay stuck in the problem. Instead, look for options and opportunities. Productive thinking allows for taking action.

When you think you’re not good enough, you collect evidence that you’re not good enough. Positive thinking asks you to toss that evidence aside with no proof.
Meanwhile, productive thinking seeks a different kind of evidence. What actions make “it” more possible? Do you want the job or to succeed in your business? Keep taking the actions that open up possibilities. Learn the skill. Revamp your resume. Launch the podcast. Call the prospect. The more action you take, the more possible your goals and dreams become.

Lacking confidence in a particular area? Start your productive thinking journey this month.

July 7, 2024
Are You Counting Yourself Out Before You Try?

As a coach, I could talk all day about the many ways I’ve seen people hold themselves back, but today I’m diving into one of the most common.

I have to come right out and say it: Far too many of you are putting yourself through the wringer for no good reason!

You’re placing obstacles in your own way, adding steps that don’t need to be there, and slowing down your progress unnecessarily.

I’ve figured out one reason why.

If you’ve ever gone to college or pursued some sort of formal qualification (or you’re simply familiar with the process), you’ve heard the term prerequisites (or prereqs for short).

It refers to the classes you take or another requirement you need to meet before you’re eligible to enroll in a program or class to move on to the next level.

We’ve come to believe this is the way it must be — moving up step by-step-by-step. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Here’s what I mean:

I was working with a client who was gunning for an executive career. He’d proven himself an effective leader with a track record of results. But when his dream division VP role opened up, he almost counted himself out. At the time, he was a senior director and figured he needed to go after an assistant VP role first … still, the division leader opportunity was calling his name.

Instead, we developed a game plan, and I encouraged him to go for it. He landed the job! Skipping the make-believe interim step. Waiving his imaginary prereq.

The topic came up again this week. I had a client who wanted to coach corporate clients, but she didn’t have a corporate background, so she counted herself out.

How could she knock on the doors of these big corporations without the portfolio and qualifications to back up what she was selling? She assumed she’d never land a contract.

Instead, we developed a plan for her to skip the closed doors altogether and go straight for the people who work at these corporations. Corporate leaders are deciding to work with her, individually, some even using their professional development perks to get reimbursed.

She skipped the make-believe interim step. Waived her imaginary prereq.

Soon enough, she’ll be able to knock on enterprise doors pointing to the results she got for leaders at megacorps, and she’s building her corporate prospect network in the process.

Now it’s your turn.

Look at the roadblocks you put in the way, thinking you need X before you can achieve the Y you want.

What do YOU really want? Go for it now!

June 30, 2024
Who Are You When Your Shell Cracks?

Whether you’re a passionate professional or a business owner, what you do for a living is a big part of your identity. It’s part of what defines who you are.

I’m not saying your career is the most important thing in your life, but I don’t tend to attract people who think a job is something that doesn’t matter. If you’re reading this email, you’re not likely to be someone who clocks in, slogs through the day, and clocks out — just to pay the bills, year after year. (There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s just not how some of us are wired!)

Your work is meaningful in some way and tied to how you see yourself and your place in the world.

Therefore, when the place you find yourself changes, the identity change that comes along with it can be challenging.

Maybe you’re on a career pause to raise your kids, you’ve decided to step out of an executive role into entrepreneurship, you’ve been laid off, or you’re winding down for retirement or semi-retirement.

Who you are in these moments can be tricky. It can feel uncertain and even a little scary.

The ground feels shaky as you lose and gain, negotiating shifting realities.

You might be gaining freedom, time, or the opportunity to pursue new things, while simultaneously losing who you are, who you were, or who you considered yourself to be. Talk about confusion!

As a career and business coach, I help clients navigate this process all the time.

Here’s the thing:

You have to reconcile the loss and create a new identity.

Think of it like an egg.

The shell is your job, along with the salary, perks, respect, admiration, etc. that make up this aspect of your identity.

But it’s what’s inside that counts — the golden center! YOU are the yolk.

Once you break out of the shell, you can take on many new forms. It’s the substance that matters: wisdom, experience, hard knowledge, soft skills.

Focus on what you bring with you when the shell cracks away. What new identity will you create?

Let us know if we can help.

June 23, 2024