Now What?® Coaching

Tag: career clarity

  • Is It OK To Be Content?

    by  Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

    CherubAfter speaking to one-thousand people at a conference complete with Q&A and spending a weekend with retreat participants who had life-changing ah-ha’s, one question that stuck with me in the two weeks hence was: “Is it OK to be content?”

    Asked of me by someone in my career clarity and life direction workshop, my answer was ‘of course, ’ but the question lingered. It made me consider that the answer is conditional.  Being content is a great thing; however, I’ve also observed it can be an avoidance technique.  I’ve only met a few people in my lifetime who seemed truly content when they said they were. The rest of the people said they were content as if they were giving up.  There’s a difference between not wanting anything because you’re content and not wanting anything because you don’t think you can have it.

    Do we have to be pursuing something? Do we have to have goals? Do we have to be improving ourselves in some way all the time?  Absolutely not!  And I mean that.

    At the same time, I see contentment like hunger. You can eat without stuffing yourself and stop at the point where you are just sated. Eventually, you will get hungry again. That’s how I see human growth and potential. There’s always something to explore or want.  It’s OK to coast sometimes, it’s OK to have priorities other than your own fulfillment (if you have children or a demanding job (paid or unpaid) you know that for sure), but eventually there will be a longing.  It’s the price we pay for being human.

    Are YOU content? 

    Do you feel tremendous gratitude for your life?

    Do you feel relative ease with the decisions on your plate now?

    Do you feel at peace with yourself despite any shortcomings?

    Do you have virtually nothing in your life that disrupts that peace?

    Do you feel buoyed and connected to yourself, others and life?

    If you answered yes to all of those, you are in the minority and you are to be congratulated. Does that automatically put the rest of us in discontent? Not necessarily. But if you say you’re content, it doesn’t mean you will be without wants.  It just means you are OK with or without getting what you desire.

    The woman who asked me the question cried a lot over the weekend and blamed me for ‘doing that to [her]’. She said she was content until she sat through the weekend.

    Content? Maybe. But more likely previously numb because the truth was too much to bear.

    I am sympathetic. Change is frightening and not knowing how to change something is even more isolating and scary.

    Mahatma Gandhi said: “Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.”

    It is OK to be content.  It’s wonderful.  I wish it for us all.  But if we’re not, it’s better to be honest about it and realize that it’s not something to be afraid of.  “The only way out is through.”*

    *Robert Frost

  • Getting What We Want Can Also Mean Giving Something Up

    By Alvah Parker,  Authorized Now What? Facilitator

    Career transitions create discomfort. Often times, it is not clear where you are headed. At other times, you aren’t sure if you really want to make a change.  Like a snake shedding it’s old skin, you had adjusted to the “old skin”, your current career, but it just doesn’t fit any more.  As you become more uncomfortable, you realize you must make a change.

    One key question to ask at this critical stage is, “What will I take with me and what will I leave behind?” As you begin to get clear on the answers, you will begin the process of letting go and moving on with greater clarity and confidence.

    Bill, a software consultant I worked with, was miserable in his job. An ambitious person, Bill and his new wife had moved to Bahrain to work because the income looked promising.  He achieved the high salary he desired, but he also moved into a job that was less satisfying and more time consuming than he expected.

    Prior to accepting the consulting job, Bill had done the same type of work for a large corporation.  Now as a consultant for the software company, he had to bid on work for multiple companies.  His expectation had been that he would just do the consulting work. Instead, he had to bid on the work before he could consult.  He hated writing responses to bids.  To make matters even worse, Bill was required to respond to every request even when Bill knew there was no chance of winning the business.  This made Bill angry and frustrated.

    Bill enjoyed working with his clients and they liked and respected him.  Bill found he was frequently advising clients on other matters not just the software.  He started to enjoy the advising more than the consulting he was hired for.  As a result, he found himself impatient with the software consulting.

    In addition, Bill disliked the travel he needed to do in his job. Bill was a newlywed and did not think about the travel when he accepted the job.  Now he resented being away from his wife several nights a week.  When he had to be away for a birthday or anniversary, he was especially upset.  Bill felt the software consulting job was controlling his life.

    The situation finally got too difficult for Bill to bear.  He decided it was time for a change.  He admitted to me that there were several aspects of his work that he would miss.  The money was really good and had enabled him to save quite a nest egg.   He enjoyed certain perks such as a spacious home with a swimming pool.  He would never have had such a luxurious lifestyle in his own country.

    Bill was finally willing to let go of those pieces though for a career that was more fulfilling, that he had more control over and that allowed him to be with his wife more.

    He also noted that thanks to his software consulting he could take with him business know how, excellent computer skills, good writing and presentation skills, and strong leadership skills, all of which would be helpful in his new career.  He felt good about what he had gained—much better than he had in a long time.

    Career transitions are not easy. It is often a time when people feel confused and uncomfortable.  Growth comes when you can shed what is no longer useful to you (your old skin) and have the courage to move on to something more meaningful and exciting.  After completing his work on letting go and moving on, Bill felt optimistic, energized and ready to explore the possibilities that lay ahead of him.

    Based on Chapter Two of  Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang —With Every Gain, There Is a Loss