Now What?® Coaching

Category: Lessons Learned

The Missing Ingredient to Make Wishes a Reality

What’s something you wish for?

Maybe you’ve wished for it all your life. Maybe you’ve developed a longing for it over time. It could be something big or small, but it’s a desire that won’t leave you alone. You want it, and it matters to you.

Become a bestselling author.
Own a bed and breakfast in a seaside town.
Fund a trip around the world doing work you love.
Find a new, more fulfilling job!

Whatever it is, you just don’t know how to make it come true.

You could try manifesting it by meditating on a mountaintop … which might work!

– OR –

You could take more practical steps forward … which is much more likely to do the trick!

No matter what you wish to have or achieve, there is very likely a well-worn path to get there. You simply need to do the work.

But you might be wondering, if it’s as simple as that, why doesn’t everyone just go out there and make their wishes come true? Two reasons —

If you’re anything like most people, you’d much rather
1.) seek pleasure
– OR –
2.) avoid pain

We tend to perceive things like creating structure, following the steps, and doing the work as pain — the boring, grueling, not-so-fun part.

We’re looking for instant wins rather than recognizing the potential in delayed gratification.

If your wish is to be good at playing the piano, you have to practice.,
to grow your business by closing more sales, you have to do more sales calls, and
land your dream job, you’ll have to keep networking and updating your resume.

Just like you can’t build a house without a foundation, you can’t make your wish into reality without a structure. You’ll need to look at that blueprint and get to work.

It’s worked for me, and I see it work for my clients every day.

For example, a woman I worked with a few years ago saw the writing on the wall. A merger was coming at her company, and she was going to be out of a job. So she went to work creating a structure to find her new home.

She wanted to be known as the best person for the job.

And she didn’t just wish for it; she went for it!

Here’s what that looked like:

2x per month, she went to lunch with someone in her industry, a connection from LinkedIn.
1x per month, she spoke at a conference or association meeting.

So when the hatchet came down, she was only out of a job for three weeks. She’d created a structure that bolstered her career, took action, and was able to move into a new place with ease.

Is luck ever involved? Of course. But you create more lucky breaks for yourself if you’ve taken action and set the foundation for things to fall into place.

What are you going to do next to grant your own wish?

April 23, 2023
Have You Noticed?

Have You Noticed?

Coming out of a week of spring holidays, I’m reminded of something I’d like to share with you.

As you may know, I’m an ordained interfaith minister. In my study of religion, I learned enough about each of the world’s major faith traditions to notice important similarities – interesting stuff!

Something I find particularly fascinating is the tradition of springtime renewal.

Whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Pagan, or otherwise, people of many faiths around the world practice rituals of giving up something to move forward into renewal.

Ramadan is about fasting, giving up the pleasure of food.
Passover celebrants go without any leavened bread or bread products.
Forty days of Lent and giving up something precede Easter.

Whether you’re religious or not, there’s a lesson here. You can see it in nature with the new leaves budding from where the old were once shed.

We have the power to rise, to be absolved, to be free and clear and fresh . . . when we stop to reflect and let go.

What do you need to let go of to have the renewal of spring?

An unwanted habit that’s harming you.
A toxic relationship that’s weighing you down.
A job or a business that’s no longer serving you.

What awareness can you gain from examining this thing and shedding your attachment to it?

Where can you find release and bring forth a fresh and renewed sense of clarity and promise?

No matter how challenging things may seem right now —

Nature always renews. People have always renewed. So can you!

April 16, 2023
How to R.E.P.A.I.R. Broken Relationships

The #1 key to success and fulfillment in your career or business is the relationships you have —

Relationships with employers or clients, with the people who report to you, and
Relationships with colleagues, vendors, prospects, competitors, or anyone you cross paths with on a given workday,
And most importantly, relationships with the people you love and care about…

But relationships are not always easy, and sometimes they’re downright difficult.

You’re going to deal with people that rub you the wrong way. You’re going to have to put some real effort into establishing and nurturing relationships that are meaningful and mutually beneficial.

And you’re going to run into conflict.

Even the strongest relationships get strained, start to unravel, and sometimes break, which is never fun.

Unless it’s time to let that person go, you’ll want to know the best way to go about mending the rift.

Here’s what I recommend when I coach clients on how to R.E.P.A.I.R. relationships:

Responsibility: Did you lose your cool or make a mistake? Chances are, you took some part in what happened. Take responsibility and own it.

Expect Nothing: Don’t expect the person to forgive you or to be angry or stubborn. Just go into the conversation with an open mind and be prepared to address what comes up.

Process Your Emotions: How are you feeling and why? What are you really angry about? What triggered you? Is there an unmet need? Get clear on what’s going on with you before going any further.

Apologize: For real. None of that “sorry IF” stuff. Express genuine regret for what you did and own up to it, without a hint of insincerity.

Invite Response: Don’t assume anything. Make sure everything’s okay. If you’re upset by their comeback, keep your cool. Go back to the beginning and work things out until you come to an understanding.

Agree on Next Steps: Explain how you’re going to move forward in the relationship. Will you do your best not to do it again? What can they expect from you in the future?

Repair: Don’t expect a quick fix. If you’ve broken trust or let someone down, it’ll take work and time to truly mend the relationship and make the bond strong again.

It might be tough, but it will be worth it. Meaningful relationships are too valuable to throw away over a spat, mistake, or misunderstanding.

Sometimes it’s not your fault, but if you played any part in what went wrong, it’s up to you to make it right.

April 9, 2023
Question of the Week: Get Fired Up Again

What will bring back your spark?

That was the question that became a theme this week on my coaching calls.

Low energy
Uninspired
Blah

I think it’s safe to say we all feel this way from time to time.

Whether you’re experiencing a bout of burnout, your self-esteem has taken a hit, you’re just not excited about the things going on in your life anymore, or something else — it’s not uncommon for something to dull your shine.

The really good news is that losing your spark isn’t a permanent condition.

It can be dangerous if you don’t address it; however, it’s entirely possible to get fired up again. 🔥🔥🔥

But how? Maybe a little self-care, exercise, decluttering, asking for what you want, or taking a day off…

The answer isn’t always the same, but you need to pick one:

Take action.
Identify a solution.
Create a disruption.

Whatever you do, don’t just sit around smoldering and whining about your spark being gone, in a pile of ashes and disappointment. It won’t do you any good, and you can still do a lot of good.

Here’s what I mean.

Last week, I needed some inspiration, so I decided to create a disruption.

I shook up my normal routine and went on an audition! As you may know, I used to be an actor, so it’s something I still like to do occasionally. But this was different — not my usual musical theater, but a real stage play.

You know what? I got a callback!

It let me know that I don’t suck, it was super exciting, and it reignited my spark. I’m glad I created a disruption (I didn’t get the part, but I was actually relieved due to scheduling).

Now it’s your turn. If you’re barely running on fumes, how can you get fired up again?

It could be something big, such as training for a marathon, or something small, like taking a different route when walking the dog.

The point is, you must do something to create a little friction — rekindle your flame and stoke the fire.

Give it some thought. Daydream. Journal. Doodle. Try new things.

You’ll be shining again, burning with passion, and ready to take on the world before you know it.

April 2, 2023
Got a conflict at work? Do this.

If you’re anything like most people I coach, you hate conflict.

Especially in the course of a workday!

But let’s face it; the workplace is like a playground, where people dress a little better and use a slightly better vocabulary.

We’re all still a bunch of kids just trying to get our needs met.

But managing difficult conversations, facing uncomfortable truths, and laying things all out on the table is never fun.

So you try to avoid it at all cost. Who wants the headache?!

Let’s face it; the workplace is rife with conflict — the kind that operates out in the open, and the kind that’s simmering under the surface … then things boil over, and you know how that goes!

Why can’t we all just go along to get along?

Here’s the thing —
You might be thinking the conflict is about something petty or ridiculous or all the other person’s fault. But it’s really all about that playground drama.

Remember, we’re a bunch of grownups, dressed up, still trying to get our needs met.

Ask yourself: What are my needs?

As for me, I have a high need to be recognized. Like at home — if I’ve gone through the effort to make a meal, I want to hear, “Thanks Mom; this is good!” If not, I get cranky.

Maybe you have a need…
to be liked, respected, heard, and
to be seen,
for control…

What are your needs? Think about it.

When you have an interpersonal conflict with someone, stop to think about what need of yours is not being met.

This will make things so much easier. It’s hard to believe at first, but it’s not usually about them and whatever annoying/infuriating thing they’re doing or not doing.

Maybe it’s about YOUR need not being met.

And if it’s NOT about you, it’s about the other person’s unmet need. Become very curious about what people really need underneath the words they use, and you’ll find how to unravel conflict much more easily.

March 24, 2023
The Unfortunate Cost of Covering All Your Bases

As a coach, I’m in the business of helping people get what they want — out of their career, their business, and their life.

Over the years I’ve observed a thing or two about wanting, and the many reasons why people often don’t get what they want.

One big reason is that they’re holding tight to the idea that they’ve got to cover all their bases.

I’ve had a few clients recently who were adamant about it.

They were convinced that they had to do everything humanly possible to be absolutely certain that they were giving themselves the greatest shot at success.

Which sounds good, right? Of course you’d want to give your next thing your best effort…

“But what if it takes longer than expected?”
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I hope?”
“What if I fail and fall flat on my face?”

That’s where clinging tight to those bases comes into play.

“I’m excited about opening a wine shop on Main Street, but I should probably keep designing websites on the side.”

“I’d like to focus on working with older widows and divorcées in my coaching business, but young professionals are my bread and butter, so I don’t want to change my marketing messaging.”

“I’m committed to partnering with my brother in his lucrative insurance business, but my old boss just told me about an opening at his new company. I should at least apply.”

Or in my client’s case, she took a severance package, stepped down from her corporate VP role, and made the decision to move in an exciting new direction…

Take a wild guess…

She started applying for more corporate VP roles that she didn’t even want! Slammed the door closed, celebrated her freedom, and then tried to sneak back in.

She claimed she was “just” covering her bases. She was tempted by the “what ifs.”

Look, I get it —
Change is uncomfortable.
Fear of failure is real.
Identities are difficult to shed.
Believing in yourself isn’t easy.
You’ve gathered all sorts of evidence that you’ll never really get what you want anyway.

But I’m here to tell you, I’ve seen it countless times —
You want to change careers, get a promotion, or launch a business?, and have to go all in!

You might think it’s safer to stick with what you know, but the real danger is getting stuck in what you don’t want.

I know it’s scary, but the key to success is focusing on what’s ahead of you, not what you’re attempting to leave behind.

Trying to cover all your bases only guarantees that you’re not going to get what you want.

March 19, 2023