Here’s something I’ve been noticing a lot lately with clients, friends, family, neighbors, and strangers in the checkout line at T.J.Maxx: They’re afraid to make a move because they don’t trust themselves to make the right call.
Honestly? I get it.
We’re living in a world where it’s becoming increasingly difficult to know whom or what to trust. The news. Our employers. Political leaders. Technology. (Did you see that the latest issue of Vogue featured an AI-generated model in its Guess ad?)
Even our own careers and businesses feel like shifting sand.
Here’s the problem:
The one person you should be able to trust is you. And most people don’t.
Unquestionably, second-guessing has become so normalized you probably don’t even notice it. How many times have you done it just today?
“I wonder if following up with that prospect tomorrow is too soon.”
“Should I use this font or that one?”
“Will this example still resonate with my audience, or is it outdated?”
I remember being in my 20s, standing in the cereal aisle, so paralyzed between Cheerios and granola that I called my mom for help.
While these may seem like little decisions, but that pattern of outsourcing our choices runs deep and it goes far.
I’ve coached brilliant, accomplished professionals who stayed in jobs for years past their expiration date because their spouse, their parents, or even their friends saw them a certain way.
“You’ve always wanted to be an engineer!”
“You’re the best teacher I know. You can’t just walk away from that!”
Unfortunately, they stayed stuck, not because they lacked confidence, but because they lacked clarity.
You know what I’ve figured out? Confidence doesn’t come first. Clarity does.
Clarity gives you direction. It acts as your True North, your inner GPS. When you know who you are and what matters most, you stop fearing the”wrong” decision. You know you’ll course-correct if needed.
How do you find that clarity?
You start with two things: Your needs and your values.
Not surface-level needs. I’m referring to emotional needs, such as the desire for creative expression, the need for purpose, and the longing for meaningful connection.
Your values are the non-negotiables that shape how you want to live: justice, integrity, family, growth.
These become your scaffolding. Your decision-making structure. The more clearly you can name them, the more confident you’ll feel – not because someone told you what to do, but because you finally started listening to yourself.
If you’ve been second-guessing, pause. Tune in.
What do you need? What do you value?
That’s your path forward.