Now What?® Coaching

Author: Laura Berman Fortgang

  • The Trouble with “Work Hard, Play Hard”

    The Trouble with “Work Hard, Play Hard”

    There was a time when I thought business and pleasure didn’t exactly mix.

    I was all about getting work done, checking off lists, and doing an excellent job.

    Even in my theater days — where fun was had by all — I tended to stay laser-focused on the job at hand.

    But over the years, I noticed something interesting: some of the people I admired most knew how to have one heck of a good time while taking care of business.

    So I started allowing myself to loosen up and to have more fun … and it changed everything!

    These days, lots of folks seem to have a case of the blahs — not quite depression, but they’re feeling uninspired, especially when it comes to work.

    Employers are grappling with low employee engagement and can’t get workers to step it up.

    Needless to say, we’ve all been through a lot over the past few years and continue to deal with ongoing uncertainty. Burnout is more than a buzzword; it’s a reality I hear more and more about every day.

    So what to do? For one thing, we must start making fun a priority. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all, but it’s certainly a potent treatment.

    That hit of dopamine it provides can have a powerful impact.

    It drives focus, boosts motivation, improves executive functioning, peps up productivity, and enhances satisfaction — just what the doctor ordered for business and success with less stress!

    We’re all familiar with the phrase “work hard, play hard,” but we’re less familiar with the idea that play primes us to do better work.

    I used to think you should wait until your work is completed to play, like eating your dinner before having dessert. But it turns out that giving yourself a dose of dopamine first is the way to go!

    Here’s how I like to think about fun; it helps you…
    ​Forget
    ​Unnecessary
    ​Nonsense

    Go ahead and feed your soul, remember your zest for life, and then do what you’ve gotta do.

    Last week, I was chatting with alums of our Now What? Experience, and we talked all about how much fun matters.

    One woman had been in a bit of a rut, so she decided to revisit the athletic days of her youth. Get this — she joined a basketball league specifically for women over 50, and it was far more than a good workout. She had a BLAST, and as a result, started showing up differently in her business.

    I had my own version of this last year, revisiting my theater days. I did the musical Bright Star for community theater. The JOY this experience brought me was incredible, and everyone noticed how much it bled into my work. (I was nominated for a best actress award in the local theater circuit, which cracked me up because I did the show for FUN, not for recognition or accomplishment—is there a lesson there?)

    What would bring YOU joy?

    Spending more time on the golf course?
    Playing the piano?
    Getting into the woodshop again?
    Creating art?
    Having more sex?

    If you’re in a bit of a rut and want your motivation and productivity to pick up, I encourage you to have more FUN!

    When I work with people on career clarity, one of the first steps we take is to ensure life isn’t so stressful and horrible that it clouds your thinking. Fun, fun, fun!

    To dopamine!

  • Does asking for what you want feel “pushy?”

    Does asking for what you want feel “pushy?”

    We all want what we want, but sometimes going after it feels a little icky.

    If you’ve ever had someone skip the small talk and bark a request at you, you know what I mean.

    It’s kinda like going for the goods with no foreplay or asking someone to marry you on the first date.

    We all prefer for someone to ease into things, get to know us better, and prove themselves worthy.

    You don’t want to be THAT person running over people and bulldozing their way through life. You might get what you want, but you’re likely leaving unpleasantness in your wake, burning bridges faster than ghost pepper igniting your mouth to five-alarm status!

    You’ll get much further (and be able to look at yourself in the mirror) if you take the time to build relationships and establish trust.

    If you struggle with doing what it takes to get what you want, try this —

    To simplify things, I use the acronym GILLS.

    Does asking for what you want feel "pushy?"G: Get clear on your intent. What do you really want?
    ​I: Be interested in other people rather than trying to be interesting.
    ​L: Listen and be present. Don’t think about what you’re going to get out of someone.
    ​L: Learn and ask questions. Remember, people love to talk about themselves.
    ​S: Be specific. When it’s your time to ask for something, be able to say exactly what you want.

    This is how you create opportunities and long-term success. It’s not the easiest route, but it is the most effective and sustainable over time.

    And it takes away the “ick.”
    ​

  • Yeah, but did you ask?!

    Yeah, but did you ask?!

    Last week, I had the awesome pleasure of collaborating with New York Times bestselling author and star of Iyanla, Fix My Life, Iyanla Vanzant on my weekly Friday Focus broadcast. What a POWERHOUSE she is.*

    When I announced that we were doing this episode, some of you (and other people I know) were reacting like I had tea with the Queen and wondering how I made that happen. I’m here to tell you how.

    I asked.

    That’s it. I may have seen my hands tremble a bit as I composed the email, but I asked.

    Now, I do have a relationship with Iyanla that goes back 22 years when I was on her first TV show as a guest when my book, Living Your Best Life came out. We’ve been mutual admirers and have communicated over the years. You could put it in the acquaintance category until last week. I can say Iyanla is my friend and colleague. I didn’t know how much so until I asked if she’d give our FRIDAY FOCUS a boost with her collaboration. And BOY, did she!

    I’m not saying any of this to boast. I mean to solely illustrate the power of asking. Someone who could be intimidating (if you’re in the wrong mind frame) could be someone you’re not willing to even attempt contacting. I want to encourage you to ask.

    Ask for the raise.,
    for the relationship.,
    for the business., and
    Ask for the HELP!

    Does the thought of asking for help make you break out in hives? Iyanla and I spoke how reticent people are to ask for help or invest financially in themselves to get help and to grow. The “ask” is part of your evolution and growth. Foregoing assistance can be like expecting to grow a garden in a desert. You need intervention sometimes!

    I do not know anyone who has experienced more peaks and valleys in one lifetime than Iyanla, many of which we talked about in our interview. I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already.

    To Your Success,
    Laura

    *We created a Tip Sheet to share with you:
    ​7 Steps To Get Up Time and Time Again After Disappointments and Loss
    ​https://bit.ly/LauraAndIyanla​
    ​

  • Are you human?

    Are you human?

    I may or may not know you personally, but I can guess one thing about you —

    You’re undervaluing yourself.

    Why would I say this? Because you’re human, and it’s something we humans do.

    Most of us tend to think we’re just not good enough. It’s like a nagging undercurrent beneath our everyday thoughts, zapping us with “you’re not good enough” every time we want to step it up.

    Not only have I observed this countless times in my decades of coaching clients, but there’s also actual neuroscience behind our feelings of unworthiness.

    We all operate in varying degrees of a hyper vigilant state. Sure, a childhood bully may have turned up the dial, but being on the lookout for danger is part of who we are.

    We scan the room and listen for clues, always on the lookout for approval, rejection, and the potential for things to go wrong.

    “Do they like me?”
    “Are they accepting me?”
    “Is what I’m saying going over okay?”

    We’re in self-preservation mode, which throws us into fight or flight and causes us to do things that undercut our value.

    Here’s what I mean —

    I was talking to someone recently that wanted to change careers. While she didn’t have direct experience in her target field, she had a fantastic background with impressive transferable skills.

    But no sooner than she expressed this desire and a potentially hot opportunity did she quickly backpedal with, “But I’ll tell them I don’t need to make a lot of money.”

    Um, excuse me. Why would you say that? Let them make you an offer first. Remember your inherent value!

    In another recent conversation, a woman was telling me about her plans to attend a networking event that could help her break into a higher-level job.

    Then she said, “But I’ll let them know I’m just thinking about it for now.”

    Again with the undervaluing! She’s already thought about it and knows she wants it.

    Rubbing elbows with the right people and making them aware that you’re ready and eager to step up to the next level is the best way to get there.

    We do this because we want to neutralize the situation. If it doesn’t work out, we can’t say we failed.

    We play humble, Use self-deprecating humor, Resort to wimpy language, and Act as if we don’t want it.
    But if you DO want it, you have to GO for it. No excuses.

    Are you humanYou have to be…

    Clear about your goals.
    Confident about what you bring to the table.
    Stand for what you believe in.

    It starts with awareness.

    Be aware of the undercurrent behind your words and actions:

    I’m not worthy, new, inexperienced, and not good enough.

    Be aware of when your hyper vigilance for seeking approval is kicking in.

    Be aware that breathing will get you back to center.

    Whether it’s a presentation, job interview, or sales opportunity, don’t do the work of other people. Don’t assume they’re undervaluing  you first. Do the work of being the best version of yourself.

    As my acting teacher, Kate McGregor-Stewart, used to say, “Fear is just excitement without the oxygen.”

    Practice standing in your power.
    Stop undervaluing yourself.
    See what a difference it makes in everything you do.
  • Is Either/Or Thinking Keeping You Stuck?

    Is Either/Or Thinking Keeping You Stuck?

    When people come to me because they want to make a change in their career or business, among their top stumbling blocks in their path is indecision.

    They know they want to do something different, but they can’t seem to decide what that different thing will be.

    Is Either/Or Thinking Keeping You Stuck?Here’s how this goes (maybe you can relate) —

    Them: I don’t want to be an accountant anymore. I think I’d like to be a writer. But I’m also considering starting a floral design business. I just can’t decide…

    Me: Why not start a floral design business and use your writing skills to tell your story and market your business? Or become a writer and do beautiful floral designs for your retreats and book signings?

    Them: I’m great at offering leadership development consulting and executive coaching. But I also coach clients in [insert mystical, esoteric, woo woo modality of choice]. I can’t decide which side of my practice to grow…

    Me: Why not incorporate the woo woo into your leadership coaching? You might be surprised by how receptive seemingly buttoned up corporate types are to the woo!

    Them: I wish I could be be more creative, but I don’t know if I should start my own creative business…I’m scared to give up my paycheck…I can’t decide what to do.

    Me: Why not get a new job that allows you to be more creative?

    (Obviously there’s more to the coaching conversation than this, but you get the gist.😉)

    The sad truth is, indecision can send your dreams of doing something different into a tailspin.

    Sometimes when clients come to me they’ve been stuck between either/or for YEARS. Frankly, they were torturing themselves, ruminating over their decision, not moving forward with their life.

    Because either/or thinking doesn’t just keep you stuck; it also limits your choices.

    The core problem is thinking two things are diametrically opposed that simply aren’t. You don’t have to choose one over the other.

    When you try to force yourself to choose one thing over the other, you may overlook the possibility of cojoining — blending two options to create an even better alternative.

    You may miss out on the opportunity to dabble in both, scratch an itch, mix and match, experiment, explore, and let it be messy.

    There’s a world of possibility out there!

  • How to Accelerate Your Results and Skip “Paying Your Dues”

    I don’t know about you, but I grew up being taught that if you want to get anywhere in life, you’ve got to pay your dues until you’re due your pay.

    I’d like nothing more than to be a master manifester and skip some of those steps. I’m fascinated by the idea of manifesting. I just like things to be a little more concrete when I’m looking to get results.

    And that brings me to “futurecasting,” which combines the practical with the more spiritual side of things.

    Here’s what I mean —

    I was working with a client recently who wanted to transition out of freelancing into a more permanent role. This is not always an easy move to make; his resume needed a makeover.

    Where did we look for inspiration? We didn’t dwell on his pre-freelancing jobs or his recent experience. Instead, we focused on the actual posted job descriptions of the management-level roles he wanted to land.

    We pulled the keywords from those job descriptions and wove them into his resume.

    Did we lie? No! He’d managed plenty of people, projects, and budgets without holding a management title. So I helped him shape his resume to reflect that.

    When he met with an HR manager, she confirmed that he was well-positioned for a management role and maybe even a senior management role!

    This client went from run-of-the-mill freelancer to management material, just by changing the focus of the words on his resume.

    We were able to futurecast his career to accelerate the results of his hard work by painting an accurate picture of his capabilities. He was able to walk right into a new reality of his own making — all thanks to words.

    See how this isn’t woo woo magical stuff, but it does have a manifesting element to it?

    It’s about shifting your thinking and actions from focusing on a place of lack, what you don’t have, and what you haven’t done to focus on a very real future that simply hasn’t started yet.

    How to Accelerate Your Results and Skip "Paying Your Dues"Start acting AS IF that future has already started.
    Start acting AS IF you are someone you are not — YET!

    In my early coaching days, I worked with a client who was terrified of public speaking.

    I asked her to think of someone who embodied the presence she wished she could emulate. Her answer: Grace Kelly, the glamorous Hollywood actress turned Princess of Monaco.

    I encouraged her to act AS IF she were Grace Kelly. Soon enough, she was stepping into her corporate presentations with confidence, poise, and…grace.

    In both of these examples, rather than paying their dues in a hardscrabble way, my clients behaved in a way that they already had what they wanted to get.

    Futurecasting is powerful stuff, and it’s a tool you can use to help get what you want too. Try it!