Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

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Now What Q&A: Beat the Odds

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Today’s question comes from a member of our community who participated in a recent Community Call and is answered by Laura Berman Fortgang.

Question: After a career in sales, I’ve decided to go for acting. Over the last few years I’ve taken some classes, done a TV commercial, and have received positive feedback. I know it’s a long shot. I’m in my late 50’s and it’s a risk financially. It’s a challenge and feels scary but I also know that I haven’t been able to make anything else happen career-wise. What do you think?

Answer:

You’ve clearly stated this is something you want to do and if that’s the case, you’ve got to be the one to beat the odds. That’s the frame of mind you’ll need to be in and applies to anyone, whether you’re in the middle of a job search, starting a business, or any other endeavor. Treating it like a business every day is also important. That means putting some structure around the actions you need to take, for example: finding an agent, going to a certain number of auditions every week, and taking some action every day. Keep taking acting classes and spend time with positive people.

In order to move forward with something that’s risky, ask yourself: If I never got paid, would I still do it? If you’re answer is yes, that means you might really love doing it, regardless of whether it turns into your full-time employment. Also ask yourself: How much time can I give myself with no regrets? For instance, can you give it a year? If your answer is yes, go do that without looking over your shoulder and find the joy in it every day. If after a year there’s no traction with this direction, you can reassess.

Protect Yourself from Yack, Yack, Yack

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WaitingRoomHave you ever been sitting in the waiting room for an interview or other important meeting where people start yacking? Some are bragging, some are just answering questions from the braggart, and some are trying to stay out of it but suffering through the noise unable to block it out.

Sound familiar?

Which one are you? Does it matter?

Let’s explore why it does matter. It’s all about energy. When you are nervous about an interview or meeting new people, you need all the energy you have for you. The braggart is sucking energy out of the room by talking loudly, the person answering the questions is getting their energy sucked out of them and even the person who is gritting their teeth through it is losing energy to the scene going on.

Now the braggart thinks they are “all that” but the truth is they are not in the best standing either. They may go into the interview a bit too adrenalized and full of the energy they sucked from everyone else. That’s not always the best impression either.

So what to do?

Conserve Your Energy

No matter which one of the three holding room types you are, managing your energy is an important skill.

Imagine you are a big tank like those that hold water or gas. Every time you get nervous, stressed or someone steals your energy by being negative or taking up all the air in a room, your tank springs a leak. Your job is to keep your tank from leaking.

Take Slow Deep Breaths

You don’t have to close your eyes and go all zen, but take deep, slow breaths that you can really physically feel as your lungs fill up and expand. Let it out slowly. Deep controlled breathing soothes the nerves and brings oxygen to where it’s needed.

Focus on Something

If you don’t want to focus solely on your breath for the duration of your wait, read your notes or even pretend you are reading something. Keep your focus on your internal self not out into the room where you could get sucked into a conversation.

Dissuade Space Hogs

If someone does try to break into your space, you can politely say:
“I hope you’ll excuse me, I’m determined to read this now.”

OR

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m better off keeping quiet right now.”

(Try these on planes when you don’t want to engage a chatty seat mate, too!)

Envision Your Results

With eyes closed if you can, take a couple of minutes to envision in your mind’s eye how you want the meeting to go. Imagine the job being offered to you or your proposal being accepted. Imagine friendly faces inside that room you are waiting to enter. If you’re not feeling confident, imagine yourself very confident in stance and attitude.

Consider this your mental preparation.

Yacks are hacks. Hold your tongue as tempting as it is and fill up your tank with the good energy you’ll need to shine.

Kind of or Absolutely?

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by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

Watch Your Language

The other day I was helping my client Debbie update her resume. The financial services company she works for is going through layoffs, and Debbie is in job search mode. HPosting June 12er long-term goal is to get into healthcare technology, and she is enrolled in a certification program. As we considered her audience and how to gear her resume, we discussed that one logical route to an immediate job is to look for something similar to what she’s doing now: customer service with a financial company. Then Debbie slipped in the comment, “Well, I wouldn’t mind finding a healthcare position now.”

“You wouldn’t mind or that’s what you want?” I didn’t ask the question to jump on Debbie’s choice of words. As her coach, I needed the clarification, and actually, so did Debbie. What is the ideal scenario? What is the target? Once Debbie stated affirmatively, “Yes, that’s my target,” our conversation took a strategic turn.
State it Clearly
 
Going from: “I wouldn’t mind if that happened” to: “This is what I want to happen” changes the energy from Kind of to Absolutely. What was passively hoped for is now proactively targeted. The words you use are important because they impact your motivation, your actions, and the ultimate outcome.
 
There are numerous factors — not knowing where to start, doubting what’s possible, and worries of every kind — that can cause you to back off what you want the most. Upgrading your language is important. Some years ago, I noticed I had a habit of saying, “I don’t care” in certain situations where I was disappointed. Somehow I thought that would take the sting out of a failure, yet it didn’t. I revised my words to be more accurate: I care very deeply.
Changing the words didn’t change a past outcome, but owning what I felt strongly about influenced both my attitude and approach with future challenges.
Take a Strong Stance
There are those things that “would be nice” if they happened yet you’d be fine either way. And it’s healthy not to need what you’re pursuing so much as want it. Just make sure you’re not assigning this okay-either-way energy to something deeply important to you.
 
This Week’s Call To Action:
  • Take something you’ve been passively hoping for and dare to target it proactively.
  • Watch your language when talking about this subject. Is it Kind of orAbsolutely?
 

Own your ideal scenario, own your decision to go for it, and watch the floodgates of possibility open wide!