Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Huffington Post

The Ninth Candle: Servant to the Light

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

(Originally Posted at Huffington Post)

Hannukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa all have a focus on lights or candles this time of year. The lights symbolize different things in each tradition, and in Judaism in particular, the Hannukah lights represent the eight days that the oil burned in the temple when there was only enough oil for one night. That is the miracle of Hannukah. The Jews had just won a battle that destroyed their temple and there was only one night’s worth of oil to burn. The eight candles on a Menorah represent the eight-day miracle. So that begs the question:

“Why are there nine candles in a Menorah?”

Ah, yes. The ninth candle. That candle is called the Shamash, which in Hebrew means “attendant” or “servant.” The Shamash is the servant to the other lights. The menorah can only be lit by the Shamash. It is not OK to light the other lights with any other candle other than the ninth one. As the attendant to the light, the Shamash is responsible for lighting all the others.

Each of us is a light. We have the choice as to whether we live from that lit-up place or ignore our light. During the holiday season, most people feel their light more acutely. It’s a time of giving, sharing, remembering those less fortunate and wishing strangers on the street a good holiday. What I suggest this year is that not only are we all “lights” but we are also Shamashim. We are both light and the servant to the light because in every moment we have the choice to light other lights as we go about our day. Hold that image for a moment.

If you were the attendant of other lights, is there anything you would change? If you were to hold other humans in your mind eye as a light to keep lit, would you change how you address them or think of them?

I am the servant to the light in my children, my spouse, my family, my clients, by neighbors and I’ve chosen it as my work. Do I succeed all the time? Oh, God, no! But I am reminded as we light the menorah every night of the power we have to celebrate the light — the light in every single being. The light in you.

Happy Hannukah to those who celebrate and enjoy the festivities of the season.

Purpose Is A Journey, Not A Destination

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by Now What?® Coaching  Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

(Originally published at Huffington Post )

It’s not uncommon in personal development curriculum to explore what one’s life purpose is. It’s a worthy pursuit to answer the age-old question of “What am I meant to do?” and yet I know it to be a confusing and painful process for some people.

Do you agonize over finding your purpose? Do you reject what you think your purpose might be because it’s not “big enough”? Do you wonder if you are really meant to do anything significant with your life?

I am a huge proponent of figuring out one’s purpose and living it fully. The part I have a problem with is the misconceptions people have about finding it and what they think it should be.

Finding one’s purpose in life is not the destination. Once you recognize it, own it and begin to fulfill it, you have launched yourself on a journey of twist and turns that will take the rest of your life to complete.

You see, purpose is not something you choose. It’s not a slogan or a bumper sticker that if you like it, you don it on your car or business card. Purpose chooses you. It is something you ARE, not something you DO. And that’s where most folks go wrong… they use a WHAT to describe what is really a WHO.

“My purpose is to make a difference.”
“I help other people.”
“My purpose is to make an impact on everyone I meet.”
“My purpose is to create the biggest _________ (fill in the blank with a save-the-world project).”

These are not WHO qualities that are as central to your being as your DNA. These are WHATs or “to-dos” that you think will make you a better person if acted upon.

Purpose reflects your life’s blood. The energy that runs through you that is the unique contribution you make anywhere you go/are. It doesn’t require a heck of a lot on your part. It’s just part of who you are. People gravitate toward this essence of your being that affects them intellectually, spiritually, emotionally or even physically.

Really, no two people’s purposes are alike. Two people may have similar ones, but no two will express their purpose in exactly the same way. For example, maybe you are a voice for justice, a midwife to ideas or to people’s potential, a bridge to peace or communication, or someone who calls forth smiles, or someone who empowers. You may be an action, you may be a noun. It doesn’t matter, but it is something you just are and always have been, even if you stand still and do nothing. People gravitate to you for this.

One of my favorite stories about purpose comes from The Mutant Message Down Under by Marlo Morgan, which is an account of a woman being kidnapped by Aborigines in the Australian outback and being forced to live with them. One of her observations was that no one in the tribe had a biblical or given name. Their name was their purpose in the tribe. The songstress, the peacemaker, the cook, the medicine woman — they were their function. In this case, they are described in nouns but they were not the to-dos of that function. That function was undeniably who they were. They would not be themselves without fulfilling that function. Interesting to me as well was that they only celebrated birthdays when they evolved to a new level of purpose rather than when the lunar calendar came around to the date of their birth.

Imagine the peace you would have if you truly understood your part in the whole in that way. Imagine the focus to your every day. That is the gift of uncovering and living your purpose.

If you are one of the people still not clear about your purpose, keep in mind there are two criteria that tell you you’ve found it: 1) It’s something you already are or do naturally, and 2) it impacts others. No one has a purpose alone in a vacuum.

Not being able to name it gives people a lot of distress, but it could simply mean there is more inner work to be done before you are ready to live your purpose fully.

Many also worry that their purpose needs to be grand or world-changing. I call this the “Mother Theresa Syndrome” — as if one’s purpose is not worthy if it is not on the fast track to sainthood. Ironically, it was Mother Theresa herself who said: “We do not DO great things. We do small things with GREAT LOVE.” And there begins the promise of purpose. When we all give with great care, understanding, respect, and compassion, we are fulfilling our reason for being. The ripple effect is initiated and it is not ours to control.

So, please, forget crafting a purpose statement. It’s not a destination or the promised land. Make the journey to just being real. When you are fully and undeniably yourself, you won’t have to ask what your purpose is, because you’ll already be living it. It is as simple as that. It’ll just be you!

For more by Laura Berman Fortgang, click here.

CLEAR THE WAY TO CLARITY (AND MOMENTUM)

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news.  It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck.  If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.

When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.

Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time.  My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum.  I knew it was time to revisit the basics.  I changed my game with food and the gym.  I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.

I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor.  Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post  because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.

I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.

MOVE—Get your body moving.  If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!

DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items.  Immediately!  (not someday)

ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively.  For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk?  Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.

SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.

INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you.  Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.

All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding.  From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.

Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again.  It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.

We’re here if you need help.