How (and Why) to Forgive in Time for the Holidays

The holiday season is upon us, which brings with it a mixed bag of feelings for many folks.

There’s a lot of talk about gratitude this week, which is important, of course…

But let’s face it, sometimes we’re not exactly in a grateful mood — especially when gathered around the table with people who push our buttons, or when avoiding gatherings with people who’ve hurt us, or when being haunted by feelings of abandonment by those missing from the table.

This time of year kicks up a lot of emotion; it can be rough.

However, I’ve found one of the best ways to brighten a dampened holiday spirit is to practice forgiveness.

Hold on – bear with me here. I’m not asking you to accept unacceptable behavior.

What I am encouraging you to do is detox your system from the poisonous effects of holding onto pain from the past, whether it’s a slight grudge or a deep wound.

Forgiveness is for you, not the person who hurt you.

People come from the limit of their own growth and experience.

If someone has transgressed, trespassed, or done something bad, understand this: they’re doing the best with what they have.

It doesn’t mean they’re right; they could be dead wrong. It simply means that, for whatever reason, that person is (or was) limited by their own growth and experience. Something went wrong somewhere, somehow.

Forgiving isn’t excusing. It’s about gaining freedom from the thing that’s weighing on you.

Here’s how to do it —

Step One: Accept that the person is/was limited. No matter how lacking or wrong their actions.

Step Two: Imagine the future YOU want for yourself. Do you want to get along with this person? Do you want to go “no contact” with this person? Decide what outcome you desire.

Step Three: Detach yourself from the situation and the outcome. Stop giving it energy. Don’t add fuel to the fire. No more talking about it, venting about it, or thinking about it. Focus on moving on.

Remember — whether you choose to keep this person in your life or remove them from your life completely — forgiving does not mean you are making what they did (or continue to do) okay.

This is not giving this person your blessing.

You’re not agreeing with behavior that goes against your value system.

Simply practice forgiveness for your own good.

May you forgive and may you be forgiven.

For those who celebrated, I hope the Thanksgiving holiday was a bright moment!