Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Blog

There’s No Comparison

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by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

This Is Your Life 

I was 30 years old and sitting in a counselor’s office contemplating the next chapter of my life, having recently decided to get divorced. Elaine (the counselor) commented that she had observed it often took about six years post-divorce to be ready for a serious relationship again. While on one level I was at peace and looking forward to a fresh start, on another level I had an overriding feeling that could be summed up in three words: I’m so behind.

Elaine smiled with understanding and offered these reassuring words: This is your life, no one else’s. Right in that moment, I got it. How was I behind? Was someone keeping track? Elaine was right. I could bemoan how my life looked on paper compared to someone else’s at this snapshot in time or I could look at my life with curiosity and wonder. I could respect how it was unfolding as uniquely mine, bumps and all. I chose the latter.

Eyes Straight Ahead

Olympic coaches tell their swimmers to keep their eyes straight ahead. You only lose time if you glance to the left or right to see what swimmers in the other lanes are doing. When your eyes are straight ahead you can focus on making your personal best.

Kelly, a client who coached with me last year, had a significant breakthrough once she realized how much her habit of comparing herself to others was holding her back. Here’s how she describes it:

I believe I finally got rid of the “shoulds” in my thinking, as well as comparing myself to others, and also learned that most decisions I make do not have to be permanent and final. These lessons learned have felt like a giant weight being lifted off my shoulders and I am able to relax and enjoy the process of discovering/developing my purpose and passion each day.

Think of how you love your friends, foibles and all. In fact, some of their vulnerabilities are what make them even more endearing and precious to you. The same holds true when you allow yourself to fall in love with your own life.

A Rich Tapestry

What if there were no such thing as being behind, a late bloomer, or having to play catch up? Opt out of that game and instead, see your life as a rich tapestry of unique moments, insights gained, scars earned, courageous acts, lessons learned, love given, and extraordinary gifts exchanged. There is no comparison to your life’s tapestry. It is extremely rare and one of a kind.

This Week: For any challenge you are currently experiencing —a downsizing, stressful situation at work, a breakup, illness, or anything else that could be perceived as a setback— see it as a significant part of your life’s tapestry and notice how this colors your outlook.

 

“I must Create a System, or be enslaved by another Man’s;
I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.”
— William Blake

What Language Do You Speak?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Spanish? French? Arabic? German?  Those are not the languages I am looking for when I ask what language do you speak?  I am wondering if you up-language or down-language when you write or speak about yourself.  By that, I mean do you undersell, oversell or get it just right?

Whether you are marketing yourself as a business owner or a job candidate, the use of words is critical to your success.

I have had the recent pleasure of working with a director-level job candidate who exemplified the power of our choice of language.

Her resume read like a younger person with less experience than she really was.  The language was underselling her accomplishments and despite almost fifteen years in her industry, her resume read like that of a young hopeful.

She reworked the language to be more powerful and to better exemplify her solid experience.  Entries like  “Established a ____” became “Maintained full responsibility for ____”.  And  “Implemented _____” became “Pioneered the implementation of ____”.

It was no surprise that interview opportunities started to show up more readily once the changes were made.

Your word choices are colored by how you see yourself.  Are you afraid of bragging? Do you lack confidence in your accomplishments?  On the other extreme, do you embellish the truth too much?  Finding the right balance is key.  A strong self-image is important as long as you can wear ‘the suit’ you carry yourself in well.

Try this:  Have someone read your website, business brochure or resume out loud to you.  Then, answer these questions:

  • How did it feel to hear the language used in your materials?
  • If it was hard to listen to, why do you think that is?
  • Could the documents use some toning down or some ‘up-languaging’?

Before you change anything, have your buddy listen to you reading it.  Get their opinion of your answers to the above and make some changes accordingly.

If your language needs upgrading, be aware that you’ll need to practice saying those words in a mirror or mock interviews to get comfortable wearing them.  If you over embellished, practice being more truthful and know you are enough as you are.  Finally, become very conscious of what you say and please, choose to speak the language of success.

What business idea might you like to explore?

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Here we have three examples of women who started their own businesses.  In one case the business idea originated as a simple holiday gift; in another instance the business started as a sideline; the third business involved a more deliberate study of a potential market niche.  As Nan Langowitz, associate professor of management and entrepreneurship at Babson College states, “Even in an economic downturn, there’s opportunity for smart entrepreneurs.”

“My Brilliant (New) Career”