Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Laura Berman Fortgang

The Ninth Candle: Servant to the Light

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

(Originally Posted at Huffington Post)

Hannukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa all have a focus on lights or candles this time of year. The lights symbolize different things in each tradition, and in Judaism in particular, the Hannukah lights represent the eight days that the oil burned in the temple when there was only enough oil for one night. That is the miracle of Hannukah. The Jews had just won a battle that destroyed their temple and there was only one night’s worth of oil to burn. The eight candles on a Menorah represent the eight-day miracle. So that begs the question:

“Why are there nine candles in a Menorah?”

Ah, yes. The ninth candle. That candle is called the Shamash, which in Hebrew means “attendant” or “servant.” The Shamash is the servant to the other lights. The menorah can only be lit by the Shamash. It is not OK to light the other lights with any other candle other than the ninth one. As the attendant to the light, the Shamash is responsible for lighting all the others.

Each of us is a light. We have the choice as to whether we live from that lit-up place or ignore our light. During the holiday season, most people feel their light more acutely. It’s a time of giving, sharing, remembering those less fortunate and wishing strangers on the street a good holiday. What I suggest this year is that not only are we all “lights” but we are also Shamashim. We are both light and the servant to the light because in every moment we have the choice to light other lights as we go about our day. Hold that image for a moment.

If you were the attendant of other lights, is there anything you would change? If you were to hold other humans in your mind eye as a light to keep lit, would you change how you address them or think of them?

I am the servant to the light in my children, my spouse, my family, my clients, by neighbors and I’ve chosen it as my work. Do I succeed all the time? Oh, God, no! But I am reminded as we light the menorah every night of the power we have to celebrate the light — the light in every single being. The light in you.

Happy Hannukah to those who celebrate and enjoy the festivities of the season.

AM I Crazy?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

You think you’re nuts because you are considering leaving your job or making a big change. Your friends say you’re  crazy because you are walking away from a sure thing.  Your spouse is not talking to you because you are threatening the status quo and you’re now convinced that even the neighbors think you’re a little off.  Everyone knows you’ve lost it.

Isn’t that GREAT?!

Someone whose mind has gone to the fringes has a tentative grasp on ‘reality’. When it comes to today’s employment prospects, that’s exactly where you want to be! Why on earth would you want to buy in to the ‘reality’ of how terrible things are?  Doing so means staying still and going stale at a time when you have to be more creative than ever to solve the problems you face.   Does that mean jumping off a cliff because you have no concept that reality can crush you when you land?  No.  But it does mean moving out of the paralysis of fear or the comfort created out of the illusion of safety.

If you’re crazy, you don’t see the limits that everyone else sees.  If you’re crazy, you live by your own rules and see the world a bit differently than everyone else.  Harmless crazy* people can also be quite joyful and powerful, unstoppable in their worldview and intrinsically unique.  Free of convention, you are able to write your own ticket.

Isn’t that GREAT?!

When clients tell me they think they’re nuts or that everyone is telling them they are, I get confirmation that they are on the right track. Whatever it is they are thinking of doing or have hinted at with others, when met with “you’re crazy”, has now confirmed the die has been cast.  We are in essence, daring to go where most won’t or even where we doubted we could.  That’s scary.  Not crazy.

A new Now What?® client declared that their work experience probably only qualified them to work in retail at a barely-better-than-minimum wage rate.  However, she could see using her eye for fashion, décor and design in a much bigger way.  She had a few ideas as to where to do that as well. 

“Am I nuts?”, she asked.

“Yes”, I said. “If you believe the limits of your resume. No, if you believe in yourself.”

That’s the key.  You can’t stop at what conventional wisdom dictates.  You stop (and maybe only to rethink) when you can’t find an open door. However, in my experience, once someone let’s the ‘crazy’ truth out and starts taking action towards it, opportunities do arise.  There is tremendous power in saying YES to yourself and NO to the limits everyone else interprets to be REALITY.

There is a way around what most people call reality.   Clearly, you are not going to become a veterinarian when the closest you’ve come to an animal is the zoo or run a corporation without experience, but when you put an obstacle of ‘reality’ in front of you and leave it untested, you are not getting the full picture. 

The rule is that if you have so many steps ahead of the goal that you want to give up, you MUST find ways to shorten the distance. 

There may be retraining ahead. There may be education and experience but there is also a starting point.  Somewhere you can step into the game, gain momentum and start scoring points towards your ultimate goal.

For example, someone recently told me they would not pursue something that they loved because there was seven years of schooling and no guarantee of a job at the end.  Within mere weeks of networking, taking a few risks and volunteering to help out, his worldview shifted from “it’s impossible” to “ let me piece together my own training and learn as I go”.  It remains to be seen if he can walk away from his job, but when you start saying “NO” to the status quo and “YES” to yourself, accelerated results often happen.

Are you crazy to attempt it?  Absolutely! 

Isn’t that GREAT?!

* It is not my intent to diminish or disrespect  those suffering from mental illness

Take Courage!

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by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor

Fear is a Given

“It’s not my first rodeo,” remarked Jeanie, a client who is preparing to move cross country and pursue a new career path.  She is familiar with the voices of fear from the peanut gallery. Some are from friends who ask, “Are you sure about this?” while other doubtful refrains originate in her own mind. Fortunately, Jeanie has made big moves before and is prepared for this stage of second-guessing her decision. She knows how to keep the fears in perspective by talking back to them: I know this is right for me.

Notably, “Be not afraid,” is a command that appears throughout the Bible many times. The implication is that we have the power to choose even though it doesn’t feel that way when in the grip of fear. I once heard it suggested that a better interpretation is: Do not remain afraid. Now that seems more doable. Since fear is a given in life, it’s vital to remember that courage is a decision, sometimes a stubborn assertion, and always an act of will.

As with so many other uncomfortable emotions, rather than expecting to eradicate fear before proceeding, we only need to know how to diffuse it. There is a coaching aphorism: Fear may be in the car, but it doesn’t have to be driving.

full article here…