Laura Berman Fortgang

By Laura Berman Fortgang

For years, we coaches have insisted that coaching is distinct from therapy.  It is,  but we are trained to recognize the dark  side of life and personalities and we are not afraid of it.  It comes up. It happens.

In the spirit of Halloween, and the sometimes-scarier aspect of ourselves, there is much to learn from the dark side that can help in the discovery of next steps in life and career.  In the Now What?® process, we have found a turnkey to shifting the dark  side to breakthrough-worthy information. 

We all have our story.  And we all have adversity we’ve had to overcome.  It’s not fair to say that one person’s plight is greater to bear than another’s.  Only we can go through it and only we can judge its severity and lasting effect.  

The difficulty is in that as much as we think our personal life is separate from our career choices, the truth is that it is not.  What runs our minds motivates our actions and our choices.  For many people, it becomes so habitual that it does not even register that it’s a choice; one that can be changed.

The dark side for a lot of people comes to how they see themselves, how they see the world and also, what motivates them to persevere.  For many, their core motivation can be fueled by a reaction to negative circumstances. 

“I’ll show them!”
“I’ll never be like them!”

or

“I don’t measure up, I’ll never make it.” (some people work harder under this assumption)

These motivators have worked for people. Nothing wrong with that, but where the potential is for a greater success and greater satisfaction is to shift your motivation and self-concept to something you DO want to be versus something you are running away from or reacting negatively to. 

This changes your energy right away from a fight and adversity to a sense of purpose.  Subtle?  Maybe, but very powerful.

A recent client came to the Now What?® Process full of negative self-concept and negative motivation.  All energy was directed at getting out of a job he hated.  Nothing wrong with that, you might think.

Our early conversations were full of frustration and dead ends.  Every idea of a potential positive step or direction, especially his own, was stuck in STOP with hardly a peek at GO.

The breakthrough came when the dark side was “outed”.  Once he saw his adversity was mostly caused by his own mindset, he was able to choose differently as unnatural as it might feel.  Beyond his attitude adjustment, was the underlying motivation for his actions until this point.  Every choice he made career-wise was rooted in a quest for independence.  That doesn’t sound negative in itself, but instead of pursuing work that he would thrive at and be fulfilled by, he chose paths he did not like but could secure a certain amount of independence from others in his family.

Once someone becomes conscious of these negative and darker sources of their choices, the awareness allows for change.  For some, it’s a constant effort to not be reclaimed by the habitual dark patterns but daily effort and daily conscious choice can point you to brighter horizons.

This particular client broke through and saw positive opportunities start to appear. “Chance” meetings on the bus to work that could help the new direction he hopes to pursue.  “Sudden” opportunities to try out his new area of interest came along as well.  Truly, there is no magic or coincidence to it.  It was his mindset and choices showing him where opportunity always was.  Now, he could see it. Before he was blinded by his outlook. 

Take off the scary masks, folks.  The façade is not serving you and you can’t see well through them.  Take a peek at the dark side only to shift gears and recognize where to find light.  The answer to your “Now What?” will come along more quickly.