“The end of one turn of the spiral becomes the beginning of another. We are designed for possibility.” Gabrielle Rico
Now What? Q &A: Help Others to Help You
Today’s question came from a caller from New Jersey during a recent Community Call and is answered by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor.
Question:
I’m working my way through the Now What? program and am on Chapter 11. Can you elaborate on what it means to “correct the behavior” of people in your life who are trying to be supportive but say things that aren’t necessarily helpful?
Answer:
Chapter 11 is about setting up a support team, something that can make all the difference when you are getting ready to make a big change in your life. A movie scene from Jerry Maguire comes to mind when Jerry says to Rod, “Help me help you.” One way you can help people who are on your support team to help you is by getting specific and informing them of exactly what would be helpful vs. not so helpful. This can also mean asking someone to stop doing certain things.
For example, if you have a friend who likes to jump right in with advice and what you really need is for someone to listen without trying to fix things for you, you’ll need to tell your friend. You can say: Linda, sometimes when I share a challenge I’m having, rather than solving it for me, what I’m really looking for is for you to just listen because that helps me process what I’m saying. Is that something you’d be willing to do?
It’s important to note that some people will respond positively to your requests and others might not. At that point, you can assess whether that person is really someone whom you can count as part of your support system.
Give Yourself Permission
Certain events have the impact of flicking a switch in our minds. They tell us time is limited, give us a sense of urgency, and importantly, they grant us permission to explore things we may have postponed until now. The event could be losing a job, seeing your youngest go off to kindergarten, or having one of those entering-a-new-decade birthdays, as was the case for Debra Gilmour, author of today’s article. Deciding it’s time to make the changes you desire is definitely putting a milestone event to good use. It’s also worth pondering: What could be possible if you decided right now —with or without the additional push of a climactic event— to give yourself permission to pursue something new?
Today’s Quote-Success
“Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.” Al Bernstein
Put Yourself in Opportunity’s Way
Can you cause things to occur? Can you make luck happen?
It can feel like the odds are stacked up against you in the current economic climate and job market. In our work at Now What?® Coaching, we’ve found that once you tap into what you really want to do (despite logic or how improbable it is) the roadblocks melt away one by one as you persevere to beat the odds. We find you CAN create your own luck.
What does it take? Perseverance, blocking out naysayers, following your intuition against the odds and taking risks. BIG risks.
I saw the movie, SECRETARIAT, last night. Even though I knew the outcome of the horse’s history, I still found myself completely intrigued and committed to championing the main (human) character, Penny Tweedy. Penny was a housewife who had not been involved with her family’s horse farm for many years. When her mother died and her father was no longer able to take care of things, she stepped in. It was her intuition, research, and tenacity that sired the success of her racehorse, Secretariat.
All the odds were stacked against Penny. She had little experience, she was a woman at a time where ridiculing her publicly was still an acceptable tactic for her male opponents, her own husband and brother were her biggest naysayers, she did not have the money to do what she wanted to do and she was operating on her 20-year memory of her MBA studies (not mentioned in the movie), her gut and her spiritual connection to her horse.
She and her horse accomplished the impossible according to conventional wisdom. To Penny, it was always possible and it is that conviction that is required to beat the odds. Odds, which in Secretariat’s case, were never repeated, by the way. (no horse has ever beat those times)
Putting yourself in opportunity’s way, in the most basic terms, means getting yourself out there. Talking to people, operating like you are already successful (despite your fear and feelings of being an impostor), taking chances by asking for what you want and stretching beyond your comfort zone.
What happens when you do that is that you are putting a stake in the ground. You are telegraphing to the ‘ethers’ and to the people in your life that you are serious and that your intention is to set the course to this particular thing happening. When you cut off all other options, you operate differently. You can’t afford to let fear stop you. Life will tell you quickly if you’re wrong, but in my experience, by the time you get to this point, you are on to something that is very right for you. Obstacles are still likely, but they increase determination instead of the opposite.
Do it. Put yourself in opportunity’s way. Push through and watch the tides turn in your direction. It’s not forcing results at any cost, but rather re-educating the universe, yourself and those around you as to what you are willing to have in your life. OPPortunity is UP to YOU.
Based on Chapter 10 of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, “Put Yourself in Opportunity’s Way”. More on this topic in Laura’s upcoming “The Prosperity Plan” (January 2011)
Now What? Q &A: Your Money or Your Life?
Today’s question came from a caller from Alabama during a recent Community Call and is answered by: Laura Berman Fortgang.
Question:
I’m in the process of training for a new field but I’m also concerned about my retirement. Should I just be thinking of my nest egg instead of changing careers?
Answer:
My father was a first generation American and the first to go to college in his family. He became an engineer and spent 32 years with the same company, only to be fired 18 months short of retirement. Over the years it was clear that he hated his work and I begged him to change jobs. But he felt he had to stay and put the kids through school. So I understand the issues you’re raising about financial planning. It’s certainly not about just throwing caution to the wind, yet sometimes you have to put your soul ahead of your wallet. Who knows how long you’ll be working? And the truth is we don’t know how long we are going to live, either. It’s a matter of balance. You are saying you have 20 years until retirement but maybe you’ll be working even longer, so try out a few things and give yourself some time. Experiment, moonlight, volunteer, and see if you strike upon a passion while also looking at whether that passion can make you money. People are being forced to reinvent and that sometimes includes a bit of their past that was previously overlooked up until now. It may mean taking chances. Did you see the story we ran about the laid off autoworker who turned professional bowler? It’s possible to merge the things you naturally enjoy with your livelihood if you remain open to how that might happen.