Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

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When “Success” is Not Enough

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by Kirsten Meneghello, Now What® Facilitator 

Laurie is a “successful” attorney according to most people. She has earned an advanced degree, prestige as a lawyer, a good salary and is recognized as an expert in her field. Her co-workers and colleagues look up to her as a respected leader. But Laurie doesn’t feel that way about herself. She feels like an imposter at work and lately has begun to dread going to the office. She doesn’t like her work environment because she feels it’s not collegial and team-oriented. She feels like everyone is out for themselves and their own interests.

When Laurie called me, she was really down and feeling isolated. She knew this was not her dream job. But how could she justify walking away from a career at which she was successful? Through the coaching process, we started to unpack the difference between what others expected of her and what she wanted for herself. I find that many people in mid-life are in this same place. There is a lot of societal pressure to stick with a job or career when you are successful on the outside, even if you are miserable on the inside. If you are in this position and tell a friend you are unhappy, they will probably think you are crazy to consider changing jobs or professions.

Success is often measured by fame, an impressive title, having a big salary and a fancy car. But all of those are fleeting and leave you feeling empty in the end (sooner or later!). How you truly find success is to identify your unique purpose and bring your purpose to your work. When you are able to apply your special talents and passions on the job every day, it results in deep personal fulfillment and the satisfaction of contributing to society in a meaningful way. At that point, you will truly be “successful.”

So how did Laurie do this? She discovered through our coaching sessions that her life purpose was to provide solutions. She does this naturally everywhere she goes.  For fun, she enjoys solving complex word puzzles and researching dense legal regulations. You might think to yourself, “What? That’s not fun.” It is to Laurie. She loves solving problems and helping others. She found that what made her current work environment so difficult was it did not allow her to provide solutions. In fact, finding solutions was actively discouraged. It was killing Laurie one day at a time.

Once Laurie got in touch with her gift to provide solutions, her perspective on her future career paths changed dramatically. She is currently defining what kind of job she is looking for next. It may or may not be in a legal field, but it will allow her to provide solutions every day and she is so excited. The best part is now Laurie does not define success by whether or not she wins a legal argument or how many hours she bills, but by how she is able to provide solutions every day. By identifying her unique purpose and finding a job at which she can apply her purpose, she knows that she will be successful no matter what she does.

Today’s article by Now What?® facilitator Kirsten Meneghello first appeared in Inspirational Woman Magazine and is posted on our blog with permission.

Which Job Should I Choose? A Common Career Conundrum Solved

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By Paula Gregorowicz, Now What?® Facilitator 

Imagine you have more than one career direction to choose from but you’re not sure which one to choose. Whether you’re 19 or 59 years old the circus in your mind might sound like:

  • Do I choose the one I love? Yeah, but it pays less. Yeah but it has a killer commute. Yeah but it means I’ll have to relocate to the middle of nowhere.
  • Should I choose the one that pays great? The pay and benefits are really great but it’s not very interesting work to me, it’s more of the same old, I can’t really get jazzed about this.
  • Everyone else thinks I should choose this job, and they probably know more than I do, so maybe I better make that choice…

And around and around and around you go…

(Cue scary sounding carousel music)

Have you ever done that?

How great did that feel? (NOT)

I know I have sure been there. It’s a form of self-torture that feels like there is all this chatter going on around you from people you respect or love (I think you should do this, or I think you should do that, or wouldn’t it be a better, safer, more responsible choice if you did this?) coupled with the madness in your own head trying to weigh all the options. It’s an absolutely horrible feeling. It feels like the weight of the world, your entire future existence rests on this one decision. You feel immense pressure to make the right decision.

I recently watched a family friend walk this path of self-torture regarding the choice around her first job out of college. I can remember those days and how overwhelming the decision seemed. For all intents and purposes you never really outgrow what feels like the enormity of a decision when it comes to career (whether you own your own business or work for someone else). However what I know for sure is that the way the cycle plays itself out by default is not the path to the best decision. How could you possibly make the best and wisest decision for yourself with all those voices clamoring at you (both inside your head and from those around you)? It’s too damn noisy and confusing!

I can remember the fall semester of my senior year of college. I interviewed for and received a lucrative job offer. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) told me how I had to take it. I’d be set and could enjoy my senior year! The salary was great! It was a reputable company! Great experience!

I felt so conflicted I could (and did) vomit on more than one occasion as I considered my decision at the ripe age of 20. So what did I decide? I chose to turn down the offer gracefully much to the chagrin of parents and advisors alike. It was not easy and frankly looking back was a bold move on my part for which I am eternally grateful. Why? Because I trusted my gut and the intuitive wisdom I was receiving. I knew deep in my heart I didn’t want a job that was 95% travel and I wasn’t about to put my life on hold for several years under the guise of “getting experience” for a career field I already knew was a dicey fit at best.

What I know for sure, from all my own experiences plus that of my clients is that there is no such thing as the “right” decision. There is only the wise and best decision for you at this moment in time. No decision is final or forever.

The secret to making a wise decision that you can feel confident about is quieting all the noise. You actually don’t need to think harder or analyze more. This only results in analysis paralysis as you listen and try to sort through the myriad of internal and external voices telling you what you “should” do. Paradoxically you actually need to think less and feel more. You do this by welcoming silence into your mind and heart and truly reflecting on the choice at hand. You use powerful and specially designed questions to help guide you so you can separate the noise from the wisdom. For example, ask yourself: How do I most want to FEEL as I navigate through this decision and once I’ve moved ahead with my choice? Hear the difference between your intuition and story-filled mental tapes. 

When you choose from this state of being, this deeper knowing rather than the “oh my god I am stuck in a blender on high in a state of conflict and need to come up with an answer (as you hear the clock tick down to zero as if on a nightmarish episode of Jeopardy)” approach, you know you can always count on yourself. You experience certitude in your choices. You ultimately create the experience and the future you most desire rather than expending all your energy hedging your bets trying to avoid having your worst fears come true.

 

What Makes A Job Satisfying?

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Here’s a list of 10 factors that psychologists correlate with job satisfaction.  Which ones stand out as important to you?  How does your current job or previous jobs you’ve held measure up when these factors are considered?   Are there others you would add?   Some that come to our mind are: Values (how your values line up with those of your employer), Passion (degree of interest in the work), Creative Expression (getting to put your own stamp on things), Purpose (whether the work is meaningful to you).  While some of these may overlap with the list provided, it’s an interesting exercise to come up with your own unique job satisfaction barometer.  What would yours look like?

“10 Psychological Keys to Job Satisfaction.”