Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

“HOW” Is The Enemy of Progress

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

In working with a recent client, I was once again reminded of how easily we can get stopped by the ‘how’ of making our deepest  desires a reality.  It makes sense.  How can we proceed if we don’t know how to do so?  However, over the years, I have come to see how people take what can be a legitimate concern and turn it into a reason to procrastinate.

“I’ll need more training”

“I should probably research this more.”

“I need more information to get started.”

Yes, we need to be educated and prepared when it comes to starting a new business or setting out on an adventure, but there comes a time where the preparation becomes counterproductive and begins to stall progress altogether.

How do you know when you’re spinning your wheels or when you are really in need of knowledge to proceed?

  • If you’re avoiding conversations that could make you money
  • If you’re spending hours and hours working on your business alone
  • If you’re really comfortable doing whatever you’re doing (studying, web surfing, etc)
  • If you’re obsessed with thoughts about ‘what if’s’ and ‘Buts’

If you are up to any of the above, you are in the “knowledge-collection-as-procrastination” zone.

Comfort should never be part of the equation.  If you’re comfortable, you’re hiding, you’re not growing and making progress.  If you’re obsessing about a future that is not even here yet, you are living in tomorrow and not taking care of today which implies getting started.  If you’re not out talking to people (prospects, mentors, vendors, providers), you are not letting nature takes its course.

What we see with Now What?® clients is that an acceleration of progress toward the desired outcome, only starts to occur when you are out talking to people and actively shaking hands, talking and asking for help.  The result is often resources pointed to, other people introduced to you, solutions appearing and growth occurring.  Starting a venture cannot happen alone in a vacuum.

The HOW is revealed piece by piece and often, can only become clear by taking the parking brake off and letting the car roll down the hill.  That is what I asked my client to do.  I asked her to get out there and just start.  It doesn’t have to be with a business plan in place, yet.  I asked her to get out there and collect “templates, contacts and strategies”.  THAT will begin the linear HOW’s she was looking for.

What if you really do need more knowledge like a degree program or a training of some kind?  You’ll know it because the obvious pre-requisites will make themselves known.  You can’t set up a therapy practice without a license, you won’t be flying a plane anytime soon without a pilot’s training and license and you won’t be selling financial products or real estate without passing the exams.  However, most of the time, the obstacles are self-imposed and born out of your own fears.

If you are committed to be the best at this next, new thing, you’ll do what it takes.  You won’t let a few extra requirements stop you.  But that does not mean wait until it’s all done.  It means get out there and start the car rolling down the hill.  You can always put the brakes on, but soon you’ll be on an exciting ride and wondering why you waited so long to get moving.

 

 

HOW DID I GET HERE?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

It’s like waking up in the middle of a bad dream.  You abruptly realize you have no idea where you are and how you got there.  Am I in a  hotel? Am I home? Where is the usual light under my door?  It’s unsettling, confusing and spooky until your brain resets itself and reality aligns.

Realizing you are at a job you can’t tolerate another day longer is similar. “How did I get here?”, you might exclaim.  “What am I doing??”

You got there by doing all the right things.  Sending out a resume, doing a good interview (or a few), meeting the expectations of your employers and family members, cashing your paychecks, building a life and finally, ignoring all the signs along the way that told you you were headed for an implosion.

It’s not your fault.  We have not been trained to respect our inner voice and we ignore the tsunami of our identity crisis until it’s too late to flee with good results.

“HOW DID I GET HERE?” is probably not as important at this point as “HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?”.

Take a deep breath and follow the guide set out below:

RECLAIM YOURSELF

Get out of the panic and misery by shaking it off. Get a hold of yourself.  You are not trapped.  You will find a way back to job satisfaction.  Just calm down.

ACCENTUATE THE POSITIVE

You’ve probably been complaining for a while about your work situation.  Stop talking about it.  Start focusing on what you DO want instead of what you DON’T want and can’t stand.  The more you talk about what’s possible in a new situation the more likely it’ll be that you’ll recognize opportunities as they come by.

RETRACE THE MISSED MESSAGES

Go back and review where you missed the signs that things were headed to an implosion.  What signs did you ignore?  What promptings from your gut did you not obey?  How many times did you stop yourself from saying something or doing something that could have improved your situation?

MINE THE GOLD

Study the missed messages and see what you can cull from them to give you clarity.  What hints are in there as to what you want or might do next? 

LISTEN CAREFULLY

As you study and decipher the nuggets you culled in the last step, listen carefully to your body’s reaction to what you’ve found.  If it scares you to consider what the whispers are saying, it’s a good sign to keep going in that direction as unrealistic as it may sound. 

START TAKING SMALL STEPS

Everyday do something that moves you out of your current scenario, even if you are not leaving your job or company.  Talk to new people, research new opportunities, take one of those nuggets from the steps above and act on them, in earnest.  Don’t let another day go by spent in misery, fear or hair-splitting frustration. 

Before long, you’ll have caused some change.  The better it gets, the more you’ll want to keep shaking things up until you’ve created a scenario you are really happy with.

Let us know how we can help.

 

Purpose Is A Journey, Not A Destination

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by Now What?® Coaching  Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

(Originally published at Huffington Post )

It’s not uncommon in personal development curriculum to explore what one’s life purpose is. It’s a worthy pursuit to answer the age-old question of “What am I meant to do?” and yet I know it to be a confusing and painful process for some people.

Do you agonize over finding your purpose? Do you reject what you think your purpose might be because it’s not “big enough”? Do you wonder if you are really meant to do anything significant with your life?

I am a huge proponent of figuring out one’s purpose and living it fully. The part I have a problem with is the misconceptions people have about finding it and what they think it should be.

Finding one’s purpose in life is not the destination. Once you recognize it, own it and begin to fulfill it, you have launched yourself on a journey of twist and turns that will take the rest of your life to complete.

You see, purpose is not something you choose. It’s not a slogan or a bumper sticker that if you like it, you don it on your car or business card. Purpose chooses you. It is something you ARE, not something you DO. And that’s where most folks go wrong… they use a WHAT to describe what is really a WHO.

“My purpose is to make a difference.”
“I help other people.”
“My purpose is to make an impact on everyone I meet.”
“My purpose is to create the biggest _________ (fill in the blank with a save-the-world project).”

These are not WHO qualities that are as central to your being as your DNA. These are WHATs or “to-dos” that you think will make you a better person if acted upon.

Purpose reflects your life’s blood. The energy that runs through you that is the unique contribution you make anywhere you go/are. It doesn’t require a heck of a lot on your part. It’s just part of who you are. People gravitate toward this essence of your being that affects them intellectually, spiritually, emotionally or even physically.

Really, no two people’s purposes are alike. Two people may have similar ones, but no two will express their purpose in exactly the same way. For example, maybe you are a voice for justice, a midwife to ideas or to people’s potential, a bridge to peace or communication, or someone who calls forth smiles, or someone who empowers. You may be an action, you may be a noun. It doesn’t matter, but it is something you just are and always have been, even if you stand still and do nothing. People gravitate to you for this.

One of my favorite stories about purpose comes from The Mutant Message Down Under by Marlo Morgan, which is an account of a woman being kidnapped by Aborigines in the Australian outback and being forced to live with them. One of her observations was that no one in the tribe had a biblical or given name. Their name was their purpose in the tribe. The songstress, the peacemaker, the cook, the medicine woman — they were their function. In this case, they are described in nouns but they were not the to-dos of that function. That function was undeniably who they were. They would not be themselves without fulfilling that function. Interesting to me as well was that they only celebrated birthdays when they evolved to a new level of purpose rather than when the lunar calendar came around to the date of their birth.

Imagine the peace you would have if you truly understood your part in the whole in that way. Imagine the focus to your every day. That is the gift of uncovering and living your purpose.

If you are one of the people still not clear about your purpose, keep in mind there are two criteria that tell you you’ve found it: 1) It’s something you already are or do naturally, and 2) it impacts others. No one has a purpose alone in a vacuum.

Not being able to name it gives people a lot of distress, but it could simply mean there is more inner work to be done before you are ready to live your purpose fully.

Many also worry that their purpose needs to be grand or world-changing. I call this the “Mother Theresa Syndrome” — as if one’s purpose is not worthy if it is not on the fast track to sainthood. Ironically, it was Mother Theresa herself who said: “We do not DO great things. We do small things with GREAT LOVE.” And there begins the promise of purpose. When we all give with great care, understanding, respect, and compassion, we are fulfilling our reason for being. The ripple effect is initiated and it is not ours to control.

So, please, forget crafting a purpose statement. It’s not a destination or the promised land. Make the journey to just being real. When you are fully and undeniably yourself, you won’t have to ask what your purpose is, because you’ll already be living it. It is as simple as that. It’ll just be you!

For more by Laura Berman Fortgang, click here.

Performing With Purpose

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Why do you do what you do? 

Have you asked yourself that lately?  Does it matter?  If you want to wake up full of energy, ready to tackle your day and excited about    what’s waiting in the office, than yes, it matters.

Knowing why you do what you do and what it is that you uniquely contribute brings great satisfaction, clarity and direction.  It also helps you feel that you are ‘on purpose’. 

Ennui and frustration set in when there is no growth, no challenge and no meaning. Don’t let that happen to you.

The WHY?

Why do what you do?  For yourself?  For your family?  To further a cause or a mission?  To move the world to a better place?  To amass wealth?

The ‘why’ is a great motivator.  You’ve heard the expression ‘keep your eye on the prize’.  The ‘why’ is the prize.

Some people do things to make others proud or to provide or to cause change.  Others do things to appease, please or assuage guilt.  Others still act out of revenge, envy or to prove something. 

Whatever works for you will be fuel for your dreams, you’ll use, but it might be worth erring to the side of the more loving qualities if it’s purpose and meaning you want as the core of why you perform.

The WHO

Completing the picture of performing with purpose is understanding that what you do is not going to make you happy unless you can truly express who you are through it.

Each of us serves a function for the people we come across in our work and in our lives.  Our choice becomes if we want to serve that function in a positive way or in a way that leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths.  In other words, do you leave people better off or worse off after dealing with you over the course of a day? 

Performing with purpose means seeking out opportunities to share that ‘magic dust’ that you exude and making it more and more a part of your daily existence. 

How do you figure out what that is?  Start asking people.  Yes, seriously. Start asking people you trust and what positive effect, if any, you have on them.  See where the answers start sounding the same and you will find critical mass building towards understanding your purpose.

Years ago, I worked with a very successful woman in telecom sales who was not having a very positive effect on the people around her.  When made aware of her impact, she wanted to change.  She wanted to leave people feeling better after being in contact with her. She made it her business to be encouraging and curious about other people.  She continued to be successful in her sales numbers, but she also started being tapped for her marketing ideas.  Within a few months, she made a full change to the marketing function and within a couple of years, her focus on performing with purpose led her to enter training and development and eventually getting trained as a certified coach.  None of these changes were part of any career plan, but rather a plan to live from a sense of purpose.  Her career path took her beyond any one she had dreamed for herself.

She had to figure it out for herself, but you can ask the people in your life and start doing more of what’s working.  Performing with purpose will be satisfying, meaningful, fun and reap surprising rewards. 

So what will it be?  “Magic Dust” or everyday grind?  Your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

CLEAR THE WAY TO CLARITY (AND MOMENTUM)

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news.  It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck.  If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.

When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.

Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time.  My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum.  I knew it was time to revisit the basics.  I changed my game with food and the gym.  I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.

I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor.  Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post  because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.

I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.

MOVE—Get your body moving.  If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!

DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items.  Immediately!  (not someday)

ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively.  For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk?  Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.

SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.

INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you.  Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.

All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding.  From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.

Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again.  It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.

We’re here if you need help.

WHAT YOU NEED MOST COULD BE THE CULPRIT BEHIND YOUR CAREER CONFUSION

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Career Confusion?  Yes, that back drop of unhappiness with no clear path to a better future.  That nagging feeling that if you only liked your job better everything would be OK or even worse, the Herculean panic of being paralyzed in the gap between unemployment and a paying position that will crush your soul! 

Career Confusion makes you feel powerless, stupid, lazy and crazy. Other people start thinking you are too as you flail about trying to look like you have it all together.  Oddly enough, all the reasons you think you are in this state may not be the cause at all. 

I had the privilege of putting a whole new crew of people through some of the Now What?® paces recently, and it drummed home, more clearly than ever, that we do not have the information about ourselves that we really need to find a career path that will be truly satisfying. It’s not just about what we like, what we are good at and what we have credentials for. We are people with a psychology formed by experiences and decisions and one of the biggest decisions you ever made may be EXACTLY what’s in the way of a satisfying career path being made available to you right now.

For most of us, somewhere in our formative years, we made a vow, a promise, a declaration about what we would or would not do, want, have or be.  And that vow, is what may very well be in your way today.

For example, Christopher was in his second disappointing career and very down on himself.  He had trained heavily for both and felt cheated by life to think he found himself needing to find yet another path.  He could not see any possibilities for himself, even with a rich history of things he loved or had experience with, until he got an ah-ha about a deep-seated need he VOWED would be the life force behind his career decisions.

Christopher remembered the vow he made as a young person born from a lack in his upbringing.  His vow—his NEED was to have stability.  Sounds fair enough, right?  But he saw that both his past career choices were made solely with that criteria and it had led him down two very disappointing paths. 

In the Now What?® program we call this a Driving Motivator but what is important here is that the key to clarity came upon discovering this hidden VOW.  Some of us are still operating on a vow that is working for us. Great, keep it.  But if life’s not working, look back for a possible vow. Once you are aware of that vow that has informed your decisions, you get to decide if it still serves you.  Believe me, it did. That’s why you formed it and that’s what helped you survive and thrive until now.  So love it, thank it, let it go and choose one that can SERVE you better now.

Another example is that of Deidre who came to America as a teen with her immigrant family.  Her parents wanted a better life for their children and Deidre internalized that and installed a vow to become the model for why her parents risked everything to move her to the US.  She super-achieved through school, Ivy League University and a top-notch career.  Now, she feels lazy and crazy, wanting less for herself than her elite status could get her.  She wants a more holistic lifestyle and a health-centered career. However, she could not move forward or even dream of allowing herself what she truly wanted until she found the freedom that comes with discovering the VOW that was causing all the confusion.

It’s like changing the operating system for your life.  You had one, it worked.  It’s no longer working but you lack the diagnostic tool to identify and move through the glitch.  Once you do, and you uncover the Vow, The Driver, the NEED, you will be able to live your life from the new operating system of satisfaction and clarity. 

Not sure what your VOW is?  Join us.

Our next FREE call is WED, May 9th 2012.