Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

What My Kid’s Summer Job Can Teach You

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What does a 12-year old’s summer job have to do with you?  It may reflect a critical point where you  have strayed from your Life Blueprint®*.  In considering what your next career move might be, it’sDog walker Blog July 2013 important to consider the critical pieces you left behind long ago that might come back into your life now for greater satisfaction with your work.

This twelve year old happens to be my son.  When Wyatt expressed concern this spring that his older brother and twin sister had ways to make money in the coming summer months and he did not, this mom/coach went to work.

What does Wyatt love?  Animals.  We checked out the local pet daycare center.  He wasn’t old enough to help out.  They suggested the shelter.  The shelter was not training new volunteers until the Fall.  And then it hit me.  We have many neighbors with small dogs, cats and other pets.  Pet Care by Wyatt was born.

Flyers, business cards, a matching daily report sheet for the pet owner post –care, one walk around the neighborhood, and he was in business.  Two customers so far and word of mouth is positive and growing.  No, you can’t find him on the Internet, yet but I have one happy kid who is making money and feeling pretty good about himself.

So back to you…..What are the parallel lessons ?

When different avenues are blocked; make your own way

If doors are closing on you in a job search or you have something that lights you up that you want to do but there are many obstacles, it is not necessarily a sign to give up.  It may just be an indication that you have to do what others are not willing to do.

You can make your own way.  Whether it’s starting a business, moonlighting or taking unconventional routes to meet the people you need to meet to who can get you where you want to go, you must do it.  It doesn’t matter how long it takes.  Keep the day job and make in-roads any way you can.  As Patti Danos, my first publicist used to say: “[Be] pleasantly persistent!”

Don’t ignore your daydreams

Part of what informed choosing Pet Care with my son was knowing how he dreams of having a dog or cat of his own.  It’s just not something our family can take on right now, but it was certainly what had to be listened to in creating this opportunity.

As I write this, there are two clients of mine setting up a time to meet.  One worked with me years ago, the other is doing so now.  They share a common daydream: Becoming a teacher—being someone who can share what they know and have a positive influence.  The former client is doing just that after years of hesitation and the current one is doing his research to decide if his daydream will take on more importance and become action towards this new destination he envisions.

Daydreams (and those at night, too) cannot be cast off as unrealistic as they may sound or as impossible to justify as they might appear.  They MUST be included in next steps if you are pondering them.  Only if you want to be happy, of course.

Get the word out

Procrastination, fear, embarrassment, uncertainty—all are reasons why people keep their ideas for new directions to themselves.  They are also the reasons why nothing is happening!

People are the cilia that move the cell along its path.  You need to be talking about what you are thinking of doing as a way to bring opportunity to you. No one can help you if they don’t know about what you are up to.  Networking your way to results can’t happen if you are not talking to anyone.

I understand that sometimes you can’t telegraph or announce your intentions or questions because it can jeopardize your safety net, but at some point, keeping quiet is keeping things from developing the way you want.

The beginning of the process is not the time to rent out a billboard in Times Square with a big announcement, but it is the process of talking to the right people (supportive, discreet, info-centric and resourceful for your area of interest) to move you along your path from inkling, to decision and on to action.

When you’re at action, you’ll catch up with my self-employed twelve-year-old.  We already envision a franchise.  What do you see?

* A Life Blueprint® is your undeniable preferences and talents that are seemingly part of your DNA.  They are the clues to what will bring you satisfaction in work and life.

Protect Yourself from Yack, Yack, Yack

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WaitingRoomHave you ever been sitting in the waiting room for an interview or other important meeting where people start yacking? Some are bragging, some are just answering questions from the braggart, and some are trying to stay out of it but suffering through the noise unable to block it out.

Sound familiar?

Which one are you? Does it matter?

Let’s explore why it does matter. It’s all about energy. When you are nervous about an interview or meeting new people, you need all the energy you have for you. The braggart is sucking energy out of the room by talking loudly, the person answering the questions is getting their energy sucked out of them and even the person who is gritting their teeth through it is losing energy to the scene going on.

Now the braggart thinks they are “all that” but the truth is they are not in the best standing either. They may go into the interview a bit too adrenalized and full of the energy they sucked from everyone else. That’s not always the best impression either.

So what to do?

Conserve Your Energy

No matter which one of the three holding room types you are, managing your energy is an important skill.

Imagine you are a big tank like those that hold water or gas. Every time you get nervous, stressed or someone steals your energy by being negative or taking up all the air in a room, your tank springs a leak. Your job is to keep your tank from leaking.

Take Slow Deep Breaths

You don’t have to close your eyes and go all zen, but take deep, slow breaths that you can really physically feel as your lungs fill up and expand. Let it out slowly. Deep controlled breathing soothes the nerves and brings oxygen to where it’s needed.

Focus on Something

If you don’t want to focus solely on your breath for the duration of your wait, read your notes or even pretend you are reading something. Keep your focus on your internal self not out into the room where you could get sucked into a conversation.

Dissuade Space Hogs

If someone does try to break into your space, you can politely say:
“I hope you’ll excuse me, I’m determined to read this now.”

OR

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m better off keeping quiet right now.”

(Try these on planes when you don’t want to engage a chatty seat mate, too!)

Envision Your Results

With eyes closed if you can, take a couple of minutes to envision in your mind’s eye how you want the meeting to go. Imagine the job being offered to you or your proposal being accepted. Imagine friendly faces inside that room you are waiting to enter. If you’re not feeling confident, imagine yourself very confident in stance and attitude.

Consider this your mental preparation.

Yacks are hacks. Hold your tongue as tempting as it is and fill up your tank with the good energy you’ll need to shine.

Does Burn Out Mean Get Out?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Do you suffer from burn out?  Dreading waking up in the morning to face another workday?  Sick of dealing withmatches people  and their issues at work?  Feeling like you can’t get on top of work no matter how much you try?  Wishing you’d get sick, just to get a break?  Any of the former might be a good indication that you’ve had it.  But, does that mean you have to leave and find a new job?

Wiping the slate clean and starting over is tempting, but considering the stress of a full-time job search or start-up attempt, an interim step will tell you if it’s really time to go.  That step takes effort too but it will tell you if it’s really the job or if you’ve developed habits that have made the job impossible to bear.  It’s probably a combination but I’ve seen people reinvent their career right where they are to great results.

Here’s how:

Give problems back

Habit, budget cuts, and precedence are all reasons you’ve taken on more problems than you deserve.  Getting them off your plate and cut up into pieces for others to do will go a long way to re-engaging you in the feast you came in to take part in.

Rip up the to do list

Most people carry a daily to-do list that couldn’t get done in a year.  Give up the long-term to-do list and focus on three TRUE priorities.  You’ll see things fall through the cracks but you’ll spend less time chasing things that were probably not that important to begin with.

What do you want to be known for?

It’s likely that you’ve forgotten.  When work is a daily dread, you are off course from what you care about.  Get back in touch with what you want to be known for as a person and as career achiever.  When you answer it, you’ll see how much you are dragging along that does not fit.  Go back to items one and two and become more ruthless with each one.

Clean up relationships

The people are what make work fun or at least tolerable.  If you are hating work, you are probably not liking the people too much either.  Is there anyone you need to set straight or apologize to?  Is there anyone you need to meet with who should know you and what you are capable of?  This is the time to clean up and/or improve visibility, exposure and the quality of your business relationships internally and outside the company too.

Communicate Expectations  

When you change how you play the game at work, people will need time to adjust to the new you.  Warn them and train them to understand that you are not going to be doing things the way you had been.  Massage their expectations as disappointments come up.  Be steady and singular in your focus to redirect your efforts to your answer above to “What do you want to be known for?”

Within two or three months of transitioning the changes you’ll make, you’ll have a very clear answer as to whether you cured your burn out or if leaving for new challenges is the only answer.  Either way is fine, but tweaking things first makes a good way to go no matter what.  If you stay, you’ll be renewed in strength and focus. If you go, you’ll be clearer about what you need and you’ll have set the stage for a smooth exit. No hard feelings.

Let us know how we can help.

 

HALF-TRUTHS KEEP YOU STUCK

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

People operate in half-truths. Being polite often means not communicating how we really feel. We swallow the truth to keep our jobs, our friends and to maintain the peace in the family. It’s likely better that way, but when it comes to figuring out next career and life moves, half-truths will keep you stuck.

At my Kripalu weekend seminar over the Easter holiday, there were several instances of half-truths (maybe even quarter-truths) getting in the way of progress in gaining clarity, direction and momentum in life.

People told me very sophisticated plans lies for what they might do next and how they’d do it. How did I know they were not telling the truth? They might fidget or mumble, avoid eye contact or just sound dispassionate and analytical about what they were saying. Just as I would feel myself slipping into a coma, I’d whip out my magic wand.

You read that right. However, in this case, I reached over to a vase of flowers and pulled out a miniature sunflower whose head fit nicely in the palm of my hand.

“Now”, I said, in my best Glinda-the-Good-Witch imitation.

glinda“If I waved my magic wand and you could have it your way NOW, what would you be doing?”

The answers were astounding.

One particular gentleman was laying out his plan very methodically when I interrupted him with my wand routine. He had an immediate response that lit up his face and made his eyes dance the cha-cha. He switched off his plan to sell insurance to get his children through the college years and told me about his dream to work in travel and see amazing places while extending that adventure to others.

That’s a big gap and how on earth would he make that happen?! Pipedream you say? I understand how you may think that. And if you do, it also tells me you hold a truth you don’t tell but we’ll save that for later. Now, let me tell you how this rolled out.

I got an email 36 hours after this admission was made that while on the drive home from the weekend, something came together rather quickly. As the dear man was telling his girlfriend what transpired, he remembered a trip he took to South Africa when he used to play rugby. He recalled the camaraderie among the international players and the traveling they did to explore the land, wildlife and culture. He instantly saw the connection to the recent launch of a rugby league he started in his area, which involved his own kids. He realized he could start organizing international trips for his league (like the one he took) as a business venture moving forward. He also wanted to let me know that the insurance direction was not a complete departure because insuring those trips is quite lucrative as well!

This is exactly what I expect when the truth has been let out of the bag: a sudden connection, remembering, ah-ha, ‘accidental’ meeting or other coming-together that closes the huge gap between the ‘telling’ and real time. It doesn’t seem so implausible anymore. The answers come. I know this to be true.

Now, back to anyone who might have a half-truth in their plans … I understand they sound reasonable and safe. I understand there are bills to be paid. I also know that you will not be happy, satisfied or fulfilled. Tell the whole truth and act on it. One small move (phone call, research, planning time, feasibility interviews, etc) a day will start the momentum. Even if you have to do the half-truth plan to pay the bills, do NOT keep THE truth buried. Bring it out and watch your life change.

Author’s Note:

Just before publication, the gentleman in this piece wrote to me to let me know that his story, now two weeks later, has expanded to include another set of ‘synchronistic’ events.

He reached out to the company that had arranged the tour he was on years ago and he explained his idea about such tours for youth rugby clubs.  It just so happens the proprietor had just heard from someone in the UK who wanted to get his UK youth rugby team playing in the US on a tour.  Thanks to our protagonist, he has a US team to meet up with this summer and perhaps a reciprocal tour for the Americans in the UK.

There’s more to share, but for now, suffice it to say that there is so much momentum stemming from one truth-telling to make your head spin.  And spin yours will when you, too,  take responsibility for your truth.  Keep me posted!

Eight Ways to Beat Hibernation

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

In the United States, we have a ridiculous ritual on February 2nd where we wait for a groundhog, in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to see (or not) its shadow as an indication to how soon spring will come.  This year, he did not see his shadow and the prediction that spring will come early was announced.  Now, granted this is a large country, but in my part of it, the Northeast, we’ve had a blizzard, grey days and significant cold ever since the pronouncement was made.

It’s dark, gloomy and great fuel for a good case of SAD  (seasonal affective disorder). What does that have to do with career transition?  It could be used as an excuse to not take any action during the last doldrums of winter.  That would be a dreadful waste of time.  So despite any tendency to hibernate, here are eight things you can do to be productive.

Organize—Straighten up, create systems, create a productive working environment, get things in working order. If you’ve been staring at a mess for months, it may be time to call in some help — professional or not.

Upgrade—Eliminate problems by upgrading equipment if possible.  Upgrade your own behavior, if need be.  Pick one thing or behavior to upgrade and do it.

Resume Work—This is a perfect time to work on your resume or your bio if you are a business owner or biz owner to be.  Take quiet time, champion yourself and check in with someone who can advise or give you help.

Network—Work against the sluggish winter mood by connecting with people.  Make coffee and lunch dates for business purposes and a little socializing wouldn’t hurt either.  Take advantage of inexpensive networking events, too, if you have some in your area.

Take class—Wake up your brain by learning something new.  Whether it’s related to your current or future career track isn’t a must.  Just take anything that interests you and engages you.

Prune—Let go of things and people! Let go of clothes you’ll never wear again.  Take people off your email list who you truly have no intention of connecting with. Throw out broken or useless things you keep around. 

Focus—Take one aspect of your job search, research, business building or career exploration and focus on it.  Try for a short period to not be concerned about multiple strategies.  Just one angle to focus on will help stop any overwhelm and give you some momentum to launch into spring with.

Plan—Pull out a calendar and plot a plan for your success.  Put it on your calendar when you’ll land that job. Yes, the exact date. Or put down the day you get your first paycheck in your new home based business.  And then, from that date, work backwards and plan what has to happen in order to get the desired result.

So if you are feeling the snail-like effect of the winter hump, know that you can do less and honor your body’s pace but multiply your productivity moving forward with these few simple strategies.

Let me know when spring hits where you are.  I’m ready!!

Milestones

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

I’m coming off of a Mexican spa  vacation and celebrating my 50th birthday by performing my one-woman show  in New  York City.  This year also includes my husband’s fiftieth birthday and our 20th wedding anniversary.  The teenager will get his permit this summer, the tweens are in their last moments of kid-hood, one of my parents passed the 80th birthday mark and my mother beat a major medical challenge last year.  So much to take in, so many tectonic plates shifting.

What does all that personal stuff have to do with you, the career explorer?  Lots, I think.  No matter what age you are at, I’m sure you have expectations about certain milestones in your life.  You might have solid ideas about what should be happening in your life based on a certain age or career marker.  My suspicion is those hopes could become sources of mild suffering. OK, maybe more-than-mild stress.

One of the toughest times in my life (whole story in The Little Book On Meaning)  was due to what I thought should happen by the time I was thirty and I speak to people every week, young and old, who lament that their expectations about not having certain age-milestones met.

Who made these milestones up anyway?!  Likely, they are based on old models of life expectancy. Clearly, there are some biological markers that we can’t avoid but science is doing a pretty good job of extending those.  Nonetheless, milestones are just another human device designed to make us screwy.

The passage of time is inevitable. What you do with that time is what matters and to feel fully alive, you have to use all you have at any given time.

Bodies age, minds go soft, knowledge becomes obsolete and technology will blur it all.  THAT MEANS that to stay on top of your game in the career world and in life, you have to become more and more adept at letting go of what is no longer serving you.  That doesn’t mean that new is always better, but it does mean that as the rate of change accelerates, you need to stay closer to the core of who you really are.  The faster things move, the harder it is to keep up if you are trying to stay on the path that someone else cut out for you but has nothing to do with who you really are.

Yes, you have to pay the rent or mortgage, but you also need to know that what makes people sick is working at something the majority of their waking hours that is essentially killing their spirit.  If not their body, too.

What to do:

Take a break

Take a vaca or stay-cation.  Get a break from what might be taxing you.

Evaluate what to keep

Use part of the time to do some introspection about what is worth keeping from your current work scenario (whether you can realistically put what stays and goes into concrete reality is not the point here).

Decide what you miss

Is there something you love to do or used to do that you wish you could put back in your life now?

Plan a crossover

As simplistic as it may sound, start writing a plan (yes fictitious) of how you could keep what you want and bring in more of the missing pieces into your job or life.  It could mean switching careers but at this point, being realistic and worried is not pertinent.

Do one thing a day towards it

Even if you are convinced that you are beholden to your current scenario and can’t make a change, act as if you could.  Take small actions daily that research possibilities, make connections and tease the fates.

You will be released. 

This is one of those things that you are just going to have to take my word for.  If you do a small thing a day towards making a change, even if you are not fully convinced you can or will ultimately make that change, something will give.  You will find yourself with new opportunities and new relationships that may just surprise you.

There is no right time or milestone.

Ignore convention—There is no written code of what can happen by when.  Yes, you want your retirement secured and you have other goals, but be honest with yourself.  You have one life as far as we know so live it NOW.  You may not be around to do so later!

Happy Milestone Birthday to me and let’s get living people!