Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

Spin A Different Yarn

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgangyarn green

Stories make up a big part of who we are. It’s how we relate to our past, it’s how we create our future, it’s how we entertain ourselves and sometimes, how we escape. In  coaching, especially career change coaching, stories believed too stubbornly can be exactly what is keeping someone stuck.

How do you know if that’s you? Your life may feel cyclical. Progress followed by setbacks of a familiar nature over and over. Fits and starts.
Also, bumping up against the same obstacles time after time. It’s not bad luck. It’s a belief system that needs to manifest into proof that you are right, giving you more evidence to keep believing the “story”. And if you believe it, you tell it and therefore, perpetuate it.

For example, Joseph could not see himself breaking out of investment banking into teaching which was what he really wanted to do because he believed wholeheartedly, it would be a long process full of rejection. He felt he did not have a long enough list of qualifications and that it would be one hurdle after another if he tried to make a change. Speaking to others who made similar changes gave him examples that it was possible, and having interviews that showed him the certification process would not take long should have also served to break the old story. However, he just could not let it go and start writing a new story.

Another example might be believing everyone is nasty or out for themselves. In turn, this makes you nasty or defensive so they are nasty back and there you go—another story that’s proven over and over again.

To spin a different yarn seems very phony at first. That’s because the new story is not true yet. It’s fiction. It’s not yet entrenched in the fiber of your being resonating through every nook and cranny.

It becomes your job to make it true and unfortunately, waiting to see proof first won’t work. Seeing is not believing. Believing makes you see it! It switches your attention off of everything that could go wrong or that is not working and puts it on the possibilities and the connect-the-dots magic of creating a new path.

Have you ever bought a new car only to notice once you are driving it, how many like it are on the road? That’s the effect we are looking for. What happened was that suddenly your attention was on cars just like yours and you kept seeing them everywhere! Were they there before? Certainly, but you weren’t looking for them.

Creating a new story means looking for the elements that can make it come true until you don’t have to work to find them anymore. That happens once the new story is woven into the tapestry of your life and becomes true.

What’s your story?

Are you broke? Are you lazy? Are you put-upon by circumstances? Are you a victim of corporate greed or a relationship gone sour? Are you so in love with your savings account that you can’t invest in yourself to get on a new course?

Start telling a story of what you CAN create instead of replaying those old eight-track tapes in your head (for youngsters, stop playing cassettes and for really young ones, stop playing those CD’s).

Let us know how we can help rewrite your career story.

Lost In Reality

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Once upon a time, we had an idealistic notion that led us to a certain career path.  It made so much sense and it made us feel good. Sept 2013 Newsletter

Fast forward five, ten or twenty years and we are not happy doing what we do.  What happened?

It became work.

It’s likely that you lost of sight of WHY you were doing it, got so far away from what you thought it would be about or you just outgrew the whole thing and stayed too long at the fair.  Now What?

There are FOUR courses of action to consider.

1) Cut your losses and run

I know it sounds very tempting to just quit and find yourself but unless there is some serious money in the bank, read on.

2) Keep the why, change the details

Let’s say you were attracted to a law career by the notion of fighting for justice and now all you do is shuffle paper and work with uninspiring cases.  You need to revisit the WHY.  If you still love your original WHY, keep it but get into a new area or firm or organization where you can do what matters to you.

3) RE-engage

Sometimes we just forget the WHY because the daily grind wears us down.  Sometimes it’s enough to wake up everyday and remind yourself that you are in it for more than a paycheck.  Spend two weeks making your WHY the first thing you think about as you start your day.  One of two things will happen:

You’ll get your mojo back and keep going

OR

You’ll realize that it was a ‘that was then, this is now’

situation and start working on a transition

4) Redefine work

Finally, not everyone wants their work to be an all-consuming mission, their purpose or that meaningful for that matter.  Many people redefine work to be the bill-payer around which they build an extraordinary life.

I am currently working with a client who decided to stay with her job to allow it to pay for the things that matter to her more: charity work, world-travel, an active social life and time with her kids.  It was no longer torture once she reconciled that the WHY was everything else in her life.

How will you keep your mornings dread-free and full of ‘get up and go’?

If you can guess which course of action I’d go for, you may win a FREE session with me.  Respond in our comments section.  The first three people to guess correctly win.  You’ll receive a private email.

And if you need any guidance on this topic, let us know.

Facing the Grizzly

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

When one goes to Denali National Park and Preserve  in Alaska, like I did this month, you are given repeated instructions on how to deal with a Grizzly Bear LBFGrizzly Bear should you encounter one. You don’t run.

That would trigger the bears’ chase instinct and they will outrun or overpower you.  You are supposed to stay calm, face the bear, wave your arms and talk to it so it realizes you are not prey or a threat.  Should the bear charge you, which it might do, repeatedly, as a bluff, you are to stand your ground and not move.  If by some remote chance the bear does attack you, you are to get into the fetal position, face down, with your hands behind your neck and your backpack in place.  The bear should walk away eventually once they realize you’re not dinner.  HA!  Would you care to try any of it to find out?

In three visits to Alaska, one for an entire summer, I never had to engage my bear training but it did make me consider, every time I heard the instructions, whether I could keep my cool and do what has proven to work.

I can’t think of a more intense analogy for facing your fears head on.  Facing a six foot Grizzly and staying steady and focused and not running in the opposite direction or freaking out or requiring a new pair of pants!

Does that mirror anything in your life?  What are you facing right now? A scary career change?  A relationship that would force you to grow?  A money problem you fear is bigger than you can handle?

Hold your ground.  Talk it down.

The week I was in the park, an eighteen-year-old female was innocently walking on a very open, unobstructed grassy hill near a rest stop when a Grizzly appeared seemingly out of nowhere.  She committed the mortal sin and started running.  Guides, bus drivers and bear-educated tourists soon started yelling instructions at her repeating the training she had forgotten in her panic.  She got a hold of herself, stopped and talked calmly to the bear waving her arms.  The bear bluff charged her a couple of times and then went on his way.  Traumatized, but safe, the girl returned to her party and the bus.

Who can remind you to get with the program?  Who can guide you?  Who can keep you from panicking and making matters worse?

Today’s message is a just a friendly reminder, like the repeated bear instructions.  Face your fears and get them to walk away from you knowing you are not going to engage them.

Enjoy the rest of summer and get ready to rock the fall. Let us know how we can help.

 

What My Kid’s Summer Job Can Teach You

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What does a 12-year old’s summer job have to do with you?  It may reflect a critical point where you  have strayed from your Life Blueprint®*.  In considering what your next career move might be, it’sDog walker Blog July 2013 important to consider the critical pieces you left behind long ago that might come back into your life now for greater satisfaction with your work.

This twelve year old happens to be my son.  When Wyatt expressed concern this spring that his older brother and twin sister had ways to make money in the coming summer months and he did not, this mom/coach went to work.

What does Wyatt love?  Animals.  We checked out the local pet daycare center.  He wasn’t old enough to help out.  They suggested the shelter.  The shelter was not training new volunteers until the Fall.  And then it hit me.  We have many neighbors with small dogs, cats and other pets.  Pet Care by Wyatt was born.

Flyers, business cards, a matching daily report sheet for the pet owner post –care, one walk around the neighborhood, and he was in business.  Two customers so far and word of mouth is positive and growing.  No, you can’t find him on the Internet, yet but I have one happy kid who is making money and feeling pretty good about himself.

So back to you…..What are the parallel lessons ?

When different avenues are blocked; make your own way

If doors are closing on you in a job search or you have something that lights you up that you want to do but there are many obstacles, it is not necessarily a sign to give up.  It may just be an indication that you have to do what others are not willing to do.

You can make your own way.  Whether it’s starting a business, moonlighting or taking unconventional routes to meet the people you need to meet to who can get you where you want to go, you must do it.  It doesn’t matter how long it takes.  Keep the day job and make in-roads any way you can.  As Patti Danos, my first publicist used to say: “[Be] pleasantly persistent!”

Don’t ignore your daydreams

Part of what informed choosing Pet Care with my son was knowing how he dreams of having a dog or cat of his own.  It’s just not something our family can take on right now, but it was certainly what had to be listened to in creating this opportunity.

As I write this, there are two clients of mine setting up a time to meet.  One worked with me years ago, the other is doing so now.  They share a common daydream: Becoming a teacher—being someone who can share what they know and have a positive influence.  The former client is doing just that after years of hesitation and the current one is doing his research to decide if his daydream will take on more importance and become action towards this new destination he envisions.

Daydreams (and those at night, too) cannot be cast off as unrealistic as they may sound or as impossible to justify as they might appear.  They MUST be included in next steps if you are pondering them.  Only if you want to be happy, of course.

Get the word out

Procrastination, fear, embarrassment, uncertainty—all are reasons why people keep their ideas for new directions to themselves.  They are also the reasons why nothing is happening!

People are the cilia that move the cell along its path.  You need to be talking about what you are thinking of doing as a way to bring opportunity to you. No one can help you if they don’t know about what you are up to.  Networking your way to results can’t happen if you are not talking to anyone.

I understand that sometimes you can’t telegraph or announce your intentions or questions because it can jeopardize your safety net, but at some point, keeping quiet is keeping things from developing the way you want.

The beginning of the process is not the time to rent out a billboard in Times Square with a big announcement, but it is the process of talking to the right people (supportive, discreet, info-centric and resourceful for your area of interest) to move you along your path from inkling, to decision and on to action.

When you’re at action, you’ll catch up with my self-employed twelve-year-old.  We already envision a franchise.  What do you see?

* A Life Blueprint® is your undeniable preferences and talents that are seemingly part of your DNA.  They are the clues to what will bring you satisfaction in work and life.

Protect Yourself from Yack, Yack, Yack

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WaitingRoomHave you ever been sitting in the waiting room for an interview or other important meeting where people start yacking? Some are bragging, some are just answering questions from the braggart, and some are trying to stay out of it but suffering through the noise unable to block it out.

Sound familiar?

Which one are you? Does it matter?

Let’s explore why it does matter. It’s all about energy. When you are nervous about an interview or meeting new people, you need all the energy you have for you. The braggart is sucking energy out of the room by talking loudly, the person answering the questions is getting their energy sucked out of them and even the person who is gritting their teeth through it is losing energy to the scene going on.

Now the braggart thinks they are “all that” but the truth is they are not in the best standing either. They may go into the interview a bit too adrenalized and full of the energy they sucked from everyone else. That’s not always the best impression either.

So what to do?

Conserve Your Energy

No matter which one of the three holding room types you are, managing your energy is an important skill.

Imagine you are a big tank like those that hold water or gas. Every time you get nervous, stressed or someone steals your energy by being negative or taking up all the air in a room, your tank springs a leak. Your job is to keep your tank from leaking.

Take Slow Deep Breaths

You don’t have to close your eyes and go all zen, but take deep, slow breaths that you can really physically feel as your lungs fill up and expand. Let it out slowly. Deep controlled breathing soothes the nerves and brings oxygen to where it’s needed.

Focus on Something

If you don’t want to focus solely on your breath for the duration of your wait, read your notes or even pretend you are reading something. Keep your focus on your internal self not out into the room where you could get sucked into a conversation.

Dissuade Space Hogs

If someone does try to break into your space, you can politely say:
“I hope you’ll excuse me, I’m determined to read this now.”

OR

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m better off keeping quiet right now.”

(Try these on planes when you don’t want to engage a chatty seat mate, too!)

Envision Your Results

With eyes closed if you can, take a couple of minutes to envision in your mind’s eye how you want the meeting to go. Imagine the job being offered to you or your proposal being accepted. Imagine friendly faces inside that room you are waiting to enter. If you’re not feeling confident, imagine yourself very confident in stance and attitude.

Consider this your mental preparation.

Yacks are hacks. Hold your tongue as tempting as it is and fill up your tank with the good energy you’ll need to shine.

Does Burn Out Mean Get Out?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Do you suffer from burn out?  Dreading waking up in the morning to face another workday?  Sick of dealing withmatches people  and their issues at work?  Feeling like you can’t get on top of work no matter how much you try?  Wishing you’d get sick, just to get a break?  Any of the former might be a good indication that you’ve had it.  But, does that mean you have to leave and find a new job?

Wiping the slate clean and starting over is tempting, but considering the stress of a full-time job search or start-up attempt, an interim step will tell you if it’s really time to go.  That step takes effort too but it will tell you if it’s really the job or if you’ve developed habits that have made the job impossible to bear.  It’s probably a combination but I’ve seen people reinvent their career right where they are to great results.

Here’s how:

Give problems back

Habit, budget cuts, and precedence are all reasons you’ve taken on more problems than you deserve.  Getting them off your plate and cut up into pieces for others to do will go a long way to re-engaging you in the feast you came in to take part in.

Rip up the to do list

Most people carry a daily to-do list that couldn’t get done in a year.  Give up the long-term to-do list and focus on three TRUE priorities.  You’ll see things fall through the cracks but you’ll spend less time chasing things that were probably not that important to begin with.

What do you want to be known for?

It’s likely that you’ve forgotten.  When work is a daily dread, you are off course from what you care about.  Get back in touch with what you want to be known for as a person and as career achiever.  When you answer it, you’ll see how much you are dragging along that does not fit.  Go back to items one and two and become more ruthless with each one.

Clean up relationships

The people are what make work fun or at least tolerable.  If you are hating work, you are probably not liking the people too much either.  Is there anyone you need to set straight or apologize to?  Is there anyone you need to meet with who should know you and what you are capable of?  This is the time to clean up and/or improve visibility, exposure and the quality of your business relationships internally and outside the company too.

Communicate Expectations  

When you change how you play the game at work, people will need time to adjust to the new you.  Warn them and train them to understand that you are not going to be doing things the way you had been.  Massage their expectations as disappointments come up.  Be steady and singular in your focus to redirect your efforts to your answer above to “What do you want to be known for?”

Within two or three months of transitioning the changes you’ll make, you’ll have a very clear answer as to whether you cured your burn out or if leaving for new challenges is the only answer.  Either way is fine, but tweaking things first makes a good way to go no matter what.  If you stay, you’ll be renewed in strength and focus. If you go, you’ll be clearer about what you need and you’ll have set the stage for a smooth exit. No hard feelings.

Let us know how we can help.