Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

It’s Garbage Day

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garbage-can1It’s time to take out the trash, folks, even if the trash is YOU.  I know that sounds rude, but it’s a new year and I’m turning 51 this week and as my patience for nonsense wanes at an astounding daily rate, I am passing my sass on to you. 

 

This is not a “misery loves company” scenario. No.  It’s an I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me, but I do know what works slap down.  I want my sass to slap your _____(rhymes with sass) into action.  Maybe some ego mixed in there, but no harm is intended.

 

Do you want to gain clarity in your life? Do you want to figure out your next career steps? Do you want to feel commitment to a bigger vision of what’s possible for yourself?  Then, call it a trash day every day for the rest of this month and get on with it.

 

People underestimate the importance of a clear slate to strategizing new horizons.  We mistakenly think we can compensate for and overlook the physical clutter, emotional baggage, poor health, soured relationships and dysfunctional work or home scenarios.  We think we can carve out an escape route and all of that will fall away behind us and it’s just not true.  Problems will follow you even into a shinier new situation. Wading through the garbage is what gets us to a clear, new, unfettered path. 

 

I am not advocating for perfection and tidiness in all areas, but what I am asking for is a higher level of awareness.  Garbage drains you of energy, mental bandwidth, creativity, awareness of your intuition and peace.  Without those, you are just existing and not growing and probably feeling down and discouraged.

 

Michael is a high-level, well-paid executive who has lost his edge.  He doesn’t feel any passion for his work anymore although he did five or six years ago.  Relationships are strained at his job, he’s wearing out his friends with the same repetitive complaints and he doesn’t feel motivated to keep up with his exercise routine.  He hired me because he wants to make a decision about where to focus to find a new job opportunity.  Where we started was with the clutter.  Sustainable, good decisions aren’t made in the midst of chaos.  As he addressed the chaos, I could hear his confidence building.  Week by week, his conviction and vision of what he wanted for himself grew.  The ah-ha’s are already breaking through like the sun does after a rainy afternoon, and I know that definitive decisions and actions on the career move are immediately imminent.

 

Shouldn’t that be you?  It’s garbage day.  You know what to do.

To Quit or Not To Quit

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

5881919To quit or not to quit?  That is the question.

Maybe you’ve been thinking of quitting your job, quitting your current job search or giving up on your dream.  You probably feel bad just entertaining the thought.  If you feel bad about it, is that a sign that you stay put? How does somebody know if quitting is the right thing? It’s so hard!

There’s always the pros/cons list if you want to rely on logic.  But, you see, logic will likely be overrun by fear, so we have to rule that out.  We probably can’t trust your gut at this point either, because the jittery butterflies make it hard to get an accurate read.

Then, HOW DO YOU KNOW????

Imagine you are out shopping for a new suit or pair of shoes.  Would you make the purchase if the item did not fit you?  Probably not, unless of course, you were totally desperate and had no choice because you had an event in the morning and the stores are closing in five minutes.

If whatever you are considering quitting doesn’t ‘fit’ you anymore, you have to be honest with yourself.  Yes, there are consequences, and maybe you can have the suit altered or the shoes12514690 RED SHOES stretched, but pay close attention to how you feel.  Is the energy in your body shutting down and feeling like a ‘no’ when you think of staying with the current course?  Is your energy a ‘YES’ when you imagine yourself quitting and on to the next thing?

This can be a little confusing too, because newness is exciting.  The ‘Yes’ energy can’t always be trusted if you are one to chase after the nearest, new shiny object like a bee dances from flower to flower in the summer looking for pollen.  However, if you are honest with yourself, know that the ‘YES’ feeling (as scary as it may be) is not just the escape from the hard work of something, then you have your answer.  It’s time to move on.

If the thing you are considering quitting still has ‘YES’ in it, despite it’s challenges, you have to stay and recommit.

Change is hard any way you slice it.  Whether you have to recommit and stay or you are ready to quit and forge a new path, it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows.  But the idea has to give your body a ‘YES’ the way a metal detector would go BEEP when it’s hit upon a treasure.

I recently worked with an unemployed lawyer who was very unhappy with his line of work and who had a very clear idea of what else he’d like to do.  The internal battle was all about logic—where the money would come from, which he was more qualified to do, and which would be most easily accessible.  Logic was winning, but the energy (and therefore action) was very low when it came to the job search of new legal work.  The energy was very high for the new thing but fear stopped him.  The answer was clear, but this lawyer needed more time to think about what he already knew to be true.  That was very lawyerly of him.  But the coach had to bow out until the ‘YES’ led to action.

As the New Year approaches, don’t let the ‘YES’ sit in your body unattended.  Life will tell you if you are wrong.  Make a move and see how it ‘fits.’  We outgrow jobs and directions like we outgrow clothes and shoes whether it’s due to size, fit or style.  It’s OK to quit when it truly doesn’t fit.

One Door Closes, Another One Won’t Open

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

The doors are closed,old window door

You knock and knock,

No one answers,

So you decide to wait.

Do so at your own risk, I say.

For more than a decade, I’ve been watching more and more clients struggle with their industries changing drastically, shrinking and in some cases, disappearing completely.  People’s natural instinct, it seems, is to either try harder to get back in or wait until things get better so they can try again.

Is this you?

You’ve exhausted all your contacts.

You’ve sent out dozens and dozens of resumes.

You’ve attended industry events to find opportunities.

You’ve started to run out of ways to fill your days.

You’re wondering if something’s wrong with you.

You’re blaming the economy or the darned industry you’re in.

From my vantage point, the closing of doors followed by more closing of doors signifies,  it’s time to try a window.  In other words, it’s a nudge to go in a different direction.

What is most surprising is that many people have a slight inkling as to what that direction might be, but they ignore it in the name of waiting for the familiar door to suddenly open.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but if that old door is supposed to open, it likely won’t do so until you’ve started going in a different direction.  Just like the romantic partner who loves you the most once you’ve broken up and are starting to date other people.  At that point, you don’t necessarily want them back.

That pestering little nudge that says to try something else is your way out of this dilemma.  I know it sounds crazy. I know you’ve already decided it won’t make you any money so you can’t even dream of going that direction  I know you’ve buried it so deep it may not even make its way into your dreams anymore, but DIG IT OUT!!

Here’s the key.  The crazy idea to go back to something you used to do or to turn a hobby into a business or to do that long forgotten thing you always wanted to do is not necessarily a destination.

The $500K a year finance executive won’t be able to sustain her current  lifestyle as a yoga instructor, but it was yoga that opened her up to see that her next job needed to be satisfying, lucrative and meaningful.

The real estate attorney needed to revisit the reason he went into law (justice and fighting for what’s right) through his volunteer work while he was unemployed.  His volunteer stint made him realize that he needed to turn his career ship into a form of law that was more in tune with his values.

The yoga and non-profit volunteering did not become ‘next steps’ in terms of a career destination, but they were the means by which clarity came about.  THAT is the value of acting on your intuitive inklings.

Some of you may know that I followed my own advice, as I often do, and 3 years ago, when feeling a little stymied, I dove back into my first love of performing by doing my first musical theatre show in 17.5 years!  It was so much fun and surprisingly, it led to the creation of Life Coach Lurlene.  The venture into the ‘crazy’ idea of ‘wasting’ my time doing a musical just for fun became a new revenue stream in 2 short years.

If knocking on doors has become banging your head against the wall, then turn your weary head to the window that has a little glimmer of light.  It may not be your final destination, but it is the glint of what will ease your way to clarity and new horizons.

Let us know if you need help.  We’re here to work with you.

Spin A Different Yarn

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgangyarn green

Stories make up a big part of who we are. It’s how we relate to our past, it’s how we create our future, it’s how we entertain ourselves and sometimes, how we escape. In  coaching, especially career change coaching, stories believed too stubbornly can be exactly what is keeping someone stuck.

How do you know if that’s you? Your life may feel cyclical. Progress followed by setbacks of a familiar nature over and over. Fits and starts.
Also, bumping up against the same obstacles time after time. It’s not bad luck. It’s a belief system that needs to manifest into proof that you are right, giving you more evidence to keep believing the “story”. And if you believe it, you tell it and therefore, perpetuate it.

For example, Joseph could not see himself breaking out of investment banking into teaching which was what he really wanted to do because he believed wholeheartedly, it would be a long process full of rejection. He felt he did not have a long enough list of qualifications and that it would be one hurdle after another if he tried to make a change. Speaking to others who made similar changes gave him examples that it was possible, and having interviews that showed him the certification process would not take long should have also served to break the old story. However, he just could not let it go and start writing a new story.

Another example might be believing everyone is nasty or out for themselves. In turn, this makes you nasty or defensive so they are nasty back and there you go—another story that’s proven over and over again.

To spin a different yarn seems very phony at first. That’s because the new story is not true yet. It’s fiction. It’s not yet entrenched in the fiber of your being resonating through every nook and cranny.

It becomes your job to make it true and unfortunately, waiting to see proof first won’t work. Seeing is not believing. Believing makes you see it! It switches your attention off of everything that could go wrong or that is not working and puts it on the possibilities and the connect-the-dots magic of creating a new path.

Have you ever bought a new car only to notice once you are driving it, how many like it are on the road? That’s the effect we are looking for. What happened was that suddenly your attention was on cars just like yours and you kept seeing them everywhere! Were they there before? Certainly, but you weren’t looking for them.

Creating a new story means looking for the elements that can make it come true until you don’t have to work to find them anymore. That happens once the new story is woven into the tapestry of your life and becomes true.

What’s your story?

Are you broke? Are you lazy? Are you put-upon by circumstances? Are you a victim of corporate greed or a relationship gone sour? Are you so in love with your savings account that you can’t invest in yourself to get on a new course?

Start telling a story of what you CAN create instead of replaying those old eight-track tapes in your head (for youngsters, stop playing cassettes and for really young ones, stop playing those CD’s).

Let us know how we can help rewrite your career story.

Lost In Reality

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Once upon a time, we had an idealistic notion that led us to a certain career path.  It made so much sense and it made us feel good. Sept 2013 Newsletter

Fast forward five, ten or twenty years and we are not happy doing what we do.  What happened?

It became work.

It’s likely that you lost of sight of WHY you were doing it, got so far away from what you thought it would be about or you just outgrew the whole thing and stayed too long at the fair.  Now What?

There are FOUR courses of action to consider.

1) Cut your losses and run

I know it sounds very tempting to just quit and find yourself but unless there is some serious money in the bank, read on.

2) Keep the why, change the details

Let’s say you were attracted to a law career by the notion of fighting for justice and now all you do is shuffle paper and work with uninspiring cases.  You need to revisit the WHY.  If you still love your original WHY, keep it but get into a new area or firm or organization where you can do what matters to you.

3) RE-engage

Sometimes we just forget the WHY because the daily grind wears us down.  Sometimes it’s enough to wake up everyday and remind yourself that you are in it for more than a paycheck.  Spend two weeks making your WHY the first thing you think about as you start your day.  One of two things will happen:

You’ll get your mojo back and keep going

OR

You’ll realize that it was a ‘that was then, this is now’

situation and start working on a transition

4) Redefine work

Finally, not everyone wants their work to be an all-consuming mission, their purpose or that meaningful for that matter.  Many people redefine work to be the bill-payer around which they build an extraordinary life.

I am currently working with a client who decided to stay with her job to allow it to pay for the things that matter to her more: charity work, world-travel, an active social life and time with her kids.  It was no longer torture once she reconciled that the WHY was everything else in her life.

How will you keep your mornings dread-free and full of ‘get up and go’?

If you can guess which course of action I’d go for, you may win a FREE session with me.  Respond in our comments section.  The first three people to guess correctly win.  You’ll receive a private email.

And if you need any guidance on this topic, let us know.

Facing the Grizzly

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

When one goes to Denali National Park and Preserve  in Alaska, like I did this month, you are given repeated instructions on how to deal with a Grizzly Bear LBFGrizzly Bear should you encounter one. You don’t run.

That would trigger the bears’ chase instinct and they will outrun or overpower you.  You are supposed to stay calm, face the bear, wave your arms and talk to it so it realizes you are not prey or a threat.  Should the bear charge you, which it might do, repeatedly, as a bluff, you are to stand your ground and not move.  If by some remote chance the bear does attack you, you are to get into the fetal position, face down, with your hands behind your neck and your backpack in place.  The bear should walk away eventually once they realize you’re not dinner.  HA!  Would you care to try any of it to find out?

In three visits to Alaska, one for an entire summer, I never had to engage my bear training but it did make me consider, every time I heard the instructions, whether I could keep my cool and do what has proven to work.

I can’t think of a more intense analogy for facing your fears head on.  Facing a six foot Grizzly and staying steady and focused and not running in the opposite direction or freaking out or requiring a new pair of pants!

Does that mirror anything in your life?  What are you facing right now? A scary career change?  A relationship that would force you to grow?  A money problem you fear is bigger than you can handle?

Hold your ground.  Talk it down.

The week I was in the park, an eighteen-year-old female was innocently walking on a very open, unobstructed grassy hill near a rest stop when a Grizzly appeared seemingly out of nowhere.  She committed the mortal sin and started running.  Guides, bus drivers and bear-educated tourists soon started yelling instructions at her repeating the training she had forgotten in her panic.  She got a hold of herself, stopped and talked calmly to the bear waving her arms.  The bear bluff charged her a couple of times and then went on his way.  Traumatized, but safe, the girl returned to her party and the bus.

Who can remind you to get with the program?  Who can guide you?  Who can keep you from panicking and making matters worse?

Today’s message is a just a friendly reminder, like the repeated bear instructions.  Face your fears and get them to walk away from you knowing you are not going to engage them.

Enjoy the rest of summer and get ready to rock the fall. Let us know how we can help.