Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

PUSHING THROUGH THE WAIT

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

High on the list of painful experiences, in my opinion, is waiting.  Waiting for answers to a job interview, a college  application, a turn in your luck, or any other potentially life-changing outcome.  There is little comfort in holding your breath to see how the rest of the story is going to turn out.

Even beyond those suspenseful moments, is the kind of waiting that has been going on for people in career transition during the last three years of the Great Recession.  It’s the most grueling kind of waiting. Waiting for clarity.  Waiting for a relief from the financial bleeding.  Waiting for a contact to come through or better yet, a job or business momentum that seems sustainable.

So much self-torture happens on top of the pain of waiting.  Beating yourself up, wondering if your choices got you where you are, the fights that happen at home from the stress of facing the unknowns.  As bad as this all sounds, there is a way out or at least many things that can help reduce the strain.

SELF CARE

Being nice to yourself and taking extra good care of your body, mind and spirit is really important when you are in waiting hell.  You may not have the budget you are used to, but this is a good time to come up with creative ways to be good to yourself.  If you gave up the gym membership, you can still walk and do calisthenics.  If you can’t get an expensive service at the salon, do one at home or find a new place that offers a discount to first timers.  Be aware of eating well and being around positive people.  Care for your mind with rest, relaxation and keep any berating self-talk at bay.

STRUCTURE

I’ve mentioned this in other articles, but creating a structure for your day is really important if you are waiting for answers or for something to land.  Without structure, it’s easy to get depressed, oversleep and waste time in front of the TV or computer.

Make a schedule for yourself.  A time to get up, a period of time you will work daily on your career transition, scheduled exercise, meetings out of the house and most importantly, have something to look forward to every day whether it’s a good book you are reading, a person you are going to see or some form of entertainment.

CONNECTION

It’s natural for many people to isolate during an uncomfortable time and especially if they are embarrassed or ashamed of their situation in any way.  The waiting game is the worst time for isolation.  Connecting with others is so crucial to keeping your spirits up and engaging fully with life. 

See people, join a group of like-minded folks—career transitioners or any common interest group, and take time to tell the people you care about how they can support you during the wait.  Do you want distractions? Do you want people to listen to some venting?  Do you want hands-on help with anything? Be clear, be honest and DON’T isolate.

Also under connection, is connecting with yourself.  Whether through prayer, meditation or journaling, connect with you and the sources of power you believe in.  This is a time to stay connecting and not shut down.

ACTION KEEP MOVING FORWARD

The best antidote to waiting is not waiting.  It’s continuing to take action.  Yes, sometimes, action for action’s sake.  Action looks like networking, calling people, researching on the internet, making connections.  It means taking risks and not letting waiting get the best of you.

I can’t wait for this time in the history of the American and Global Economy to be a distant memory, but in the meanwhile, we want to support you to get where you want to go.  Let us know if we can help.

Our next free call is this WED, March 7th 2012 

 

 

WHY CAN’T I GET OFF THE COUCH?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

There is a fascinating phenomenon going on that I have observed through conversations with clients, would-be clients and being engaged on the internet.  Well-educated, usually highly motivated people are paralyzed by the thought of sending out resumes and finding another job, even if they need to financially.  Some of them are even medicated, under treatment for depression.  You know, the symptoms—“if you have a loss of interest in things you usually enjoy for two weeks or more, tell your doctor…”

I am not surprised. I’m really not, but I know that the folks who are going through it are. They don’t recognize themselves. They don’t know the person who would not do whatever it took to meet their obligations and take care of their families and themselves.  The turmoil caused by the disparity present many symptoms that might drive someone into therapy but that may not get to the root cause.

The source, in my humble opinion, is the daunting recognition that you paid a high price for the career or job you are now mourning and that you are so bruised by it that you do not want to go back as much as you think you should.  You think you have no other option. You figuratively see graffiti everywhere that says: “NO WAY OUT!”  Feeling paralyzed by the need to get back to work but the dread of going back to work is what likely threw you on the couch. The one at home and maybe the one at the shrink’s.  But there is a way out and here is what I see that works for others and could work for you.

DARE TO SAY IT

Though our parents and grandparents may have never dreamed of happiness being criteria for choosing a job or career, it is very much part of who people are today.  It’s OK to say so.

Dare to say out loud that you can’t go back from whence you came.  It’s OK.

We can link the lack of physical and mental well being to a toxic workplace now and as much as someone might think we just need to ‘grow up and deal with it’, many people would rather stay on the couch than subject themselves to certain conditions.

GET MOVING AGAIN

Exercise, meet people for lunch, go to a museum—get your body moving again and be out in the world.  After job loss, it’s fine to take some recovery time, but when recovery turns you into a wind up toy bouncing into the walls or eventually winding down to nothing, it’s time to MOVE.  Any kind of movement will do but get out, move and be accountable somewhere.

DABBLE IN FICTION

Write down dream scenarios for your work.  Drill down to what you really want as impossible as it may seem.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how or if you have any connections to make it happen.  All that matters is that you knock the truth out of your brain and get it out onto a page.  Just as you dared to say what you couldn’t stand, you now have to dare to say what you do want as far-fetched as it may be.

RESEARCH THE IMPOSSIBLE

Now, take that ‘impossible dream’ and start talking to people who might know people who might know people who can help.  Scour the internet and even call people you don’t know to find out how they’ve accomplished what they done.  Do approach people in a professional manner ( I can’t believe I have to even say that, but you would not believe the inquiries I get sometimes!  People barking orders like my phone was the drive-up window at McDonald’s!)

The way you start moving the tides away from your couch and back into the world of work is to get your energy back by surfing the waves of change and possibility.  When you explore, you’ll be amazed at the solutions that might come your way.  NO WAY OUT, become THIS WAY OUT, and even if the end result is only a small change from your last position, it will have come to be with a greater understanding of who you are and what you want.  With that knowledge, you are much more likely to make good choices and attract better opportunities.

If you take these steps, hopefully, the next time you are on the couch is just to kick off your shoes after a great day at work!  Good luck and let us know how we can help.

 

THE ANSWER MAY BE ON THE PRAIRIE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Speaking at a session of “Lives in Transition” a networking and support group north of New York City, I was inspired by the resourcefulness of the participants. Many had started businesses or were charging for services to make money knowing that waiting for their respective industries to get back to hiring was not the smartest strategy.

It’s time to tell you about my “Little House on the Prairie Theory”. You see, for about a dozen years, I have not been able to shake the occasional vision of the aerial view of the town where the famous TV series took place. A long camera shot centered on the white church/schoolhouse in a dirt clearing that included the general store, the doctor’s office and a few other sundry buildings and businesses.

It was only a few years ago that I began to understand why I was seeing this image in my mind’s eye. I interpret its meaning to be a symbol for how we are somewhat moving backwards in time in the evolution of work. It’s coming around full circle. As more and more people are forced to reinvent, there seems to be a homecoming to varied skills, talents, gifts and strengths that are leading people back to selling their wares and focusing on their skill set the way an artisan would.

Does this mean that the best option in the slow recovery is to be in your own business? Not necessarily, but it does mean thinking like an artist when it comes to finding what is marketable about you. It may not be the same skill set that you’ve been making the theme of your resume. It may very well be something you loved in the past or that you do as a hobby or that is the sweet spot about whatever you did for employment in the past.

The key is leveraging that thing to make money. It may not be the same money you were used to, but it will put you on the path to recovery and only time will tell what else.

Martin B. did all the right things lining up his life as a young man to complete school and qualify for a corporate employee’s life. Having done so well compared to his family, he questioned his sanity when a job layoff had him considering other options for his future other than landing another corporate job. He thought he was nuts when he was fantasizing about making a career out of his love for the great outdoors. As luck would have it, someone he knew was selling a small resort in a mountainous area near by. He was not ready to invest so heavily but he also could not ignore the depth of the calling in his heart.

As I’ve seen with many people before, coincidences like the one above can scare the bejeezus out of people. Granted, there are many real considerations to making such a huge leap, but I cannot discount the timing of admitting to something you would love to do and having a possible opportunity suddenly pop up.

Martin started making more trips into nature and accepting invitations to travel that would keep him outdoors. The time in open space did a lot for reaching greater clarity and gaining resolve. No definite changes have happened yet, but I predict it’s just a matter of time.

I see more and more people being willing to make big changes to their lifestyles to live life doing something that is meaningful to them. Even if that’s not you, follow the clues to your next steps set out by those things that are truly unique to you. They are not in your life for no good reason. The reason is huge. It’s up to you if it’s compelling enough to take action on it.

Me and my wagon— we’ll be out in the Prairie waiting for you. After all, my name isn’t Laura for no reason.

What’s Energy Got To Do With It?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Feeling stuck stinks.  Nothing’s working. Everything weighs heavily on you and clarity just doesn’t want to come.  As the anxiety grows and  you try harder to make decisions or force answers, the worse things seem to get.  So what do you do?

Here’s what I’d ask you to do.  I’d ask you to take your mind off a problem that has no solution yet.  I’d suggest that you do something that will increase your energy.  Have some fun, exercise, pamper yourself in some way or do something just because you enjoy it.  I’ll expect one of two reactions:  Relief or more anxiety assuming you would feel hugely irresponsible not continuing to beat your head against the wall.

Let me explain what’s at work here.  When your body is stressed and constricted, there is no flow.  What does that mean?  Your energy is being consumed by stress and not being free to draw your interest to places that will make a difference to your career transition.  Your energy is blocked.

It comes down to an energetic equation.  What multiplies your energy and what subtracts it?  In other words, what energizes you and what drains you?  Worry and struggle drain you.  Creative, athletic, connective, loving, educational, or nurturing activities expand you and likely give you energy.  As counter-intuitive as it seems to take your focus off of your dilemma before it is solved, it is exactly what can lead to the breakthrough you seek.

The end of the year is here.  Time to unplug. It’s not a race to the finish line.  If clarity is not yours yet, absorb the slower pace of the next several days if possible and use them to slow down, observe, be more mindful and look for clues.  If you do know what’s next, set the stage for crossing over into another year by getting things in order so you can take action as soon as everyone is back at their desks.  In either case, enjoy!

Happy Holidays and to ALL a very productive and meaningful 2012.

“The higher your energy level, the more efficient your body. The more efficient your body, the better you feel and the more you will use your talent to produce outstanding results.” Tony Robbins

GIVING THANKS GIVES WAY TO SMOOTH CAREER TRANSITIONS

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

We all know to say please and thank you and send those post-interview thank you notes.  We all know that Thanksgiving is the time to give thanks for all we have.

These are good habits and fruitful ones.  However, there are more ways that gratitude can make life easier if you are in a transition in your life.

Lessons Learned

It’s easy to be bitter or get depressed when a lay off has occurred or money is tight or your life is in crisis for any reason.  Robert Frost once said:  “The easiest way out is through.” In my opinion, there is no better way to ‘get through’ than to find the good you can be grateful for even in the bad.

When we scan our past work, past bosses, past triumphs, and past losses, we need to unhook from the negatives and find what we can be grateful for.  So if somebody was cruel or unfair, thanks goodness!  They taught you to persevere.  Or they taught you how to speak up or they taught you that you belong in an environment where you are appreciated.

Give thanks for lessons learned.

Skills Gained

Similarly, even the worst of scenarios can hold a gift inside of them.  What skills did you gain?  What resume nuggets can you add?  What hard skill or soft skill learning did you take on?

None of these things can be taken away.  They are yours to keep.  Find gratitude for that.

Coming up in my professional life, there were certainly assignments I took on ‘just for the money’ that were not necessarily satisfying or life-affirming.  Nonetheless, at the time, I got through them by being grateful for the income, certainly, but also for the tid-bits of industry knowledge they gave me.  Thanks to the varied exposure, I can now carry on an intelligent business exchange in dozens of areas.  Thank goodness for those less than ideal assignments.

Going deeper

Beyond pleasantries and etiquette is deep, deep gratitude. —Gratitude for the people who have shaped you along your way.  Negative influences and positive, both call for gratitude.  Whether they were grains of irritating sand polishing you into a pearl or they were fuel that rocketed you sky high, they have made you who are today.

Think of those that have influenced your career path.  Think of those that believed in you when you did not believe in yourself.  Think of the person who was selfless on your behalf and the one that was selfish and got you angry enough to learn how to stand up for yourself.

Whether it was a parent, co-worker, boss or stranger everyone has had a hand in your growth and for that, being truly grateful will reap its rewards. Being at peace with past relationships, keeps the new ones free from baggage.  Appreciating those you crossed paths with makes for easy communication if you run into each other in other circles or find that you are to work together again.

Going deeper with your gratitude is not that selfless. It actually serves you very, very well.

So go forth and celebrate Thanksgiving.  Rejoice at your holiday table and keep the gratitude going for a long, long time.

“Choose to see the world through grateful eyes. It will never look the same way again.” Doe Zantamata

COMMITMENT In A WORLD OF FAST CHANGE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

In our short-attention-span, instant-gratification, electronic world, it gets increasingly harder for people to stick with something.  Everything changes so quickly—our amazing new gizmo will become obsolete in two years or less, as will our initiatives in the workplace or at home. So many changes, at ever increasing speeds, makes it hard to commit to anything!

Why bother?

Well, there’s the obvious.  Commitment will get you where you want to go. Put on blinders, see nothing else, stay put and don’t wander.  Stay on task, stay focused.  The tougher part of commitment, however, is settling in on why one should commit—to anything.  If it’s going to change next month, isn’t it futile?

How does one commit in a hailstorm of change?  There are two ways: know where you’re headed and be loyal to a way of being instead of an actual task.  When you have a big picture of what you want to accomplish, it is easier to commit despite setbacks and changes.  Is it a 50-year marriage?  An income amount?  A certain company or college you want to get in to?  Stay loyal to that picture and be willing to do whatever it takes and change as many times as you have to to get there.

Secondly, decide (latin root: cut off all other options) WHO you want to be on this journey to the big picture.  Stressed and harried or collected and determined?  Choose a way of being that will fuel the journey to the big picture.  How you behave is much more in your control than all the circumstances are.  So choose carefully, and live that way of being the way a sailboat would catch the wind to get where it wants to go.

This reminds me of the Harry Potter series.  Harry’s big picture—make the most of his gifts of wizardry.  Harry’s way of being—take the high road, use his magic for good.  It doesn’t mean he didn’t have to pull a few punches, because he did.  However, he prevailed to conquer evil.  He had no idea of how he’d get there.  He had to change at every turn and be agile and quick.  He could not stay the same.  Only become better and better versions of himself.

That is what is being asked of you now.  To keep fine tuning the best of what you have to give and use it to it’s greatest advantage. For then and only then, will we make any sense of the unpredictability of change.