Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

Performing With Purpose

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Why do you do what you do? 

Have you asked yourself that lately?  Does it matter?  If you want to wake up full of energy, ready to tackle your day and excited about    what’s waiting in the office, than yes, it matters.

Knowing why you do what you do and what it is that you uniquely contribute brings great satisfaction, clarity and direction.  It also helps you feel that you are ‘on purpose’. 

Ennui and frustration set in when there is no growth, no challenge and no meaning. Don’t let that happen to you.

The WHY?

Why do what you do?  For yourself?  For your family?  To further a cause or a mission?  To move the world to a better place?  To amass wealth?

The ‘why’ is a great motivator.  You’ve heard the expression ‘keep your eye on the prize’.  The ‘why’ is the prize.

Some people do things to make others proud or to provide or to cause change.  Others do things to appease, please or assuage guilt.  Others still act out of revenge, envy or to prove something. 

Whatever works for you will be fuel for your dreams, you’ll use, but it might be worth erring to the side of the more loving qualities if it’s purpose and meaning you want as the core of why you perform.

The WHO

Completing the picture of performing with purpose is understanding that what you do is not going to make you happy unless you can truly express who you are through it.

Each of us serves a function for the people we come across in our work and in our lives.  Our choice becomes if we want to serve that function in a positive way or in a way that leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths.  In other words, do you leave people better off or worse off after dealing with you over the course of a day? 

Performing with purpose means seeking out opportunities to share that ‘magic dust’ that you exude and making it more and more a part of your daily existence. 

How do you figure out what that is?  Start asking people.  Yes, seriously. Start asking people you trust and what positive effect, if any, you have on them.  See where the answers start sounding the same and you will find critical mass building towards understanding your purpose.

Years ago, I worked with a very successful woman in telecom sales who was not having a very positive effect on the people around her.  When made aware of her impact, she wanted to change.  She wanted to leave people feeling better after being in contact with her. She made it her business to be encouraging and curious about other people.  She continued to be successful in her sales numbers, but she also started being tapped for her marketing ideas.  Within a few months, she made a full change to the marketing function and within a couple of years, her focus on performing with purpose led her to enter training and development and eventually getting trained as a certified coach.  None of these changes were part of any career plan, but rather a plan to live from a sense of purpose.  Her career path took her beyond any one she had dreamed for herself.

She had to figure it out for herself, but you can ask the people in your life and start doing more of what’s working.  Performing with purpose will be satisfying, meaningful, fun and reap surprising rewards. 

So what will it be?  “Magic Dust” or everyday grind?  Your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

CLEAR THE WAY TO CLARITY (AND MOMENTUM)

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

This is coaching 101, but it’s not old news.  It’s news that needs to be revisited anytime you get stuck.  If you’re not getting the results you want, if you’re frustrated because you feel clueless as to your next steps or if you just feel stale, these basics will be worth the visit.

When you feel stuck it means the energy that flows through your body and your environment is stuck and some very concrete moving of the furniture, literally and figuratively, can get things flowing again.

Recently, I found myself in a slow-moving time.  My weight was up. My energy was low. My business had too much waiting going on and not enough momentum.  I knew it was time to revisit the basics.  I changed my game with food and the gym.  I spoke some truths in relationships that weren’t working and I cleared out my closet, my garage, and my kids’ rooms getting rid of stuff we no longer needed or used.

I kept up my home and work responsibilities but put the bulk of my weekend time into this endeavor.  Out of the blue (but not really because this is what happens when you do this) I got an inquiry about blogging for the Huffington Post  because the editor had been at Kripalu where I recently led a retreat and my books called to her from the shelves as a match for her department.

I cleared my way to a new opportunity (and a few others that showed up in the same week) and so can you.

MOVE—Get your body moving.  If you do yoga, do more. If you exercise, change your routine. If you don’t do anything, start walking for twenty or thirty minutes a day. Just get that energy moving!

DUMP—Get rid of stuff. Go paperless, pare down to only essentials in your closet, gift or donate unwanted items.  Immediately!  (not someday)

ACQUIRE—Invest in that which will help you operate more effectively.  For example, if you can’t get papers off your desk?  Buy a two or three tiered in/out box and create a new system.

SHIFT– Shift relationships that are not working. Have that difficult conversation or take a break from someone or a group you may need to take time away from.

INSPIRE—Motivate yourself by doing something that inspires you.  Whether it’s a walk in nature or scaring yourself silly by doing something you’ve long thought of attempting.

All of these things ‘shake the bushes’ as I call it and get the cobwebs out of your brain and your routine. The results can be very rewarding.  From that ah-ha realization to a new opportunity, you will cause change.

Do it until the dawn breaks and the next time you are stagnant or stuck, do it again.  It’s a rinse and repeat type of thing.

We’re here if you need help.

WHAT YOU NEED MOST COULD BE THE CULPRIT BEHIND YOUR CAREER CONFUSION

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Career Confusion?  Yes, that back drop of unhappiness with no clear path to a better future.  That nagging feeling that if you only liked your job better everything would be OK or even worse, the Herculean panic of being paralyzed in the gap between unemployment and a paying position that will crush your soul! 

Career Confusion makes you feel powerless, stupid, lazy and crazy. Other people start thinking you are too as you flail about trying to look like you have it all together.  Oddly enough, all the reasons you think you are in this state may not be the cause at all. 

I had the privilege of putting a whole new crew of people through some of the Now What?® paces recently, and it drummed home, more clearly than ever, that we do not have the information about ourselves that we really need to find a career path that will be truly satisfying. It’s not just about what we like, what we are good at and what we have credentials for. We are people with a psychology formed by experiences and decisions and one of the biggest decisions you ever made may be EXACTLY what’s in the way of a satisfying career path being made available to you right now.

For most of us, somewhere in our formative years, we made a vow, a promise, a declaration about what we would or would not do, want, have or be.  And that vow, is what may very well be in your way today.

For example, Christopher was in his second disappointing career and very down on himself.  He had trained heavily for both and felt cheated by life to think he found himself needing to find yet another path.  He could not see any possibilities for himself, even with a rich history of things he loved or had experience with, until he got an ah-ha about a deep-seated need he VOWED would be the life force behind his career decisions.

Christopher remembered the vow he made as a young person born from a lack in his upbringing.  His vow—his NEED was to have stability.  Sounds fair enough, right?  But he saw that both his past career choices were made solely with that criteria and it had led him down two very disappointing paths. 

In the Now What?® program we call this a Driving Motivator but what is important here is that the key to clarity came upon discovering this hidden VOW.  Some of us are still operating on a vow that is working for us. Great, keep it.  But if life’s not working, look back for a possible vow. Once you are aware of that vow that has informed your decisions, you get to decide if it still serves you.  Believe me, it did. That’s why you formed it and that’s what helped you survive and thrive until now.  So love it, thank it, let it go and choose one that can SERVE you better now.

Another example is that of Deidre who came to America as a teen with her immigrant family.  Her parents wanted a better life for their children and Deidre internalized that and installed a vow to become the model for why her parents risked everything to move her to the US.  She super-achieved through school, Ivy League University and a top-notch career.  Now, she feels lazy and crazy, wanting less for herself than her elite status could get her.  She wants a more holistic lifestyle and a health-centered career. However, she could not move forward or even dream of allowing herself what she truly wanted until she found the freedom that comes with discovering the VOW that was causing all the confusion.

It’s like changing the operating system for your life.  You had one, it worked.  It’s no longer working but you lack the diagnostic tool to identify and move through the glitch.  Once you do, and you uncover the Vow, The Driver, the NEED, you will be able to live your life from the new operating system of satisfaction and clarity. 

Not sure what your VOW is?  Join us.

Our next FREE call is WED, May 9th 2012.

 

PUSHING THROUGH THE WAIT

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

High on the list of painful experiences, in my opinion, is waiting.  Waiting for answers to a job interview, a college  application, a turn in your luck, or any other potentially life-changing outcome.  There is little comfort in holding your breath to see how the rest of the story is going to turn out.

Even beyond those suspenseful moments, is the kind of waiting that has been going on for people in career transition during the last three years of the Great Recession.  It’s the most grueling kind of waiting. Waiting for clarity.  Waiting for a relief from the financial bleeding.  Waiting for a contact to come through or better yet, a job or business momentum that seems sustainable.

So much self-torture happens on top of the pain of waiting.  Beating yourself up, wondering if your choices got you where you are, the fights that happen at home from the stress of facing the unknowns.  As bad as this all sounds, there is a way out or at least many things that can help reduce the strain.

SELF CARE

Being nice to yourself and taking extra good care of your body, mind and spirit is really important when you are in waiting hell.  You may not have the budget you are used to, but this is a good time to come up with creative ways to be good to yourself.  If you gave up the gym membership, you can still walk and do calisthenics.  If you can’t get an expensive service at the salon, do one at home or find a new place that offers a discount to first timers.  Be aware of eating well and being around positive people.  Care for your mind with rest, relaxation and keep any berating self-talk at bay.

STRUCTURE

I’ve mentioned this in other articles, but creating a structure for your day is really important if you are waiting for answers or for something to land.  Without structure, it’s easy to get depressed, oversleep and waste time in front of the TV or computer.

Make a schedule for yourself.  A time to get up, a period of time you will work daily on your career transition, scheduled exercise, meetings out of the house and most importantly, have something to look forward to every day whether it’s a good book you are reading, a person you are going to see or some form of entertainment.

CONNECTION

It’s natural for many people to isolate during an uncomfortable time and especially if they are embarrassed or ashamed of their situation in any way.  The waiting game is the worst time for isolation.  Connecting with others is so crucial to keeping your spirits up and engaging fully with life. 

See people, join a group of like-minded folks—career transitioners or any common interest group, and take time to tell the people you care about how they can support you during the wait.  Do you want distractions? Do you want people to listen to some venting?  Do you want hands-on help with anything? Be clear, be honest and DON’T isolate.

Also under connection, is connecting with yourself.  Whether through prayer, meditation or journaling, connect with you and the sources of power you believe in.  This is a time to stay connecting and not shut down.

ACTION KEEP MOVING FORWARD

The best antidote to waiting is not waiting.  It’s continuing to take action.  Yes, sometimes, action for action’s sake.  Action looks like networking, calling people, researching on the internet, making connections.  It means taking risks and not letting waiting get the best of you.

I can’t wait for this time in the history of the American and Global Economy to be a distant memory, but in the meanwhile, we want to support you to get where you want to go.  Let us know if we can help.

Our next free call is this WED, March 7th 2012 

 

 

WHY CAN’T I GET OFF THE COUCH?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

 

There is a fascinating phenomenon going on that I have observed through conversations with clients, would-be clients and being engaged on the internet.  Well-educated, usually highly motivated people are paralyzed by the thought of sending out resumes and finding another job, even if they need to financially.  Some of them are even medicated, under treatment for depression.  You know, the symptoms—“if you have a loss of interest in things you usually enjoy for two weeks or more, tell your doctor…”

I am not surprised. I’m really not, but I know that the folks who are going through it are. They don’t recognize themselves. They don’t know the person who would not do whatever it took to meet their obligations and take care of their families and themselves.  The turmoil caused by the disparity present many symptoms that might drive someone into therapy but that may not get to the root cause.

The source, in my humble opinion, is the daunting recognition that you paid a high price for the career or job you are now mourning and that you are so bruised by it that you do not want to go back as much as you think you should.  You think you have no other option. You figuratively see graffiti everywhere that says: “NO WAY OUT!”  Feeling paralyzed by the need to get back to work but the dread of going back to work is what likely threw you on the couch. The one at home and maybe the one at the shrink’s.  But there is a way out and here is what I see that works for others and could work for you.

DARE TO SAY IT

Though our parents and grandparents may have never dreamed of happiness being criteria for choosing a job or career, it is very much part of who people are today.  It’s OK to say so.

Dare to say out loud that you can’t go back from whence you came.  It’s OK.

We can link the lack of physical and mental well being to a toxic workplace now and as much as someone might think we just need to ‘grow up and deal with it’, many people would rather stay on the couch than subject themselves to certain conditions.

GET MOVING AGAIN

Exercise, meet people for lunch, go to a museum—get your body moving again and be out in the world.  After job loss, it’s fine to take some recovery time, but when recovery turns you into a wind up toy bouncing into the walls or eventually winding down to nothing, it’s time to MOVE.  Any kind of movement will do but get out, move and be accountable somewhere.

DABBLE IN FICTION

Write down dream scenarios for your work.  Drill down to what you really want as impossible as it may seem.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how or if you have any connections to make it happen.  All that matters is that you knock the truth out of your brain and get it out onto a page.  Just as you dared to say what you couldn’t stand, you now have to dare to say what you do want as far-fetched as it may be.

RESEARCH THE IMPOSSIBLE

Now, take that ‘impossible dream’ and start talking to people who might know people who might know people who can help.  Scour the internet and even call people you don’t know to find out how they’ve accomplished what they done.  Do approach people in a professional manner ( I can’t believe I have to even say that, but you would not believe the inquiries I get sometimes!  People barking orders like my phone was the drive-up window at McDonald’s!)

The way you start moving the tides away from your couch and back into the world of work is to get your energy back by surfing the waves of change and possibility.  When you explore, you’ll be amazed at the solutions that might come your way.  NO WAY OUT, become THIS WAY OUT, and even if the end result is only a small change from your last position, it will have come to be with a greater understanding of who you are and what you want.  With that knowledge, you are much more likely to make good choices and attract better opportunities.

If you take these steps, hopefully, the next time you are on the couch is just to kick off your shoes after a great day at work!  Good luck and let us know how we can help.

 

THE ANSWER MAY BE ON THE PRAIRIE

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

Speaking at a session of “Lives in Transition” a networking and support group north of New York City, I was inspired by the resourcefulness of the participants. Many had started businesses or were charging for services to make money knowing that waiting for their respective industries to get back to hiring was not the smartest strategy.

It’s time to tell you about my “Little House on the Prairie Theory”. You see, for about a dozen years, I have not been able to shake the occasional vision of the aerial view of the town where the famous TV series took place. A long camera shot centered on the white church/schoolhouse in a dirt clearing that included the general store, the doctor’s office and a few other sundry buildings and businesses.

It was only a few years ago that I began to understand why I was seeing this image in my mind’s eye. I interpret its meaning to be a symbol for how we are somewhat moving backwards in time in the evolution of work. It’s coming around full circle. As more and more people are forced to reinvent, there seems to be a homecoming to varied skills, talents, gifts and strengths that are leading people back to selling their wares and focusing on their skill set the way an artisan would.

Does this mean that the best option in the slow recovery is to be in your own business? Not necessarily, but it does mean thinking like an artist when it comes to finding what is marketable about you. It may not be the same skill set that you’ve been making the theme of your resume. It may very well be something you loved in the past or that you do as a hobby or that is the sweet spot about whatever you did for employment in the past.

The key is leveraging that thing to make money. It may not be the same money you were used to, but it will put you on the path to recovery and only time will tell what else.

Martin B. did all the right things lining up his life as a young man to complete school and qualify for a corporate employee’s life. Having done so well compared to his family, he questioned his sanity when a job layoff had him considering other options for his future other than landing another corporate job. He thought he was nuts when he was fantasizing about making a career out of his love for the great outdoors. As luck would have it, someone he knew was selling a small resort in a mountainous area near by. He was not ready to invest so heavily but he also could not ignore the depth of the calling in his heart.

As I’ve seen with many people before, coincidences like the one above can scare the bejeezus out of people. Granted, there are many real considerations to making such a huge leap, but I cannot discount the timing of admitting to something you would love to do and having a possible opportunity suddenly pop up.

Martin started making more trips into nature and accepting invitations to travel that would keep him outdoors. The time in open space did a lot for reaching greater clarity and gaining resolve. No definite changes have happened yet, but I predict it’s just a matter of time.

I see more and more people being willing to make big changes to their lifestyles to live life doing something that is meaningful to them. Even if that’s not you, follow the clues to your next steps set out by those things that are truly unique to you. They are not in your life for no good reason. The reason is huge. It’s up to you if it’s compelling enough to take action on it.

Me and my wagon— we’ll be out in the Prairie waiting for you. After all, my name isn’t Laura for no reason.