Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Now What? Newsletter Articles

Finding the Vehicle for the Work You Most Want to Do

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by Laura Berman Fortgang

Last month, I wrote about finding your purpose.  This month we are going to explore how to express your purpose and the work you most want to do in the world.

 The surprising thing for most people when they become clear on the impact they want to make is how many choices (vehicles) there are for expressing their work in the world. 

If your gift and passion is in creating bridges between cultures, for example, you might do that through diplomatic leadership, international ministry, community organizing, diversity training in corporations or a myriad of other ways.  It’s not been surprising after so many years to see people more overwhelmed once they’ve gained clarity than they were when they were stuck and clueless on how to proceed!

How to narrow the choices and find the right kind of work for you?  The tried and true process of elimination seems to work best for our career transition coaching clients.  We ask our Now What? participants to narrow their list of possibilities to three or four that appeal to them. It does not have to seem feasible or possible just yet, only appealing.  Their next step is to do the research by speaking to at least three people in each possible field.  It’s not that hard to find people once you have the specifics and start asking around.

What undoubtedly starts to happen is that traction starts to take place in one of the areas that are being researched.  Doors keep opening, connections keep being made, and often, offers of support or even jobs get made.  It is amazing how quickly some people go from what they think is an impossible leap to something new, to being on their way. 

Surprisingly, some people get frightened when things happen so quickly or they somehow feel they are not as ready to commit to a change so they put the brakes on.  However, in almost every case where that has happened, I eventually hear from the person that they did make the transition to what they discovered they wanted to do.  It’s been three years or five at the longest, but once the truth is out, it’s very hard to take it back.  Eventually the purpose and the vehicle wait out your fear and are poised and ready when you are.

The world needs what you have to offer.  Choose the vehicle that can take you to prosperity and satisfaction.  It is possible and it is time.

Your Purpose: It’s a Blessing and A Curse

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by Laura Berman Fortgang

Whether it’s a career crossroad or a mid-life quandary, the exploration of what we are built to do in our lifetime seems to be a question that rarely can be avoided.  What people are surprised to find is that our purpose in life is something that we’ve already been doing or already are.  In fact, it’s often something that has been both a blessing and a curse.  

Think of the most essential part of who you are, how you are and what you do without even trying.  It’s that thing that you do and that people have sought you out for.  It’s that trait that you likely don’t even value because it is such a given in your life. 

Maybe it’s that you naturally lead, even when you don’t want to.  Or perhaps, it’s the way you are relied on in a crisis or how you influence people to take action that you don’t seek out but happens anyway.  It may even be that compassion you have for people who have had it tough because you were dealt a similar hand and can relate to them.  It may be a memory you’d rather forget, but you keep finding yourself in the same situation helping those that are going through something similar.  By doing so, you have hit upon the reason why it happened to you. 

For years, it was a drain on John that people always cornered him in his office to talk about personal things.  Despite feeling useful when he supported people through tough times, he could not get his own work done, so he often found it  frustrating to be needed in that way.  As he thought about his looming retirement, it occurred to him that he might be able to turn his blessing/curse into a new career.  He went back to school for counseling and started his own practice a year after he retired. 

Whether your purpose becomes a career in itself or just a way to turn up the volume on your talents (and I guarantee, your satisfaction) it’s an exploration worth doing.

What’s your blessing/curse?  It may not really have a curse to it, so just live it up in a bigger way and watch your life change.

 Based on Chapter Five of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction” by Laura Berman Fortgang

DREAMS ARE NEVER FOOLISH

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by Laura Berman Fortgang

Most people suffer from what I call “the misinterpretation of the dream”. They had (or have) a dream about what they wanted to be when they grew up and if it never came to be, they either consider it a flight of fancy or a failure. Wrong! There is so much left untapped in that discarded dream that can show you what you can be doing now or adding to your career reinvention for utmost satisfaction and meaning.

What we have been trained to do is see our dreams as a literal mandate from our hearts, minds and imaginations. If I dream of singing on Broadway then, clearly, I am to be an actress with all that it entails. However, when you are given the key to the clues that the dream holds, you are no longer beholden to one form that your work life can take.

One woman who received the key realized that her futile attempts to break into the broadcasting field did not mean she had failed at her dream. What she really wanted to accomplish by being a broadcaster was to get vital information to people that they needed for their lives. She realized that she could do that in many, many forms and it did not need to rely solely on landing a position as an on camera newscaster.

Sometimes a discarded dream can be a place in your life history where you got away from your truest self. A place where you left your soul on the side of the road to live the life you thought you had to live. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are supposed to go back to that dream because being a baseball player at age 52 just may not be feasible, but it does mean going back and picking up your soul from the gutter. It might mean getting that old glove back on your hand and remembering who it was you got to be (or wanted to be) and then bringing that person into your life today. The dream must live; it will just have a different form.

I once met a man who wanted to challenge my method of looking for the wisdom in people’s dreams. He had accomplished every dream he had ever wished for, so he felt he could debunk there being any theme or connection between his dreams that would mean anything to his current conundrum about what to do next. This man’s past dreams included being a magician as a kid, an architect, which he did become, and a branding and advertising person, which he also became. What he was confused about was that he could not reconcile his love of outdoor adventure sports like rock climbing and kayaking with his next career move.

It did not take long to recognize that each of his dreams evoked a sense of awe in people. A magician’s impressive illusion, the architect’s astounding work, the ad man’s billboard—they all made people be amazed and awed. Nature does the same thing. Upon tying the dreams together for him, he told the truth that he wanted to have an adventure travel company and introduce more people to the awe of nature. It all made sense. He knew what he wanted to do and why. He wasn’t confused anymore.

How about you? Can you reinterpret your dreams and find the clues in the past that point to your future? No dream is foolish. It’s just our interpretation that is flawed. Go back, retrieve yours and soar!

Based on Chapter Four, Your Past Holds the Clues to the Future, from Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang

It’s All In Your Head

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By Laura Berman Fortgang 

This is going to sound weird, but roll with me here.  Think of a raisin, some are dry and some are plump.  I get that image in my mind because it reminds me of a brain.  When the brain is healthy, the right synapses firing, a feeling of well-being seeps into the whole body—that’s the plump raisin.  The dry one is your brain on negativity, anxiety and fear.  Shriveled, non-pliable, resistant and tough. 

Life is a game that begins in your head.  Your worldview is shaped by your experiences and the reliving of these experiences in your mind or as they get replayed in patterns in your life only further cement that worldview.  Your brain, metaphorically speaking, will become the plump and juicy raisin or the dry and wrinkled one depending on what it practices most.  It is this that will then determine how you are currently handling your career or its reinvention. 

I’ve never believed more deeply than I have in the last couple of years that the key to success is mental focus and expansion.  As more and more people have suffered loss of work or a change in their economic status, the difference between those who recover quickly and those who don’t, gets down to how long the person can stay positive and flexible.  Flexible in what they are willing to try, how far they are willing to go to find work and how much they are willing to listen to the wiser part of their mind that is not necessarily the most logical or safe.

Sheer mind power alone doesn’t always change our circumstances exactly as we’d like, but it is a crucial factor in this recovery. I’ve seen what fear and devastation looks and sounds like and I’ve seen what they can do to moving out of a bad state of affairs.  They slow down the process and make you appear desperate which repels opportunity and causes your physiology to contract, drying up ideas, motivation and optimism.

What’s possible when your brain is ‘plump’, full of possibility, ideas, hope and gratitude (despite the lack of your desired outcome) is that every encounter, every idea and every opportunity gets looked at in a way where creativity can bloom and find a solution and a match.  When we are numbed by our own pain, we can’t often recognize an opportunity unless it’s wrapped in a blue box with a white ribbon and handed to us on a silver platter.

What if you are at the end of your rope with seemingly no prospects in your search or reinvention?  Get your endorphins flowing, take a crash course in meditation, breath ten times (deeply) before bed and upon waking—do anything you know will plump your raisin brain.  From there, follow EVERY inkling that comes to you no matter how stupid, illogical or scary.  This is how you shake the bushes to create opportunity.  You will see traction take place. Be tireless and stay PLUMP!

[An Aside: If you are a raisin-lover, are you are a plump or chewy person? Give me plump—raisin bran muffin, raisins in hot oatmeal, great oatmeal raisin cookies—-.]

Based on concepts from Chapter Three of “Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction”, Most Limits Are Self-Imposed

Getting What We Want Can Also Mean Giving Something Up

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By Alvah Parker,  Authorized Now What? Facilitator

Career transitions create discomfort. Often times, it is not clear where you are headed. At other times, you aren’t sure if you really want to make a change.  Like a snake shedding it’s old skin, you had adjusted to the “old skin”, your current career, but it just doesn’t fit any more.  As you become more uncomfortable, you realize you must make a change.

One key question to ask at this critical stage is, “What will I take with me and what will I leave behind?” As you begin to get clear on the answers, you will begin the process of letting go and moving on with greater clarity and confidence.

Bill, a software consultant I worked with, was miserable in his job. An ambitious person, Bill and his new wife had moved to Bahrain to work because the income looked promising.  He achieved the high salary he desired, but he also moved into a job that was less satisfying and more time consuming than he expected.

Prior to accepting the consulting job, Bill had done the same type of work for a large corporation.  Now as a consultant for the software company, he had to bid on work for multiple companies.  His expectation had been that he would just do the consulting work. Instead, he had to bid on the work before he could consult.  He hated writing responses to bids.  To make matters even worse, Bill was required to respond to every request even when Bill knew there was no chance of winning the business.  This made Bill angry and frustrated.

Bill enjoyed working with his clients and they liked and respected him.  Bill found he was frequently advising clients on other matters not just the software.  He started to enjoy the advising more than the consulting he was hired for.  As a result, he found himself impatient with the software consulting.

In addition, Bill disliked the travel he needed to do in his job. Bill was a newlywed and did not think about the travel when he accepted the job.  Now he resented being away from his wife several nights a week.  When he had to be away for a birthday or anniversary, he was especially upset.  Bill felt the software consulting job was controlling his life.

The situation finally got too difficult for Bill to bear.  He decided it was time for a change.  He admitted to me that there were several aspects of his work that he would miss.  The money was really good and had enabled him to save quite a nest egg.   He enjoyed certain perks such as a spacious home with a swimming pool.  He would never have had such a luxurious lifestyle in his own country.

Bill was finally willing to let go of those pieces though for a career that was more fulfilling, that he had more control over and that allowed him to be with his wife more.

He also noted that thanks to his software consulting he could take with him business know how, excellent computer skills, good writing and presentation skills, and strong leadership skills, all of which would be helpful in his new career.  He felt good about what he had gained—much better than he had in a long time.

Career transitions are not easy. It is often a time when people feel confused and uncomfortable.  Growth comes when you can shed what is no longer useful to you (your old skin) and have the courage to move on to something more meaningful and exciting.  After completing his work on letting go and moving on, Bill felt optimistic, energized and ready to explore the possibilities that lay ahead of him.

Based on Chapter Two of  Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction by Laura Berman Fortgang —With Every Gain, There Is a Loss