Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

job search

The Stages of Grief When Changing Careers (By choice or by force)

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Losing a job or choosing to change gears because you’re miserable in your current role, can bring on grief and mourning like the loss of a loved one. That’s probably not surprising if you’ve been suddenly let go, but it may be news to you if you are choosing to move on.

I’m currently working with someone who saw very quickly in our process that leaving their job and current career was no longer a pipe dream but rather, a “must.”

We determined the criteria for happiness* in a career for them. They determined areas of interesting employment that fit that criteria, and then, when there were a couple of obstacles, grief kicked in. They had stepped out into the abyss of the unknown and it was emotionally intense.

If you are working through the morass of change, walk through Kubler-Ross’ stages of grief with me. Knowing the stages, will help you recover from them more easily. You’re not alone and there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re grieving and fearful or maybe someone you love is.

  • Denial, numbness, and shock: Checking out mentally to not feel pain is a common coping mechanism. For those of you who know you’re in a job you hate, you likely go numb just to get through the day. Perhaps you’re even in denial that it’s time to move on because it’s scary to face and unknown and all the work it takes to find the next step.
  • Bargaining: You may be playing over in your mind what you could’ve done differently to not have been fired or downsized or perhaps you’re making deals with yourself that if you can last two (five, ten, fifteen) more years, you’ll finally do or have that thing you’ve been putting off so it’s worth staying.This stage is holding off reality with all your might. If you catch yourself bargaining, realize what’s really going on.
  • Depression: Everything is real and registering emotionally now. You might feel helpless or like you’re rolling in a wave in the ocean that has overtaken you and you’re not sure how you’ll get out.Practice being patient with yourself. You are grieving, after all. Get professional help from a therapist if depression persists. Professionals recommend seeking help if symptoms persist more than two weeks.
  • Anger: Heck yes, there will be anger! You didn’t ask (or plan) to be without a job or disrupting the status quo of your life and livelihood! You have every reason to be mad.If you are leaving a position or career by choice, having surprise setbacks, or hitting obstacles to getting to your new destination can frustrate you and maybe even make you angry at yourself for leaving a ‘sure’ thing. You’ll likely get made and question the whole attempt.Do not despair! This is normal. Hopefully, you can start to channel that anger into determination instead of defeat.
  • Acceptance: In time, we assimilate the loss. Whether it’s the loss of the job itself, the identity that came with it, the stability you mourn or the people you used to be with almost every day, you will reconcile with reality and find a path forward.
Grief is serious emotional work, and it can take its toll on you. Seek professional help if the feelings are overwhelming. Journal about it.

Accept that there will be negative and positives, good days, and slower, heavier days. Working with a like-minded group of folks in a group where folks are up to the same goals or similar circumstances might help too.

In closing, remember that grief is a normal part of being human, even in the context of job and careers. There is no shame in it. There is a new chapter trying to emerge. Keep looking for the possibilities instead of focusing on what you are leaving behind. Keep moving forward.

*Your Criteria for Happiness is one of the modules/chapters of our Now What?® 90 Day to a New Life Direction book, online course and one on one coaching.

Unemployment, Civil Unrest, COVID and What It Has to Do with Your Career

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I sincerely hope that you are one of the people who still has a job in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis and the unrest in our country. Whether you do or not, we are going through something epic that the majority of us have no experience with. You’d have to be 100 years old to have lived through the last pandemic. We have not seen this level of unemployment seen since the 1930’s, and current day civil unrest is reminiscent of the 60’s. Facing all of this at once? Unprecedented. There is no roadmap on how to cope with all this.

A lot of people are understandably overwhelmed and upset. Their lives have been upended, and they are dealing with the pressures of working while juggling family at home. They do not have the breaks that come from kids being in school or summer camp. The deep pain of racism is palpable. Many are furloughed and are fearful that their job may not come back. Finances are in a long hiccup, and relationships are likely feeling the strain. All of this on top of missing friends and family we are not free to see. It’s a lot.

Let’s face it. For a lot of people, this is a shit show.

What can you do?

Remain calm
While fear can sometimes be a great motivator, try to manage your stress and anxiety. You will make better decisions and handle life’s uncertainty better if you can find a way to settle your mind and nervous system. Try a free meditation app on your phone or computer. Exercise! Try tapping to work with the emotions and thoughts that arise!

Be Strategic
Is it time to put the family on a strict budget? Are you in an industry that won’t recover any time soon? If so, how can you pivot? This is a good time to keep networking, whether you need a job or not, to keep yourself in the game, and learn what’s going on in your field.

Re-examine
For many, it’s become an opportunity to rethink careers and what you want from them. Does your management style need work? Do your priorities need reshuffling? How are you integrating the recent heightened awareness of systemic racism into your life and work? What are you grappling with in any area of your life? This is the time to examine and evolve.

Pivot
If you’re one of the people that has to pivot, the sooner you mourn your loss, the faster you can get on with your next step. Whatever you do, don’t look at your resume for guidance. Next, think about what marketable skills you have (even if they are hobbies). If you’ve long been holding back on making a change, the opportunity is here. You are not looking at a blank slate right now for no reason. It’s time to gather your resources and your courage to make the leap.

Redefine Opportunity
If the job market proves difficult, it’s natural to say there are no opportunities and to feel victimized. Now more than ever, opportunity needs to become something you create. Don’t wait for it to become available the usual ways. Redefine opportunity not only as something to attain, but also see the gap as the opportunity.

The future will not be about returning to normal. The future is evolving, and we will all be doing things a bit differently.

The upside of chaos is that it shakes things up to reveal new possibilities. It’s those that embrace it and proceed with focus who will bring in the new day successfully.

Please check out www.NowWhatCoaching.com and www.LauraBermanFortgang.com for more resources

Ghosted: Job Search Edition

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Looking for a job opportunity in the digital age is like dating in the digital age. You scroll, you swipe right, you wink, you might even “hook up” (interviews) and then … ghosted.
No response.
No indication of what went wrong.
Just silence.
Not that blissful experience of standing on a mountain taking in the vast expanse. No.
It’s the harsh, still crash into a wall of uncertainty.
Job Search How to cope?

First, understanding what you’re feeling may be helpful to moving past it and getting back on track to finding employment. Rejection is not a good time. It hurts, it’s confusing when you think you’re doing everything right, and it’s scary because the clock is ticking on your ability to go without an income.

Rejection kicks up shame, but most importantly, it lock jambs your emotional system. You set out with hope and an idea of what could be possible if that job works out. Then, every blocked path strips you of those good feelings. No wonder we get depressed and want to give up.

Please don’t.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
Being good to yourself doesn’t mean indulging in binge watching shows or staying in your jammies all day. It means not being hard on yourself about your state of affairs, and it means putting a structure to your days that keeps you healthy and engaged.

Eat right, do some exercise, have social contact to look forward to, and make a structured “work time” to do your job search as a task and not an “if I get to it today” item.

It also means increasing your self-care to the levels it might not have been at while you were employed and busy (meditation, yoga, walks, biking — whatever makes you feel centered and at ease).

NETWORK
In addition to watching job postings and applying for them, get out to industry events or other gatherings that will expand your network. Having a warm contact is always better than no contact, and you never know how putting yourself in opportunity’s way will help you.

GET SUPPORT
To get through the emotional roller coaster and for brainstorming strategies, it might serve you to look for like-minded people in a career-oriented forum. All it takes is googling ‘career support group’, a dose of courage, and a slice of “humble pie.”

The benefits are likely to be that you’ll discover you’re not alone, that you may be in a better scenario than you thought, and that you’ll gain some strategies or at least some camaraderie.

MIND YOUR KEYWORDS*
Research the companies you are applying to and start adding more of the company’s language (even industry jargon) to your cover letter and resume. Get more hits by improving your keywords to those that will be caught by the ATS (applicant tracking system).

Also, become more specific on your resume. Watch for too much generalization. Instead of saying: “Created system that saved millions for our department,” say instead: “Created a multi-faceted system that reduced costs by 40% ($2.5 million) and increased productivity by 20%.”

As with dating, there is no better remedy to the uncertainty and delicate state of your needs and desires than to take your power back and keep your ship steady and pointed in the direction you want to go. Stop letting the tides and whims of others and the job market sink your emotional ship.

Stay buoyed by these tips, and when you feel desperate, keep your head up and double the job search action you are taking. I can’t promise you’ll never be ghosted, but I do know you can even out the collateral damage to your self-esteem and improve your job search success.

Good luck and let us know how we can help: lbf@nowwhatcoaching.com
*Help for minding keywords: Wordclouds.com

How Powerless Are You?

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Richie had a high-powered job in the financial industry. He’d been “between things” for three years when he came to coach with me. He was stuck in circular thinking that left him with only one choice that tortured him.
He kept looking for another job in the same field, although there was no traction. He saw no other way. In his mind, nothing else was possible, and he felt powerless to change that.
Except . . .

Truth be told, Richie wanted to get back to his roots as a musician and lead a more creative life. He wasn’t willing to start living off his retirement savings (although he could), and the odds of becoming a rock star were slim. He declared it a dead end.

However . . .

Before one of our sessions, in my mind’s eye, I imagined a studio space where lessons, recording, small performances and a jovial musical play space could all coexist.

I shared that with Richie and sparks flew. He knew people he could talk to, and off he went! What he found was that such places already existed, and that some of his contacts were open to investing in something like this.

Which one was the dead end? The new road or being stalled on the old road? The final destination is not wrapped up yet, but the momentum has been carrying Richie to new possibilities that will pay him. Not at finance industry rates, but likely enough to leave his savings intact for now.

So now, I challenge you, dear reader.

How powerless are you? Are you truly powerless or are you simply unwilling to jump into the wave of uncertainty? Like the old Robert Frost quote says: “The only way out is through.”

The only way to know is to dive in. Explore, make inroads, and assess from inside an idea. It’s so much easier to discover from this vantage point rather than from the outside where it’s protected in a glass cloche that makes it impossible to touch.

As I say in “Now What?,” you don’t have to decide. Life will tell you if you’re wrong. Explore a path. If it gains traction, it has merit. Finances will, of course, be a factor, but you have to be honest with yourself.

You may not WANT to begin touching your retirement, or you may not WANT to invest in yourself to get on your feet in a new endeavor, but if you CAN, why keep pursuing the path that hurts you mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

For those who can’t even fathom the thought of living without immediate income, this does not mean the end of the road for you. It means that you will want to include aspects of the newfound direction in whatever you do next.

It means that you are back in touch with your “Life Blueprint,” or your unique way of contributing to the world that will bring you the most satisfaction. It MUST be included in some way.

It’s not what you do for a living that will make you happy. It’s who your job allows you to be.
Let us know how we can support you to make it happen. We’re here cheering you on!

Demand Increasing for Skilled Tradespeople

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Though it has long been presented to high school students as the “right” option, college is not right for everyone. Because so many have been pushed along that path, the U.S. is currently facing a deficit of skilled workers. “Skilled trades show among the highest potential among job categories, the economic-modeling company Emsi calculates.”

Demand Increasing for Skilled TradespeopleSo whether you are a high school student aiming toward your future or an adult looking for a career change, there is a growing opportunity here.

Might this be for you?

After decades of pushing bachelor’s degrees, U.S. needs more tradespeople

Give Yourself a Gift this Holiday Season

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Now is a great time, whether you are employed or unemployed, entrepreneur or employee, to give yourself a little something special by giving your career a boost. Take a few moments between now and the end of the year to set yourself up for a stronger 2018!

Give Yourself a Gift this Holiday Season If you are job seeking, January is a great time to apply for a job, so now is the time to prepare to present your best self to your next employer.

20 Career-Boosting Steps You Can Take Before New Year’s Eve