Showing Up: What Happened When I Stopped Hiding at a Conference
I’m writing to you fresh off a trip to Des Moines, Iowa, where I attended the International Coaching Federation’s Midwest Conference. I went to speak, but I came home with a lesson I’ve been teaching for years and lived out loud for myself. It’s about showing up, and it turned into two exciting business opportunities in a single day.
A Confession About Conferences
Have you ever gone to a conference or event and just wanted to hide?
You know the pattern. There’s a buzz of anticipation before you go. You’ve studied the agenda and picked the sessions you want to attend. Then, in-between those sessions, when everyone else is milling around the lobby, chatting over coffee, and swapping stories, you find yourself slipping back to your hotel room to recharge.
If that sounds familiar, you’re in good company because I’m describing myself.
When I’m at an event to speak, my habit is to conserve my energy. I tell myself I need to save it for the stage. I don’t want to talk to too many people. I’m polite, I’m present for my session, and then I quietly disappear.
This time, I decided to take my own advice.
I chose not to do my usual hiding.
I really showed up, participated fully, and did my thing.
The results surprised even me.
Two Opportunities in One Day
By the end of a single day, I had two tremendous opportunities on the table.
The first could possibly take me to Tokyo. The second is a chance to work with a large coach training organization, bringing the business side of coaching (the actual business of coaching) to their people.
Two business opportunities in one day. Not bad, right?
None of that would have happened if I’d spent my breaks hiding in my room. Opportunity doesn’t knock on your hotel room door. It lives in the hallways, in the lobby, at the lunch table, and in the conversation you almost didn’t start.
What “Showing Up” Really Means
Let me be clear about what I’m not talking about. Showing up doesn’t mean pressing your business card into every hand that passes by, or pitching everyone you meet with a free offer before you’ve even learned their name. That approach turns people off, and it’s exactly the image many of us have in mind when we cringe at the words “networking” or “schmoozing.”
What I’m talking about is genuine connection.
The people who are successful tend to be the ones who know how to work a room, and they do it not from a sleazy, transactional place but from real curiosity and openness. They ask themselves questions like these:
Is there someone here I’d love to be introduced to?
Is there someone I’ve been meaning to meet for a long time?
Did someone just step off that stage whom I’d like a minute with?
Then they go for it.
Three Practices to Help You in Showing Up
How do you actually do it, especially if (like me) your instinct is to retreat?
Here are three practices you can put into play at your next conference, event, or gathering.
1. Feel your best.
The old “dress for success” rule book, with its mandatory suits and rigid expectations, is long gone. What still matters is how you feel in what you’re wearing. Choose clothes that make you feel good, confident, and like yourself. When you feel your best, you carry yourself differently. You’re less likely to shrink into a corner and more likely to walk into the room ready to engage.
2. Reach out.
Don’t wait for people to come to you. If there’s someone you’ve been meaning to meet, walk over and introduce yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable approaching them cold, find someone who knows them and ask for an introduction. Most people are happy to connect others. It feels good to be the bridge. The only thing standing between you and that conversation is the decision to initiate it.
3. Find common ground.
This is where most people get stuck. You’ve worked up the courage to approach someone, and then your mind goes blank: What do I say? The good news is that at any event, common ground is built in. You’re both there for the same reason – start there. Ask how they came to be at this event. Ask whether they’re from the city you’re in, or what brought them there. Ask which session has been their favorite so far. There’s no shortage of natural openers, and each one creates a small moment of connection before you ever get to the business part.
Once that connection is established, don’t be shy about looking for the opportunity. If there’s a way you might work together, help each other, or stay in touch, say so. People appreciate directness when it comes after genuine rapport.
Beyond Showing Up: Following Up
Here’s the piece that separates a nice conversation from a real opportunity: Follow-up.
It’s easy to leave an event buzzing with ideas and promises: “We should definitely work together!” or “Let’s talk next month!” But without proper follow-up, those exciting exchanges remain heat-of-the-moment enthusiasm that fades by the time you’ve unpacked your suitcase.
When you follow up well, you turn “That was a great idea” into “This is actually happening.” It’s so important that I’ll be devoting an entire future broadcast to it, covering how to follow up, when, and what to say. Stay tuned for that one.
Giving Myself Some Credit
I want to share one more small moment of showing up. When it came time to go live from Des Moines for my weekly broadcast, I couldn’t get a reliable internet connection in my hotel room. I ended up broadcasting from the lobby after jumping through quite a few hoops just to be there.
I’m giving myself credit for that, and I encourage you to do the same whenever you choose to show up even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.
Those small acts of commitment add up.
Your Invitation This Week
Here’s my challenge to you:
At your next conference, networking event, or even a neighborhood gathering, notice the urge to hide, and then choose to show up anyway.
Feel your best.
Reach out or ask for an introduction.
Find common ground.
Then follow up.
Show up one hundred percent and stay open, because that’s where the opportunity is.
No more hiding. Go forth and prosper!