Laura Berman Fortgang

The holiday season arrives with twinkling lights and promises of joy; yet for many, it brings an unwelcome companion: Regret. As we gather with family or scroll through social media images of picture-perfect celebrations, old wounds can resurface. We remember the relationships we damaged, the opportunities we missed, the words we wish we could take back. The contrast between cultural expectations of happiness and our internal reality can make regret feel especially heavy this time of year.

But regret, while painful, isn’t inherently destructive. It’s actually a sign of growth – evidence that your values have evolved and you now see situations with greater wisdom. The question isn’t whether you’ll experience regret, but how you’ll respond to it.

Acknowledge Without Dwelling
The first step in processing regret is simple acknowledgment. Name what you’re feeling: “I regret how I handled that conversation with my sister” or “I wish I’d taken that job opportunity.” This clarity prevents vague, overwhelming guilt from consuming your thoughts. However, acknowledgment doesn’t mean rumination. Set a mental timer – give yourself ten minutes to fully feel the regret, then consciously redirect your attention.
Dwelling keeps you stuck; acknowledging allows you to move forward.

Distinguish Between Regret and Shame
Regret says, “I made a mistake.” Shame says, “I am a mistake.” This distinction matters profoundly. Regret focuses on behavior you can change; shame attacks your core identity. When regret spirals into shame, challenge it. Ask yourself: Would I speak to a friend this way? What would I tell someone else in this situation? Usually, we extend far more compassion to others than ourselves.
Practice self-compassion not as self-indulgence, but as a practical tool for healing.

Extract the Lesson
Every regret contains information. What does this particular regret teach you about your values? If you regret missing important moments with loved ones, perhaps presence matters more to you than career advancement. If you regret staying silent during a crucial conversation, maybe authenticity has become non-negotiable. Write down the lesson in one clear sentence.
This transforms regret from a source of pain into a guide for future decisions.

Make Amends Where Possible
Sometimes regret can be addressed directly. If your regret involves another person and repair is possible, reach out. A sincere apology – one that takes responsibility without making excuses – can be profoundly healing for everyone involved. But remember, the goal isn’t to erase what happened or guarantee forgiveness. It’s to align your current actions with your values.
Some things can’t be fixed, and that’s okay too.

Practice Radical Acceptance
For regrets that can’t be changed or amended, acceptance becomes essential. This doesn’t mean approval or resignation; it means acknowledging reality as it is. You cannot undo the past, but you can stop fighting with it. Try saying aloud: “I did that. I wish I hadn’t. I can’t change it. I can learn from it.” Repeat as needed.
Acceptance frees up the enormous energy we waste on wishing things were different.

Redirect That Energy Forward
The final and most powerful step is asking, “What now?” Regret often signals a need for different choices moving forward. Channel the emotional energy of regret into concrete action. Commit to weekly calls with the parent you’ve been avoiding. Sign up for the class you’ve been postponing. Have the difficult conversation you’ve been dreading.
Small, consistent actions prove to yourself that you’re different now than you were then.

This holiday season, if regret shows up at your table, don’t turn it away.
Sit with it briefly, learn from it genuinely, then let it go with grace.

You’re allowed to move forward, even from your biggest mistakes.
That’s not just permission; it’s the path forward.

If this year didn’t go as planned for you – maybe your career hit a wall, your business stalled, or you’re just tired in your bones – you’re in good company. It’s been chaotic; the world’s been noisy and tumultuous, and that background static affects us as we work toward our goals.

This has been a particularly sad stretch.
And as painful as it is, we continue to move forward as best we can.

Therefore, I’m focusing on what matters most.
I invite you to do the same.

Think about what you want and what you wish for.
Not just in your work, but in your world.

Here’s what’s on my wish list:

✨ I want health for all of us.
Not just good health, but health care. No one should have to choose between their prescriptions and their mortgage.

✨ I want peace – the kind where kids grow up with safety instead of sirens.
Where disagreements don’t destroy relationships. Where the news is boring because nothing terrible happened.

✨ I want sanity (remember that?).
When morals mattered, and civility was the goal. I’d like that back, please.

✨ I want kindness.
Simple, everyday, radical kindness. The kind that demonstrates patience in traffic, listens during conflict, and gives grace when someone’s struggling.

As we light the candles, trim the trees, and maybe even both (yes, we have a menorah and a Christmas tree at my house; if the rabbi asks, just tell them it’s my Hanukkah bush…)

As we hold different traditions in my home (I’m an Interfaith Minister, and Christmas trees are really a Pagan tradition), I’m reminded that we don’t have to choose between light and light.

We can hold multiple truths.
We can hold space.
We can hold each other.

From my heart to yours:
Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and all the ways you celebrate!

Wishing you health, peace, sanity, and kindness.

Here come the holidays!

As a coach, interfaith minister, and someone who’s walked with people through every kind of life challenge, I know this time of year can stir up a lot.

We “plan” to celebrate, to rest, and to reflect every year.
​But we tend to end up feeling more depleted than restored every year.

Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’s, or all of the above, holiday stress doesn’t just stay at the dinner table. It spills over into how you show up at work, in your business, and in your relationships.

If we’re not intentional, the season can derail our energy, focus, and joy.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.
But this year, I’m challenging you to actually do something about it.

Let’s go into this season with a few powerful reminders to help us protect our peace.
I like to think of it as a Holiday Survival Kit.

Just remember: NBC (like the network bringing us the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, Christmas in Rockefeller Center, Wicked: One Wonderful Night, etc.)

These three letters could save your holiday season.

N is for NO.

Saying no is one of the most powerful skills you’ll ever learn.
But let’s be real; it’s hard, especially if you’re used to being the glue that holds everything together.

This year, try it anyway:​
​No to the appetizer no one really likes.
No to toxic conversations or exhausting obligations.
No to saying yes just to keep the peace.​
Say no with love, but say it clearly and firmly, for your own well-being.

B is for BOUNDARIES.

No is a word. Boundaries are a practice.
Decide ahead of time what you will and won’t accept:

Want a politics-free holiday? Set that expectation now.​
Don’t want guests showing up an hour early? Say so.​
Need quiet time, rest time, or just space to breathe? Block it out.​
You don’t need permission to protect your energy.

C is for COMPLIMENTS.

The holidays are full of tension.
One of the easiest ways to build connection is to offer genuine acknowledgment.
Not fluffy flattery. Not surface-level “I like your sweater” talk.

This year, shift from “I” to “you”:​
​“You have great taste.”
“You really brought this table to life.”
“You’re such a steady presence.”

We all want to be seen.
If you can offer that to someone – to really see them – it’s a gift that costs nothing and means everything.

Here’s the bottom line —​
You are a whole person, not just a professional or business owner with goals to hit and bills to pay.
You deserve to enjoy this season, not just survive it.

Say no when it matters.
Set boundaries that protect what you value.
Give compliments that connect.

You’ve got the skills. You know this stuff.
​Now’s the time to put it into practice.