Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

Job Satisfaction

What “I Don’t Know” Really Means

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I love helping people make big changes in their lives.

Seeing someone go from being completely miserable or frustratingly unfulfilled in their career to being content, aligned, and fired up about their work is what makes what I do so rewarding.

But change isn’t easy, especially when you won’t admit what you want that change to be.

Notice I didn’t say when you don’t know what you want? I’m willing to bet you do know.

What "I Don't Know" Really Means by Laura Berman FortgangHere’s the thing —

I’ve been doing this for a long time. I talk to a lot of people who want to make a change, and their story often starts something like this:

“I want to do something different, but I don’t know what I want to do.”

I used to believe them. I’d jump right in and help them figure it out! But then I started to notice a pattern. By the time we got to the bottom of it, they almost always admitted knowing the answer all along.

So these days, if you tell me you don’t know what you want to do with your life — I believe you do know – but that you don’t want to admit it — even to yourself.

You’re afraid — to dream, to dare, and to do what it takes. You have a fear of failure and looking foolish or a fear of success and the change that comes with it … or both!

Walking into the unknown is scary stuff, but it shouldn’t stop you from moving forward.

You don’t have to know how to get there or what to do. Your change will come from pointing yourself in the direction you want to go and putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

It comes down to this: “I don’t know” is just fear, and “I don’t know how” is just more fear.

You know. It’s simply scary because it seems impossible.

Here’s my motto: Do one thing a day towards your dream.

One phone call, one hour of research, one class. One step, another tomorrow, and another the next day. You’ll get there!

DREAD Has a Message For You

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Do you dread going to work?
Sunday evening rolls around, and you shudder at the thought of rolling out of bed in the morning.

Do you dread getting on a Zoom call with a particular client?
You check your calendar and cringe just thinking about the upcoming conversation.

We all do sometimes. Should you quit the job and ditch the client?

Not so fast! Maybe, maybe not. It depends on the reason behind your dread.

In my work with clients, it becomes clear to me that when you’re dreading something work-related, the feeling is usually driven by one of two things:

1. Fear

DREAD Has a Message For You by Laura Berman FortgangYou’re afraid of something — failure, walking into the unknown, being unprepared, facing people who intimidate you, confronting a challenging situation, or grappling with imposter syndrome.

2. Misalignment

It’s out of alignment with who you are — it goes against your values, falls outside of your wheelhouse, distracts you from your goals, is something you want to put behind you, or you just don’t love it.

The first step is to figure out what’s causing your dread; this distinction matters. The source points to your best course of action.

If you’re dreading something due to fear, don’t forget what’s on the flip side of the coin: discomfort demands growth. So do it anyway! That might sound easier said than done, but the reward is well worth it. The more you push past fear-fueled dread, the closer you’ll get to your goals.

But if your dread is a symptom of misalignment, reach for the opposite remedy. Growth, in this case, comes from saying “NO — don’t do it!” When you have to drag yourself, kicking and screaming, into something that doesn’t serve you anyway, it’ll only lead you astray from your goals.

No matter the reason or the cause, you don’t have to keep dwelling in dread. Let it either motivate you or signal that it’s time to move on.

Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year!

It’s 2024, and I want you to know what it takes to kick things off right. But first, let’s clear the slate because most people are tempted to fall into the same old missteps that set you up for disappointment year after year.

Let’s cut it out —

Happy New Year by Laura Berman Fortgang❌ DON’T set New Year’s resolutions.
As you’ve no doubt noticed, they’re simply not effective.
❌ DON’T set big goals.
I’m all for big dreams, but now’s not the time to add another huge, taxing, time-consuming thing if you have a plate that’s already full. Clear some items off first.
❌ DON’T hate the circumstance that informs the goal.
Your body, your ADHD, your bank account, your past failures, etc. It only makes the problem worse.

Here’s what I want you to do instead.

🟢 DO take time to reflect.
What can you give up that doesn’t serve you anymore? Let it go. What served you? Order up more of that.
🟢 DO visualize what you want.
Daydreaming helps you see what’s possible for your life, and that’s important. Let your mind wander and delight in your desires.
🟢 DO focus on who you’re being.
Transformation is less about what you do and more about who you are being. Act as if what you want is already here. How does someone behave when he/she already has the habits that create the success you want? Be that person now.

The reality is, this whole “New Year” thing is all made up. Thousands of years ago, the new year was in the spring. Take the pressure off, start doing what’s best for you year-round, and the “new you” will come to be.

What is “Enough” for You?

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A recurring theme has been showing up in my conversations with clients and people in my community over the past couple of weeks — a spirit of discontent.

More than usual, people seem to be disappointed and miffed that they’ve missed some arbitrary mark.

I have to admit — if I were new to coaching, I might be feeling a little distressed myself. But I’ve been at this for decades now, and I know exactly what’s going on here. It’s the end of the year…

Folks have launched businesses, filled programs, and met revenue goals. They’ve been featured in magazines, interviewed on popular podcasts, and appeared on TV. They published books, got promoted, or quit their corporate job. Impressive stuff!

But it wasn’t enough. And for some, it’s never enough.

Especially around this time of year, as people pause to reflect, I’ve come to expect it. So I thought you could use a heads-up . . .

No matter how much you’ve accomplished in 2023, there’s a good chance you might find yourself feeling it too: you didn’t do enough, your results weren’t enough, and you are not enough.

However, I want you to know this —

Suffering happens when you don’t meet your own expectations. The tricky part is that your expectations can become a moving target as your hopes, dreams, and aspirations evolve, grow, and become influenced by what you see around you.

How can you reduce this suffering?

Remember that ambition — Your passionate and dedicated drive to want more is good! BUT discontent — the feeling that you’ve let yourself down — doesn’t do you any good.

How do you strike the sweet spot? I have to thank my good friend, best-selling author and writing coach Jennifer Louden, for this one. She suggests coming up with your very own “conditions of enoughness.”

What is "Enough" for You? by Laura Berman FortgangLook inward, give it some deep thought, and determine…

What is enough money?
What are enough sales?
What is enough time?
What is enough fame?
How will I know when I have enough?
How will I know when my desires are met?

You control the relationship you have with your desires. How’s that going for you?

When you’re not happy because you’ve let yourself down, you’re causing your own suffering. It’s often what causes that paralysis — when you want something better but can’t bring yourself to take action. The tension forms a chasm that’s difficult to close.

Creating from a wounded place means creating more suffering. Everything becomes more difficult.

If you want to experience success, fulfillment, peace, and happiness, you must find your “conditions of enoughness.” From there, striving for more is easy; it can come and go, and you’re still okay.

Creating from a place of contentment not only feels better, but it’s your ticket to experiencing the success you desire.

New Balance

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The high-level executive keeps telling himself he’ll have time again soon – that it’s just a busy time, and it’ll slow down in the near future. However, he’s been telling himself that for SIX MONTHS!

A slow down just typically doesn’t happen.
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​How does he find a balance?
How does he reclaim his life? ​
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THAT is something that I’m sure many of you can relate to no matter what your work is, whether in corporate, as a business owner or being a busy parent.

There are only so many hours in a day, and I’ll say again what bears repeating: You can’t manage time. You can only manage yourself.

Ask Yourself a Few Questions:
The Balance by Laura Berman FortgangWho do you want to be?​
If you’re suffering now, that’s not who you want to be. Think about how you want to live, and how you want to behave daily (i.e., I want to be a present parent instead of being a distracted one. I want to be a boss that trusts vs. micro-managing).
What has to happen for you to be that person?​
Write down a truthful answer whether you can accomplish those changes or not.

How do you betray yourself now?​
Take a close look at how you behave differently from what you’d like to have happen. Yes, those are betrayals of yourself!

Take on a Few Tasks:

Examine your rules.
They’re meant to be broken if they cause you to suffer. Sometimes it’s you who puts limits or unreasonable standards in place that throw your work and life out of whack.

Write down what only you can do.
I can bet that there are items on your calendar and your to-do list(s) that could be done by somebody else if you let go of the reins a bit. Examine your calendar and your activities and determine if you truly need to be there or be the one doing them.

Hire!
Take some things off your plate by hiring them out (don’t be stingy with yourself; you can do it!) Corporately, look at it honestly as you budget for next year and see if there is room for a hire, a chief of staff, or a second assistant. Also notice if you don’t trust certain current team members to be able to take on some of the things you shouldn’t be doing if additional training or a change in staffing is required.

Consider:

Some things you can’t change. If you work in a toxic work environment, you may not have the power to change it. You must consider your options.

I was once hired by a large pharmaceutical company to run a work-life balance training for their sales force. I asked to survey the team first to get a sense of what the issues were with work and life integration.

The survey showed me that this company truly did not walk their talk. They wanted to provide a session to improve their teams’ lives, but they didn’t truly, in practice, believe in it. I refused the job after I did the survey and told them why.

They came back a week later and asked me to work with their leadership team on this initiative because it had to come from the top down to change the culture, which I did.

If your company doesn’t really have policies that allow you to have a decent quality of life outside of work, you have to consider leaving.

There will never be a perfect “balance.” It just doesn’t exist. Something will always tilt the pendulum in the opposite direction, but it IS possible to find a new balance – an integration – where you have less stress and are living in a way that makes you like your work. Heck, maybe even love it!

We’re here to help…

Business Lessons My Latest Hobby Taught Me

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Earlier this year, I discovered a new hobby: Furniture Flipping.

In case you’ve missed this trend all over social media, it’s when people take tired old vintage, antique, or boring mass-produced furniture and freshen it up with paint, refinishing, and other creative ways to give it some oomph.

When I was clearing out some of my mom’s things, I found that people weren’t interested in buying outdated pieces — no matter the quality. The reality is, without some sprucing up, too many unloved items end up in the dump.

Once I started noticing what was hot on the market, I began looking around at my own things with a new perspective. Let’s just say there was room for improvement. I got to work on an antique dresser and fell in love with the results … and the process.

It turns out, furniture flipping is relaxing, fun, and fulfilling!

Before I knew it, I’d restored, upcycled, or modernized — and sold! — nine pieces.

Don’t worry, I’m not shutting down my coaching practice to flip furniture full-time, but I’m having a ton of fun and learning a lot along the way.

Here are the lessons I’ve picked up so far from this new hobby.

  1. Everything takes longer than you think it will. ​
    ​Whether it’s stripping furniture stains or building a new website for your business, you have to be willing to stick it out and see it through to the end to get the results you want.​
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    2. Mistakes are a skill builder. ​
    Business Lessons My Latest Hobby Taught Me by Laura Berman Fortgang​You could be aiming to deliver a perfectly smooth finish on a furniture piece or to deliver a perfectly polished conference talk. In either case, there’s probably room for improvement. Learn from where you went wrong and do better next time. Start reframing mistakes as skill builders, and you’ll benefit from every brush stroke.​
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    3. Being flexible is a must. ​
    ​Things don’t always go as planned. When an antique piece you’d hoped to restore turns out to be too damaged to salvage, you may have to pivot, paint it instead, and give it a new life. The same goes for your business. That course you wanted to launch could be more profitable as a one-on-one offer. Being too precious about the original plan could end up costing you.​
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    4. Find the joy.​
    ​Sometimes, even with the best intentions, you get in over your head. Maybe you took on a whole bedroom set before noticing the intricate carving and details, or maybe you took on a massive project with unexpected obstacles. You want the outcome, but the work is dragging you down. Stop, take a deep breath, look around, and find the joy again — the peace, fun, satisfaction, or fulfillment. What is it that brought you to this moment and how can you savor it?

I’m passionate about this hobby and plan to keep it going. As always, I’m growing, evolving, and finding lessons to share with you in everything I do.