Now What?® Coaching
from Laura Berman Fortgang
When changing directions, often all that’s needed is to find the entry point of your new path vs. having to map out the entire route. What happens after you take that leap of faith and you’re a few steps down the new path? In today’s article, we learn the answer from three clients who recently shared their thoughts on this question: How do you listen to your life? full article here
“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.”
— Voltaire
By Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
Speak the Truth
Madeline is a client and health care professional who is realizing the power of communicating more effectively with her patients, staff, and others. Recently she summed up the benefits of what she calls “communicating clearly while holding my peace”:
“I get to walk away unburdened and free in many ways. What I have found amazing is how the truth of a situation just kind of rises to the top like cream. I have also seen that some folks operate with smoke and mirrors quite a bit. My new way of communicating blows all that stuff away so there is really nothing to hide behind. Most things just lay bare and hopefully we can move on.”
Pick Up The Key
What is the truth of your situation or whatever is challenging you most at this time? Before any significant progress can
be made, it is essential to get real and tell the truth to yourself. For example, you may have some valid gripes about your work environment, but aside from those, you know deep down that you’ve wanted to make a change for years. Likewise, the truth about a relationship that irritates you may be that it’s time for you to no longer allow what you’ve previously tolerated.
The whole truth encompasses much more than the factors that constrain you; it includes what is within your power to change. What’s the part you can do something about? Is it an attitude, a new way of seeing yourself, a better way of communicating, or an action plan to formulate? The key is within your reach.
Exercise Your Freedom
We often perceive ourselves to be more limited in our choices than in fact we are. Do not dwell on where you feel constrained. Instead, realize how you are free.
This Week’s Call to Action:
Where in your life have you been operating as if imprisoned or unduly limited by your choices?Does it involve your job, a relationship, your time, having a voice?
Decide to do something you have been meaning to do or have just realized you are free to do. Whether on a large scale or a more subtle one, it does not matter. Do this because you can. Notice where you are free, realize what might be possible, and take action.
Exercise your freedom, demonstrate that you value it, and freedom flourishes.
“It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is exercised
that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives.”
— Dorothy Thompson
By Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
72 Thank-You Notes
After months of networking and doing all the right things that a professional does when laid off from a 30-year career, Genevieve hit a low
point. During two painfully quiet weeks waiting for the phone to ring, all she felt was discouraged. Then it happened. In a matter of a few days, six invitations for interviews streamed in along with a solid job offer. Marveling at how things could change so quickly, Genevieve was grateful to see the seeds she had planted finally sprouting.
The very first thing she did after accepting an offer was make a list of people to thank. That list had 72 names on it — that’s 72 people who helped her in some way during her job search. As she set to work writing thank-you notes, Genevieve told me she had “writer’s cramp for a great reason”.
Picturing Genevieve writing all those notes got me thinking about my own list of 11 people who —just within these past two weeks— have helped me in some way with a current project I’m working on. Considering that this list would be longer if the snapshot was of a month vs. two weeks, I’d say I’m not shy about asking for help!
Opening Up To Accepting Help
Rebecca, who completed the Now What?® program earlier this year, recently called to tell me how happy she is with the direction she is
pursuing and that after going through a period of uncertainty, she has recently made great progress. I asked her what had made the difference in creating this new momentum and without hesitation she answered: “Opening up to accepting help. Accepting that we can’t do it all. You work it out by letting go. Piece by piece, you learn to let go of many things. Opportunities show up. Things fall into place once you start moving.”
My niece Mary Grace, now a sophomore at Villanova University, wrote about this issue in one of her college application essays. Acknowledging that she previously viewed needing help to be an admission of inferiority, Mary Grace states, “Now I consider the art of asking for help not as a sign of weakness, but of self-assurance, maturity, and courage. So at the risk of appearing imperfect, I ask for help anyway.”
Who Can Help You With That?
Rebecca cites opening up to accepting help as the breakthrough from uncertainty to momentum. Mary Grace now considers asking for help an “art”. How good are you at asking for help? If your answer is “not so good,” make it a point to get better.
This Week’s Call to Action:
Within the last 30 days, who has given you some kind of help? Whether it was in large or small ways, appreciate the value of what was offered and apply it well.
Name three people who can help you with a current problem or endeavor. Reach out to them now.
“…I eventually realized that learning comes at least as much
through exposure to and interaction with others’ gifts and knowledge
as it does through individual effort.”
— Mary Grace Mangano
by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
Clarity Takes You There
“If this isn’t it, I trust it will lead there.” I smile when I hear someone I’m coaching say those words. Brenda is at the point of trusting
the clarity she has received enough to move forward. This is especially significant as she’s been at the same crossroads six times before over the course of her life. Each time Brenda chose what felt like the more predictable path instead of what captured her interest the most. This time she is choosing differently.
At some point in your life and probably more than once — when you’re younger, older, or somewhere between — you’re bound to go through the process of trying to figure it out: the answer to what will make you happy and fulfilled in your work as well as take care of you financially. What typically follows soon after the discovery of what you would like to do is a stream of doubts and worries about how realistic it is and what the chances are of success. You’ll wonder: Is this really it?
Just how much of the trail must be in view in order for you to know it’s the right direction? What Brenda realizes is that all she needs to solve for right now is the entry point: the trailhead to take that will open up her future.
What’s Enough To Go On?
The reason it made me so happy to hear Brenda’s words is that learning to trust the entry point is a critical life skill that is more important than seeking any one right answer.
Trusting the entry point often involves a leap of some kind. This is different from making impulsive choices that lack staying power. There is a due diligence to perform, a process where you can align your decisions with:
While not every idea is meant to be turned into a career or life path, if the idea passes through your due-diligence process and feels right to you, it may be time for you to recognize it as your entry point and step onto the path.
What’s next is what you need to know. What’s “next after next” you don’t need to nail down. The details will work themselves out. When you go for a mountain hike, you look at a map and there are various trailheads from which to choose. You pick the one that you think will give you the best hike. Once you’re out on the trail, you can alter the route if needed.
Trusting Your Entry Point
As you consider what’s next for you, ask yourself: Do I have clarity and have I found my entry point? If not, seek input from others as you conduct your due-diligence process. Am I acting on my clarity and moving forward? If not, identify people who will encourage you and support you to take that bold step.
Trusting the entry point is acting on the clarity you have right now and letting the rest unfold.
“We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal
and then leap in the dark to our success.”
— Henry David Thoreau
By Jill Berquist, Now What?® A-Team Coach
Fear is the number one obstacle in a career transition. It comes in many forms and they are unique to you and your situation. That said, there is one particular fear that I have seen as one of the most pervasive and most impactful, when it comes to the fears that can bring several transitions to a dead halt. Simply put, it is when you say to yourself:
“What if I lose what I’ve worked so hard to establish?”
Fear that your transition will chisel into your long established identity or your earnings is incredibly real. Your status and reputation will likely carry weight for you personally, within your profession, family or in your community…or all of the above! And you’ve worked hard to get where you are. Making a change can absolutely force you to weigh in on tough status and salary questions. You will need to assess if you’ll be able to earn the same level of financial success you have established to this point or ultimately, decide whether it’s truly a deal-breaker if you do not.
To help get through this fear, do a soul-searching analysis of what you are willing to risk and for what gain. Specifically a few things to help mitigate this fear are to:
Do a money evaluation. Whether on your own or with the help from a financial advisor, calculate what you want or need to earn. Sometimes you find once you research the career you are contemplating, you can still get into your desired earning track. If you cannot, you may need to be creative with how you make your desired earnings happen, such as considering how you can earn additional income on the side, or rearranging your wealth management plan.
Keep your day job. When I was getting into coaching, I did it the following way. After some dabbling in it, I told my boss about my interest in coaching, and he agreed that it was okay for me to explore it, because as it turned out, he really wanted me to stay with the firm. I was supported in doing this, as long as there was no conflict of interest and I made sure there wasn’t. (This meant I couldn’t help our employees leave the company.) I began some training on the side and started coaching right away. It would then be a year and a half later before I left the firm. I left with a better foundation and less “neediness” in my energy. This is really important for starting any business or interviewing for a new job.
Consider compromising. That’s right. How are you willing to compromise for the career and life you really want? It may involve readjusting what you are willing to earn, leaving behind your old vision of yourself that may no longer work, or adjusting to the new level or role you are willing to work within, in exchange for the really “right” path. In the end, to claim some of these priceless life riches, it may be so much less of a compromise than you even think.
At the end of the day, you also have to ask yourself what will make you smile when you go to sleep at night and jump out of bed to start your day: Is it the lifestyle you have established, or the incredible life you get to live?
by Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
“Being wealthy is not about having money. It’s about having options.” That’s what Chris Rock told Oprah Winfrey in a recent interview. Commenting on his foray into live theatre, Chris framed it as part of his overall desire to try new things. “I should take complete advantage of the buffet that life is.” Speaking passionately he explained why it’s important to try new things, because then at least you will know: “You don’t like it because you tried it, not because you dismissed it.”
You might be thinking: Oh sure, Chris can say that because he has money. Maybe being rich does give him more options, yet how often does the average person dismiss ideas without fully considering them? Are we really low on options or just afraid of pursuing the option we want most? Could it be that we’re wealthier than we realize?
You typically have more options than you can see at first glance. There are several reasons for this; check to see if any of them are clouding your view of the future or even your current situation:
You think the option is not realistic. — If this is the case, before dismissing it out of hand ask yourself what about that particular option is appealing to you. There may be information in your answer that yields yet another alternative which is feasible or that expands your thinking about what is possible.
You don’t want to make the wrong choice, be embarrassed, or fail. — What’s required here is to place a greater value on “having tried” than on “failing”. Look for role models who embody this philosophy and give yourself permission to be more adventurous than you’ve been in the past. Briefly visit “the worst thing that could happen” and see if you’d be willing to handle it. That’s what worked for Julia, a client who suffered from excessive worry about making the wrong choice. Julia realized that changing her mind down the road would only be judged a failure if she —and only she— interpreted it that way.
You are afraid that what you want will require too much sacrifice. — It’s perfectly legitimate to decide that you do not want to pay the price associated with a certain option. Just be clear on two things first: 1) What might you be sacrificing already? 2) What would make the anticipated sacrifice worth it to you? Also keep in mind that sometimes choices appear to be mutually exclusive and yet are not in actuality; there may be a way to bridge your ideas without having to make an all or nothing decision. (More on this here)
There are too many options and they feel overwhelming. — This can be a good problem and one you can manage by first framing it that way. Then consider a few at a time vs. all the options at once. Write down your thoughts, note your feelings, and enlist someone to help you in sorting through your ideas. Which option piques your curiosity the most? Explore that one first.
These questions often populate desk plaques and calendars and deserve consideration despite their familiarity: What would
you attempt if you knew you wouldn’t fail? What would you try if money and time were not an issue?
This Week’s Call to Action:
You are wealthier than you know. You have options.