Trapped With No Way Out

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When all you can see is what’s right in front of you, it’s very hard to be creative. You may be painfully aware that you can’t stand what you are doing for work right now and still be utterly unable to see any other options. It’s a phenomenon that I see over and over again as I talk to people who can’t find the incentive to stay where they are but have no idea what else they could do.

Trapped with no way outSometimes it seems that a career is on a trajectory similar to a laboratory mouse which has to travel straight in a narrow lane from one end of the box to the other. There’s no way to see over the walls of the lane to other possible paths, and all you can see is what is right in front of you. There is no way out and only one way to go – straight forward – on the same path you’ve been traveling.

Of course, this is an incorrect assumption, but it is also a very hard trap to get out of on your own. The key is to understand what choices got you in the box. How did you end up with only one pathway?

stuck on the same pathIt may have been the motivation to please your family or the intent to see a strong suit through. It could have been that you had to prove something to yourself or to others or that you didn’t think you could attain what you truly wanted. There are so many reason we find ourselves cornered by our resume and can’t see any other feasible way to go.

Josh was out of work when he hired me to help him figure out what was next. He detested his old job and knew he didn’t want to go back to the same type of work, but he could not get out of the one-way lane. The salary of his old kind of work was very alluring, but he would admit that the thought of doing the same thing again was mind numbing.

It took a lot of chiseling away at the barrier he had put around the truth of what he wanted. He wanted to tap into his roots as a musician. He knew that becoming a middle-aged rock star held no promise. However, we did eventually uncover many ways to combine his musical interests and business acumen to invent a totally new direction for him that had merit and were worth pursuing. He was able to get some traction exploring different possibilities.

A complete letting go is necessary. I imagine someone holding on to a ledge “white-knuckling” it. They are holding on for dear life and won’t let go. In my fictitious scenario, it’s not holding on in order to avoid falling to great injury or death, but it is with the same tenacity that people will cling to a path even while they admit they can’t stand the thought of continuing on.

Let go. Admit you don’t know what’s next AND stop running in one singular direction. Just stop and wait. Stop ignoring what is nudging you. Listen and trust it even if you’re scared. Stop and wait. You’ll know. And then, you’ll act.

I don’t believe it when people tell me they don’t know what they want to do. I think they do know but they are just too afraid to admit it.

Can we help? Let us know! We have a team of facilitators who’d love to help you find your next direction.

When Life Offers You a Hard Right

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When I was five years old, my father was offered the opportunity to establish an office for his large American employer in Caracas, Venezuela. (It was a much healthier and wealthier place then that it is now.) I wasn’t privy to how the negotiation with my mother went down, but they decided to take the one-year assignment. It turned out to become a six year stay, and one I am forever grateful for as I’m still a Spanish speaker and a lover of exploring different cultures.

At least once in each of our adult lives, we’re likely to have to make a decision that pulls us towards an unproven opportunity and away from the comfort of established routine and relative certainty. I’ve listened to many a client weigh the fear and lack of a guaranteed outcome with the excitement and “rightness” of what’s calling.

In the last couple of years, I’ve worked with two established medical professionals who were presented with the opportunity to go in a related but new direction. One, felt deeply called to provide more holistic and integrated medical care but feared being ridiculed by the ‘establishment’ and never being able to return to traditional medicine if her leap did not work out. The other, was a very well-reputed surgeon who felt compelled to bring her talents to the world of artificial intelligence in the medical field (robotic surgery to be specific). She had no guarantee that it would be a wise career move although it sounded very plausible. Both women ultimately left the comfort of certainty to reap very positive results.

When Life Offers You a Hard RightThis brings me to my own hard right. Earlier this month, I declared a run for New Jersey State Assembly which is a part-time designation. It would be a tremendous honor to represent constituents in the everyday decisions and votes that affect their lives. Some of you may recall that I did run briefly in 2017. We’ll call that the apprenticeship. This one is fully professional and staffed by people who know how to win elections.

Although I had run before, it was not in my plans to run this time around. There were very big responsibilities keeping me in the land of certainty. However, let’s just say the Universe conspired to open the door so I would step through it. An abundance of professional support came to me without effort. As is so often the case, the “coincidences” were too great to ignore.

I intend to bring my skill set of solving intractable problems with small business owners, individuals who are career seekers, and executives to NJ state government.

What is pulling you off the known path? How can we support you to decipher what it is or to make it happen?

Join me at Kripalu at the dawn of spring for a Now What?® Retreat. Let’s get you started.

Prepare to join our next discounted round of Now What?® On Demand. Registration begins in March. This is perfect for you if you want to work on your own from the comfort of your own space.

And if you can lend your support to my hard right, it’s permissible from US residents and every dollar counts. Thank you in advance!

Relationships Matter!

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Relationships Matter!Sure, technical skills matter, but no matter what field you’re in, how you relate with people and the diversity of life experiences you bring into your circle matters.

“…building relationships is important because you just never know where the next opportunity is going to come from.”

One Engineer Explains How Relationships Can Have a Big Impact on Your Career

What Happens When Your Efforts Make No Difference?

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You fought as hard as you could. You jumped through every hoop. You kept your head in the game and your eye on the ball. AND you did not prevail!

Don't stop when you are tired sign yellow with stripes, road sign variation. Bright vivid sign with warning message.

WHAT??????!!

Four interviews over two weeks or seven callbacks over nine months; it doesn’t matter. Sometimes, you can do everything right and still not get what you want!

What do you do?

You grieve. For a bit. I suggest no more than three days. That’s my personal limit. After all, Jesus rose after three days, so it seems symbolically important too. (How’s that from a Jewish girl?)

AND THEN . . .

You pull yourself together and ask yourself: Do I want to quit, or do I want to allow this to make me work harder (and smarter)?

Depending on the answer, you act accordingly.

My daughter has chosen to follow in my musical theater footsteps, and it’s been a roller coaster of a ride. She worked professionally when she was a tween and came very, very close to several Broadway shows. She had HUGE “almosts.” Then, she became a teen — the kiss of death in professional theater. These are the “dead” years where you go back to your high school and community theaters and get more experience until you can come back as a pro after eighteen. (It’s less hassle to hire an 18-year-old who can play a younger teen, than hire a teen who comes with labor laws and schooling requirements).

We have been poised on that ledge of disappointment many, many times.
“Do you want to quit?”
“No,” she says.
“Then use this to build your determination to be the best you can be.”

The same goes for you.

Now, as a possible career transition seeker, not all circumstances roll like my daughter’s situation. Fighting ageism, changes in an industry, a gap in your resume and other issues don’t get resolved solely with determination and skill building. However, it does call for evolving determination, along with learning how to leverage your previous experience into something new and marketable.

That is where we come in. Please check out how to do this at Now What Coaching.

When You Show Up, Who Knows What’s Possible?

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When You Show Up, Who Knows What’s Possible?Our dreams do not always come in the packages we expect.

When obstacles change our course, sometimes simply showing up to be around the passion, doing whatever is needed (even the small and tedious tasks) will reveal new way to be with what you love.

She Believed She Could: Abby DePhillips On Finding Your Path

What if Hopscotch Isn’t Just for Kids?

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Sometimes hopping from career to career can be wise, fulfilling, and even beneficial, as you carry with you what you’ve gained in experience, knowledge, and contacts from past jobs. Our choices don’t have to be forever. How refreshing!

What if Hopscotch Isn't Just for Kids?My Career Choice: All of the Above

The Key to Work You’ll Love: Doing What’s Valuable

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The Key to Work You'll Love: Doing What’s ValuableYou hear it all the time, and admittedly you’ve heard it here: “Follow your passion!”

It’s not always the best starting place because you might get stuck, not sure what that means. However, as you explore, develop skills, and find work that brings value, your passion may emerge.

To find work you love, don’t (always) follow your passion

Changing Careers? You Are Not Alone!

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Changing Careers? You Are Not AloneThese days it’s very rare to find anyone who stays in a job for life the way our parents did.

If you find yourself in the situation looking for a change, here are some tips to help you get through:

“Fear of failure, of looking silly, of being rejected, of losing status — it’s the single biggest dream killer in the world of work,” but don’t let that stop you from making what could be your best move yet!

Career Change is the New Normal of Working

Career Transition and Depression

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Mental illness, suicide and depression have been everywhere on broadcast and online media in the last week due to the tragic deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. The reality of changing careers by choice or by force can put many of us on a shaky limb with our mental wellbeing. Let’s address some of the reasons why and some factors that can help steady the course of big changes.

Money + Uncertainty + Identity Crisis = Troubled Times

In my experience, money is the first factor that shakes one’s stability in the career transition journey. Even people with ample savings or the ability to start retirement (although not their preference) get anxious about finances when facing a change in job or direction.

Career Transition and DepressionAdd uncertainty which in and of itself can set people off. Then throw in the identity crisis which creeps in from even considering giving up a role that has defined for decades, and you have a fertile breeding ground for emotional disruption. Change, for most people, is no picnic. But, that doesn’t have to be a deterrent to making one.

Richard came to work with me recently after being let go from a high paying job. He had enough money to retire if he had to, but he wanted a few more years of earning a top income to feel more secure. The opportunities, however, were not showing up and the truth was, we discovered, he had no motivation to pursue them. He was feeling down.

The lack of motivation was due to really wanting to do something more fulfilling, but he didn’t see any way for his interests to equate to any salary remotely close to what he was making. The result? Complete paralysis.

Enter: Coaching!

Through the Now What?® Life Story process Richard began to see what he wanted to weave back into his life. However, his mood did not automatically improve. He still found more reasons to doubt a happy outcome than to believe in one, and he couldn’t see beyond his doubt. Music and songwriting was a long-gone passion that he wanted back in his life, but he knew he was not going to be a more than-middle-aged rock star so just as quickly as some excitement showed up, his spirits were quickly dampened.

Before one particular session, I had an intuitive inkling to mention to Richard an idea about an artistic space where music recording, lessons, and performances could all take place. As soon as I did, the light bulbs started going off! One thing led to another, and as I write this he is exploring a few opportunities to do something along these lines. Some already existed and others he would need to raise some funds for (which he can certainly do)! He also took on another creative project or two , and his spirits are lifting tremendously.

Richard and his wife decided to downsize their home to make their finances more comfortable. And, as sometimes happens, an opportunity to do some of his old work without a stressful full-time job showed up as well. Things are still in flux, but the darkness has dissipated. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

How do you do this yourself?

First, don’t go down the path of thinking that he has money and you don’t. I’ve seen results like this without financial freedom. Secondly, decide which “wolf to feed.”* Do you want to keep dwelling in dread or do you want to invest in possibilities – things that just may work out?

Like all my clients, once clear on some possible angles, Richard took small step after small step to talk to people, network, ask questions, and follow the leads where they took him. You can do this too.

Here are a few tips:
● Take extra good care of yourself—sleep, drink plenty of water, eat right, take walks, whatever is right for you, do it.
● Gather support—don’t go at it alone. Engage someone to hold you accountable, have cheerleaders, join a group of like-minded folks and make it happen together.
● Maintain rituals– the things in your life that work and comfort you and do more of them, whether it’s journaling, exercising, weekly dinner with particular people, etc.
● Take small steps—Small steps are more easily attainable, they get you moving forward, and when they bear fruit, they encourage you to take more.

To keep emotions and fears from eating you up, to navigate the lack of structure that comes from being out of work, and to stay mentally fit, try some of the above. If you’re suffering or feel afraid of your own feelings, please do get help. Here are some helpful resources for those in need.

National Institute of Mental Health 1-866-615-6464
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

*http://www.virtuesforlife.com/two-wolves/