Now What?® Coaching
from Laura Berman Fortgang
Midlife is a natural time for many to ponder what they’re doing with their lives.
Wondering if you’re locked into a career you’ve devoted decades to? Not necessarily!
These folks share how they’ve made a change with no regrets.
Care For A Career Change-Up? These Stories Are Proof It’s Never Too Late
The last few years have felt like they’ve been speeding by and this one is on steroids compared to them. I feel catapulted i
nto outer space by the speed at which time flies. Oddly, the feeling bookends the individual days that seem to have plenty of time in them.
The push and pull, pulse-racing and deep breathing seems to be the ying and yang of recent times and I think it reflects what happens for the clients I work with on their careers. The rhythm of life and business don’t have a steady pace. It ebbs and flows and so does your career search or your ability to move ahead.
Can you harness that or control it? The key is to be ready for it and expect it. Circumstances don’t stay good or bad. Things are always in flux.
The way to deal with it is to create conditions you can control. You can control (or at least plan) a structure within which to work on the changes you want to create. Be consistent in those actions. For example, if you are looking into what you might do next or you are sending out resumes, keep doing the research and wallpapering the internet with your resume no matter what. Repetition is key.
I’ve recently started to step up my exercise regime after a long streak of doing minor amounts of physical activity due mostly to back issues. I hate working out so much it was easy to let the smallest amount of pain keep me from trying. However, the middle-age spare tire has been growing and the lazy streak had to stop. I’ve had to get back up to speed slowly—first taking restorative yoga classes and aerial yoga which is very easy on the body. Finally, it was time to take an intermediate level class. After the first one, I couldn’t walk for five days. Once I could walk, I came back every other day. My level of fitness is increasing. Weight loss will come but consistency is going to be the most important factor. I’m not back to doing a headstand or handstand. I am not back to full flexibility but I know it will come if I keep up consistent action. I know that they gym with weights and cardio will interest me again as I keep feeling better and wanting to build strength further and further.
Here is what I want you to take away from this. Consistent action. We can’t wait to see success. We have to just keep building and stop measuring the results.
Obviously, you are not going to persist if something is not working at all but with steady, consistent work peppered with the occasional burst of high-intensity creativity and action will get results. Just don’t give up. I’m saying that to myself too.
I worked with Scott in the last year on figuring out what he wanted to do with his life. We succeeded at gaining clarity on what his next career move needed to include to gain the satisfaction he was missing. When we parted ways, his job was to keep networking to make his way into a new field. What transpired over consistent action and time (less then four months) was that he was approached by a vendor he worked with through his job to lead their $800 million company. Scott’s story will appear in the updated and revised anniversary edition of Now What? coming out March 2015 so stay tuned for details.
Be consistent. Keep on your career quest. I’ll keep going to the (yoga) mat. Time won’t stand still for us but we will be less at the effect of it if we stay the course.
Exploring next career moves, doing a job search or starting a new endeavor like your own business are all daunting and often, frustrating propositions.
Many times you’ll come up against a lack of results or clarity that dumps a heap of hopelessness on you in the from of “I want to quit!!” Should you?
To quit or not to quit? What do you think I’m going to say? No! Of course, you don’t quit. Not yet anyway.
I always say: “ Life will tell you if you’re wrong. YOU don’t need to decide”. Roadblocks, a lack of results, obstacles and setbacks—those could all certainly be interpreted as life saying, “give up”. But maybe there’s another message.
If you were running a race or working out at the gym and you experienced pain, you’d have the choice to stop or to work through it. Most athletes work through it being sensitive to the threshold where they’d cause major injury. The smart ones also know to build in recovery time in between the big competitions or work outs.
When it comes to your exploration or ramp-up, ‘pain’ can mean, “Wait!” Just pull back, observe, divert your attention to something else to gain perspective and then
re-engage.
Taking your foot off the accelerator and coasting in ‘neutral’ for a bit can go a long way to knowing whether to proceed and how to do so or whether to redirect your energies to something else altogether.
Maureen is Senior VP in the finance industry and she has been on a campaign to further her career. She knew it wasn’t time to begin a job search but she did feel that strategizing a way to be better known and more valuable in her organization as well as her industry at large, was necessary to her future plans.
She made a Herculean commitment to networking and even cold calling at an ambitious pace of several times a week. She was quite successful and then hit a wall. People weren’t calling back at the same rate, the lunch meetings weren’t happening and the pipeline was drying up.
There was some harsh self-criticism, berating herself for quitting her pace, but we reframed that to allow herself some breathing room. In the open space, an opportunity appeared to be given larger responsibility along with greater exposure within her company. Succeeding at the new task would be a huge boost and resume-building highlight which would poise her for a promotion or better opportunity elsewhere.
Let’s call what happened to Maureen the result of ‘focused in-action’. She wasn’t giving up but she was allowing a break to see what might emerge. In this case, an opportunity came up but you might find inspiration for a different strategy, the idea to call on someone else you may need to talk to or you may find a slight course correction.
The next time you want to quit, take a break instead. Allow some focused in-action and pick up within two to three weeks. If you go longer, it will become unfocused in-action and you could derail. If nothing emerges in your break, you may need to go back to drawing board. It’s OK.
By Ginny Kravitz, Deputy Editor
72 Thank-You Notes
After months of networking and doing all the right things that a professional does when laid off from a 30-year career, Genevieve hit a low
point. During two painfully quiet weeks waiting for the phone to ring, all she felt was discouraged. Then it happened. In a matter of a few days, six invitations for interviews streamed in along with a solid job offer. Marveling at how things could change so quickly, Genevieve was grateful to see the seeds she had planted finally sprouting.
The very first thing she did after accepting an offer was make a list of people to thank. That list had 72 names on it — that’s 72 people who helped her in some way during her job search. As she set to work writing thank-you notes, Genevieve told me she had “writer’s cramp for a great reason”.
Picturing Genevieve writing all those notes got me thinking about my own list of 11 people who —just within these past two weeks— have helped me in some way with a current project I’m working on. Considering that this list would be longer if the snapshot was of a month vs. two weeks, I’d say I’m not shy about asking for help!
Opening Up To Accepting Help
Rebecca, who completed the Now What?® program earlier this year, recently called to tell me how happy she is with the direction she is
pursuing and that after going through a period of uncertainty, she has recently made great progress. I asked her what had made the difference in creating this new momentum and without hesitation she answered: “Opening up to accepting help. Accepting that we can’t do it all. You work it out by letting go. Piece by piece, you learn to let go of many things. Opportunities show up. Things fall into place once you start moving.”
My niece Mary Grace, now a sophomore at Villanova University, wrote about this issue in one of her college application essays. Acknowledging that she previously viewed needing help to be an admission of inferiority, Mary Grace states, “Now I consider the art of asking for help not as a sign of weakness, but of self-assurance, maturity, and courage. So at the risk of appearing imperfect, I ask for help anyway.”
Who Can Help You With That?
Rebecca cites opening up to accepting help as the breakthrough from uncertainty to momentum. Mary Grace now considers asking for help an “art”. How good are you at asking for help? If your answer is “not so good,” make it a point to get better.
This Week’s Call to Action:
Within the last 30 days, who has given you some kind of help? Whether it was in large or small ways, appreciate the value of what was offered and apply it well.
Name three people who can help you with a current problem or endeavor. Reach out to them now.
“…I eventually realized that learning comes at least as much
through exposure to and interaction with others’ gifts and knowledge
as it does through individual effort.”
— Mary Grace Mangano
Today’s question comes from a member of our community in New Jersey who participated in a recent Community Call, and is answered by:Laura Berman Fortgang.
Question:
Hi, Laura. Like you, I’m an alumna of Montclair State University. I was the first one in my family to go to college and after I graduated, I realized I had no professional models to look to. Rather than work with children, which was my interest at the time, I became a secretary because I was able to make more money. But now, I got laid off and I’m wondering where to go from here. At this point in my career, I enjoy working with adults. I have a 21-year old daughter and I’m not sure whether to go back to school or look for work elsewhere. What do you think?
Answer:
I want to acknowledge you for the paths you pioneered in your family and for modeling to your daughter what’s important in the world. Of course security is important to you, but being laid off is an opportunity to change. Just like the stock market corrects itself if it goes too far one way or the other, a lot of people now are getting to correct course as well. If doors are not opening in secretarial jobs, for instance, maybe it’s now time to get to do what you want to do, after having done what you had to do. I can hear in your voice that you’re a poised person and that you have a good personality and an honest work ethic, so remember to build on these things. This may mean meeting people in person, networking, and talking to people you already know vs. just sending out resumes.
See what other opportunities might be available and launch a multi-faceted work campaign. Sending our resumes is not enough. Paper doesn’t work as well as meeting people does. When you get out there and meet people, you’ll be able to make your own opportunities. For example, you mentioned that you work as a volunteer to teach English as a second language. Do they need a program coordinator or other person on their staff? Think creatively. Every industry has people they need in support roles. See what you might find just by being more aggressive. Allow yourself to dabble, to try some things. You’re going to have to get outside your comfort zone and when you do, just remember that discomfort = growth. Go out and shake some hands.