Now What?® Coaching

from Laura Berman Fortgang

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Are Your Knuckles White?

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

14802693 character and cliffwhite-knuckle: adj.

1. causing fear, apprehension, or panic

2. experiencing fear, terror, or apprehension

When I hear the term ‘white-knuckling’ I get the image of someone dangling from a cliff or a building holding on for dear life. And it’s that image that comes to mind working recently with two career transition clients. Two wonderful, smart people holding on for dear life to old versions of themselves,  knowing full-well they needed to move on to new horizons but unable to do so because of overwhelming fear.

Are you white knuckling? It sounds so simple when it’s someone else, right? What are they afraid of, you might ask? What’s the big deal?

In one case, the big deal was a doctor fearing she might never get back into medicine if she left it. The other stay-at-home wife who suddenly needed to find a way to make her own way in the world. “Who would hire me? What could I possibility do?”, she kept saying to herself and me.

The hardest part about both of these scenarios was not finding an answer to the future. The hardest part was prying their fingers off the ledge. It took a handful of weeks for each of them, but once they let go, the answers started to come quickly and the ‘coincidences’ that led to new opportunities multiplied equally fast.

If you are similarly stuck, how do you let go of the ledge?

Left Brain/Right Brain: Your left brain will feed you all the logical reasons why considering a new move would be career suicide and detrimental to your safety. (After all, not changing, your left-brain and ego will tell you, is safer than changing)

Your right brain conjured up the new direction you are considering and your body has told you over and over how very miserable you are feeling as you maintain the status quo.

The two will be in conflict until you let go of the ledge. Decide with the following criteria:

What Feels Good?: Fear will make this tough to discern, but under calm consideration, which feels better? The scary scenario your left-brain has conjured up or the scary (but admittedly exciting) scenario your right brain is suggesting?

Get out of your head for a moment and really FEEL the two. Spend a few minutes, with your eyes closed, imagining what it feels like to stay where you are, safe in the comfort of what you know. Then, switch and do the same and feel what it feels like to live in the possible new scenario.

Which feels better? Now, which state would you rather live in?

Peel Away Your Grip: Now let go. Take a few steps in whichever direction you decided felt better. Talk to a few people in the new area of possibility or make some new moves where you have decided to stay.

Start moving in the world of your next step. See how that world responds to you. Upon letting go of the ledge, you should expect to feel better. If you don’t, repeat step two and try again.

It’s my experience that when clients relax their grip on the past (white knuckling), the luck and synchronicity they encounter moving forward is remarkable. It still takes effort, and fearless networking, but the YES’s come faster and faster.

Our doctor let go of her old position and started talking to people about different healing modalities and integrative medicine practices outside of mainstream medicine and is now signed up for  training and conferences in these new areas of interest. In her heart, she knew that her place was in the healing arts. That could appear in many forms, but she needed to leave the old one she was clinging to in order to find any new possibility.   There is no shortage of opportunities or people to talk to now that she’s stopped white-knuckling.

Our newly independent woman has landed her first job with a very decent paycheck, turning her personal interests and very capable volunteer–based  leadership experience into a Managing Director title in a New York City organization.

Are your knuckles white? Stop doing your best Indiana Jones imitation and LET GO.

Not sure where to begin? Have your questions answered about your career transition and hear from other like-minded folks. JOIN our FREE Now What?® Community Call on May 21st.

 

Is It OK To Be Content?

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by  Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

CherubAfter speaking to one-thousand people at a conference complete with Q&A and spending a weekend with retreat participants who had life-changing ah-ha’s, one question that stuck with me in the two weeks hence was: “Is it OK to be content?”

Asked of me by someone in my career clarity and life direction workshop, my answer was ‘of course, ’ but the question lingered. It made me consider that the answer is conditional.  Being content is a great thing; however, I’ve also observed it can be an avoidance technique.  I’ve only met a few people in my lifetime who seemed truly content when they said they were. The rest of the people said they were content as if they were giving up.  There’s a difference between not wanting anything because you’re content and not wanting anything because you don’t think you can have it.

Do we have to be pursuing something? Do we have to have goals? Do we have to be improving ourselves in some way all the time?  Absolutely not!  And I mean that.

At the same time, I see contentment like hunger. You can eat without stuffing yourself and stop at the point where you are just sated. Eventually, you will get hungry again. That’s how I see human growth and potential. There’s always something to explore or want.  It’s OK to coast sometimes, it’s OK to have priorities other than your own fulfillment (if you have children or a demanding job (paid or unpaid) you know that for sure), but eventually there will be a longing.  It’s the price we pay for being human.

Are YOU content? 

Do you feel tremendous gratitude for your life?

Do you feel relative ease with the decisions on your plate now?

Do you feel at peace with yourself despite any shortcomings?

Do you have virtually nothing in your life that disrupts that peace?

Do you feel buoyed and connected to yourself, others and life?

If you answered yes to all of those, you are in the minority and you are to be congratulated. Does that automatically put the rest of us in discontent? Not necessarily. But if you say you’re content, it doesn’t mean you will be without wants.  It just means you are OK with or without getting what you desire.

The woman who asked me the question cried a lot over the weekend and blamed me for ‘doing that to [her]’. She said she was content until she sat through the weekend.

Content? Maybe. But more likely previously numb because the truth was too much to bear.

I am sympathetic. Change is frightening and not knowing how to change something is even more isolating and scary.

Mahatma Gandhi said: “Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.”

It is OK to be content.  It’s wonderful.  I wish it for us all.  But if we’re not, it’s better to be honest about it and realize that it’s not something to be afraid of.  “The only way out is through.”*

*Robert Frost

Got Dogg? (Dogged Determination That Is)

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

I live with four stubborn mules.  They also happen to be my husband and children.dog jump

(Whose idea was it to put a coach in the home of the UNCOACHABLESTM?)

I have to use great skill to rally support for unpopular notions even if that notion is a vacation to Alaska rather than Disney World. (OK, my husband was with me on that one) Our family can’t even agree on a movie to watch or which restaurant to grab a quick meal at.  I have to find openings where there aren’t any and I have to be creative in my approach to each person and each issue.

What does all this have to do with you, the reader of a career transition blog?  A lot.

If you’re in a job search or researching a new idea for your next career move or you’re testing the feasibility of a business idea or anything that requires discipline and determination,  you have to do the same.  Find openings where there are none and approach each situation with creativity.

You need DOGGED DETERMINATION.

How do we develop determination and tenacity?

You have to REALLY want it—How can you be determined and willing to do whatever it takes to succeed if you don’t really want what you are after in the first place?  You have to want tenacity and you have to want what you are after.  REALLY want it.

Yes, we sometimes have to do things just out of need or responsibility, but finding something behind your quest that inspires you is essential to sticking with it.

Humans need a strong WHY to move forward.  Find your WHY, love your WHY, and commit to your WHY!

You have to narrow your focus—Throwing it out there and see what sticks isn’t the best strategy.  Even if you have several areas of interest, narrow it down to two or three until you feel you have exhausted every possibility.  Then, add another focus if needed.  Determination can’t be spread thin.  It needs a very distinct target.

Create daily accountability—Whether it’ll be a reward system you set up for yourself, work with a partner/buddy to keep pace with or you are one of the lucky ones who can keep promises to yourself really well, determination builds with the union of heart, mind and action.  What will you do today towards ‘the dream’?

Be creative and ignore the norm— Most people get very stymied by the lack of response to their conventional attempts at their goals.  No response from a resume or building a website and not getting very many visitors, for example.  Developing determination,  once at to this point, you have to ask “Got Dogg?!”

Determined people don’t stop at the norm.  They bust out and become creative about how to reach their audience whether that be the hiring entity or your audience who buys from you.

This is a tricky area.  How do you get creative and still stay within appropriate boundaries?  Showing up on a camel dressed in exotic garb may get you attention, but not the job.  However, doing such for your new Middle Eastern restaurant in town might bring you customers.  Regardless, the point is to find the openings and opportunities to do things differently and get used to sticking out.

As one of my advisors, Vince Poscente,  told me recently: “You have to do what your competition is not willing to do.”

You can build the determination muscle for yourself.  Practice and don’t give up.  In the meanwhile, I’ll be determined to keep negotiating with the UncoachablesTM and look to where I am uncoachable myself.

Got Dogg?  You better!

 

It’s Garbage Day

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garbage-can1It’s time to take out the trash, folks, even if the trash is YOU.  I know that sounds rude, but it’s a new year and I’m turning 51 this week and as my patience for nonsense wanes at an astounding daily rate, I am passing my sass on to you. 

 

This is not a “misery loves company” scenario. No.  It’s an I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-me, but I do know what works slap down.  I want my sass to slap your _____(rhymes with sass) into action.  Maybe some ego mixed in there, but no harm is intended.

 

Do you want to gain clarity in your life? Do you want to figure out your next career steps? Do you want to feel commitment to a bigger vision of what’s possible for yourself?  Then, call it a trash day every day for the rest of this month and get on with it.

 

People underestimate the importance of a clear slate to strategizing new horizons.  We mistakenly think we can compensate for and overlook the physical clutter, emotional baggage, poor health, soured relationships and dysfunctional work or home scenarios.  We think we can carve out an escape route and all of that will fall away behind us and it’s just not true.  Problems will follow you even into a shinier new situation. Wading through the garbage is what gets us to a clear, new, unfettered path. 

 

I am not advocating for perfection and tidiness in all areas, but what I am asking for is a higher level of awareness.  Garbage drains you of energy, mental bandwidth, creativity, awareness of your intuition and peace.  Without those, you are just existing and not growing and probably feeling down and discouraged.

 

Michael is a high-level, well-paid executive who has lost his edge.  He doesn’t feel any passion for his work anymore although he did five or six years ago.  Relationships are strained at his job, he’s wearing out his friends with the same repetitive complaints and he doesn’t feel motivated to keep up with his exercise routine.  He hired me because he wants to make a decision about where to focus to find a new job opportunity.  Where we started was with the clutter.  Sustainable, good decisions aren’t made in the midst of chaos.  As he addressed the chaos, I could hear his confidence building.  Week by week, his conviction and vision of what he wanted for himself grew.  The ah-ha’s are already breaking through like the sun does after a rainy afternoon, and I know that definitive decisions and actions on the career move are immediately imminent.

 

Shouldn’t that be you?  It’s garbage day.  You know what to do.

To Quit or Not To Quit

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

5881919To quit or not to quit?  That is the question.

Maybe you’ve been thinking of quitting your job, quitting your current job search or giving up on your dream.  You probably feel bad just entertaining the thought.  If you feel bad about it, is that a sign that you stay put? How does somebody know if quitting is the right thing? It’s so hard!

There’s always the pros/cons list if you want to rely on logic.  But, you see, logic will likely be overrun by fear, so we have to rule that out.  We probably can’t trust your gut at this point either, because the jittery butterflies make it hard to get an accurate read.

Then, HOW DO YOU KNOW????

Imagine you are out shopping for a new suit or pair of shoes.  Would you make the purchase if the item did not fit you?  Probably not, unless of course, you were totally desperate and had no choice because you had an event in the morning and the stores are closing in five minutes.

If whatever you are considering quitting doesn’t ‘fit’ you anymore, you have to be honest with yourself.  Yes, there are consequences, and maybe you can have the suit altered or the shoes12514690 RED SHOES stretched, but pay close attention to how you feel.  Is the energy in your body shutting down and feeling like a ‘no’ when you think of staying with the current course?  Is your energy a ‘YES’ when you imagine yourself quitting and on to the next thing?

This can be a little confusing too, because newness is exciting.  The ‘Yes’ energy can’t always be trusted if you are one to chase after the nearest, new shiny object like a bee dances from flower to flower in the summer looking for pollen.  However, if you are honest with yourself, know that the ‘YES’ feeling (as scary as it may be) is not just the escape from the hard work of something, then you have your answer.  It’s time to move on.

If the thing you are considering quitting still has ‘YES’ in it, despite it’s challenges, you have to stay and recommit.

Change is hard any way you slice it.  Whether you have to recommit and stay or you are ready to quit and forge a new path, it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows.  But the idea has to give your body a ‘YES’ the way a metal detector would go BEEP when it’s hit upon a treasure.

I recently worked with an unemployed lawyer who was very unhappy with his line of work and who had a very clear idea of what else he’d like to do.  The internal battle was all about logic—where the money would come from, which he was more qualified to do, and which would be most easily accessible.  Logic was winning, but the energy (and therefore action) was very low when it came to the job search of new legal work.  The energy was very high for the new thing but fear stopped him.  The answer was clear, but this lawyer needed more time to think about what he already knew to be true.  That was very lawyerly of him.  But the coach had to bow out until the ‘YES’ led to action.

As the New Year approaches, don’t let the ‘YES’ sit in your body unattended.  Life will tell you if you are wrong.  Make a move and see how it ‘fits.’  We outgrow jobs and directions like we outgrow clothes and shoes whether it’s due to size, fit or style.  It’s OK to quit when it truly doesn’t fit.

One Door Closes, Another One Won’t Open

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by Now What?® Coaching Founder, Laura Berman Fortgang

The doors are closed,old window door

You knock and knock,

No one answers,

So you decide to wait.

Do so at your own risk, I say.

For more than a decade, I’ve been watching more and more clients struggle with their industries changing drastically, shrinking and in some cases, disappearing completely.  People’s natural instinct, it seems, is to either try harder to get back in or wait until things get better so they can try again.

Is this you?

You’ve exhausted all your contacts.

You’ve sent out dozens and dozens of resumes.

You’ve attended industry events to find opportunities.

You’ve started to run out of ways to fill your days.

You’re wondering if something’s wrong with you.

You’re blaming the economy or the darned industry you’re in.

From my vantage point, the closing of doors followed by more closing of doors signifies,  it’s time to try a window.  In other words, it’s a nudge to go in a different direction.

What is most surprising is that many people have a slight inkling as to what that direction might be, but they ignore it in the name of waiting for the familiar door to suddenly open.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but if that old door is supposed to open, it likely won’t do so until you’ve started going in a different direction.  Just like the romantic partner who loves you the most once you’ve broken up and are starting to date other people.  At that point, you don’t necessarily want them back.

That pestering little nudge that says to try something else is your way out of this dilemma.  I know it sounds crazy. I know you’ve already decided it won’t make you any money so you can’t even dream of going that direction  I know you’ve buried it so deep it may not even make its way into your dreams anymore, but DIG IT OUT!!

Here’s the key.  The crazy idea to go back to something you used to do or to turn a hobby into a business or to do that long forgotten thing you always wanted to do is not necessarily a destination.

The $500K a year finance executive won’t be able to sustain her current  lifestyle as a yoga instructor, but it was yoga that opened her up to see that her next job needed to be satisfying, lucrative and meaningful.

The real estate attorney needed to revisit the reason he went into law (justice and fighting for what’s right) through his volunteer work while he was unemployed.  His volunteer stint made him realize that he needed to turn his career ship into a form of law that was more in tune with his values.

The yoga and non-profit volunteering did not become ‘next steps’ in terms of a career destination, but they were the means by which clarity came about.  THAT is the value of acting on your intuitive inklings.

Some of you may know that I followed my own advice, as I often do, and 3 years ago, when feeling a little stymied, I dove back into my first love of performing by doing my first musical theatre show in 17.5 years!  It was so much fun and surprisingly, it led to the creation of Life Coach Lurlene.  The venture into the ‘crazy’ idea of ‘wasting’ my time doing a musical just for fun became a new revenue stream in 2 short years.

If knocking on doors has become banging your head against the wall, then turn your weary head to the window that has a little glimmer of light.  It may not be your final destination, but it is the glint of what will ease your way to clarity and new horizons.

Let us know if you need help.  We’re here to work with you.