If you’re anything like most people, you’re no stranger to feeling guilty.
For some folks, guilt is a frequent companion. They feel bad about seemingly anything and everything — whether they have a good reason to or not.
But for most of us, guilt simply creeps in more often than we’d like.
Quitting a job.
Setting boundaries in a friendship.
Refusing a request.
It doesn’t take much to feel at least a little uncomfortable, sheepish, or ashamed about a choice we’re making, especially when we feel like we’re letting someone down.
But here’s something we often miss —
There’s GOOD guilt and there’s BAD guilt … and the difference matters.
Good guilt is the kind of guilt that’s telling you you might regret a decision. Maybe you’re not prioritizing the things that mean a lot to you. It’s a nudge to keep you honest and spur positive action.
Bad guilt, on the other hand, is a nag. You’re putting yourself down: I’m not a good friend, I suck at my job, I shoulda done this, I’m bad at that — nothing but a bunch of mishegoss! It’s senseless, not doing you or anyone else any good, and just trying to keep you living by someone else’s set of rules.
I was working with a client recently and this issue came up.
This person is perfectly set up to step out of her job into a business that’s primed for success.
But she feels guilty for leaving the job because other key players have jumped ship. She doesn’t want to leave her team behind, holding the bag, or leave the company in a lurch.
Would leaving make her a bad person? Of course not!
Bad guilt is raging here and yet, there could be an opportunity at hand. Perhaps she can work something out that’s win-win. For example, she could continue to work as a part-time contractor while she gets her bearings in her new business. But ultimately, it’s not her responsibility, and she doesn’t need to sell her dream short just to avoid that guilty feeling.
Here’s the thing —
You are NOT responsible for somebody else’s reaction to something that you want to do.
Obviously, I’m not giving you the okay to do someone harm, but I am telling you to get clear about what’s happening and why you’re letting someone else’s issues interfere with your next move.
You may have to face circumstances or deal with the fallout of your decisions or actions, but don’t let bad guilt stop you from moving forward.
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