This Will Be the Year I Enjoy the Holidays

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Every year, I set out in mid-November to “enjoy the holiday season.” To me, that means not rushing, stressing, and feeling pulled to complete so many obligations. Instead, I imagine watching as many corny Christmas movies as I want, wrapping gifts with time to spare, being done with shopping before the stores swell with holiday shoppers, and really relishing the time with friends and family. Well, hahahaha (or should I say Ho Ho Ho?) It never happens.

BUT…

This year, I’m on track to really do this.

Running for office left me with a very open calendar in November and December because I didn’t know if I’d be training for taking office, finding staff for a January inauguration, and setting up my life for this new honored position. With the results not being what I’d hoped, I had November and December available to me like never before.

It seems so obvious, but what was wrong all those other times, (and even what was wrong with my coaching advice for years) was that being concrete about where one could say “no” is just not enough. It’s enough to help enjoy the holi-DAY, a special event here or there, but not enough to create a season that is really fun and joyful.

This Will Be The Year I Enjoy the Holidays by Laura Berman FortgangShopping early enough to avoid crowds, taking my time with all the things that used to be last minute, really indulging in connecting with people who want to get together before the year is out, and having the time to plan and strategize the new year has been like pressing “pause” on the usual holiday chaos. It’s truly a pleasure.

This year’s schedule was an unintended bonus, and I now know what it feels like to have the holiday season I’ve always intended. Once we feel it, we have sense memory. Our body remembers, and so will our cognitive memory. We can’t unknow what we now know!

So, if I were to make this repeatable and shareable so you can do it too, I’d say:

  • Move a lot of your business planning to early fall.
  • Keep your days light in November and December (allows for spontaneity).
  • Take advantage of stores being open very early (before work or right after school drop off!)
  • Bake your goodies early and freeze them.
  • On any night that you cook, make double so you’ve saved yourself time another night.
  • Decorate early too. It feels like holiday longer!
  • Chill. Just ratchet down the holiday hysteria and give up perfection … it ain’t happening!

I hope there’s still time to put this in place for the last two weeks of the year, but if not, start planning for the next. It takes that much intentionality. I promise it’s worth it.

And while you’re at it, planning your new year should include our Now What? Home Study Kit if you are up for a career shift.

The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

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The post-conference photo of the office staff on Instagram had two people on the farthest right and left cut out of it. Was it a purposeful slight to those people or did the person who posted not know how to use the feature where you can pinch the screen to fit the whole photo in?

Should this be the making of an office drama? You get to decide.

Drama prone people will jump to the conclusion that fits their narrative and fears and be certain their interpretation is correct. They will begin to spin out about it. They will gossip about it, act out emotionally and perpetuate the drama with retaliatory action or building resentment, and they will poll others to gain consensus that their interpretation is correct. People who notice the photo but have no interest in drama might make another assumption or ask the posting party if the edit was intentional and help them learn how to do it properly the next time.

The Making of a Drama: Fact vs. Interpretation

If you love drama, gossip, feeling “in the know,” feeling powerful by building negative narratives about other people, then you either belong in politics or enjoy the adrenaline high you get from the feeling of temporary power (or both!)

This drama dynamic exists in families, workplaces, schools, social clubs, houses of worship, charity boards, volunteer groups—anywhere people gather and have to work together on projects or share common goals.

Think about it. Where would you rather spend your time? Moving a project forward or hunkering down in a gossip fest? Hey, I get it. Sometimes gossiping is fun, but let’s get serious. Ultimately we want the successful outcome of a gathering, endeavor, project, or contract.

How do we accomplish that? It’s simple; stick to the facts and question your interpretation of them.

Fact: The project is not on schedule
Interpretation A: Johnny is not doing his part
Interpretation B: Nobody cares as much as I do
Interpretation C: There isn’t timely or even enough communication between team members
Interpretation D: This is a disaster and there’s nothing I can do
Interpretation E: Maybe there is something going on with one of the team members personally that is affecting their performance

One fact, multiple interpretations. Usually the facts are pretty clear to all parties. It’s the interpretations that create the problem. We all filter what we see through our own perception based on our make-up and experience and level of personal growth. There’s a very simple solution: Ask questions. Get a handle (without accusations) on what is going on. Not everyone will be truthful, especially if asked a direct question, but you can overcome that.

Here’s a formula: Deal with the FACTS

Fact: Get everyone to agree on the fact—Do we all see the same thing? i.e. the project is not on schedule

Assumption: What are we assuming about this? What interpretation is dominant?

Check: Are there other interpretations we can assess or discuss?

Target: What do we need to do to adjust (without BLAME) and what action can we agree to moving forward?

Set: Set new targets, goals, make agreements and explore consequences of not meeting the next benchmark

Go! Move on. Be done. Don’t entertain the gossip or the drama. Don’t take the bait and get caught on drama’s hook. Your team/committee and the outcome of your project will be better for it.

The Instagram post? Fact: A couple of people were cut out. Assumption: Choose the one that moves everyone forward. Stop the drama in its tracks.

You’re welcome.

Small minds discuss people.
Average minds discuss events.
Great minds discuss ideas.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Strip Away Your Past – Reinvent Your Future

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Pun intended!

Here’s how one woman changed everything to follow a new career path that better suited her.

How to Reinvent Yourself at Any Age

Shifting Gears to Fulfill a Childhood Dream

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No role models.
No expectation to even go to college.
A dream beaten out of him.

And yet, this dream did not entirely disappear, and now this man is able to say, “Finally, I am free of this, and I can go after something I’ve always wanted.”

Shifting Gears to Fulfill a Childhood Dream

Car mechanic shifts gears, becomes a doctor at age 47 and helps address shortage of black doctors

Trust Your Gut!

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When making key decisions (like what job is the “right” one for you), it’s great to know that one of our strongest guides lives within us – our intuition.

Trust your intuitionRather than taking a bunch of assessments or seeking outside counsel, when we learn to tune in and trust the guidance that comes from our gut feelings, we are far more likely to land on something that really resonates.

Deploying Your Intuition to Find Your Ideal Career

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don’t Have Time

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par·a·dox
/ˈperəˌdäks/
noun
noun: paradox; plural noun: paradoxes
1. a seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that when investigated or explained may prove to be well founded or true.

Change can’t happen without attention. Unless you just want to be on the receiving end of change . . . the stuff you can’t do anything to control. If you want to be navigating your own career, you’ll have to give time to the development of strategy and the execution.

I Need to Make a Change, But I Don't Have Time

Life is overwhelming. Careers demand more and more of our being. And still, if you don’t like how it’s going, you have to MAKE the time to go back to the drawing board.

How to make time:

  • Wake up thirty minutes early
  • Take one night a week that is sacred and cannot be scheduled
  • Drop one obligation that you’ve been meaning to give up anyway
  • Say no to one unnecessary meeting a week
  • Cook enough food for two meals every time so you can save nights of cooking
  • Outsource or delegate one household chore

What to do with that time:

  • Research options you’ve been considering
  • Make phone calls to network/meet up with people you’ve been meaning to sit with
  • Increase your exposure in your industry
  • Read a book that will guide you to decide what’s next (hint, hint: Now What? 90 Days to a New Life Direction)
  • Redraft your resume
  • Send out said resume
  • Start the business you’ve been dreaming about as a side hustle
  • Test the viability of an idea you’ve had

Please don’t tell me you need a change, but you don’t have time. You’ve got time for what you want to have time for. Now, you just have to want a change more.

Let us know how we can help.

When Life Offers You a Hard Right

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When I was five years old, my father was offered the opportunity to establish an office for his large American employer in Caracas, Venezuela. (It was a much healthier and wealthier place then that it is now.) I wasn’t privy to how the negotiation with my mother went down, but they decided to take the one-year assignment. It turned out to become a six year stay, and one I am forever grateful for as I’m still a Spanish speaker and a lover of exploring different cultures.

At least once in each of our adult lives, we’re likely to have to make a decision that pulls us towards an unproven opportunity and away from the comfort of established routine and relative certainty. I’ve listened to many a client weigh the fear and lack of a guaranteed outcome with the excitement and “rightness” of what’s calling.

In the last couple of years, I’ve worked with two established medical professionals who were presented with the opportunity to go in a related but new direction. One, felt deeply called to provide more holistic and integrated medical care but feared being ridiculed by the ‘establishment’ and never being able to return to traditional medicine if her leap did not work out. The other, was a very well-reputed surgeon who felt compelled to bring her talents to the world of artificial intelligence in the medical field (robotic surgery to be specific). She had no guarantee that it would be a wise career move although it sounded very plausible. Both women ultimately left the comfort of certainty to reap very positive results.

When Life Offers You a Hard RightThis brings me to my own hard right. Earlier this month, I declared a run for New Jersey State Assembly which is a part-time designation. It would be a tremendous honor to represent constituents in the everyday decisions and votes that affect their lives. Some of you may recall that I did run briefly in 2017. We’ll call that the apprenticeship. This one is fully professional and staffed by people who know how to win elections.

Although I had run before, it was not in my plans to run this time around. There were very big responsibilities keeping me in the land of certainty. However, let’s just say the Universe conspired to open the door so I would step through it. An abundance of professional support came to me without effort. As is so often the case, the “coincidences” were too great to ignore.

I intend to bring my skill set of solving intractable problems with small business owners, individuals who are career seekers, and executives to NJ state government.

What is pulling you off the known path? How can we support you to decipher what it is or to make it happen?

Join me at Kripalu at the dawn of spring for a Now What?® Retreat. Let’s get you started.

Prepare to join our next discounted round of Now What?® On Demand. Registration begins in March. This is perfect for you if you want to work on your own from the comfort of your own space.

And if you can lend your support to my hard right, it’s permissible from US residents and every dollar counts. Thank you in advance!